How to deal with loss and pain

Video: How to Deal with Loss and Pain- It’s Going To Be Ok

Content

Steps
Part 1 of 2: Getting Rid of Sadness
Part 2 of 2: Working towards happiness
Tips
Warnings
What do you need

When you lose someone or something very dear to you, it can be a big grief. You may be constantly haunted by pain, sad memories, and unanswered questions. You may even feel that you will never be the same again - that you will never laugh or be together. Take courage - while there is no anguish without pain, there are healthy ways to get sad that help you move forward constructively. Do not choose a life without joys - work on your losses and gradually, but exactly it will become easier for you.

Steps

Part 1 of 2: Getting Rid of Sadness

1 Face the loss. After a serious loss, we sometimes feel like doing something, anything, to numb the pain. Exposure to bad habits such as drug use, alcohol abuse, sleeping too long, the Internet, excessive and thoughtless promiscuity threaten your well-being and contribute to addiction to pain further. You will never be truly healed until you face loss. Ignoring the pain of loss or calming yourself will not work for long - no matter how fast you run from your grief, it will eventually overtake you. You must face your loss. Allow yourself to cry or grieve in a different way to feel natural. Only by acknowledging your grief can you begin to fight it.
- When the memories of loss are fresh, grief deserves your full attention. However, you must draw a line for the duration of your grief. Give yourself a period of time, perhaps a few days to a week, to be miserable.Long-term sadness will eventually lead you to become stuck in a sense of loss, become paralyzed by self-pity, and not be able to move forward.
2 Release your pain. Let the tears flow. Never be afraid to cry, even if that's not what you usually do. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel or express pain. The important thing is that you are aware of the pain and try to work on it. How you do this is completely up to you, and will be different for each individual.
- Find a way out for your pain. If you are forced to engage in certain activities when you are grieving, do so (as long as it does not harm yourself or others.) forest or other desolate place and sorting through memories are just a few of the ways in which different people throw out their pain. They are all equally effective.
- Do not do anything that could harm you or those around you. The loss should not cause harm or worse. Take the time to learn to rely on your inner emotional reserves and deal with pain.
3 Share your feelings with others. It is helpful to find people who can take care of you when you feel bad. If you cannot find such a person among your acquaintances, contact a caring stranger, priest, psychologist, or therapist. Even if you feel overwhelmed, confused and uncertain, talking to someone you trust is one way to allow yourself to start letting go of the pain you are experiencing. Think of the conversation as sorting out your emotions — your thoughts don't have to be consistent or motivated. They just have to be expressive.
4 If you are worried that those who are listening to you might be embarrassed or upset, give advance notice of what you are going to talk about and this will ease the problem. Just let them know that you are sad, upset, confused, etc., and that you value the person listening to you, even though some of your words do not make sense to them. A caring friend or stranger won't mind.
- Those who are dismissive of your grief may even include your friends with good (but wrong) intentions. Reconnect with these people when you feel stronger. Until then, stay away from their impatience - you may not rush your emotional recovery.
5 No regrets. After you have lost someone, you may feel guilty. You may be tormented by thoughts such as: "I wish I had said goodbye the last time" or "I could have treated this person better." Don't let yourself sink into your guilt. You cannot change the past by thinking about it over and over again. It is not your fault that you have lost someone you loved. Instead of dwelling on what you have done or should have done, focus on what you can do - fire up your emotions and move forward.
- If you feel guilty about your loss, talk to other people who have known the person or animal. They will almost always be able to help you convince yourself that your loss is not your fault.
6 Save things that remind you of your loved one. Just because a person or animal is gone from this world does not mean that you should not always remember them. You may be pleased to know that even though the person or animal is not around, your friendship, love, and personal relationship with them still continues. No one can ever take that away from you, and your relationship with them will always be a part of you.Some memorabilia will remain useful forever, reminding you of your courage, tenacity, and ability to envision a better future.
- Save mementos that remind you of a person or an animal in a box somewhere out of sight. Get them out when you feel like diving into memories. Leaving memorabilia in plain sight is generally a bad idea. The constant reminder that someone is no longer around will prevent you from moving on.
7 Get help. In our society, a huge flaw is the stigma on people who seek help with emotional problems. Seeing a therapist or psychologist will not make you weak or miserable. Rather, it is a sign of strength. When you ask for help, you show an amazing desire to move forward and overcome your grief. Feel free to make an appointment with a professional - in 2004, more than a quarter of American adults had seen a therapist in the previous two years.

Part 2 of 2: Working towards happiness

1 Don't focus on sadness. Try to remember the good times and the best moments with the person or animal before you lost it. By focusing on negative thoughts or regret, you cannot change what has already happened. It just makes you feel worse. Rest assured that no one who has ever brought you happiness wants you to drown in sorrow. Try to remember what this person talked about, the little quirky ways, the times you spent laughing together, and the things that person taught about life, about yourself.
- If you have lost your pet, remember the great times you spent together, the happy life that your pet gave you, and its special character traits.
- Whenever you're on the verge of falling into sadness, anger, or self-pity, take a journal and write down good memories of a person or pet that is no longer with you. In moments of sadness, you can flip through this magazine for a reminder of the happiness you had.
2 Distract yourself. Be constantly busy and preoccupied with tasks that require constant focus, so give yourself a break from the constant contemplation of loss. It also gives you the opportunity to understand that there are still good things in our world.
- Working or studying can bring some relief from the constant thoughts of loss, but don't rely entirely on the mundane to distract yourself, or you risk getting used to the feeling that there is only work and sadness and nothing else. Help yourself by being happier through self-activity by doing things that give you a sense of peace. There are various hobbies such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, painting, painting, literature, and more. Choose something that will calm you down and give you a sense of joyful achievement (not what your day-to-day work or school might promise) ...
- Consider actively participating in social work. Shift your attention from your own problems to those of others. Volunteering is one of the options. If you love children, helping young children who explode with spontaneity and laughter can help ease your thoughts.
3 Find joy in beautiful days. A common sign of grief is staying at home, neglecting your outer life. When the first sadness has passed, take the opportunity to face sunny days. Spend some time walking, observing and just noticing the beauty of nature. Don't try to pursue specific feelings - just allow the warmth of the sun to pass through you and the sounds of the world to flow through you. Admire the beauty of the trees and architecture that you see. Let the hustle and bustle of life remind you that the world is beautiful. Life goes on - you deserve to be a part of it, and eventually return to your daily life.
- There is scientific evidence that sunlight has natural antidepressant properties. Leaving home can help you get out of emotional desperation.
4 Bring back the idea of what you have lost. When you lose someone, it is sad but true that you will never enjoy his or her physical presence. However, this does not mean that the person or animal that you have lost still does not exist in the world in the form of an idea or symbol. It is known that the person you lost lives in your thoughts, words and actions. When we speak, do or think about something, we do it under the influence of the memory of those who have left, and thus he lives.
- Many religions teach that a person's soul or essence remains after his or her physical death of the body. Other religions teach that a person, in essence, turns into another matter or is reborn on earth. If you are a believer, console yourself that the person you lost is still spiritually present.
5 Spend time with good people. You may find it difficult to force yourself to go out and spend time with friends after a loss. However, this can cause a noticeable improvement in mood. It is good to look for groups of friends who will understand your emotional state, even if you have not yet recovered 100%. Find funny but kind and empathetic friends or acquaintances. They will help you regain your normal social role, which in turn will help you distract yourself from your grief.
- Your first meeting after a bereavement can be a little embarrassing or awkward because your friends are just very worried about how to approach the issue. Do not let these circumstances lower your head - sooner or later you will still need to return to social life. Be persistent, although it may take weeks or months before things fall into place, spending time with good friends is almost always a great idea.
6 Don't pretend to be happy. When you return to your normal lifestyle, you may feel the need for a career and social status in order to feel happier than you really are. While you should try not to wallow in sorrow for days on end, you should also not try to be happy "through strength." Being happy "by force" is terrible - you have to walk around smiling when you really don't want to. Don't turn happiness into terror. It should appear by itself and seriously affect your social life and work, provided that you do not in any way interfere with the happiness of others. Smile when you are truly happy - it will be much more pleasant.
7 Allow time to heal. Time heals all wounds. Your emotional recovery can take months or years - this is normal. At the same time, you can eventually start honoring the memory of the person you lost with more determination to enjoy life to the fullest.
- Don't worry - you will never forget those you loved. Do not allow the loss of inner confidence, which will help you find lost goals and achievements again. Changing your attitude towards life from this point of view can be a focus of effort, a new sense of significance, or a completely new understanding of certain aspects of your life. This progress will become impossible unless you give yourself some time to heal.
- As you take the time to heal your wounds, it's important to remember that your life is precious and that you are responsible for most of your life. The purpose of your life is to be happy, not sad. Don't run away from grief, but don't be content with partial recovery either. Make your path to recovery one of the ways of gradual improvement. You owe it to yourself to keep moving forward, no matter how long it takes.
8 Don't judge yourself for happiness. Don't feel bad about what is good for you! There is no fixed time to recover from a loss. The sooner you return to a happy life, the better; do not feel guilty about "not holding yourself back enough" and "not holding yourself back enough." If you feel like you've already recovered from your losses, chances are you are. There is no set time frame for mourning, do not delay your happiness. Never force yourself to be sadder than you need to.

Tips

Don't let “if” feelings take over. "If I was better", "If I could find time to see each other more often."
Music can be a very calming way to deal with a problem when you are feeling loss and pain. Try to smoothly transition from sad to more upbeat songs, or you might just feel sad for a while listening to sad music.
If someone says to you, “Pay no attention,” don’t argue with him. This will make you feel even worse, because it will mean that you cannot contain your emotions, unlike someone else. In other words, you will start to think that you have a problem with perceiving your grief, when in fact such a problem does not exist. This is just what you feel. Just don't listen to them, because they don't know what kind of relationship you had with your loved one. You will survive the grief yourself, everything in due time.
Remember that each person feels differently. Don't worry if you feel that you have a harder time recovering than others through the same loss. This usually shows how close your loved one really was. Some people don't even cry, while others take months to calm down.
Grief works in its own unique sequence, affecting different people in different ways. Not everyone will be able to deal with it right away, and, again, not everyone will experience it equally painfully.
Life is wonderful - it still has many surprises for you. So go ahead and smile, visit new places and meet new people.
You are free to think about other things. Nowhere is it said that you have to live a loss to prove your sadness or show others how much that loss means to you. People already know that you are shocked, you don't have to prove or explain anything.
Don't regret anything. Don't give up because you missed the chance to apologize or say "I love you" or "Goodbye." You can still say that.
Love yourself. If you fall (and you will fall), laugh at yourself, give yourself a kick and move on.
Patience is the key. Do not force yourself if things can happen as usual.