Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Stay calm
• Part 2 of 3: Responding to make the situation less sharp
• Part 3 of 3: Responding to avoid danger

It is never a pleasant experience when you are yelled at. When people raise their voices against you, it is normal to feel intimidated, scared, and belittled in your attempt to respond. But the key to dealing with someone who is yelling at you is recognizing that this is the result of the other person's failed communication technique. Fortunately, you are not the one who has lost control of yourself, which means you can take steps to control your feelings and initiate a more effective way of interacting.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Stay calm

1. Resist the urge to scream back. The less you react to provocation, the more you can use your common sense to deal with the challenge. If you're angry with someone or feel challenged by that person, take a deep breath and slowly count to ten before saying or doing anything you might regret later.
   • This includes all forms of criticism and defensive action.Shouting back is just another readily available way to respond in a reactive rather than a proactive way.
   • Criticizing the shooter or questioning what he / she is saying will only provoke them more. In addition, we often don't think carefully when we are yelled at. This is because we are being pushed into a state of fear.
2. Weigh your options. If you are yelled at, you are never completely stuck in the situation. This applies equally to strangers who lose patience in line at the store, as your boss and your partner. So disconnect enough from the moment to think about whether or not you should sit out the screaming.
   • You may decide that escaping the moment is not worth losing your job, but it may be good to weigh your other options if the screaming turns out to be a hopelessly recurring phenomenon, or if the person's screams are not important enough is to endure.
   • Research has shown that shouting is just as harmful and ineffective when it is done "out of love." This means that regardless of the screamer's intentions, you are subject to treatment that is never ideal or even correct.
3. Avoid condoning the shouting. When we scream, it means that we are so overwhelmed by something that we cannot think of a way to deal with it, other than resorting to using brute force. If you reward what the shooter says with a thoughtful response or rebuttal, then you indicate that this type of communication is correct.
   • If you find yourself silently punching holes in the screamer's arguments and complaints, allow yourself to do so. This can be a way to show yourself that you are in control and have the upper hand in the situation. However, be careful that you are not so focused on your thoughts that you can no longer observe.
4. Take the focus away from you. Detach yourself from what you are experiencing to avoid taking things too personally. The best way to do this without losing sight of the situation is to put yourself in the shouting person. Focus on the pain and tension in the other person's face. Instead of listening to the person screaming, look at the despair and frustration he / she is experiencing.
   • Remember, you are not validating the person yelling. You put yourself in the place of the other to see that part of the person that you can have compassion with, if the time has come to respond.
   • Radiate calm in every way, but don't show it off by pretending to be very serene. This can only fuel the other person's anger, as they may interpret it as teasing or condescending. A good way to convey calmness is to show genuine amazement at the yeller's attitude. In this way you can show that you are somewhat in the dark, while at the same time giving hints that the shouting is disturbing.

Part 2 of 3: Responding to make the situation less sharp

1. Consider a cooling-off period. If the situation permits, say as calmly as you can that you take a few minutes to cool down before responding to what the shouting is about. Simply indicate that the shouting was overwhelming and that you would rather continue talking in five minutes so that you can regain your strength. This will also give the screaming person some space that was needed without them realizing it.
   • This greatly reduces the likelihood that the subsequent conversation will explode into a fierce argument. By making this request, you also show the other person that it has provoked a strong reaction, which they probably also wanted to achieve.
2. Start a conversation about the other person's behavior. Tell the person how the screaming makes you feel. Make sure to indicate how the situation came across to you (eg, "I find it difficult to focus on what you are saying because of your volume level."). Include what you felt in that situation (eg, "I feel nervous and confused when I get yelled at.").
   • For example, a romantic partner may yell at you because you forgot your tickets to the concert you were supposed to be attending. When the other person calms down temporarily, tell him or her that you feel threatened and overwhelmed. You can also indicate that you have noticed that passers-by have looked on with surprise or pity. This will shift the partner's focus to feelings other than their own.
   • Another case could be that your boss is going against you for making a mistake in an invoice for a customer. Tell your boss that you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable raising their voice above normal volume, and that it is more difficult for you to focus on your work if you feel you need to protect yourself.
3. Ask the other person to stop yelling. If you clarify the negative effect of the screaming, then it is reasonable to request that it not happen again. To keep the other person's anger from escalating, say something like, "I just can't fully focus on listening when screaming, and I value what you want to tell me. Can you explain the problem to me in a quiet conversation, as we have it now? "
   • When making this request, be specific about what you want. Even if it seems obvious that a calm voice is better than yelling, you still need to show how you want to be spoken to. Be specific as in the example above, so don't say something like, "Why can't you talk normally?"
   • If you feel that the person yelling is extra sensitive or will take the request personally, soften the conversation with some positive comments. Think about the things this person contributes at other times and how much you appreciate them (e.g., the other person's willingness to show how involved he or she is).
4. Speak in a low register. Speaking in an even, soft tone is a great way to change the mood of the interaction. The shouting person will be forced to sound more like you, because of the clear contrast to your voice. Another advantage is that the other person has to make an effort to hear what you say, which means that the attitude has to be changed slightly to hear what you have to say. This will automatically shift the focus from the anger and intensity of the moment to the content of what you are saying.
5. Decide if you want to make amends. Now that you've taken steps to calm the situation, you have the right to choose whether to make amends or just ignore it. When making a decision, consider your relationship with the screaming person, when you are likely to see them again, and how much closure you usually need to leave an unpleasant situation behind.
   • If the shouting person is someone you can't or don't want to cut ties with, you can get yourself to reconcile by remembering what the other person's background is. Shouting is ultimately an expression of dissatisfaction with strong feelings and concerns.
   • If you choose to walk away, keep in mind that the next time you meet, it could turn into a tense confrontation.

Part 3 of 3: Responding to avoid danger

1. Know your rights. It is important to be aware of your rights in these situations. Build your confidence and take away the fear that arises when you are yelled at, by keeping your rights in mind. You always have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, as well as the right to your own personal space.
   • In the workplace, your rights to a non-threatening and orderly environment may be compromised by maintaining your position or the attitude you are expected to maintain. But even though your supervisors may have more rights to assert themselves at work, you still have always the right to counter situations where you fear for your well-being. If the screaming persists, consult with the HR department or company policies for specific policies to resolve conflicts between employees.
   • When your partner yells at you, it is all too easy to think that you have to put up with it because of the love or desire to keep the relationship going. However, try to recognize that yelling has now become part of the relationship that you are trying to support with so much effort. You have the right to express your needs within a relationship, and not feeling threatened or dominated is certainly a basic requirement.
2. Stop the contact. If the person yells at you very often and you have already tried to talk about how harmful such behavior is to you, breaking off contact is the best way to protect yourself. Depending on the relationship you have with the yelling person, it is possible to simply avoid a confrontation and send a short letter or email stating that you no longer wish to communicate. You are entitled to indicate when it has been enough.
3. Seek outside help. Does it seem like the screaming person is unable to cool down? Are you worried that he / she is a constant threat to your life? If you feel that the situation poses a real potential danger, don't hesitate to contact the emergency services. If there is immediate danger, call 911 ..
   • When it comes to shouting within the domestic sphere, call the national domestic violence hotline: Safe at home - 0800-2000. This hotline provides assistance in many languages ​​24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The staff can provide you with telephone numbers for local emergency shelters and other resources.