Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Develop coping mechanisms
• Method 2 of 3: Stay healthy and safe
• Method 3 of 3: Recognize parents who are bad for you
• Tips
• Warnings

Parents are supposed to provide love, help and protection to their children. They are expected to help their children grow in order to develop into independent people. Unfortunately, there are parents who instead mistreat, abuse, neglect or abandon their children. Feeling that your parents don't love you can hurt you emotionally and sometimes physically. The best way to deal with this is to learn to accept that you cannot change other people and to focus on yourself.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Develop coping mechanisms

1. Talk to a trusted friend or close relative. Sometimes you can feel better just by talking to someone about what you are going through. Talk to a trusted friend or close relative about what's going on in your home situation.
   • For example, you could talk to a close friend about how your parents make you feel. Pick someone you feel comfortable talking to and who you know won't run to tell your parents right away.
   • Try to avoid becoming too dependent on this person for your emotional needs. Only talk to them when you need a listening ear. If you find yourself calling 20 times a day to reassure yourself, you can develop a codependent relationship with this person. Talk to your school counselor or therapist if you find yourself becoming more and more dependent on others for confirmation.
2. Find a mentor. Mentors can guide you through important decisions in your life and can teach you things that parents are unwilling or unable to do. You can find a mentor who can teach you new skills to deal with difficult situations, succeed in school, or support your professional career. Ask a trustworthy, responsible adult in your life to be your mentor, such as a coach, teacher, or boss.
   • If your coach or employer offers to be your mentor, keep him or her there; however, you can also ask someone to be your mentor, such as by saying, "I admire your success in life and hope to accomplish many of the same things that you have accomplished. I'm not sure how to get there. Would you be willing to be my mentor? "
   • Try to avoid becoming more dependent on your mentor. Keep in mind that a mentor cannot replace your parents, and that person is not there to provide parental guidance. A mentor is simply someone who can help you achieve your goals at school, at work, or in some other specific area of ​​your life.
3. Seek help from a school therapist or counselor. Coping with your parent's behavior can be difficult, and you may need help from a therapist or counselor at school. A therapist or counselor can help you develop coping mechanisms and feel better about yourself.
   • If your school has a counselor, visit them to make an appointment if necessary. If you feel uncomfortable or unsure how to go about it, talk to a teacher. You can also ask the counselor if you can speak to a therapist by saying something like, "I have had a few things recently and would like to talk to a therapist. Can you help me find one? "
   • Keep in mind that if your parents abuse you, a therapist or school counselor is required to report it.
4. Don't try to compare how your parents treat you and your siblings. If your parents seem to prefer a sibling, it doesn't mean they love one of their children more or less. It may be because of the situation why they treat your sibling with more care and attention. Usually this happens unnoticed, and your parents are not even aware that they are treating you differently.
   • Most parents don't want to make you feel unloved, but are unaware of how their actions affect their children mentally and emotionally.
   • Don't try to focus on how your parents treat your siblings. Instead, just focus on your relationship with them.
5. Don't try to take it personally. It can be difficult to ignore criticism and hurtful comments from people who are supposed to love you, even when you know what they're saying isn't true. Remember the behavior and words of your parents about it them and not about you.
   • The next time one of your parents says or does something mean that hurts you, try to say to yourself, "I am a good person who is sweet, beautiful, and dignified. My parents are just struggling with personal issues and that's why they act like that. "
6. Be nice to yourself. Some children who are or have been abused by their parents also treat themselves badly, such as by hurting themselves, by using alcohol or drugs, or by deliberately doing poorly at school. These unhealthy, harmful activities won't make you feel better in the long run. Rather than doing these things, take care of yourself, such as by:
   • Maintain a healthy diet.
   • Get some exercise most days of the week.
   • Daily meditation.
   • Do not smoke and do not use drugs or alcohol.
7. Replace negative self-talk with love for yourself. People who grow up in loveless households can be more sensitive to negative self-talk and low self-esteem. To train your thoughts to think positively about yourself, replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
   • For example, if you find yourself repeating something your parents always say, like, `` You're stupid if you can't solve division problems, '' you might replace this with, `` Learning long division is challenging, but I can do it for you. get together by working too hard. I can also ask my math teacher for help. "
8. Write down positive memories. It can help you examine any negative thoughts that affect your ability to love yourself, and write down some positive ones instead. To start, you create a table with four columns.
   • In the first column, list your negative beliefs. These can include things like, "I'm not good at making decisions," or "I'm not very smart."
   • In the second column you explain why you believe these things. Have your parents told you these things, or did things that make you feel this way about yourself?
   • In the third column, consider what this belief is costing you emotionally and in your private life: are you depressed, withdrawn, afraid to try new things and fail, afraid to trust others or confide in people, etc.? Briefly but specifically write down what you are missing by continuing to believe this negative self-image.
   • In the column, rewrite the thought as something positive. For example, change the thought of your intelligence to something like, "I am an intelligent, capable person and I have accomplished many things with the help of my brain."
9. Get out of the house more. Developing a happy, fulfilled life outside of the home will help you feel happier, even if your home life isn't happy. Look for valuable ways to contribute to the world and be an active part of society - this will help restore your self-esteem and confidence, by focusing your attention on your own well-being and happiness.
   • Consider volunteering for a local nonprofit, trying to find a job that you enjoy, or joining an association or sports team.

Method 2 of 3: Stay healthy and safe

1. Report physical or sexual abuse. If you are being abused, get help right away. Talk to your doctor, a teacher, a counselor, or call the police or child phone and ask for help. Chronic abuse is more difficult to recover from the longer it goes on. Do not allow people who abuse you, even family members, to cause you permanent physical or emotional damage. Try to get out of such a situation as soon as possible.
   • Call the National Domestic Violence Helpline (Safe at Home) on 0800-2000 to discuss your situation and options.
   • Do not hesitate to call 911 if you think you or another family member is in immediate danger. You won't be in trouble for reporting someone else is breaking the law!
2. Break the relationship, if possible. If you are able to break up with a parent who is abusing you, do so. It is difficult to cut ties with someone you care about, especially when it comes to family, but your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty for disconnecting from your parent (s) if it is best for you.
   • If you are not sure whether breaking all contact is necessary, think about the amount of pain they cause you versus the amount of happiness they bring you. Dysfunctional parents can sometimes show love, often when it is in their best interest, but a little love now and then isn't enough to justify staying in a bad relationship, no matter who.
3. Resist the urge to isolate yourself from peers and adults. You may think that avoiding relationships completely will prevent you from being hurt by someone else, but people need social relationships to thrive. Children who grow up without a loving parent or alternative parental figure are less successful, less happy and physically healthy as adults. Stay in regular contact with your friends and other family members and spend time with them regularly when possible, and be open to new friends and trustworthy adults.
   • It is not standard for an adult or loved one to end up treating you the way your parents do. Don't be afraid to give others a chance to love you.
   • Prolonged loneliness can have serious health effects and possibly cause or worsen diseases such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease and neurological disorders. It may even cause cancer to spread more quickly.
4. Learn to be independent. If your dysfunctional parents don't teach you how to get by after high school, ask another trusted adult how to prepare for the "real world."
   • Learn things like how to budget, how to do laundry, and turn on the water heater in your first apartment.
   • Estimate the costs of living independently and what you need to get started. Find a job and save money for a deposit on your first apartment and some furniture.
   • Make sure you have good grades despite problems at home, so that you have the opportunity to study. Ask your school counselor to help you find scholarships to pay for a study abroad.

Method 3 of 3: Recognize parents who are bad for you

1. Pay attention to how your parents react to your performance. One sign of a harmful parent-child relationship is if your parents don't respond positively to your performance. This could mean that your parents either refuse to acknowledge when you have achieved something, or that your parents are putting your performance down. Some parents can even ridicule your achievements.
   • For example, if you received a good grade on a test, your parents should congratulate you on this achievement. For example, if you have "toxic" parents, they might ignore what you've said, change the subject, laugh at you and call you a nerd, or say something like, "So what? It's just an exam. "
2. Think about possible controlling behavior from your parents. It is normal for parents to want to guide you, but parents who try to control your behavior can have a negative effect on you. This can range from small decisions like what to wear to school to bigger decisions like where to study or where to graduate. If your parents exercise a high degree of control over your decisions, it will harm you.
   • For example, a parent who encourages you to make your own decisions may ask you questions about where you want to study and why; however, a parent who wants to control your decisions will tell you where to study.
3. Notice a lack of emotional attachment. Parents who have healthy relationships with their children show their emotional connection by making eye contact with their children, smiling at them, and offering affection in the form of a hug or hug. If your parents are showing toxic behavior, they may not be doing any of this.
   • For example, a parent who has enough emotional attachment to his or her child will comfort it when the child is crying; however, a parent who does not have an emotional connection with his or her child will ignore or shout for the child to stop crying.
4. Think about boundaries between you and your parents. Healthy boundaries are important in parent-child relationships. If there are good boundaries between you and your parent (s), then you shouldn't feel like your life is the same.
   • For example, a parent who has healthy boundaries with his / her child may wonder how the child's friends are doing, but will not insist on getting together with the child and their friends.
5. Think about it verbal abuse that you may suffer or have suffered from. Verbal abuse is another form of toxic parenting. If your mom or dad scolds you, puts you down, or just says things to you that hurt your feelings, these are all forms of verbal abuse.
   • For example, your parents should say things that are uplifting and make you feel good about yourself; however, you would feel negative if your parent said something like, "You're worthless!" or "I can't stand being in the same room with you!"
   • Some parents will be kind and reassuring one day and mean and critical the next. Keep in mind that this is still verbal abuse, even if your parents aren't always mean to you.
6. Learn to recognize narcissistic behavior. Parents who are too self-centered to notice or treat their children well can also have a negative impact on that child.If your parents ignore you completely or see you alone when you do something they can brag about to their friends, this is another example of narcissistic parenting and bad for you.
   • For example, your parents should encourage you in your interests. A narcissistic parent may only pay attention to you if your interests give her or him something to brag about, such as by telling all her or his friends that you won a scholarship, even if that parent never asks about your studies and you are not encouraged.
   • Some narcissistic parents may have personality disorder (PD). In very general terms, a person with PD displays self-centeredness, refusal to accept personal responsibility, constant self-justification, a strong sense of entitlement, and superficial emotions. A parent with PD may be able to treat children as a burden or obstacle to their own personal goals. Such a parent will usually use emotional manipulation to control his / her children. People with PD are often very critical of their children and can use physical violence or endanger their child's well-being.
7. Think about possible parenting roles that you are fulfilling. Some parents are too immature or have other problems (such as addiction) that make it difficult for them to be effective parents, so that a child eventually takes on some parental stakes. Think about whether you had to take on parenting roles because your parent was unable or unwilling to take care of you and / or your siblings. This may include things like cooking, cleaning, and caring for other children.
   • Sometimes parents give their children tasks such as cooking and cleaning to teach them responsibility and skills, but harmful parents can place many responsibilities on one child's shoulders, in order not to have to do certain things themselves. For example, a harmful parent who does not want to cook or clean may try to avoid this responsibility and force one of the children to do all the cooking and cleaning.
8. Judge their behavior and not what they say. Some children feel unloved, although their parents often say they love them, because they don't see this love reflected in the way they are treated. Don't assume for good reason about what your parents feel about you.
   • For example, a mother who frequently says "I love you" but often ignores her children is not behaving in a way that indicates love. Likewise, a parent who says she wants her children to be independent, but never lets them make their own decisions, is not behaving in a way that indicates what she says she wants.

Tips

• Put yourself in your parents' shoes. While abuse and getting hurt does not justify doing this to others, your parents may have had many personal problems and struggles while growing up. Pity them instead of hate them. Hope they recover from their troubled times and find happiness and peace.

Warnings

• Don't take your frustration and pain out on others, including your siblings. Being maltreated is never a good excuse to mistreat others yourself.
• Don't try to copy your parents' negative behavior. Many children of harmful parents internalize their parenting behavior and end up treating other people the same way when they are adults themselves. Once you recognize their patterns, do your best to look at your own relationships from time to time to make sure you don't accidentally repeat these patterns.