Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Principles
• Method 2 of 2: Techniques
• Tips

It's okay to say no. There are many reasons why we should sometimes say no, and there are just as many reasons why we don't - and suffer when we don't. Read the steps below to understand why it is so difficult to say no and how you can learn to do it without feeling guilty.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Principles

1. Understand when to say no. Toddlers are known for saying "no" as if their lives depended on it because they only recently learned that such a thing is possible, and the new opportunities for independence it offers are fun and exciting. Toddlers are also known for being selfish and thoughtless. However, they suspect something: it's okay to say no. The difference with adults in using the word in question is that we can learn when it is appropriate or not.
   • Saying no if you just don't feel like doing anything is okay, as long as what you're asked doesn't affect your work or school performance. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have time for yourself instead.
   • Saying no because you couldn't keep a promise due to lack of time is okay. Others often don't realize how difficult it would be to make such a commitment, given your agenda; some are aware of it and only ask just in case, even though they know ahead of time that you are likely to refuse it.
   • Saying no to a situation where you feel uncomfortable is perfectly okay. You never have to step outside your personal comfort zone to fulfill someone else's wishes (except perhaps if you are an active duty soldier who has to obey orders).
   • Saying no when asked to buy is okay.
2. Find out why it's hard to say no. There are many different specific reasons why someone has a hard time saying no to others, but the common thread connecting them all is worry - worrying about what will happen if they say no.It's normal to worry about the decisions you make, but it's important to understand two things: first, worry doesn't change what happens after you make your choice; and second, your concern should never stop you from acting in your best interest.
   • Whatever your reason for fear of saying no, it stems from your concerns about what will happen if you do. Will they still like you? Are you missing an important opportunity? Is that why you come across as lazy, indifferent, or incompetent? Recognize that you are not saying no because you are worried, and then accept the fact that worrying is of no use, regardless of the outcome.
3. Accept your strength and importance. As a piece in a jigsaw puzzle, you are an important part of the landscape around you - it wouldn't be complete without you in it. This is true whether you're out with your friends or hiding at home all day. The fact is that no matter who you are, your presence in the social landscape is grounded. Moreover, the decisions you make have an effect on that landscape. This means that you owe it to yourself and those around you to make fair decisions, for the benefit of everyone - whether they realize you're helping or not.
   • Worrying about what will happen if you say no is a symptom of a bigger problem: worrying about the influence you exert over those around you. Recognize that you exert that influence no matter what you do or say.
4. Accept that others are the same. Although everyone differs in personality, opinions and beliefs, we all have in common that we are present in the social landscape around us. It is an unchanging fact in our society. The only wise choice, therefore, is to control and channel your own presence in such a way that it helps you to be happy. Of course, it is not that you have a great and terrible reserve of influence that no one else has: if you say no, you are only wielding the same power that everyone around you has. How they respond to your decision is their business, not yours.
   • You have every right to set boundaries for yourself. After all, your friends do too and everyone likes them anyway. No one is going to hate or despise you if you are assertive or even aggressive about what you want. The only thing that could make that happen is to openly treat those around you as if they were inferior. Saying "no" is not an expression of superiority, but an expression of mutual respect.
5. Understand that "no" is not cruel. In itself, saying no is not rude, mean, or indifferent. It only comes across like that when we talk in a rude, mean, or indifferent way when we say no to someone. There is no reason why you cannot firmly refuse and still be pleasant and polite; therefore, there is no reason to be afraid of making a bad impression for saying no, as long as you are aware of the way you say it.
   • In other words, once you understand that it's really okay to say no, all you have to do is learn to do it politely.

Method 2 of 2: Techniques

1. Clearly apologize. The most basic way to say no without ruining someone else's day is to say "no" clearly and bluntly, followed by a brief and concise reason for saying no. Contrary to popular belief, there is no need to lie or make an excuse if you think yours isn't good enough - remember, everyone has felt the same way you did at the time. If you just don't feel like granting a request, that's the only excuse you need. You are not obliged to give a specific, concrete or logical reason.
   • For example, if someone asks you on a date and you're not interested, it's best to just say "No;" I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in you that way. "That's all the other person needs to know to understand that he or she has run out of chance. There is no need to make excuses that just keep the other person on the line; there is no need to be insulting and rude to scare him or her away.
   • If your honest reason seems silly or practically doesn't seem like a real reason - for example, `` I actually wanted to go home to take a nap '' or `` I just don't feel like it '' - chances are that the other person is in fact completely will understand. If he or she doesn't, remember that his or her response isn't your responsibility. As long as you've been polite, that's all you can do.
   • This is the technique you should try to use the most. Your honesty and uprightness will improve your reputation over time, rather than damage it. If you've had trouble saying no in the past due to social pressure, for example, you'll be amazed at how little it actually bother most people when you just tell them you don't agree with something because you just don't. comfortable with.
2. Make a counter offer. Sometimes you have to say no for your own good, but that doesn't mean you're not interested. Suppose you work all weekend, but a friend asked you to help her move to a new apartment on Saturday. If you'd like to, but can't, make her another offer that suits you better. Suggest spending less time helping, or offer to do something else of a similar nature if you have free time, such as helping unpack the boxes and organize the kitchen.
   • The two counter-offers are liabilities to a lesser extent and also quite different. Use them if you really don't want to say no but you have to for reasons that you can't help yourself. They are also useful when you well want to say no, but not necessarily say no to the whole thing.
3. Suggest a retry for later. In situations where someone is pushing you to buy items or services, it's important to keep a grip on your money and time without unnecessarily upsetting the person you're trying to get to buy one or both. When you say no, be clear and firm, but promise him or her that you will consider the offer. This may or may not be a bit of a lie, but at worst, it's a white lie that doesn't hurt anyone.
   • For example, if you want to kindly decline a seller, tell him or her that the offer is `` not convenient '' or `` just not necessary '' for you right now, but that you will remember their brand should you ever need it to have.
   • This is not an appropriate way to say no if you are in a position of power (such as an employer being asked to hire someone, or a person being asked on a date). In such a situation, it is best to use the basic straightforward technique described at the beginning of this section. It is common to give someone false hope when the outcome of your decision is very important to them.
4. Use humility. If someone asks you to take on more responsibility than you feel comfortable with, use humility to your advantage. Strongly decline his or her request and explain that you know you just aren't the right person for the job. You can do this by offering a clear and honest apology, or you can look at it from the other side and continue to believe that you are not competent or qualified enough to do his request justice. Which method you choose depends on what is being asked of you and what your reputation is for getting the job done.
   • If you really just don't take the extra responsibility want take that clear and honest excuse.
   • If the request sounds interesting, but you're pretty sure you'd mess it up, focus on your lack of qualifications. Don't be too hard on yourself - after all, you shouldn't feel worthless just because you're unsure of your skill in a particular area.
5. Treat problem requests bluntly. It's best to be civilized and polite, but sometimes people won't respect your kindness no matter what you do. If, despite all your honest apologies, someone keeps hammering on and bothering you to explain yourself when there is no further explanation you can give, then it's time to get up to speed. The next time this person asks you something you don't want to do, say "no, I can't" or "no, I don't want to". You don't have to say anything else. If he or she asks you for an explanation, ask what part of the word "no" he or she does not understand.
   • Saying no in this way will definitely anger the other person; however, on the rare occasions when you will need it, that person deserves to taste a little of their own medicine because in the past they did not give you a chance to politely say no. It's not easy to be so blunt, but it is sometimes necessary for your own good.
   • Just because the other person gets mad at you doesn't mean the friendship is over. However, only use this technique if nothing else seems to get through to him or her.

Tips

• If you find yourself in a situation where it is physically dangerous to say no, leave and seek help from the appropriate authorities as soon as possible. Use your judgment to protect yourself from bodily harm in the meantime, but don't delay once you get a chance to seek help. No matter who you are, there is always someone who will protect you and do their best to keep you safe: friends, relatives, police, shelters ... the list is long. Make use of it.
• When you say no, be positive and kind. It takes no effort and it helps reassure other people that you are not saying no because you have some problem with them as a person.