Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Acknowledge that you are angry
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your anger
• Part 3 of 3: Processing your emotions

We've all been angry at some point because someone hurt us. While it can also make you feel pain, sadness, or disappointment, anger can be dangerous if you get stuck in it. Don't let anger affect your mental and physical health. Acknowledge your anger, learn to deal with it and try to process your emotions. While it would be nice if no one ever hurt you again, you'd better learn how to let go of the anger so that you can get over it more easily.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Acknowledge that you are angry

1. Understand anger. It is important to learn how to let go of anger, not only for your own psychological health, but also for your physical health. Part of letting go of anger is about forgiveness, and forgiveness can have a defensive effect that makes others less likely to hurt you in the future.
   • If someone cheats or hurts you, it can negatively affect your health through increased anxiety and stress. This can be bad for your heart, immune system and nervous system.
2. Identify the problem. Think about what hurts you. Only when you recognize the loss or the underlying problem can you begin to address the issue and let go. It's also important to understand if the other person knows they hurt you. This affects how you begin the Atonement.
   • For example, if your partner cheated on you or left you, it is understandable that you are upset. The sense of loss you have is caused by the fact that you no longer feel loved, appreciated, or respected. Furthermore, your partner probably knows how he hurt you.
   • Another example is when a friend has a spare ticket for a concert, but does not invite you. This makes you feel like you've lost the friendship or camaraderie, so you feel worried and angry. However, your friend may not be at all aware that he hurt you.
3. Allow yourself to grieve. A conflict between two people and its outcome can be seen as a grieving process. For example, if someone hurts you, it can feel like you've lost that person. The different stages of grief can be helpful in understanding your emotions when you have been hurt. They can also help you understand that your anger is part of the grieving process, making it easier for you to let go of the anger.
   • When the grief is related to a divorce or some other breakup, it can seem like the loss is forever. If the grief has to do with feeling ignored, forgotten, or otherwise disrespected, it may seem like you have temporarily lost the other person because you are no longer receiving attention or respect.
4. Avoid the person who hurt you for a while. Anger can escalate when tensions build between you and the person who hurt you. Wait with the contact until you have processed the grief and can continue accepting the situation.
   • It's important that the other person also continues the grieving process so that the anger isn't directed at you when you see each other. Even if the other has hurt you, they may feel loss or regret.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your anger

1. Scream. There are times when you are so angry that you want to scream. If you're that pissed off right now, stop reading and yell into a pillow. Shouting creates a physical release. Research has shown that yelling out can release toxins that have accumulated due to stress.
   • Just be careful, and make sure your screams are muffled by the pillow, or else your neighbors will be worried.
2. Metaphorically throw your anger out. If there are many aspects of a situation that are upsetting you, you can find something that portrays these parts, and then symbolically throw it away.
   • For example, you can find pebbles along a river and throw them into the water after attaching an aspect of your anger to each pebble.
3. Replace anger with compassion. In other words: try to put yourself in the shoes of the other. Consider what reasons the other person may have had for acting so hurtfully. You may never be able to fully understand or disagree with the other person's motives, but it's easier to let go of your anger if you've tried to see the situation from the other side.
   • Remind yourself that the other person may not have known he was hurting you. If he hurt you on purpose, try to think about what made him do it.
4. Think about whether you would like to make it right. Know that forgiveness does not always automatically lead to reconciliation. If you suspect the other person is sorry and wants to make amends, reconciliation may work.
   • However, if the other person is unwilling to correct their mistake, or if the pain is so bad that you will never be able to trust them again, reconciliation may not be a good idea.
5. Forgive. Remember that only you can forgive. If you can put your anger aside completely, you can forgive the person who hurt you. But forgiveness is not for everyone and every situation. Forgiveness or feigned forgiveness is of no use to anyone, especially you. It is important to process your grief thoroughly, to manage your anger, and to consider if and when forgiveness will be good for you.
   • Know that the other person may not immediately change their behavior if you have forgiven them. The purpose of forgiveness in this case is only to free yourself from anger and resentment that you would otherwise hold onto. Forgiveness is good for your own well-being and it is an inner necessity, not an external one.
6. Take responsibility for your own behavior. You often tend to blame others when you are angry. It is important to also consider your own role in this situation and take responsibility for the role you played. That doesn't mean you should forget how badly the other has treated you. It just means that you have to admit it when you've done something wrong yourself, especially if you ever wanted to make it right.
   • Accepting responsibility can start with letting go of negative emotions. You can do this by making a list of 3 to 5 of the strongest negative emotions you feel, and then thinking about how to replace each negative emotion with a positive one.

Part 3 of 3: Processing your emotions

1. Try to see it positively. Consider if there are ways in which you have grown as an individual because of the grief. Find the benefits or unexpected positives and hold on to them to deal with the situation. If you are unable to find something good that produced the painful situation, look at other positive things in your life or other things for which you are grateful.
   • Think about whether the pain has set you on a new path to good things that you might otherwise have missed altogether.
2. Try to influence the world in a positive way. You can throw your anger out into the world and influence others with it, but then you just spread it and the negative feelings grow stronger. By consciously choosing to positively influence others, you can transform the way you socialize in a way that leads to less anger.
   • Surround yourself with positive people. By exposing yourself to the optimism and positive thoughts of others, you can start thinking positively yourself. Over time, you will develop positive thoughts yourself that can replace your anger.
3. Write a letter or start a journal. If you keep a journal, write about your anger as often as possible to let it go. If you don't have a diary, you can also write a letter to the person you're angry with so you can dismiss the feeling. However, do not send the letter.
   • It is actually always a bad idea to send the letter. That could be perceived as retaliation, or it could be misinterpreted, causing things to get out of hand. Even if you write it down as politely as possible, it can go wrong with the other person, especially if they suffer from a lack of self-worth or other personal problems.
4. Exercise or start a hobby. Movement ensures that you can physically let go of anger. Choose a sport that you enjoy. Go for a walk in the park, take a refreshing dip or play football. Most importantly, you can turn the energy that has built up as anger into something positive for yourself.
   • If you don't like sports, you can also start walking or invest your energy in a new hobby, or you can organize something fun for your family or friends.
5. Turn to faith or meditate. If you believe in God, pray for strength and willingness to let go of your anger. If you think you cannot let go of the anger, calling on a higher power can help open your heart so that you get rid of the anger for good. Meditation is always a great way to balance your body, mind, and spirit, whether you are a religion or not. There are all kinds of meditation you can try, so choose one that is right for you.
   • Consult a religious leader. Read sacred writings or spiritual books on anger and forgiveness.
6. Avoid social occasions when necessary. If someone you are angry with is going to be attending a social event, and you don't feel like being tempted to re-enter the discussion, it's okay to avoid that occasion, even if not everyone understand why you do that.
   • At the same time, you shouldn't let the person who hurt you ruin your life. If you have a lot of mutual friends, try to meet up with your friends without the other person being there.