Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: Making a Plan
• Method 2 of 4: Solve the problem
• Method 3 of 4: Reduce Environmental Stress
• Method 4 of 4: Be Nice and Positive
• Tips
• Warnings

The behavior of a child with autism spectrum disorder often presents a lot of difficulties for his parents. The reason for this is the lack of the ability of such children to communicate with people in order to get what they want with the help of behavioral models adopted in society. To get rid of unwanted behavior, you need to help your child learn to interact constructively with people when it comes to his needs and desires.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Making a Plan

1. 1 Choose only one type of unwanted behavior that you will work on. Each type of negative behavior has its own reason, so the decision in each case will be individual. Most often, it is very difficult or even impossible to solve all behavior problems at the same time. Plus, if you focus all your efforts on solving one specific problem, you're more likely to succeed.
2. 2 If possible, talk to your child about their behavior. If your child can explain why they are acting this way, it will help you get started on solving the problem. In some cases, unwanted behavior is a child's way of solving a problem (for example, a child knocks on a desk in class to drown out sensory stimuli that give him discomfort). In this case, you need to teach your child other ways to help him cope with problems.
   • Teach your child to protect themselves and their needs. Teach your child to defend themselves using speech or alternative and complementary communication (AAC) techniques. Encourage your child to do this by always paying attention to what they say and respecting the child's needs.
   • Explain in an accessible and understandable way what other people are thinking and feeling. Drawings will help you with this, which depict figures of people, near whose heads are thought clouds, where you and your child can write what exactly the depicted people are thinking at one time or another.
3. 3 Keep a observation diary if your child cannot explain their behavior. To determine the possible causes of a particular undesirable behavior, keep a special diary and write in it exactly what happened, what events preceded the undesirable behavior, and what followed that behavior. This will be less credible than an explanation given directly from the child, but if your child cannot speak and cannot use alternative communication methods, taking notes is the best thing you can do.
   • This is how entries in such a journal might look like: At 4.30 Petya came to the kitchen and grabbed two cookies. When I told my son to put the cookies in place, Petya threw a tantrum. When he calmed down, I gave him a cookie.
   • After the math lesson, Masha and her classmates went to the school line. While we were waiting for the start of the event, Masha got nervous and began to gnaw her fingers. The girl became more and more angry and after a while began to violently bite her hands. The teacher's assistant took her to an empty classroom, where the girl was able to calm down.
4. 4 Keep a diary of observations for several days, then try to determine the cause of the unwanted behavior.
   • Petit's hysterics happened due to the fact that the desired object (cookie) was taken away from him, which he took without permission. Alleged reason for the hysteria: perhaps at 4.30 the boy is very hungry and is trying to express by his behavior that he needs food.
   • Masha started biting her hands before the start of the school line. Such events are usually very noisy, perhaps, loud noises and noise frighten the girl or cause her severe discomfort. The girl's excitement due to unpleasant sensations during the ruler was expressed in the form of bites on her hands.
   • Do not forget that the reasons for the breakdowns and tantrums in an autistic child are not always clear and obvious to ordinary people. For example, you are unlikely to immediately understand why a child is always nervous in one bathroom and not in another. The reason may be that in the first case, the child is worried about a blinking light or the sound of a fan, and in the second case, these irritating factors are absent, but the child himself is not able to explain this.
5. 5 Correct the original problem. Avoid the stressor that triggers unwanted behavior and teach your child how to deal with the problem if they do encounter a source of irritation. If you can solve the problem, the problematic behavior will manifest itself less and less frequently (fade away).
   • Petya can be taught to make a request when he is hungry ("Please give me a cookie" (or any other food that can serve as a snack)), or show his parents a card of the food he wants to receive (using the Communication System using PECS card exchange).
   • Masha bites her hands because she is nervous in anticipation of a school event, which causes her stress. There are several ways to deal with this problem. You can give the girl some kind of device that she can bite without harming herself. (You can order a special device for autistic children or buy a teether made of natural rubber or dense plastic for this purpose.Choose a teether with a simple shape and neutral colors.) You can also teach a girl to say, "I hate it," when a situation makes her uncomfortable. And finally, the teacher's assistant or one of the adults can stay with Masha in the classroom, where the girl can calmly draw while the other children participate in the school line-up.
6. 6 If the problematic behavior does not decrease, then you have not yet found the correct solution to the original problem, or the child's level of development does not allow you to cope with the difficulties. You need to continue to keep a log of observations and try to understand the roots of the original problem of unwanted behavior.
   • Explore how people with autism spectrum disorder deal with situations similar to yours. On the Internet, you can find many sources where people with autism share their experiences. If you know English, the #AskAnAutistic hashtag will help you find these people and ask them for advice.
7. 7 See what you get. If you can correctly identify the problem of the unwanted behavior and come up with a solution that helps the child, it is likely that he will start using the learned strategy instead of the unwanted behavior. It takes a lot of time and patient reminders, but if the child is able to use the new strategy, he will do it.
   • When the child adopts the old, unwanted strategy, calmly remind him to do it differently: "What do you need to say if you want a cookie?"
   • The needs of the child cannot be ignored. If the child finds himself in a situation that is exhausting or fearful, help him cope with the problem, regardless of whether the child responds "right" or "wrong". The child needs to know that you will always come to the rescue when he feels bad.
8. 8 Encourage any kind of initiative. If the child uses a constructive method (for example, verbalizing his feelings or picking up an anti-stress toy), reward the child for the correct behavior. Explain to your child that you are pleased when he monitors his condition and takes actions to get what he wants.
   • For example: "Masha, you are great! You said that now you are unpleasant and bad. Now I understand what the matter is, and I will help you avoid such situations."

Method 2 of 4: Solve the problem

1. 1 Don't make the situation worse if you see your stress levels build up. If a child has turned on the "hit, run or freeze" mechanism, very often he cannot control his behavior, although he knows that it is impossible to beat people and shout in the street. The only way to deal with the situation is to prevent it from getting too far.
   • Never use force against a child. If you use force, the child will become afraid of you, and you are unlikely to be able to regain his respect.
2. 2 Speak as little as possible. When a child is under stress, the brain processes less auditory information, which reduces the ability to understand directed speech. In a stressful situation, try to talk less with your child: instead, try to calm him down.
   • Try non-verbal communication. For example, don't ask the child, “Do you want to take your rabbit?” - just show the rabbit so that the child can take the toy if that is the problem. Instead of the sentence: “Let's go for a walk?”, Show the door and extend your hand to the child - so he can go out into the street.
3. 3 Give your child a complementary or alternative communication device (AAC). Under stress, many autistic children lose their ability to speak, but are able to express themselves through alternative communication. If you give your child a device (for example, a tablet or smartphone with a special program), you show the child that you are not trying to force him to verbal communication, but you will be ready to listen if the child wants to explain what he needs.
   • Note the deterioration in speech ability.If a girl, who can explain herself in words in a calm state, points at a nut shell and shouts: "Beetle!", Most likely, at the moment she is experiencing difficulties with information processing, and it will be easier for her to communicate using AAS.
   • If the child knows how to use different types of alternative communication, let him choose for himself. If the child is overworked, it will be easier for him to operate with simple types of AAS. For example, if the student is too tired to type words on the keyboard, he may show the teacher a card with the picture “too noisy”.
4. 4 Prepare an exit strategy in advance. If necessary, include planned incentives. For example, if a boy knows that he will be given tasty treats in the car, and at home he can play his favorite game, he is likely to be more willing to leave the park. Use this strategy if you notice that stress is on the rise. (You can go back to the park when the child has calmed down.)
   • Explain the exit strategy to your child in advance: during a tantrum, the child is unlikely to hear you. Use visual cues, such as pictures, if necessary.
   • Use things and activities your child enjoys as rewards. Make sure you have them: if it turns out that the promised treat is not at hand, the child may lose faith in the strategy you proposed and stop doing the actions you want.
   • Older children, in some cases, are able to monitor their condition, begin to apply an exit strategy in a timely manner and do not need reward. If the child is still young, you need to constantly monitor his mood and reward the child every time he gets out of a traumatic situation.

Method 3 of 4: Reduce Environmental Stress

It happens quite often that autistic children are unable to apply their skills in stressful environments. It is difficult for special children to live in a world where the standards of ordinary people apply, so they have too little energy left to perform additional tasks. Try to make the environment less tiring for the child.

1. 1 Live according to a set routine. A predictable daily routine gives autistic children a sense of security. It will be very useful if you create a visual daily routine with pictures so that the child can always see what exactly he will be doing in the near future. You can make flashcards that you can reorder, or write the routine on a whiteboard.
   • Pictures can also help your child remember better, because some children with autism have a hard time remembering important things. For example, having a homework picture in your daily routine will help your child remember that homework was asked at school.
2. 2 Organize sensory regulation. A child's sensory needs often affect self-control and other abilities, so arrange for a healthy sensory diet for your child. If you are dealing with a hypersensitive child, create a calm environment for him with a minimum of external stimuli. Conversely, prepare the conditions for active activities for a child who needs an increased level of external stimuli.
3. 3 Create a space where the child can be alone and calm down when he needs it. Autistic children have difficulties with self-control, so they need a quiet place where they can be alone. This helps the child regain balance when he is very tired or in a bad mood. Explain to your child that he can go to this place when he needs it.
   • Select a distant corner of the room and put in stress relievers and other devices to reduce the flow of signals from the outside world. Separate this space from the rest of the room with a curtain, shelving, or other barrier.
   • Let your child be alone when he leaves for this part of the room.
4. 4 Understand that intervention is not always required to change unusual behaviors in autistic children. People with autism spectrum disorders go to great lengths to conform to the norms of behavior of ordinary people. Ordinary people, in turn, should be understanding and try to help autistic people. If unusual behavior does not harm anyone, people need to learn to accept it without judgment. Don't overdo it with control.
5. 5 pay attention to signs of anxiety disorder. Children with autism spectrum disorder are at risk of developing anxiety disorders; Medication and cognitive behavioral therapy are usually required to treat this condition. Help your child cope with anxiety disorder and he will feel healthier and happier.
6. 6 Maintain communication with your child and enjoy positive interaction. A good relationship is extremely important to both you and your child. Come up with fun activities that both of you enjoy, talk to your child, and always try to listen to him when he tries to say something (it doesn't matter if the child uses speech or non-verbal communication).

Method 4 of 4: Be Nice and Positive

1. 1 Believe in the best. To begin with, try to acknowledge that the child is capable of development, that he has good intentions, and also tell yourself that the child is doing his best right now. Help your child to develop and reach the set heights. Your optimism will help inspire the child and achieve positive results.
2. 2 Tell yourself that there is no meaningless behavior. Even if the behavior seems meaningless to you, it serves some purpose of the child or helps him express himself. The reason really exists, you just cannot understand yet what it is.
3. 3 Be careful when trying to identify the motives behind the unwanted behavior. Each person has a unique mindset, and the differences are especially significant between autistic and ordinary people. The reasons for the child's behavior may be the exact opposite of what you think they are.
4. 4 There is no need to confuse "he cannot" and "he cannot". Mastering skills and abilities is a non-linear process. When a child is stressed or fatigued, they often cannot perform activities that they are able to do in other conditions. If the child resists your attempts to force him to do something, it is quite possible that he is not able to do what is required at the moment, or simply does not understand what you want from him.
   • For example, instead of: "Artem is angry and cannot tell me what the reason is. It's so difficult with him!", Try to say to yourself: "Artyom is angry and cannot tell me what the reason is. Most likely, he is too angry and not can talk. I'll help him calm down, maybe then he can explain what's going on. "
   • Excessive sensory information, extreme fatigue, stress, seizures, anxiety, and many other factors can affect a child's level of functioning. For example, your daughter usually puts her dishes in the dishwasher after eating. However, if the girl did not sleep well at night, and the lid of a boiling pot was knocking in the kitchen, the child will feel very tired and will not be able to put away his plate.
5. 5 Be patient and understanding. Even if the situation seems unbearable to you, it is likely that the child is even more difficult than you. Try not to show your child your irritation - this will reduce stress levels, and it will be easier for the child to communicate or complete a difficult task.
6. 6 Give preference to rewards over punishments. Remember that positive strategies work better than negative ones. The child will see you as a helper and ally, and not as a person who punishes him.
   • Very often, autistic children do not even understand what exactly they are being punished for, so punishment in these circumstances is completely ineffective.
   • Act as one team. You should not be an opponent of the child, at the same time, you should not treat him as a passive object of your efforts. The child should understand that you are not indifferent to his feelings, that you are listening to him and he can come to you with his problems.
   • Never make a child's basic needs dependent on a certain level of behavior. In conditions of strong pressure, an autistic person often exhibits unwanted behavior as a way of protection and is simply unable at this moment to perform the actions that you require of him.
7. 7 Show your child that you love and accept him for who he is. Let your child know that you are caring for him and autism does not affect your attitude. It is impossible for the child to think that he is a burden for the people around him. The child needs to know that you are not asking him to pretend to be "normal." Encourage your child to develop their strengths, highlight their uniqueness, and communicate that you love them for who they are.

Tips

• Choose one specific behavior that you want to change: for example, you want your child to stop throwing food while eating.
• Determine what exactly is happening before the undesirable behavior occurs - this will help you determine the cause of it. Maybe the autistic child finishes eating earlier than everyone else at the table? Is there any way to eliminate or change the cause of the unwanted behavior? For example, the child can be offered some activity at the table while everyone has finished their meal.
• Do not forget that the child's behavior is his attempt to communicate and explain something: "I am scared!", "I am bored!", "Pay attention to me!", "I am angry" and the like. The way the child is trying to communicate their needs may or may not be appropriate, but you need to try to understand what is bothering the child. This will help you find possible solutions to the behavior problem.

Warnings

• It must be remembered that for autistic children, many factors are significant that ordinary people do not even notice. For example, a child may be nervous if you have always served lunch on the same plates, but today you have taken different dishes, if someone is sitting at the wrong place at lunch, if the child usually eats dinner after taking a bath, and today you set the table earlier, and the like.
• You need to know that sometimes specialists who work with special children recommend techniques that can harm the child. If the actions recommended by the therapist make the child cry, scream, or feel panic, then you need to stop using these methods.