Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Creating Healthy Thought Patterns
• Method 2 of 3: Getting a Positive View of Life
• Method 3 of 3: Coping with a Traumatic Experience
• Tips

Whether you have bad memories of embarrassing moments or traumatic events, they can haunt you for days, months, or even years. Fortunately, there are ways to train your memory to deal with these bad memories in a healthy way. In this article, you will learn how to leave bad memories behind and reduce the anxiety that accompanies them.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Creating Healthy Thought Patterns

1. Avoid places and objects that trigger the memory. Do you notice that when you think of certain objects or visiting certain places, you think about the bad memory? For example, it may be that something bad happened to you in kindergarten and you are reminded of it every time you see the school. Try to avoid the school by, for example, taking a different route to work. That way you will automatically think less about the unpleasant event.
   • If you completely eliminate the things that trigger the bad memory, the memory will slowly but surely fade away. Over time, the memory is replaced by more important thoughts.
   • Of course, it is not always possible to avoid everything that evokes bad memories. Maybe you don't want to take a different route to work at all, you don't want to stop listening to the music of your favorite band or you want to keep reading science fiction books despite negative associations. If it is not possible or realistic to eliminate all the things that remind you of the negative event from the past from your life, it is best to deal with the memory in a different way.
2. Think of the memory until it loses its power. The first few times you think about a bad memory, there are times when you get anxious. You will therefore want to think as little as possible about the event from the past by reflex. However, suppressing the memory can make it more powerful over you. So try not to push away the memory, but rather to remember as many details as possible. Keep thinking about the event until the fear you feel subsides. By experiencing the pain, it will be less intense the next time. When thinking about bad memories, it can also help to take a long walk or to exercise.
   • Try to console yourself that the event is over. Whatever has happened - whether you have been laughed at or have been through a dangerous situation - the event is behind you.
   • Sometimes thinking about bad memory can become an obsession. Try to imagine what feelings the memory evokes. If you realize that the memory still hurts you even after thinking about the event repeatedly, try some other way to banish the memory from your memory.
3. Try to change your memory. Whenever you think about the past, the memory changes a little. Your brain fills holes in memory with incorrect information. You can take advantage of this tendency of the brain by replacing the bad parts of a memory with something else. This makes the memory less annoying and hurts you less.
   • For example, let's say you have a bad childhood memory of a trip you took with your father on a boat called "The Dreamcatcher." You remember your dad wearing red pants and sunglasses and yelling at you when you leaned too far over the side of the boat and fell into the water. You "know" what happened, but years later you discover that on that day your father was not wearing red trousers, but jeans, and the boat had a different name. Memories are not always correct and can change.
   • Try to change the worst part of your memory. For example, in the example above, you felt scared and alone when you fell into the water. Instead of focusing on that fear and loneliness, try focusing on the relief you felt when you were fished out of the water.
   • Whenever you think about the memory, it is slightly different from the last time. Focusing on the positive instead of the negative changes the tone of the memory. It may never become a completely positive memory, but it may not bother you as much as before.
4. Focus on good memories. Sometimes your brain gets into a negative spiral that is difficult to avoid. If you find yourself thinking about your bad memories a lot, try to change your mind and think about positive things.Don't give a memory a lot of time to make you feel bad, but try to change your mind as soon as the memory comes to you. Keep doing this until your brain no longer automatically focuses on the negative and you have climbed out of the spiral.
   • Try to connect a negative memory with a good one. For example, if you keep thinking about the time when you started to stutter during a presentation and the whole class laughed at you, you can link this to another time when you did get a high grade. That good memory will make you feel a lot better.
5. Try to live in the now. Paying more attention to the here and now is also called mindful living. This involves focusing on the here and now instead of getting caught up in memories of the past or plans for the future. Mindful living is an excellent way to reduce stress and get more out of life. After all, you now put energy that you previously put into things that you have no influence on, into the life you are now leading.
   • During daily activities our thoughts regularly wander. We then completely lose sight of what we were actually doing and actually live on automatic pilot. Try to avoid this and take the time to notice details that you would normally overlook. This will bring yourself more into the present, so that you will pay less attention to bad memories.
   • Try to find a mantra to say when your mind wanders. For example, say "I'm here now" or "I'm alive." Say something that puts your feet back into the now.
   • Be aware of how your body feels right now. What do you hear, see, taste and smell right now?
   • Meditate. Most forms of meditation focus on mindfulness. By focusing on your breathing and freeing yourself from distractions, you will be able to live better in the now. Regular meditation helps you to concentrate better and also improves your mood.

Method 2 of 3: Getting a Positive View of Life

1. Think about what you learned from the event. You can learn something from even the most horrible experiences. It may take you a while to realize what you have learned, especially if the event happened only recently. But if you can look back on the event and realize what you learned, the memory will become less painful. Do you see the bright side of your bad memory?
   • Remember that negative experiences are part of life. Difficult experiences make us stronger and make us appreciate positive events all the more. Without feeling bad every now and then, we wouldn't appreciate the good.
   • Focus on the good things you have. You may have experienced unpleasant things, but it is good to keep an eye on what you do have. A good way to remind yourself of this is to make a list of things you are grateful for.
2. Make good new memories. As time passes, the bad memory will fade more and more into the background. If you want to speed up this process, you can ensure that your memory is filled with new good memories. Do nice things with the people you love. The more positive memories you make, the less important the negative memories will seem.
   • It can help to visit places you have never been to experience completely new things in an environment that does not evoke negative associations. Book a vacation or hop on the train to a place you've never been.
   • If you don't like to travel, try to adjust your daily routine a bit. Go to a new restaurant in the area, try out a new recipe, or invite your friends over for dinner.
3. Live a busy life. Make sure you have enough to do and that your brain is stimulated. That way you have less time to deal with negative thoughts. If you tend to spend a lot of time alone, try meeting up with friends or visiting your family more often. Distract yourself with a good book or a new hobby. The more time you are bored, the more likely you are to think about bad memories. Things you can do to keep yourself busy:
   • Learning a new sport, such as football or kick boxing. If you are not such an athlete, challenge yourself to run a few kilometers a day or to practice yoga. A physical challenge is a great way to release endorphins, which come with positive feelings.
   • Make something. Write a song, make a dress, or paint a landscape. Put your energy into creating something new; that way you don't have time to think about bad memories.
   • Volunteer. Helping other people is a great way to clear your mind.
4. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Using mind-altering drugs can only make the situation worse, especially if you are depressed or anxious. Alcohol makes depression worse and makes you more irritable and anxious. To keep your mentality positive, it's best to limit or completely abstain from using alcohol and drugs.
   • Using alcohol and drugs to forget bad memories or to get around negative emotions often leads to addiction. If you find yourself tempted to use alcohol or drugs when you don't want to remember something, seek help right away.
   • Also avoid other means of escape. If you have a tendency to gamble, overeat, or have some other bad habit to suppress your feelings, the best thing to do is acknowledge it and do something about it. You can change your lifestyle on your own or under the guidance of a therapist.
5. Make your health a priority. When you can only think about bad memories, it is difficult to take care of yourself. However, keeping your body healthy has a huge impact on your way of thinking. Eat enough vitamins, get a good night's sleep, and exercise enough to keep negative thoughts at bay. In addition, indulge yourself from time to time to lift your mood.
   • Make sure you eat a varied diet and that you get enough vegetables, fruit, protein, grains and healthy fats.
   • Try to exercise for 30 to 60 minutes daily, even if it's just a long walk after work.
   • Try to sleep about seven to eight hours a night. Fatigue can make you more emotional, making you think more about bad memories.

Method 3 of 3: Coping with a Traumatic Experience

1. Mourn the memory. Acknowledge the memory and the negative emotions the memory evokes. This may sound counterproductive, but it is an essential part of the healing process. Suppressing a bad memory ensures that the past will haunt you for a long time to come. It is better to allow the negative feelings. Feel angry, sad, or hurt. Shout or cry. This will eventually make you feel better than ignoring your pain.
2. Talk to someone about your memory. Try talking to a friend or family member. These people can often give you advice, support or give you a different view of the situation. Select someone who is not personally involved in the memory. This way, the other person's feelings don't play too much of a role and you can say what you want without hurting your interlocutor.
   • Consider group therapy. Check online to see if group therapy is available in your area. This way you get to know other people who may have experienced the same or something similar and you learn to deal with your bad memory.
   • If you prefer not to share your experience with someone else, try writing about it in a journal. Keep the diary in a place that only you can access.
3. Consider seeking therapy. If you feel like you need more than a friend or family member can provide, it might be better to talk to a professional. Psychologists and therapists have a duty of confidentiality, so you can say what you want without shame.
   • A psychologist can help you process your bad memory. He or she will teach you techniques to break the negative spiral and limit the influence of past events.
   • Cognitive behavioral therapy has helped countless traumatized people. Consider choosing a psychologist who offers this therapy.
4. Find out if you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This disorder can develop after a frightening and harmful experience. Consider, for example, sexual abuse, a serious car accident, assault or a serious illness. In people with PTSD, the memories of the trauma do not fade. Because of this there is a constant fear that the event will happen again. If you think you have PTSD, it's important to seek help right away. It is difficult to overcome this disorder without help.
   • Symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, and frightening thoughts.
   • You feel emotionally numb, depressed, constantly worried, or very tense.
5. Consider special treatments. If you feel trapped in your memories or a traumatic experience, there are special treatments to help you move forward. These treatments are often combined with psychotherapy. Make an appointment with a psychologist to discuss the options for special treatments.
   • Medicines can be a good way to treat someone. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs are regularly prescribed for people who find it difficult to let go of negative thoughts.
   • Somatic experiencing is a treatment in which you are brought back into contact with your body. Here you focus on correcting the tendency to fight or flight so that it is no longer activated when there is no actual danger.
   • Electroshock therapy is an effective way to erase traumatic memories from memory when other treatments no longer work.

Tips

• Renaming a memory can help your brain process an experience more quickly. For example, don't call a memory "bad", but "past". As long as you view a memory as bad, your feelings will be bad too.
• Don't get stuck in the grieving period. It is completely normal to feel sad for a while after a heavy experience, but at some point try to pick up your life again.