Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Working towards a better future
• Part 2 of 3: Accepting the past and learning to deal with it
• Part 3 of 3: Avoid falling back into your old habits
• Tips
• Warnings

Letting go of old habits can be a daunting task because we've gotten used to living a certain way, and because change can be scary. When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change, you can start making an effort to start a new life. Change doesn't happen overnight, but by taking responsibility for yourself and making an effort, you can improve your reputation and your life.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Working towards a better future

1. Set yourself some goals. Think about what you want to achieve to make your future better than your circumstances now and in the past. Write down clear and concise goals that you can work towards. Make sure your goals are realistic, specific, measurable, time-bound and achievable.
   • Also consider those things you DO NOT want in your life.
   • Start by working on one goal at a time.
   • Divide your goals into small, manageable steps.They will help you achieve your goals over time.
2. Gather a support group around you. Think about which people are a good influence on you and can help you achieve your goals. If you are moving to a new place and you don't have many friends, consider keeping in touch with some of your old friends in addition to finding new friends. Reach out to loving family who have also supported you in the past. Cherish your relationship with them, be honest, trustworthy and kind - this will show them that you want to turn a new page in your life.
   • Your support system may consist of people with some authority in your life, such as your teachers. Ask them for advice and then stick to it if you think you can confide in them. Such connections can also help you in the future, when your life is more stable and you need someone to put in a good word for you, such as for a job application or as a reference for a study application.
3. Avoid negative people. Distance yourself from friends who have negatively impacted your life. If those people aren't also trying to start a new life, they may be pulling you back into habits, behaviors, or activities that have made your past negative. These friends may also make fun of you and tease you for trying to say goodbye to your old life. Ignore them and focus on improving your life.
   • Have people to talk to and support you during this transition.
4. Do one thing every day. Make sure that the goals you set also take into account daily life. At the start of each day, think about your schedule for the day and what you need to do, and what you need to prepare. At the end of the day, you think about how your day was and how far you've progressed. It's okay if you haven't progressed as much as you would have liked. The point is that you keep trying.
   • Your negative past has probably lasted a long time. Whether you're trying to say goodbye to your old behavior or distance yourself from a negative situation created by others (such as an abusive relationship), it probably won't all be perfect right away. Negative habits, behaviors, and methods of dealing with stressful situations all take time to develop and time to be replaced by positive, alternative habits.
5. Take responsibility for yourself. You have direct control over your thoughts, emotions, your behavior and your life. Make the decision to follow your goals and improve your life. Actively choose what you want to do next. Look in the mirror every morning and confidently say to yourself, "I run my life. The choices I make today will make for a better tomorrow."
   • Regardless of who was responsible for the events of your past, you will have to take responsibility for improving your present and your future. Remember that you can only control yourself and your own actions, but your actions do affect others and the future.
   • It can be very easy to sit back and blame others for who you are - don't use that as an excuse to continue living a life that you are not satisfied with.

Part 2 of 3: Accepting the past and learning to deal with it

1. Get therapy. A therapist can provide you with a confidential, non-judgmental place to process your thoughts, concerns, and problems, and can help you better articulate and work toward your goals. Therapists have the skills and tools needed to put your life in perspective and view things from angles that you or others have not thought of.
   • Therapy isn't just for those people who are experiencing mental health issues. Anyone who wants to can benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist. If you are uncomfortable seeing a therapist / counselor because you are worried about people making fun of you, discuss those fears with someone you trust, someone you know who has gone to therapy yourself, or do online research to better understand the therapeutic process.
2. Understand the consequences. Try to detach yourself from your old life as best you can. It can be difficult to turn a new page in your life while living in the same place and going to the same school or doing the same job. You may have to face the consequences of your past behavior before your reputation can improve.
   • You will have to keep doing your best to show that you have changed: let your actions speak for themselves.
   • Accept any punishments imposed on you by authorities (such as the principal of the school or your boss) and try to perform to the best of your ability. This is one way of showing that you can take responsibility for your actions.
3. Make amends with the people you love. There may be disagreements with others that make your life as it is now difficult or miserable. Maybe you had a huge fight with your brother and he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. Working towards a better relationship can improve your own situation and give you peace of mind. Accept it if you are to blame for making the situation worse.
   • Apologize and indicate that you want to make it up to you. Tell the loved one you are sorry for what happened, explain how you think you hurt them and why this was wrong. Tell him how you think you can make it right. A simple script you can follow is:
     • I'm sorry about…
     • This was wrong because ...
     • In the future I will ...
     • Can you forgive me?
   • The other person may find it difficult to forgive you right away. Keep trying.
4. Forgive yourself. When you take responsibility for your life, you can feel guilty about the role you played (or the role you think you play) for making it negative in the first place. Consider discussing this with a trusted friend. Explain how you feel and why you think you feel that way.
   • Your friend may be able to show you a different angle. If you don't want to talk about it, write down your thoughts and respond to what you write as you would to someone you love. Be honest and sincere.
   • Making mistakes doesn't diminish your worth or make you a bad person. Everybody makes mistakes.

Part 3 of 3: Avoid falling back into your old habits

1. Understand the problem. It may have taken you a long time to get to a point in your life when you decided it was time to change course. Or you may have been in a negative family situation since birth and then decided to make your life better. Whatever the case, try to identify what factors contributed to the situation.
   • Think about the things people have said and done, patterns of behavior (your own and others'), intonation, and your own thought patterns.
   • Make a list of negative things that you keep doing repeatedly. Look for evidence for and against this thought. Look for facts instead of opinions. Ask yourself why you think this way.
2. Take precautions against making mistakes. Create systems that prevent you from repeating the negative things from the past. Create plans to follow when you notice feelings that trigger the behaviors you regret. For example, you may have noticed that when you are sad, you tend to drink alcohol. Then make a plan to deal with your grief so that you don't drink.
   • Talk to a friend and ask them to help you solve this problem. If you feel sad, you can call him to come over. You can both get into a sport or something similar. You can even try to talk about what makes you feel sad so that you can handle the situation better.
   • Try to come up with several plans to follow in these situations, in case something is stopping you from following the original plan.
3. Learn from the past. When you understand why things happened a certain way, try to think about solutions that can prevent history from repeating itself. If other people are the reason for the negativity in your life, it can be more difficult to change a situation. For example, if you are a teenager and your parents are making home life very difficult for you, perhaps you can encourage your parents to seek help in changing their way of life.
   • You know the people you love best. It can be difficult to convince others to get the help they need to make their lives better. Think about ways you yourself can help someone, talk to others about how best to approach this situation, or read articles about psychology related to your problem.
4. Create new habits and routines. You can't just stop doing something - you'll have to engage in other activities to replace the old one. For example, if you had a habit of going home from school straight to your room to smoke, create a routine to achieve your goals instead. Plan ahead and ask a friend to help you, if you'd like. When you are at home, wash yourself, eat your lunch and then go straight to the library to study.
   • New habits can be harder to learn than new routines. Start by consciously engaging in behaviors that you want to become a habit. Take, for example, trying to take better care of yourself. Do your best to brush your teeth before going to bed and when you get up the next morning. Set a daily reminder on your phone to help you, or ask a parent to make sure you've brushed your teeth. Once it has become a habit, you will feel uncomfortable if you don't brush your teeth at those times.
5. Make better choices. In everyday and long-term life, you will have to keep your goals in mind when making decisions. Think about how your decision will affect your day and your future. Think about the bad choices from your past. Choose the one that is better for you.
   • Sometimes you can make a decision that worked in the past, but it doesn't anymore. Maybe playing video games made you clear, but now it doesn't calm you down mentally. This is ok. You can grow out somewhere. Don't force yourself to do something that is now of no use to you.

Tips

• Be nice to yourself and patient with yourself. If you constantly criticize yourself for not getting the things you want to accomplish, it hurts your self-image and diminishes your motivation to change anything about your life.
• If you don't like the idea of ​​one-on-one therapy, consider joining a support group.
• Habits take time to break and learn because they are ingrained in the neural pathways of the brain and you use them without making a conscious decision. Don't give up breaking old habits and learning new ones.
• Remember, you can only do something about the here and now to change what is to come. You can't change what happened in the past - just the way you think about it. Think about the lessons you can learn from the past and try to avoid making the same mistakes again.
• One of the consequences of your past may be meeting people you no longer want to be friends with. If you can, try to be polite but keep your distance whenever you run into such people. If they try to cause trouble by taunting or challenging you, ignore them or make it clear that they must stop.

Warnings

• You do NOT have to accept abuse or mistreatment in any form. If a loved one or a supervisor (such as a teacher) is hurting you, take action. An international list of institutions that can assist with domestic violence can be found at the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies