Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 5: Laying the foundation
• Method 2 of 5: Change your thinking pattern
• Method 3 of 5: Change your feeling pattern
• Method 4 of 5: Changing your behavioral pattern
• Method 5 of 5: Putting the finishing touches on your transformation
• Tips
• Warnings

Personality is a collection of patterns - of thought, behavior and feeling - that make you who you are. And guess what? Patterns can change. It will take a lot of work, but if you are really committed to this idea then anything is possible. Remember that your old personality will show up regularly, as all of our beliefs and thinking are shaped by our life experiences.

To step

Method 1 of 5: Laying the foundation

1. Make a plan. This is a twofold action: what you want to change and what you want to become. One cannot exist without the other. This is a huge goal you want to achieve; you will have to know what you are getting into.
   • How will your proposed new character contribute to your development as a person? Many people will come to the conclusion at this stage that a change of personality is not necessary, but that it is enough to change a negative habit that has a negative effect on your interaction with other people. Would a slight adjustment be enough?
   • If there is someone you would like to be more like, discern what it is you want to imitate. Don't just look at a person and say "Yes, that's the way I want to be." Find out exactly what it is that you admire - is it how they handle situations? Their way of speaking? How do they walk or move? More importantly, how does this contribute to your well-being?
2. Tell someone. Part of the reason Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful is because you take something you don't usually talk about and you're going to discuss it openly. Making sure someone else can hold you accountable gives you an extrinsic motivation that otherwise wouldn't be there.
   • Talk to a friend who you trust completely about what you want to achieve. If they are really reliable, they can help you in the right direction (either by telling you it isn't necessary, or by keeping you focused). Hopefully a more objective view of yourself through the eyes of another will make it easier to see what your behavior should be like and what kind of impression you make on others.
3. Create a reward system. This could be anything. Everything. It can be as simple as a cup of chocolate milk, to an extended vacation. Whatever it is, make sure you give it enough value.
   • And also set a number of milestones while you're at it. If you manage to walk up to that pretty girl and say one word, great. That's better than nothing. If you walk up to her again the next week and get a whole sentence out of it, great! Make sure you come up with a reward for everything; it is all of them a challenge.

Method 2 of 5: Change your thinking pattern

1. Stop putting yourself in a box. If you consider yourself shy and reserved, you will start using this as a crutch. Why not go to that party on Friday? ... Exactly. You have no reason. When you stop thinking about yourself as this or so, the world will open up to you.
   • You are constantly changing. If you consider yourself a geek, you may find yourself embracing the accompanying traits. But when you realize that you are always growing and changing, you can open yourself up to opportunities that inspire growth, opportunities that you would otherwise avoid.
2. Stop fixations. Stop thinking black and white. Girls can enjoy math too, authority isn't inherently bad, and textbooks have their uses. Once you realize it your perception of something is what makes a difference whether you can do something with it, then you will see more possibilities, and therefore more options to change your behavior.
   • Some people consider certain traits to be “fixed,” and that has a major impact on how they behave. The opposite is a way of thinking that is based on "growth", properties are malleable and are constantly changing. These principles develop early in childhood and can be an important factor of a personality. If you think something is "fixed" then you are convinced that it cannot be changed. How do you view the world then? This can determine how you deal with relationships, how to resolve conflicts, and how quickly you recover from a setback.
3. Get rid of those negative thoughts. Just stop. The great thing about the brain is that it is part of you and therefore you can control it. If you find yourself thinking, "Oh, my goodness, I can't, I can't, I can't" then it probably won't work. If that little voice starts to whine, put a sock in it. It is of no use to you at all.
   • When the little voice is stirring again, make it sound like Donald Duck. Then it becomes a lot more difficult to take that voice seriously.
   • Head up. Literally. Changing your body language can actually cause you to get a different feeling and therefore how you think.

Method 3 of 5: Change your feeling pattern

1. Pretend until you make it your own. There is a saying in Zen Buddhism that the best way to go out is the door. If you want to practice being less shy, approach people and start talking to them. If you admire people who read a lot, start reading. Just take the plunge. People learn bad habits and there are several ways to change them.
   • Nobody needs to know how bad you are inside. Do you know why? Because that will go away soon enough. The mind has a wonderful ability to adapt. What you would never have dared before will eventually become obsolete.
2. Choose a different identity. Okay, method acting has gotten a bad rap, but if Dustin Hoffman has done it then it's definitely worth a try. From this method you are completely absorbed in another character. It's not you, it's that other being you're trying to be.
   • This is a 24/7 activity. You have to adopt the habits of this new character in every situation. How about the person? What is the resting position of the face? What are their concerns? What do they do in their spare time? Who do they hang out with?
3. Set a certain time when you can completely let go. Okay, so completely throwing who you are overboard and taking on a completely new personality simply through the power of your mind and habits is ridiculous. There is no such thing as being able to do this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therefore, give yourself a set time to be yourself completely.
   • If you have a party on Friday that you really don't feel like, tell yourself on Friday night or Saturday morning that you can go all over it for 20 minutes. But other than that, don't do anything at all. Keep holding on. Do you know what will happen? You will notice that you don't need those 20 minutes at all.

Method 4 of 5: Changing your behavioral pattern

1. Throw yourself into new environments. Really, the only way you will notice change in yourself is if you add something new to your life. To do this you will have to pick up new behaviors, new people, and new activities. You cannot do the same things over and over and expect the result to be different.
   • Start small. Join a club. Take a job outside your field. Start reading about this topic. More importantly, stay away from your old environments. At first, you shouldn't hang around with people who are doing the opposite of whatever it is you're trying to accomplish.
   • Condition yourself. If you are afraid of spiders, put yourself in a room with a large specimen. A little closer every day. Ultimately, you will be wrong. Later on you will be holding the spider. Constant exposure dulls the brain from the same impressions and therefore also from fear. Now remove the "spiders" and replace them with whatever your target may be.
2. Keep a diary. You need a fair amount of self-awareness to stay on track. Keeping a journal will help you organize your thoughts and analyze how you deal with this change. Write down what worked and what didn't to refine your method.
3. Say yes."If it is difficult for you to adapt to new environments, consider the following: Stop rejecting possibilities. If you notice something that your old self wouldn't be interesting, check it again. If a friend asks you to do something you know nothing about, then agree.
   • That said, make safe decisions. If someone asks you to jump off a bridge into the sea, don't do it. Use your brain.

Method 5 of 5: Putting the finishing touches on your transformation

1. Put on the right clothes. Clothes may not make the man literally, but they can help to establish and maintain the right way of thinking. While this does not change your personality in any way, it can act as a reminder of the person you want to become.
   • This can be something as small as wearing a hat. If there is anything that characterizes the new personality, keep an eye out for it. You will be able to hold on to the new you more easily and thus reduce cognitive dissonance.
2. Pick up habits. Clothes and thinking may not be enough. Think about what this new person would do and go do it. Is such a person going to move socially? Ignore social media? Read the NRC? Whatever it is, go do that (within limits, of course).
   • You don't have to think big - the little things work too. Is she wearing a pink purse? Is she listening to a particular band? Try to propagate the new character as much as possible.
3. Settle into your personality. Now that you've picked up on all those new habits and probably new friends and routines, it may be getting a little too much. What's important now is to embrace yourself no matter where and where you are. Sit down and decide to stay where you are.
   • Psychologically uprooting yourself is risky. If it works, you may need time to really feel "yourself". Relax. This feeling will come as long as you keep this desire close to your well-being.
4. Think about your new personality. Did you really achieve what you wanted to achieve? Do other people think more positively about you now that you act differently and wear different clothes? Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for a false imitation of the ideal person?
   • Many people, at this stage, will realize that what they need is not a personality change, but an acceptance of who they are and a willingness to try to improve themselves, rather than hiding the person under an artificial mask that they can wear in public.

Tips

• Don't get frustrated if you don't change right away; this takes some time.
• If you feel like you can't change yourself because of your parents or other people in your life, make small changes. Get rid of habits you don't like and introduce new ones. If your parents or partner asks what's going on, explain that you're just trying to get more comfortable with yourself.
• Change slowly; too drastic a change can raise questions in people. Recognize a problem and tackle it. Slowly but surely it will become more natural.
• Remember, you don't have to change so that other people will accept you. It is difficult to accept yourself for who you are, especially when you are low on the social ladder, but love yourself. Then others can too.
• Start it before the summer so that in the fall people can get to know the new you.
• Never change who you are because other people want to. If you're a geek, don't get fancy just for being so "cool". Just look at a group of Goths in school. They all laugh at pretentious people, and joke about how every bully at school will one day work for them.
• It's better to improve your own personality than to try to change into a whole new person, so try to focus on your positive traits and slowly filter out the negative aspects of yourself. Remember, no one is perfect, but strive to be the best person you can.

Warnings

• Understand that if you make drastic changes in your personality, your current friends will be you new ones might not like yourself.