Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: How to Come to Yourself
• Part 2 of 3: How to live on
• Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes

Forgetting your ex is not easy. Your habits and actions can prevent you from living on and opening up to new feelings. The first step is to accept that feeling sad and grieving is perfectly normal, but that you can overcome it. Gather your strength and start moving forward to find your happiness again and not drown in regrets about the past.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: How to Come to Yourself

1. 1 Allow yourself to grieve. Trying to block grounded feelings and artificially shorten the duration of the sadness will actually only prolong your suffering. If you bury your emotions deep inside, then one day they will burst out with a vengeance. It is not easy, but you need to feel all your emotions and live through all the suffering, because in the end they will make you stronger.
   • Understand that you can't avoid feeling uncomfortable with your ex. You do not leave of your own accord - it is caused by the need to become a happy and healthy person again.
   • Realize that each day brings a moment of recovery and happiness closer.
   • Be kind to yourself and admit that you need time to bounce back.
2. 2 Embrace your independence. Remember - no one and nothing will make you happy except yourself. The feeling that happiness is in your hands should give you strength.As much as possible, try to consider the benefits of being alone. You are able to make any decisions and not look back at anyone.
   • Try to figure out which direction you are heading in order to forge your new personality.
   • Become a support for yourself, because this way no one will let you down or disappoint you.
   • Make time for activities that your ex-boyfriend didn't like or didn't want to do with you. Dine on food and watch movies he rejected.
3. 3 Keep yourself apart. Accept that right now you need to learn to stand on two legs already without a partner, and also do not give in to the impulse to urgently start a new relationship. This is the only way you can understand the essence of an ended relationship or an ex-boyfriend that you did not notice before. Objectively evaluate the relationship and use the brain, not the heart. Think, would you like a guy like that for your best friend, sister or daughter?
   • If you had to relive it all, would you date such a person? The answer may make you look differently at your past relationship.
   • If the gap is still very fresh in your memory, then don't force yourself to make any decisions about your past relationship or the future. Focus only on recovery to relieve pressure at least for a while.
   • Remember that you broke up for a reason. The current pain is temporary, but your relationship must have had problems that are permanent.
4. 4 Don't hold back your tears. Research shows that tears can help you feel better. Emotional tears contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so you need to get rid of them to relieve stress and cleanse your body. Even the physical sensations after shedding tears will bring relief and begin the recovery process.
   • Another unexpected benefit of tears is knowing how deeply you can feel and love.
   • If you think it's good for you to cry, but don't want to do it in front of strangers, then you can take a shower or take a walk in a deserted park.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD

   
   
   Licensed Psychologist Sarah Shevitz, PsyD is a clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience licensed by the California Board of Psychology. She received her degree in Psychology from Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychological counseling service that helps couples and individual clients improve and change their love and relationship behavior.

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
   Licensed Psychologist

   Set Yourself Boundaries on the Length of Grief... Dr. Sarah Shewitz, psychologist and expert in love and relationships: “If you have cried many times, but emotions still interfere with your normal life even after a few weeks, then it's time to set boundaries. For example, tell yourself “I might cry about this 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening. The rest of the time you have to live on. ”

   
   
5. 5 Exercise regularly. Walk, run, swim, and bike frequently to relieve pain instantly - physical activity stimulates chemicals in the brain and increases serotonin levels, which promotes the growth of nerve cells. You also get valuable time to reflect on your feelings. Perhaps you will come to a valuable conclusion. You will also feel a surge of physical strength that will energize you for the rest of the day.
   • Taking care of your own body and spirit will bring you emotional satisfaction.
   • If you go to group physical activities like fitness or group sports, you can even make new friends and find support.
6. 6 Surround yourself with loving, caring, and understanding people. Don't be afraid to tell them how you feel. The better they understand you, the more they can help.It may be a relief to know that you can openly trust people and no longer depend on your ex-boyfriend.
   • Come to support group meetings for people who find themselves in a similar situation. So, sometimes it's easier to share your feelings with strangers.
   • If you do not have a person to whom you are ready to open up, then contact a therapist or counselor who specializes in such situations.
   • Make new friends. It is likely that during your relationship with your ex-boyfriend you had little time to meet new people or after the breakup you lost your usual social circle. You can enroll in courses or become a volunteer to connect with like-minded people.

Part 2 of 3: How to live on

1. 1 Write down the qualities you are proud of. This will make it easier for you to focus on the positive aspects and understand which of your merits you personally value, and not other people. If you get rid of the negativity, then it will be easier for you to know yourself.
   • You were always proud of your poetry, but the guy did not appreciate your talent? Write this aspect down at the top of the list.
   • You can also make a list of the obstacles and difficulties that you had to overcome. It is important to see the stamina that was inherent in you in the past in order to understand your current strength.
2. 2 Write down your goals. Make a list of realistic actions and timelines to focus on other than the breakup and your ex. The joy of achievement will build self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. If you make an effort for the future, you will be able to focus less on everyday life and better see the big picture.
   • Start writing down goals, not just visualizing them, so that you feel real and make certain commitments.
   • You can set any goals from a promotion at work to daily flossing. It is only important to raise self-esteem through efforts and successful actions.
3. 3 Help others. Focus on the other person and become their support so that you can find purpose and not think about breaking up. You can assume that you redirected the love and energy that you put into the relationship. At the same time, people involuntarily come to spend time with you. This will help you get rid of feelings of loneliness and rejection. Volunteer at a local homeless cafeteria or support a friend who recently lost a family member.
   • Helping and caring for others will certainly ease the symptoms of depression.
   • In response to your kindness, people will more often come to your aid in difficult times.
4. 4 Allow yourself to move on. Now it is difficult to believe that you can fall in love again, but it is important to remember the wisdom - who does not take risks, he does not drink champagne. Learn from past mistakes and apply the lessons learned to end old relationships. You don't have to feel guilty about leaving all the good and bad feelings for your ex in the past.
   • Start meeting new people and even flirting with people you like.
   • You will be surprised at the number of nice, interesting people who grab your attention after deciding to move on.
   • Ask your friends to go to parties with you to hang out and meet new people.
5. 5 Create a new reality without your ex-boyfriend. Get rid of all things and even relationships that you think are toxic or harmful to you. Change your life and take steps that you have thought about a lot, but never dared to. Change your hairstyle radically, redecorate your room, or visit another country. New emotions without your ex-boyfriend will help you understand that your life together is far in the past.
   • Start with small changes like a new shopping store or a new hairstyle. The point is to gradually build a completely new life.
   • If you had to give up a hobby or passion that your ex-boyfriend did not share, then now is the time to catch up.

Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes

1. 1 Don't get hung up on possible feelings of guilt. If you feel like you made a mistake in your relationship and tried to fix it, then it's important to move on. Don't beat yourself up for what you can't change. Remind yourself of making the right decisions in a relationship or in other aspects of life to ease feelings of guilt.
   • Think about situations where you have been supportive, caring, and loving to loved ones.
   • Determine who is behind your guilt. Do your friends want you to be together again, or is your ex-boyfriend manipulating you? It is necessary to separate your feelings and those of others in order to understand how much the feeling of guilt is based on it.
2. 2 You shouldn't avoid places or people that remind you of your ex. If you had a favorite restaurant that you often visit together, then continue to dine at the institution. Go there with friends to create new memories. Do not limit yourself so that sadness does not determine your actions.
   • If you had mutual friends with an ex-boyfriend who are still dear to you, there is no need to change the nature of your relationship after breaking up with your partner.
3. 3 Don't let lingering negativity get in the way of meeting new people. Remember that a new relationship does not necessarily end in the same way as previous ones. If you dwell on the unfair wrongs that have been inflicted on you, you will become an angry person with whom others will not want to communicate. If you hold on to these feelings, then you risk depriving yourself of the opportunity to meet wonderful people in the future.
   • Pull mistakes from past relationships, but remember that all men are different.
4. 4 There is no need to repeat mistakes and wait for different results. If an unhealthy recurring scenario has arisen in a relationship, consider how you can avoid this situation. If you let it take advantage of you or don't want to deal with your disadvantage, realize that not wanting to change the habit will bring about the already known result.
   • If you are attracted to men who offend you, then think about why this is happening.
   • Talk to loved ones to get an outside perspective on the relationship. Ask them to analyze what went wrong between you and your partner.
5. 5 Don't look for excuses to communicate with your ex. Right after breaking up, before you come to your senses, even friendship with your ex may be impossible. It will be difficult for you to figure out what went wrong if you keep communicating. In addition, it will make it harder for you to accept the end of the relationship, because you only increase the time of grief.
   • It is difficult to put an end to it if you keep communicating. A complete breakup will make it inevitable to accept the end of the relationship.
   • If the guy himself tries to contact you, then change the phone number and email.
   • Remove the guy from your friends on social networks so that you do not have to involuntarily think about him during the day when you go to services and post statuses. If you don't want to delete him permanently, then try temporarily blocking the guy's pages.
6. 6 Don't try to forget yourself with alcohol or drugs. You should not be tempted to do anything to forget about the pain and loneliness. Relying on such destructive decisions will only delay your healing. Drugs and alcohol will only block your feelings and increase the duration of grief, not bring you closer to starting a new life.
   • You may have an addiction that becomes another intractable problem.
   • This dangerous behavior can alienate friends and potential partners from you.