How to politely refuse a person

Video: Dating Etiquette: How to TURN SOMEONE DOWN politely

Content

Steps
Method 1 of 3: Denying a Familiar Person
Method 2 of 3: Denying a New Friend
Method 3 of 3: Denying someone who does not understand the word no
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The person you've dated once or twice wants a relationship. A friend who wants more. A cute guy or girl whom or whom you met at one of the parties. An annoying person who doesn't want to notice your obvious lack of interest. Rejecting someone who likes you romantically is always difficult and frustrating. However, this is something that almost all of us will have to do sooner or later. Fortunately, there are ways to do this in a polite manner. Here are some tips to make the process a little less stressful.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Denying a Familiar Person

1 Prepare yourself. If you feel like you’re ready to turn down a person after a couple of dates or a few social interactions, you hopefully have already thought about the likely consequences. You need to be sure that this guy or this girl is not for you, and accept that the existing friendship between you may never be the same (if at all). Also make sure you are prepared for the rejection process.
- Think about your speech in advance. Do not just say a categorical "no", try to justify why nothing will work out for you.
- Choose your words carefully. If you want, you can practice in front of a mirror or in front of a sympathetic friend or brother / sister beforehand. Make sure you make it clear while expressing regret.
- However, be prepared to adapt depending on his / her reaction. You don't have to look like you are sight-reading. Practice acting out a few scenarios.
2 Don't be put off. And although the urge to postpone unpleasant activities is natural, delaying it, you will only aggravate the situation. The longer you wait, the more likely the person will think that everything is great between you, and the refusal will become an unpleasant and painfully wounding surprise for him.
- Choose the right time to do this. Of course, you shouldn't do this on his / her birthday or before an important test or interview, but again, don't wait for the “right moment”. The right moment has already come.
- If you are already in a long-term relationship, many of the tips in this article may be helpful, but each case is different. Look for ideas in other articles on our site. For example, in these: How to break up or How delicately to break up with a guy.
3 Do it yourself. Of course, the desire to get rid of this through a message, email or phone call is very strong, but bad news needs to be delivered to the person personally, even in this digital age. This is especially important when it comes to the person with whom you want to remain friends. Show your maturity and respect.
- Face-to-face rejection allows you to see the person's immediate reaction to the news: surprise, anger, and maybe relief. Depending on this, continue.
- Find a quiet and secluded place (or at least quiet). No one wants to be rejected in a crowd without even being sure they have heard correctly. If you don't want to be alone, find a secluded spot in a restaurant, mall, club, or somewhere else.
4 Prepare the person for what you are about to say. When the time comes, you don't have to jump straight from discussing the dish served to “I think we need to remain friends.”
- Relax the person in advance with some pleasant conversation, but don't overdo it. You should be able to get into a serious conversation without a sudden jump lest you sound frivolous.
- Start with a good mindset before giving up. Say something like, "It was great to know you, but ..."; “I thought a lot about this and…” or “I'm glad we tried, but…”.
5 Be honest but sweet. Yes, you have to tell the truth. Do not invent stories about the existence of someone else, do not remember old sins and do not lie that you have gathered in the army. If you are caught in a lie or the truth is revealed later, things will get even worse.
- State the real reason for the refusal, but do not blame the person. Stick to self-statements where you will focus on your needs, feelings, or perspectives. Yes, the phrase “it's not about you, it's about me” is an old cliche, but in general it has a meaning in this strategy.
- Instead of "I can't be with a disorganized dumbass who makes his life a mess," try, "I'm just the kind of person who loves orderliness in my life."
- Talk about how you think [insert your personality] aligns with his / her [insert this person’s personality], that you are glad you tried, but that you don’t think it’s going to work.
6 Give him / her time to digest it. It is not enough to just say the reason and say goodbye right away, leaving the person confused. Give him time to understand everything and give his answer.
- If you do not give the person the opportunity to participate in the process, they may be left with the false impression that nothing is over yet and they still have a chance.
- Express empathy and allow the person to express sadness, tears, or even emotion.However, you must not tolerate outbursts of rage or verbal abuse.
7 Stand your ground and don't give up. The worst thing you can do is take your words back because you feel sorry for the person or don't want to hurt them. You should not start this conversation if you are not sure if you really want to end it.
- Exercise the appropriate act of reconciliation, put your arms around the person's shoulders, but do not back down. Stand in your “rejection positions”. Try saying, "I'm sorry this is hurting you. It's not easy for me either, but I'm sure it will be better for both of us."
- Don't let the person trap you by pointing out flaws in your reasoning. Don't fall for promises to change in exchange for changing your mind. Or explain that he or she got it wrong. Remember, you are not in a courtroom.
- Give no reason for false hope. Don't say you're not ready “yet” or that you want to try being “just friends” (even if you want to, it’s best to leave the idea for now). The person may feel a hint of doubt in your voice and decide that they will have a chance in the future.
8 Don't end the conversation on a bitter note. Try to cheer up the person and be nice. Let him / her understand that he / she is a good person who just does not suit you, but in the near future he will definitely meet his soul mate. Thank him / her for the chance to get to know each other and wish all the best.
9 Pay special attention to the friend who wants more. While most of the tips in this paragraph can be helpful, if you are dealing with a friend (especially if you are still hoping to keep the friendship), you need a few special tricks.
- Don't be playful or joke. Since you are dealing with a boyfriend / girlfriend, you may want to behave in a normal manner. Remember, however, that this is a serious matter. The person has opened up to you and expects the same from you. Be friendly, but in the "I am talking all funny nonsense" style.
- Talk about how much you value friendship, but don't use it as an excuse. This answer is unlikely to satisfy a person who has decided to go beyond friendship.
- Discuss why the things you love in a friendship won't work in a relationship. For example: "I like that you are such a spontaneous and cheerful person, and that we can always run away somewhere together. However, you know that I am the one who loves order in everything, and this is what I look for in relationships as well." ...
- Accept the awkwardness of the situation. This will be a difficult, unpleasant conversation, especially once you say no. Don't make the person feel bad about putting both of you in this position ("Nuuuuuuu ... that's embarrassing, isn't it?"). Thank the person for not being afraid to reveal their feelings.
- Keep in mind that friendships can end. Another person has already decided that he does not want to continue as it is. Regardless of your wishes, there may be no way back. Try saying, "I would really like to be friends, but I also understand that you will probably need some time. I will be happy to discuss this again when you are ready."

Method 2 of 3: Denying a New Friend

1 Be honest, straightforward, and sweet. If this is a guy or girl you were chatting with at a bar, fitness center, in line at the traffic police or elsewhere, you may be tempted to just come up with an excuse not to go on a date. After all, you are unlikely to meet again. But again, if you don't see each other again, why lie? A slight and fleeting awkwardness will ultimately benefit both of them.
- Sometimes it is enough to say: "I was pleased to communicate with you, but I would like to leave everything as it is."
2 Get to the point. You won't have the time to prepare ahead of time like you would when breaking up with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, so don't go into lengthy explanations.Just be clear, concise, and honest about why you don't want to continue communicating with this person.
- Again, stick to the "I" arguments. Concentrate on why you are not the right person for this person. For example: "I'm sorry, but I don't share your passion for [extreme sports / travel / online poker], so I know it won't end well."
3 Don't make up false phone numbers or a non-existent half. Behave like an adult.
- While a fake phone number can help avoid the awkwardness of face-to-face confusion, you are likely to hurt the person, and more than an honest refusal. If kindness is really important to you, it should also be important when you are out of reach.
- If you really have to come up with a non-existent partner, at least don't start with this excuse. At first, try to refuse honestly, directly and in a polite manner. This is usually enough.
4 Don't make this a joke. You might want to make it easy, but if you go too far, making a silly voice or a face, quoting phrases from movies, and the like), the person may think that you are insulting them. Don't act like a jerk when you want to sound like a nice guy.
- Be careful with sarcasm. It may seem appropriate to say, "Oh, if someone like me goes on a date with someone like you," in a fake, pretentious voice and grin at the end, but a person may pick up a joke and not understand that he was really turned down ...

Method 3 of 3: Denying someone who does not understand the word no

1 If necessary, forget about everything you've learned. If you're tired of rejecting someone who doesn't understand this, doesn't take "no" for an answer, or just behaves like a maniac who doesn't want to leave you alone, you don't have to strive for the luxury of kindness. Just do it quickly and safely.
- "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in further communication and I have nothing more to say. Good luck and goodbye."
2 Lie carefully if you have to. The “pokerface” (impenetrable expression on the face) will help you. But if you know that you are a terrible liar, it is better not to try.
- Lie as little as possible if you have to. Small lies are easier to pass off at face value.
- If necessary, make up a fake phone number or a non-existent partner. Or try “I” statements like “I just ended a long relationship,” “My religion / culture forbids me from dating,” or “I think of you more like a brother or sister.”
3 Don't seek personal rejection if you don't need to. In this situation, a message or email would be the best choice. Especially if you have concerns that the person will explode with rage if they refuse, you can create some distance between you with a clear conscience before getting down to business.
4 Don't ignore the person, hoping they'll give up and walk away. Some people just need absolute clarity, outright rejection without doubts and hints, otherwise they will not understand. Do not shy away, do not betray even a grain of uncertainty. Be honest and as polite as possible.
- Do not ignore the messages / calls / letters of this person until you clearly express your desire not to continue communicating with him. After clarifying the situation, you can ignore his pleas, complaints, angry tirades, and more.
- If you have ever felt intimidated or insecure about this person, seek help and / or contact the authorities. Some people just don't know how to deal with rejection.