Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Respond to the unequal treatment
• Method 2 of 3: Dealing with the effect of the unequal treatment
• Method 3 of 3: Understand why parents don't always treat their children equally
• Warnings

It can be frustrating when you feel like your parents are treating your siblings better than you. Before you get too upset about it, however, understand that you and any siblings, if any, may have different interests, hobbies, and skills, and may require your parents' attention in a different way. In the case of clear preferential treatment, you can talk to your parents about their behavior and indicate how it makes you feel. Heal yourself from the emotional scars you might have after bad treatment from your parents and seek help when needed.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Respond to the unequal treatment

1. Understand the variation within relationships. Since we are all different, no one interacts with the same people in exactly the same way. In some cases, a parent seems to favor your sibling. In other cases, or from a different point of view, your parent seems to favor you. It is unrealistic to expect a parent to be completely fair and balanced in the treatment of you and your sibling.
   • However, there is no excuse for systematic and repeated favoring one child over another.
   • Before you discuss the problem with your parents, ask yourself if you are sure that your siblings are really being treated better. Sure, they may get something "extra" in one area of ​​life, but you might get that kind of special attention in another area. If this is the case, your parents may not be really giving your sibling preferential treatment, they are merely acknowledging that you and your sibling are two different people with unique wants and needs.
2. Stand up for yourself. It's important to let your parents know how you feel about treating your other siblings better than you. Be honest about your feelings. Whether you are an adult still dealing with the impact your parent's behavior has had on you or a child trying to improve their own situation, it's important to talk to your parents about how to benefit from brother or sister compared to you.
   • Try to start the conversation with something like, "Mom and Dad, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I need to talk to you about the fact that I don't feel as important to you as Jan."
3. Be assertive but not aggressive. Find a quiet time when you can talk to your parents about their behavior without anyone else interrupting you. Say, for example, "I feel hurt by the way you treat me differently from [brother or sister]."
   • Avoid confrontational "you" statements (such as "You don't care about me") and focus on your feelings with "I" statements (such as "I feel hurt by the way I am treated").
   • Give specific examples to illustrate your point. For example, you could continue the conversation by saying, "You seem like you go to all of John's football games, but you only went to one of my volleyball games last season. Why is that?'
   • End with a direct request like, "I really want you both to attend at least three of my home games this season. I think that's only fair. "
   • If you can't think of specific instances where your parents have treated you badly in relation to how they treated your sibling, notice when situations like this occur and write them down over the course of a few days. If you have some evidence to hand, talk to your parents about the situation.
   • Be honest when you express your feelings.
4. Do not fight. If your parents get angry with you, don't argue with them. Stay calm and stop the conversation if you don't think you're making progress or if you find yourself getting frustrated. Do not hiss at them, do not swear or swear. Instead, keep your tone even and speak calmly. Choose your words carefully.
   • If you have been upset by the conversation, try pausing and taking a few deep breaths. Say something like, "I'll be right back." I just need a few minutes. "
   • You may need to talk to your parents about this topic more than once. If they don't want to listen the first time you bring it up, try again some other time.
   • Stay focused on the topic. Don't let your parents suddenly turn the conversation about you or make excuses for their actions.
5. Don't expect your parents to change. At best, your parents will realize that they have given siblings preferential treatment over you, and that they are determined to change. But they may disagree with your idea of ​​the matter, even if you call attention to favoring it. They could deny or admit preferential treatment to the other children, but then try to justify it. In this case, prepare for frustration and unhappy feelings.
   • Remember that you cannot change other people. People can only change themselves.

Method 2 of 3: Dealing with the effect of the unequal treatment

1. Stay positive. Look on the bright side. Instead of saying to yourself "Well, that article didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be," you could say "The article wasn't perfect, but I tried my best and I'm proud of it. Others will appreciate my hard work. "
   • Stay aware of your own negative thoughts. If you think "I'm that stupid," stop that thought and imagine him as a red balloon. Imagine the words written on the side of the balloon.
   • Then imagine letting go of the balloon. Watch him float in the middle of nowhere, never to return.
   • Then imagine hundreds of blue balloons coming down, each with a positive mantra written on it, such as, "I am a winner."
2. Control your emotions. You may be short-tempered and / or aggressive because of the favoritism of your parents. Your mood can get in the way of your ability to form friendships with others. Learn to control your emotions and don't let them control you.
   • Before you say or do anything that arises out of anger, think about how you would feel if someone said or did the same thing to you. Inhale slowly through your nose and then exhale through your mouth for a little longer than it took to inhale.
   • Find a positive outlet for your frustration and anger. Go hiking or cycling. Get into a self-defense sport. Any kind of exercise is a great way to let off steam.
   • Look for alternatives to violence, yelling, or other angry reactions. Ultimately, the aforementioned responses will not solve the problem or situations that led to it. If someone is rude to you, for example, express your feelings in a mature way. Say something like, "I don't like the way you treat me. I would appreciate an apology. "
3. Work on your self-esteem. For years, if your parents pretend your siblings are smarter, funnier, or more interesting than you, you may start to believe them. Learn to recognize and where possible challenge negative or critical thoughts and feelings.
   • The fastest way to debunk the lie that you have nothing of value to offer is to pursue your hobbies and interests. Whatever it is that you love to do, keep doing it. The more you practice, the better you will get. After about 10,000 hours of practice, you will be a master of that particular hobby or skill. Having exceptional talent can increase confidence and self-esteem.
   • Encourage yourself. Every day when you wake up, you look in the mirror and say, "I have a life worth living and a lot of people like me."
   • Surround yourself with friends who care about you. Seek support from them when you feel down.
4. Form healthy relationships. Children who are bullied or neglected by their parents are vulnerable to exploitation by others who seemingly give them the attention and appreciation they crave. Stay away from gangs, terrorist organizations, and sects, especially those that adopt a family-like structure. As a child of parents who treat your siblings better than you, you may be enticed by promises of love and affection. However, these arrangements are always temporary and designed with a view to future benefits to the one who offers the apparent love and affection.
   • Remember that true love is selfless, without expecting anything in return.
5. Don't blame your siblings. If your parents treat your sibling much better than you do, you may start to see your sibling and your parents as part of a joint plot against you. However, it is important to recognize that your parents are solely responsible for their own behavior.
   • Your sibling has nothing to do with your parents' attitude towards you. Strive for a positive, healthy relationship with your sibling.
   • If your sibling is old enough to understand what's going on, talk to them about how your parents treat you differently. Get their advice and encourage them to stand up for you.
6. Don't let your grades suffer. Children of parents who favor another child often have a hard time at school. Find a well-lit, quiet place to study. Do all your homework every night, and use an agenda to set aside time to study for tests, essays, and complete important projects on time.
   • Keep everything in order. There are many apps available for your phone and tablet to help you better manage your time and keep track of your assignments. The Complete Class Organizer and iHomework are a few suitable examples of this.
   • Make sure to attend all your classes and take notes.
   • Ask questions if you don't understand something.
7. Pay attention to your feelings of depression. Depression - a persistent feeling of sadness and a lack of energy - is common in children who have been treated poorly on a regular basis compared to their siblings. A common treatment is a combination of antidepressants with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
   • CBT is a therapeutic method that helps you directly challenge your negative thoughts and point out counterexamples to logically undermine feelings of depression.
   • CBT helps you focus on your feelings and experiences in the here and now to develop healthy mechanisms to change your depressive thinking patterns into more positive ones.
   • If you think you have depression, see a therapist to help you on your way to recovery.

Method 3 of 3: Understand why parents don't always treat their children equally

1. Pay attention when your parents focus on your identity. Parents often treat children differently for reasons based solely on qualities that are not choice. Stepparents can favor their biological children because they raised them and feel that those children are closer to them. Other reasons could be:
   • Age. Firstborns often receive preferential treatment. Middle children often receive less attention. Younger siblings who are still children may be treated "better" than teens because they are considered to need more parental attention.
   • Sex. Parents often have a closer relationship with children of their own sex than children of the opposite sex. For example, mothers may have a closer relationship with their daughters than with their sons, which may help them favor their daughters. Moreover, in a patriarchal society, boys can receive preferential treatment over girls.
2. Look for evidence of a personality disorder. If your parents treat your siblings better than you do, they may have a personality disorder. This includes a wide spectrum of disorders (including Histrionic and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) where a person's feelings are dysfunctional and thinking is confused. Rather than making decisions on a rational basis - for example, realizing that every child deserves the same amount of love - they rationalize their unfair treatment and insist that some children do not deserve love (for whatever reason).
3. Think about your parents' mood. If your parents are tense, they are more likely to be unbalanced with their children. Stress can be caused by financial or relationship problems. If you are aware that your parent (s) are having problems and they are treating another sibling better, it may be a result of the stress they are experiencing.
4. Don't think you deserve your treatment. If your parents are consistently treating your sibling better (or even if they are treating you worse in any particular case), don't assume you deserve it. No matter what their reason is for treating you differently, it's important to recognize that you deserve just as much love, respect, and fair treatment as your sibling.
   • Ultimately, it shouldn't matter why your parents treat you worse. What's important is that their behavior is wrong.
   • Don't worry about how you should "change" yourself to please your parents. In most cases, it just isn't possible.
5. Try to see things from their point of view. How would your parents explain the differences in treatment? Even if you disagree with their reasoning, it helps to think about things from their point of view.
6. Watch for indications of abuse. If your parents treat you as less important than a sibling or if they are cruel to you in other ways, it could be abuse. There are many different types of abuse, such as:
   • Emotional abuse, such as name calling, making fun of you, humiliating you, or ignoring you.
   • Neglect, such as not feeding you enough food or taking care of yourself when you are sick or injured.
   • Physical abuse, such as hitting you, restraining you, or doing other things to harm you.
   • Sexual abuse, such as touching you in intimate places, forcing you to engage in sexual acts, or talking to you in a sexual way.

Warnings

• Don't just cry, yell, or try not to have a tantrum. This will only make the problem worse.