Content

• To step
• Tips
• Warnings

Do you think someone is mean to you, but you're not quite sure why? Do you think they are up to something or secretly hate you? Whether it's friends, a family member, or people you don't even know, knowing why someone is treating you badly is an important first step in solving the problem.

To step

1. Pay attention to how someone behaves around you. What are some of the more overt signs that this person is not acting really nice and has bad intentions? Some possible signs could include gossiping about you to others, ignoring you, saying hurtful things to you, breaking or stealing your things, belittling yourself, tricking yourself into getting in trouble for something you didn't do or say berating you, claiming that you are not as smart / handsome / popular / valuable, etc. as them, intimidating, leaving unkind / unkind messages about you on social networking sites, or breaking promises they have swore that they would keep it.
2. Consider how you feel. What feelings or reactions add to their words and actions you come up? Do you feel that you have to suffer constantly, that things that are said are meant to provoke or undermine you, and that whatever the person near you says or does somewhere makes you feel negative, hurt or humiliated, then it is possible that this person is acting mean.
3. First work out a number of options before drawing your conclusions. Our own feelings only tell part of the story and sometimes we can be very wrong because we have not yet understood things from the other person. So while you can be confident that the other person's actions or words are intended and effectively mean, it remains important to consider some of the possible reasons or causes of their behavior. This allows you to get a better idea of ​​what their motive is; sometimes people are unintentionally hurtful or thoughtless without being purposefully mean. Whatever the action or comment, there is always an underlying cause that it is good to understand before taking any action against the person. Here are some things to ask yourself (and be honest in answering them):
   • Maybe it is just your imagination? When you have a bad day, people can sometimes seem more angry and mean than on days when you are happy; this is simply the way your brain works, transferring your own nuances and feelings to others.
   • Could it be that the other has a crush on you? Sometimes a person may try to get your attention by being mean or insulting to you, or they may feel embarrassed and use this to keep you at a temporary distance. Not all people do this and as a person indeed Acting seemingly mean to you does not necessarily mean that the person has a crush on you, and if it is a crush, you will likely pick up on other signals and the behavior will likely not continue for very long.
   • Could it be that they want to teach you something? Young people, as well as the elderly, take well-meaning advice or loving reprimands from friends and family as comments intended to hurt or hurt. However, constructive feedback is no harm and people loving you are just trying to help you, so don't confuse the different approaches.
   • Could jealousy play a part? Do they say things to put you in place or make themselves feel better? This may be the case if they are insecure and are trying to feel better than you. In this case it is more of an explanation of what they think about themselves than what they think of you, but this can be difficult to see when confronted with it.
   • Could it be that you accidentally insulted them? Without knowing it, you may have offended the other person first. This is especially common among friends who do not want to anger each other; they may not want to confront you with something you have said or done, so that they direct their passive anger at you by being mean instead of talking openly and honestly about their feelings.
   • Maybe they have problems? People who are unsure of how to reach others may express their frustrations with anger - making other people feel bad seems like a useful way to make yourself feel better, but it always comes at the expense of the other person. Stress is a major cause of mean behavior in people - someone may snarl at you just because of stress and the inability to control their own emotions. It's important to recognize when someone is expressing their emotions, as opposed to someone who really intends to be mean to you. Again, this is not so much a statement about you as it relates to how the other person feels about themselves.
   • Could it be that the person just hates you? This is probably due to some of the reasons described above (personal problems, jealousy, or even confusing you with someone from the past who they don't like, etc.), but in many cases people are not mean to you because you hurt them .
4. Ask yourself some questions. Why do you need confirmation from them? Do you need them so much that you should be submissive to make you feel better? Who cares if they don't like you? Remember that you come across as insecure / needy if you worry about it.
5. Ask others. Ask for the opinions of others, especially your parents and friends, so that you can decide what to do or to get a clearer picture of why this person is behaving this way. Never seek advice from friends who hate the person you are asking about; there is a risk that in that case they will put the person in a negative light, possibly to cause an argument or cause the relationship with that person to remain bad person. The best people to ask are your parents or spouse, a trusted mentor, or a very reliable friend or member of the family; usually you will be able to find someone who is neutral and has little to do with the mean behavior, who is able to help you.
6. Confront the person if you know them. It is important that you go through the steps for establishing factual evidence of the mean behavior described above, include your own feelings, and consider all other options before confronting the person. Accusing someone of being mean carries a lot of emotional overload, and if you don't have the facts straight, and you're just accusing instead of explaining yourself (using "I statements"), then you can make the other person feel angry or stupid, which can lead to defensive behavior, rather than constructive conversation. Make sure you're not just imagining it and that the other person didn't just need a one-time outlet; it is better not to make an elephant out of the proverbial mouse. Explain to the person how you feel about the nasty behavior and let them know that you are open to discussing any relevant issues with them if the person wants to, and most importantly, want the air between you to clear up if you have said or done something that made him / her angry.
   • Stay calm and don't make excuses or repeat word for word what they have said; just ask them to be more considerate of your feelings next time.
   • If the person doesn't have an answer, give them time to come back to it later - it's up to them now and can continue to act mean or quit.
   • If they keep going, then you know that indicated how much it hurts you. You now have confirmation that they are doing this on purpose, and you can consider taking other actions.
   • If you don't know this person well, ask someone else to join you, such as a friend, counselor, parent, or other trusted person.
7. Avoid contact with the person if the nasty behavior persists. After you've tried to do something about it, there isn't much you can do to make such people change their minds if they then decide to be mean. It probably means they either for real hate you (again, this usually has nothing to do with you, but mostly with them) or that they don't want to lose face by changing their attitude, and carry on regardless of the previous facts (again, this is not about you, but also about their own insecurities). However - and this is the most important part - you don't have to accept someone who's trying to make you feel bad. Stay out of their way of life and don't listen to their snide remarks, spiteful attitude, or mean behavior. Ask your friends to stop discussing these things with you, and suggest that they choose their own money. Let people know that you just don't accept it anymore and cut off the contact. Even the meanest person gets bored when their target stops responding, after which they start looking for someone else to bother.
8. Get on with your life. At this stage, if strengthening your boundaries has not worked, despite all efforts, and you have found a good defensive strategy to avoid this person, try pretending that this person is not part of your life. Just leave them out if they have nothing to do with you. However, it is likely that feelings will remain as to why this happened and how it made you feel. Don't forget to live in the past doesn't make sense; you did what you could to reconcile yourself with the other and make sure that the other would stop being mean to you. Get on with your own life and activities, surround yourself with people who aren't mean to you, and focus on what's important to you. By showing that the mean behavior isn't taking hold of you or ruining your other relationships, you can thrive while the mean person has to live with their own meanness.
   • If the mean behavior continues or escalates, tell someone who can do something about it in a positive way - if it is in school, tell a teacher, family member, or adult right away. If it is at work, talk about it with human resources, a boss you trust or even reliable colleagues. You must ensure your own safety against retaliation should the person take a personal vendetta against you.
   • If the nasty behavior continues in the home environment, you are in a more difficult position. If you have siblings, ask your parents to intervene and establish rules that restrict behavior in the household. If it's a parent, talk about it with your other parent first. If both parents respond aggressively and refuse to help you, seek help outside the home, such as a close relative who lives elsewhere, the church or a mentor from your school, a trusted adult mentor, etc. endangers.

Tips

• Sometimes people are mean because they are different from you, but like to be just like you.
• While it is always good to try to find out exactly why someone is mean to you, in many cases you will never find out; you may intuitively know when someone is mean to you and you don't have to accept it. Stand up for yourself if it is meant to hurt you.
• Never try to be mean in return. This destroys relationships, escalates into arguments, and can lead to dangerous behavior. There is no point in lowering yourself to their level, because then it turns into a lose-lose situation.
• Tell such people how much their behavior hurts you. Tell them exactly how you felt when they said those things.

Warnings

• People feed on gossip, but they don't use it to help you - don't forget this and don't spread gossip yourself.