Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 2: Before you have sex
• Part 2 of 2: During sex
• Tips
• Warnings
• Necessities

Losing your virginity can sound scary to you, and all those myths that are circulating don't help either. In most cases, penetrative sex shouldn't be intensely painful - even if it's your first time. Read more about how you can prepare yourself mentally and physically for deflowering.

To step

Part 1 of 2: Before you have sex

1. Try to get comfortable with your own sexuality. Most people fear the unknown, and it is all too easy to get anxious when you don't know what is about to happen. If you are tense and nervous, it will put a big damper on the experience. In addition, your vaginal muscles will tighten, increasing the risk of pain. Instead of letting fear take over, try to find ways to relax. In addition, it is important that you inform yourself in advance, so that you are firmly in your shoes at the moment supreme. Here are some strategies you can try:
   • Do your homework! Knowing exactly what goes where, what is normal and what to expect can alleviate a lot of the anxiety. Take a look at the websites of JouwGGD, JongerenInformation or Ze.nl.
   • Know your body. Understanding your own anatomy can make you feel more confident, especially if your partner is also a virgin. It's important to find out what you like so you can communicate it to your partner - and make sure you both have a good experience. Masturbation can help you with this, or you can decide to communicate well with your partner while experimenting. Whatever you choose, try to pay attention to how you react to the different stimuli and touches.
   • Approach sex with a positive attitude. Losing virginity is a personal choice. If you feel an awful lot of guilt and are worried about that prospect, it might be better to wait. However, if you have decided that this is what you want, then you can take steps to put the experience in a positive light. Concentrate on the fact that this experience will make you even closer to your partner and give you an opportunity for personal growth.
2. Pay a visit to the drug store. Getting some supplies in advance can make deflowering a little easier. Consider purchasing the following items:
   • Condoms, which both prevent pregnancy and prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Even if you take the pill and trust your partner, using a condom will remove the doubts that make you feel so anxious. For your first time, don't worry about ribbed or studded condoms - just choose the simplest condoms you can find.
   • Lube, the second best product you can buy after condoms. Lube will relieve much of the pain and prevent vaginal tearing. If you are using latex condoms (most condoms are latex), use no oil-based lubricant. Oil-based lubricant can cause the condom to tear. Rather opt for silicone or water-based lubricant.
3. Discuss your concerns with your partner. Having sex with someone you trust can make your first time a lot less nerve-racking. Your partner should consider your feelings, make sure you have a pleasant experience, and be willing to help you through the process. If your potential partner is putting too much pressure on you, or if they don't seem to care how the sex is affecting you, it might be wise to reconsider your choice.
4. Know your hymen. The hymen is a thin edge of tissue that partially covers the vaginal opening. Almost every girl is born with a hymen. This film usually wears away over time and can occur through multiple activities, including exercise, tampon use, menstruation, or normal movement. Everything you need to know about the hymen, in terms of deflowering anyway, can be found here:
   • You probably have a partial hymen. If you are a teenager, chances are that only part of the hymen is left. This is completely normal, especially if you have already started your period. If you want to investigate further, you should be able to see the hymen with the help of a flashlight and hand mirror.
   • If you do bleed, it shouldn't be that much. After deflowering, bleeding of any kind would occur never bring as much blood as a period. Instead, it should only be light spotting up to a few hours after sex.Some girls don't bleed at all.
   • Tearing the hymen shouldn't be too painful. If you do experience pain the first time, it's probably because you're not used to the feeling of penetration and you're tightening your muscles - not because your hymen has nerve endings (it doesn't). The good news is, while you can't prevent hymen tearing, you can indeed are able to control how relaxed you are.
5. Get to know exactly how your body works. If you can help your partner penetrate you at the right angle, you may be able to avoid painful fumbling. Most girls don't run exactly straight up and down, but have a natural curve that turns either towards the spine or towards the navel - both directions are perfectly normal.
   • If you regularly use tampons, you're in luck. Pay close attention to how you insert the tampon, and try to mimic that same angle the first time you start having penetrative sex.
   • If you don't use tampons and on the other hand have not yet done vaginal penetration, it is probably wise to find out for yourself exactly what your curve is like. The next time you have your period, try using tampons, or the next time you're in the shower, try inserting a finger into the vagina. Point your finger towards your lower back; if that doesn't feel right, you can slide a little forward until you reach a point that is comfortable.

Part 2 of 2: During sex

1. Choose a stress-free location. If you're constantly worried about getting caught, it's not going to be much fun. Make it easier for yourself and your partner by choosing a time and place where you can be relatively sure that you will not be disturbed.
   • Find privacy, a comfortable surface to lie on, and a moment when you have the time.
2. Create a relaxing atmosphere. Relax by creating a stress-free atmosphere. Clean up clutter, turn off your phone, and delete any other things that could make you nervous or keep you from fully focusing on your partner.
   • Try some of the tricks they use at the doctor, dentist, and beautician. Dim the lights, put on some quiet music and make sure the room temperature is comfortable - this will make sure you feel safe and comfortable.
   • Consider taking some time to freshen up beforehand - this will help you feel better about yourself. Take a quick shower, use a lotion that smells good, style your hair, etc. Do whatever it takes to feel beautiful and confident.
3. Take your time. Try to think of sex as a marathon, not a sprint. Try to enjoy your partner without rushing. You don't have to get straight to the point. Better to take the time to find out what you and your partner both like. Start by kissing, then kiss (tongue) and keep a pace that is comfortable for both of you.
   • Foreplay also has an added benefit: the more aroused you become, the more your natural lubricant will increase - making it easier for your partner to penetrate you painlessly later on.
4. Communicate with your partner. Don't be afraid to ask for things you need at the moment. Your partner will be more than happy to help you. It's really no shame to ask your partner if they want to slow down, be a little more careful, or use a little more lube. This way you can ensure that your first time hurts a lot less.
5. Take follow-up measures (optional). If the pain is really bothering you or if you start to bleed, try to deal with it before it gets out of hand. Take an over-the-counter pain reliever (don't take aspirin if you're under 19), clean up any blood, and wear a light sanitary towel for a few hours.

Tips

• Don't be ashamed to put it off if you feel like tonight isn't 'the' night yet. A caring partner will value your feelings more than anything. He / she will not try to force you to do things that you are not ready for. If you change your mind, it's okay to say so!
• You may feel the urge to go to the toilet during sex (for the small or the big message). That is normal. After having sex a few times, that feeling disappears.
• If you are not confident about your body, you should know that you could always do it by candlelight. That can be even more romantic and sexier than artificial light or the pitch dark.
• See the doctor if you experience excruciating pain or heavy bleeding that lasts for more than a day.
• Consider making an appointment with your doctor if you become sexually active.
• Always choose water-based lubricant; not for petroleum jelly, oil, moisturizing cream or other greasy products. These can damage latex condoms and cause irritation and pain.
• Nobody's first time is perfect. Therefore, do not expect too much from it. Nobody assumes you are a professional.
• Always use a condom. Even if you use a different method of contraception yourself if your partner has already shared the bed with someone else. You can also contract an STI during deflowering. If you don't use any contraceptives at all, you could get pregnant! Don't let something like that ruin the experience.

Warnings

• Don't succumb to your partner's pressure. It's your decision; not someone else's.
• Do not try to suppress the fear with alcohol or drugs. That could make it a lot worse.
• If you are planning to lose your virginity and your partner has already shared the bed with several people, keep in mind that sexually transmitted infections (all sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are sexually transmitted infections (STIs)) a serious matter to be. STDs can be spread through vaginal, anal and oral intimacy. You may even have an STI without knowing it and spread it to others. You can reduce the risk of STIs by using condoms, dental damps and other barrier methods. Go to the website of your local GGD for more information.
• If you take the contraceptive pill and use other medicines, such as antibiotics, for example, this can affect the way the contraception works. Always consult your doctor before taking any medication in addition to the contraceptive pill. He / she can tell you if there are any negative consequences.
• You can also get pregnant the very first time you have sex. Compared to the other contraceptives, the risk of pregnancy is greatest with condoms. Therefore, try to use another form of contraception in addition to condoms, if possible.

Necessities

• Silicone or water-based lubricant (recommended)
• Male and female condoms and other contraceptives (highly recommended)