Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 5: What Lies Behind Your Mood Swing?
• Part 2 of 5: Responding
• Part 3 of 5: Opening up to the person
• Part 4 of 5: When the problem is not with you.
• Part 5 of 5: Keep Moving Forward
• Tips
• Warnings

Almost all of us hate being boycotted - someone refuses to talk to you out of anger, because of a desire to hurt you, or simply to avoid resolving an issue that really needs to be resolved. Try to cope with this childish manipulative ploy as an adult, trying to both understand and resist it.

Steps

Part 1 of 5: What Lies Behind Your Mood Swing?

1. 1 Think about what makes a person boycott someone else. There are various possible reasons for a boycott, it all depends on the individual characteristics of the person who announces it, his motives, ability or inability to correctly express his emotions. Some typical reasons include:
   • Desire to stop further discussion of the issue. A person either feels that they have reached an extreme point on this issue and the cup of patience is overflowing, or he lacks the skills to continue considering the problem. Therefore, the interlocutor chooses silence as the only remaining way to cope with the problem. Quite often, silence (boycotting) is a way for insecure people to regain "control" over a situation. People who feel rejected and do not know how to express their emotions usually resort to silence.
   • Avoiding responsibility for solving the problem. Such a person has a tendency to mask their aggressive attitude behind calm behavior, a tendency to complain about their fate, resent you or the current situation, feel cornered, or they simply find it difficult to solve a problem.
   • Sadness. A person can withdraw into himself when he breaks up with a loved one, loses his job, loses the dream of his whole life. This is not even so much a "boycott" as a desire to isolate oneself from the whole world and not delve into the real state of affairs. At the same time, it is very important to determine the need for the perception of the world.
   • Desire to hurt. Such a person wants to teach you a lesson. Sometimes not hearing anything at all can be worse than listening to someone's problems, feelings and experiences.Trying to boycott you easily becomes a form of moral humiliation. This is subtle, but the most that neither is mockery. This may be an isolated case, or it may become a common occurrence.
   • Control, manipulation, blackmail. This can happen if a person has personality disorders, such as narcissism, or if the person is supposed to be in charge but refuses to dialogue with people in a proper way. It's like testing the limits of your patience to see how unpunished this person can go. If this person is close to you, it is possible that very often you will be humiliated, and this person is an inveterate offender.
2. 2 Keep in mind that a boycott is based on a desire, conscious or unconscious, to make you the scapegoat for an urgent matter. Whether it's an unresolved dispute, a reluctance to discuss a difficult issue, such as a family debt or the problem of addiction to harmful habits, or a refusal to be held accountable for misconduct, there is a desire to hang all the problems on you and get away from responsibility. This person hopes that by stepping back from responsibilities, he or she can continue to act like they have nothing to worry about anymore. And in some cases, such a person takes pleasure in realizing that by burdening you with negative emotions and avoiding you, they are hurting. The latter often happens when you are subjected to moral bullying, especially in love affairs.

Part 2 of 5: Responding

1. 1 Admit that you have been hurt. No one likes to be sabotaged, avoided, or rejected. This is humiliating and insulting. Moreover, a study has been conducted that clearly shows the harmful effects of prolonged neglect on a person's condition; the part of the brain that responds to physical pain responds in the same way to dismissive behavior. This is quite real, this is real pain. It is really important to realize that this is a hidden source of harm for you, and therefore, to reliably protect yourself.
2. 2 Make a decision not to bring yourself to this state. Instead, find ways to deal with it all. This means opposing the person who sabotages you, or refusing to communicate with this person, deciding that he or she is no longer worthy of your efforts. If you do decide to try to mend a relationship with this person, be decisive and do not approve of their antics. It is very important to understand that actions such as trying to interact, giving in, or comforting can be risky because they reinforce the behavior as an effective way to continue to control you. In short, you need to be persistent, but just in case, have a plan B, which provides for a retreat and ending the relationship for them conditions).
3. 3 Try to give yourself a personality mindset that will make it easy for you to win. This may sound somewhat cruel, but this is all for your protection and well-being. Ultimately, if you want to succeed in overcoming the boycott, it is very important to recognize that there is an end point where you start to act and stand your ground until this person stops ignoring you.
   • If this is someone you cannot let go of, such as your child, then it is imperative to establish reasonable boundaries from now on. Probably, during this time, a lot got out of control, but there is always a chance to stand up for yourself and say "enough", period.

Part 3 of 5: Opening up to the person

1. 1 Understand why you think your friend, family member, or loved one is ignoring you. This person probably won't have much of an urge to explain what they intend to do, so be tactful about solving the problem. Just ask what is wrong and if the person would like to talk about how they feel.If he can't express his feelings (which is most likely), try the next step.
   • You will have a clear idea of ​​what is behind this if the boycott followed the conflict. However, even then, what you might argue about does not always underlie their reaction. They may feel annoyed at not being able to do their own thing, or upset at not being heard or misunderstood. You won’t guess if you don’t at least try to get them to be more outspoken. Even if it won't be easy!
2. 2 Come with peace offers. Although boycotting usually leads to a worsening of the situation, the person who uses it as a way to cope with the inability to express their emotions, thereby repelling the interlocutor, will find themselves in a difficult situation, but will find it necessary to persist in what they started. Give the person the opportunity to walk away without losing face. If you feel it's appropriate, you can apologize (but don't be humiliated). Say, for example: “I'm sorry, I did not realize that this meant so much to you, and therefore did not take into account the cause of your worries. I am here because of you and I really want to find an approach to solving the problem that would take into account your wishes. " However, do not put all the burden and responsibility on your own shoulders; on your own behalf, admit your wrong actions, but do not accept the inability of the other person to be responsible for your actions.
   • Get a discussion about the problem that underlies the boycott. Don't expect to recognize her right away, but try to ask a lot of open-ended questions and get clarity from the person who's ignoring you. If this person is confused about their feelings, perhaps a question-and-answer conversation will be effective. Keep in mind, however, that if the boycott is used deliberately as a manipulative maneuver, it is likely that the other person will be stubbornly silent and you will not get a word. You won't know until you try it.
   • Sometimes all that is needed is to give time, and not get carried away with asking questions, thereby putting pressure on the interlocutor. Keep in mind that if you "dig into the things" of another person and "sniff out" information about him, this may cause him to close even more in his shell; sometimes the best solution is to take it easy and get busy with your life and let time heal. Never mind what happened, and if it doesn't happen again, consider it a one-off impulsive trick and never mention it; over time, everything will return to normal and harmony. If the boycott continues, then it becomes a problem.
3. 3 Explain how you feel if you are ignored. Use the “I-Messages” technique and make it clear how you feel when you are in a position where you cannot clearly state your views. Explain that you would like to understand why all this is happening, but if the behavior does not change, you have no desire to be around.
   • You need to understand that clarifying your situation, you are not following the lead of a person who constantly ignores you. If this person knows how to deftly manipulate people, he will be delighted with what hurts your feelings. Imagine facts showing how the lack of communication between you affects the fact that nothing is being done, for example, bills are not paid, trips outside the city are not organized, other work is not completed on time, etc.
   • If the person continues to be silent and ignore you, at least you have been sincere; If you are having trouble getting this person up and running, start taking care of yourself and think about what's best for you.

Part 4 of 5: When the problem is not with you.

1. 1 If the problem is not with you, but with something else that this person may be exposed to, approach the issues in a different way. For example, if a person is experiencing unhappiness, suffering from personal or family hardships, or caring for a terminally ill relative, silence can be seen as a way to deal with problems. In this case, his dissatisfaction is not addressed to you personally, he closes in himself in order to cope with his problems, or expresses his indignation to the whole world.
   • Make it clear to the person that you are there when they need you. Don't put pressure on him.
   • Offer help for everyone you need. Don't just promise to help and support, but do so.
   • Behave like an adult, even if you think the person is acting strangely. There is no one correct way to analyze difficult situations; people deal with problems as best they can. The main thing is that they do not feel that they are being ignored (namely, do not ignore them in revenge).
2. 2 Give the person more personal space. His silence is a kind of protective wall; they find it necessary to stay behind this wall until they feel safe. The realization that you support, and do not pester him, can cause a person to dare to open up to you sooner or later.

Part 5 of 5: Keep Moving Forward

1. 1 Do not become isolated if you feel ignored in a friendship / love relationship. There is a limit to how long you will try to cope with this behavior of a loved one who continues to ignore you. Soon, all you will be doing is tiptoeing and reassuring the person who has already realized that this is a good way to manipulate you. A balance must be maintained in the relationship. When someone continues to ignore you, he always takes the reins into his own hands, decides for himself whether or not to allow communication. This is very abusive behavior. Typically, a person who experiences this behavior becomes irritated, confused, and angry.
   • Set reasonable limits on what you are willing to agree to in your relationship, and let the person using the maneuver know that you are not going to continue the relationship this way.
2. 2 If all else fails, tell the person that you do not know why this is the case and that you no longer want to put in the effort and sort things out. Tell them you need to move forward. And then leave immediately, even though it is difficult, to think things over. Your well-being is far more important than wasting time with someone who has no qualms about morally humiliating you.
   • If you feel like this is lasting long enough (say, two to three weeks), tell the person that you are sorry for not having a friendship / love relationship and get on with your life. People who are prone to such behavior for a long time, for sure, are not considered by you as partners for further relationships. It is better to find someone who will truly become your friend / loved one, instead of constantly experiencing self-doubt. As a result, you will feel happier, you will have more personal space and time for others who are truly willing to accept your friendship and love.

Tips

• Don't fall for manipulative tricks. Such a person tries to play on your feelings, thereby controlling you. Don't let that happen. Just say, "When you're ready to talk, let me know about it!" and leave it on until it's ready.
• Communication is everything. Even if you are ignored, smile and be friendly. This can be a powerful way in the presence of other people, when it becomes clear that you are not the one holding the grudge.
• Let the person know that you will be there when needed, especially when they are going through personal difficulties.
• Choose people who don’t interfere with your communication, don’t get angry with you, don’t hold grudges against you, and don’t find the idea of ​​not talking to you tempting!
• Give the person enough time to calm down. Don't confuse a boycott with the need to leave for a while, lick your wounds and regain faith in yourself. Sometimes this is what actually happens, and not a pronounced avoidance. However, this does not work if all the signs of a boycott are visible.
• If you are tough enough, treat this behavior as follows: "I didn't even notice." Great hit.

Warnings

• If you are in a relationship with a person who is usually prone to such manifestations of character, it would be wise to nip it completely now or break off any relationship with him. He / she needs to know that you are not going to support it and you are not going to give in.
• Don't be rude to this person, but be decisive at the same time; stick to the facts and use the self-message technique to express your position and feelings vividly.
• Keep in mind that by communicating your feelings and experiences, you can provide food for thought to the "manipulator". Therefore, it is very important to be decisive, not to appeal to the emotions of the other person. State the facts clearly, talk about your feelings, but do not turn it into a heartbreaking exchange of impressions or humiliating ingratiation; in the case where moral bullying is involved, it will play against you.
• If you are concerned about a person's abusive behavior, seek help from law enforcement agencies, close family members, or the police.