Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Communicate effectively
• Part 2 of 2: Understanding yourself
• Tips

There is nothing wrong with saying no to sex. Whether you are asexual or want abstinence until marriage or for other reasons, or you just don't feel like it, you should feel comfortable communicating this to a partner. Work on learning to communicate your wishes to say no to sex easily.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Communicate effectively

1. Practice saying "No". Many people feel nervous or uncomfortable telling someone that they are not ready for sex or that they do not want to have sex at some point. It may help to practice saying "No" in front of a mirror or when you are alone in your room. Try to sound confident about your decision and practice saying "No, I don't want to have sex right now" or "No, I'm not ready for sex yet."
2. Please indicate it in advance. If you have had a steady partner for a while, it can sometimes be nice to indicate in advance that you do not feel like having sex. If you're not feeling well or just don't feel like it, try to make it clear before the two of you are alone.
   • If you're on a date or spending an evening at home together, let your partner know you're not in the mood. If it's romantic and cozy, your partner may think you're in the mood for sex when you aren't.
   • Sometimes people feel rejected or hurt if their sexual advances are not addressed. If you let your partner know in time that you don't feel like it, you can avoid hurt feelings. You don't have to turn down unwanted advances.
   • Discussing your wishes in advance also helps you feel more at ease during the rest of the evening.
3. Come back to it later. Sometimes you're not in the right mood at any given time, but that doesn't mean there can't be sex all day long. Try to ask your partner or see how you feel about it later. For example, say something like "I feel tired and want to recover, but see how I feel after dinner." When you are busy, tired or stressed, it is difficult to predict when you will and will not feel like it. Allow your partner to try again later.
4. Communicate your reasons to your partner. You don't owe anyone an explanation if you don't want sex. However, if you are in a relationship with someone, it can be healthy to explain why you don't feel like it. This can help your partner better understand you and your sexual desires.
   • Sometimes the reasons are simple. You can say something like, "Although I love you very much and I also love having sex with you, I've had a really stressful day at work and I don't feel very good about it. I'd rather we do something without pressure, like watch a movie, and then maybe we can try again tomorrow ".
   • If there's a more complicated reason why you don't want sex, it's even more important to discuss it. Are you angry with your partner? Do you not feel sexual because of negative feelings about your body and appearance? If there is a deeper problem, schedule a time to discuss things with your partner. Remember to stay calm and put things in an honest, non-judgmental way.
5. Don't feel obliged to have sex. Sometimes people feel obliged to have sex, especially if they have already been engaged in activities that usually lead to sex. Understand that no one has a right to your body and that kissing or otherwise fidgeting does not mean you owe someone sex. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. If you feel things are starting to lead to sex, cut back on physical contact and gently withdraw. If your partner is pushing for more, calmly explain that you don't want to have sex right now.

Part 2 of 2: Understanding yourself

1. Think about why you say "No". It can make you understand your reasons why you don't want sex. The more you understand yourself, the more you can express yourself to others.
   • Some people practice abstinence. This means that they abstain from sexual activity entirely, either until marriage or for a period of time. If you practice abstinence, consider your reasons for doing so. What are the benefits of forgoing sex? Why is this important to you? Checking out the reasons why you started abstinence from time to time can help you feel more confident about your decision.
   • Some people just want to wait a little longer before having sex. While the rule of third date sex is common in pop culture, you may not agree with that idea. You may want to get to know someone emotionally before starting sex. Maybe you just don't like intimacy this early in the relationship. Identify your reasons for wanting to postpone sex until later in the relationship. This can help you feel more secure when you explain your motivation to others.
   • There are, of course, many reasons, based on your personal history and comfort zone, why you might not want sex. Whatever your reason, it matters. There is no reason to have sex if you don't want to.
   • You should never get the impression that you have to have sex or that you are expected to have sex.
2. Learn about asexuality. Some people identify as asexual. Asexual is a sexual orientation, just like straight or gay.
   • Asexual people just aren't interested in sex. Sexual activity is not enjoyable for people who are asexual. Asexual people may want romantic love, but often have a low or completely absent sex drive.
   • If you think you may be asexual, you can learn more about asexuality online. LHTB websites often have sections on asexuality. Asexuality.org is a website about exploring and explaining asexuality.
3. Discover your own sexuality. Occasionally people find it uncomfortable to have sex because it doesn't feel right for them. If you don't have experience, you may not know what works and what doesn't work for you. Discovering your sexuality can help.
   • Masturbation can help you feel more comfortable with your body. You can masturbate with your hands or use toys such as dildos or vibrators. See what feels right and what doesn't. This can help you understand how you want to be touched and what would work for you with a partner.
   • Many people explore their sexuality by watching porn or reading erotica. This can help you get a sense of what turns you on. You can find porn and erotica online and also get it at sex shops or some bookstores.
   • Join a club. If you're a college student, there may be some sex-positive clubs that you can join. There you can talk about sex, your body, sexuality and more. You can learn more about your own sexual desires by talking and learning with others.
4. Experiment with your partner. If sex isn't as enjoyable as you want, try experimenting with your partner. Try different positions, different types of foreplay, role play, and more. Many couples find that watching porn together increases sexual desire and provides ideas for trying new things in bed. Talk to your partner about wanting to experiment in the bedroom.
5. Check your medication. If you often don't feel like it, there are many medications that affect your sex drive. Read the side effects of any prescription or self-purchased medication. If low sex drive is a side effect, talk to your doctor about an alternative medicine or lowering the dose.

Tips

• If your partner is repeatedly pressuring you to have sex, the relationship probably isn't worth it. Respect is important in a romantic relationship and you shouldn't waste your time dating someone who doesn't respect you.
• Be careful! Sometimes people get aggressive when you say no, because they think they have a right to your body or because they think you have given them certain signals. It is your body! They have no right to make you feel uncomfortable or cornered! You can also find other ways to say no, instead of saying it directly.
• If your partner is religious, there is a chance that his or her religion disapproves of premarital sex, or sex in its entirety. Respect that and respect him or her yourself, but don't take that as a reason to get married.