Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Know What to Say
• Method 2 of 3: Learn to Listen Carefully
• Method 3 of 3: End the conversation
• Warnings

Comforting someone who is upset can make you feel helpless. Most often, it is simply impossible to do anything physically to help a person. However, simply being there and being willing to listen is the most important step you can take.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Know What to Say

1. 1 Start a conversation. Show the person that you can see that they are upset and that you are willing to listen to them. If you are not very familiar, you can explain why you are trying to help.
   • For example, if you know the person, you might say, “I can see that your times are difficult. Do you want to talk about it? " If he doesn't need your company, that's perfectly fine. You don't have to force him to be with you if he wants to be alone!
   • If you are not very familiar, you can say: “Hi, my name is Alina. I study here too, and I saw you cry. I know we barely know each other, but if you want, I’m ready to hear what makes you sad. ”
2. 2 Say it as it is. In other words, you might be tempted to beat around the bush if you already know what's wrong. If someone has a loved one who has died or someone you know broke up with their beloved, you may not want to ask what the problem is, not wanting to hurt even more. However, the person is aware of the situation and is probably already thinking about it. By asking a direct question, you show concern and show a willingness to deal with the problem without dodging, which is likely to be perceived with relief.
   • For example, in the event of the death of a loved one, you can say: “I heard that your father died. It must have been very difficult.Do you want to talk about it? "
3. 3 Ask how he feels. One way to develop a conversation is to ask the person how they are feeling. Events, especially sad ones, tend to generate a flurry of emotions, so it can be helpful to let it unfold fully.
   • For example, if a person's mother died after a long and difficult illness, of course, he will miss. He may also experience a kind of relief that the illness is over, but also some guilt because of this feeling.
4. 4 Pay attention to the person and their problem. There is a great desire to compare what he goes through with what you went through in the past. However, not everyone in their upset feelings wants to hear about such an experience. It is more likely that he wants to talk about events taking place in the present.
5. 5 Don't try to immediately turn the conversation into a positive direction. We often seek to draw a person's attention to the positive side of a situation. This is natural, but not always appropriate. If you do this, the person may think that you are downplaying what happened. In other words, he may think that his feelings are not important. Just listen without trying to get the conversation going in a positive direction.
   • For example, try not to say things like, "Well, at least you're still alive," "It's not that bad," or, "Above your nose!"
   • If you have to say something, it is better to use phrases like this: “It's okay to feel bad. You are going through difficult times. "

Method 2 of 3: Learn to Listen Carefully

1. 1 Understand that the person wants to be heard. Most of the time, people who are crying or upset just need someone to listen to them. Do not speak out and offer solutions.
   • You may be able to come up with solutions towards the end of the conversation, but focus on listening first.
2. 2 Show that you understand. One way to listen carefully is to repeat what the person is saying. That is, you could say, "As I understand from what you said, you are upset because your friend was not paying attention to you."
3. 3 Do not be distructed. Maintain the focus of the conversation on the person. Turn off the TV. Take your eyes off the phone screen.
   • Among other things, you shouldn't get lost in fantasies during a conversation. Also, don't sit around trying to figure out what to say next. Listen to the words of the person, and you will always have something to answer.
4. 4 Use body language to show you are listening. Namely, make eye contact with the person. Nod as he speaks. Smile at the right moment or show concern by frowning.
   • Also, keep your body language open. That is, do not cross your arms and legs, and also turn towards the person.

Method 3 of 3: End the conversation

1. 1 Admit your helplessness. Most people feel helpless when faced with the fact that their friend is going through difficult times. It's a natural feeling and you probably won't be able to find the right words. However, it is often enough to simply admit this fact and tell the person that you are there.
   • For example: “I am very sorry that you had to go through this. I really don't know what to say to improve the situation, and I understand that no words can do it. But I want you to know that I am always there whenever you need my help. "
2. 2 Offer to hug. Hug the person if comfortable. However, it's always best to ask first because some people may feel uncomfortable making physical contact, especially if they've been through some kind of trauma.
   • For example, you might say, “I would like to hug you. You do not mind, do you?"
3. 3 Ask for further action. And although there is not always a solution to what worries a person, sometimes it is enough just to draw up a plan for further actions in order to alleviate his condition. So now is the time to unobtrusively suggest a solution if it doesn't seem to have any ideas.If so, encourage him to speak up and plan what he wants to do next.
4. 4 Offer to see a psychologist. If your friend is going through really tough times, it might be helpful to ask if he or she thought about making an appointment with a counselor. Unfortunately, going to a specialist can be difficult due to prejudice, but if your friend has had problems for a while, he may need to talk to a professional.
   • Of course, prejudice about going to a psychologist is unfair. You may even need to convince a friend that it's perfectly okay to talk to a professional. Help him overcome prejudice - let your friend know that you will still see him as the same person, even if he needs a little help.
5. 5 Ask if there is anything you can do. Whether it's weekly conversations or having breakfast together from time to time, you can probably help. You can also help by offering support with challenging tasks, such as obtaining a death certificate for a loved one. Just start a conversation to see if the person needs something specific.
   • If the person seems to be embarrassed to ask for help, make specific suggestions. For example, you might say, “I’ll be happy to help. For example, I can take you somewhere if need be, or bring food. Just let me know what you need. "
6. 6 Be sincere. If you offer support or help of any kind, make sure you are prepared to go all the way. For example, if you say, “Feel free to call me and talk anytime,” in fact, be prepared to drop everything you do to talk. Similarly, if you propose to do something, for example, take the person to a session with a psychologist, do so.
7. 7 Keep in touch with the person. Most people find it difficult to reach out to someone when they need help, especially emotional help. Therefore, do not forget to contact this person from time to time. It is important to be available when and if he needs help.

Warnings

• Don't force someone to talk if they don't want to. First of all, he must feel a willingness to open up to someone.