Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: How to behave?
• Method 2 of 3: What to say?
• Method 3 of 3: What else can you do?
• Tips
• Warnings

So your friend is having difficulties. True friends always find ways to support each other. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable when their friend is in trouble because they are not sure what to say. Don't worry about it. It is enough to be around and maintain optimism. Here are some tips on how to support your friend in a difficult situation.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: How to behave?

1. 1 Constantly reach out a helping hand, even if it is repulsed. You will not help a friend in any way if you move away from him in a situation where problems arise. A good friend is always there, she is ready to listen or wipe away tears even in the middle of the night. There are people who are annoyed by other people's problems. They are not real friends.
   • Offer your company, even if a friend tells you he wants to be alone. At the same time, you do not need to force him to go into a conversation when he is not yet ready. Let him be alone, and then offer your help again. Repeatedly. No need to run away. Sometimes people just do not know what to say to friends who are in trouble, so they are silent or move away from them. This can hurt the friend even more.
   • Your main goal is to offer support. When a person is in trouble, it is important for him just to know that there is a friend nearby who is ready to listen, give advice or show concern. Call or write a message with a simple question: “How are you? Can i help you?"
   • Be prepared to listen and always stay connected. Do not turn off your phone and be prepared to talk until 2 a.m. if your friend has a crisis. Reply to messages. Always take time to listen to the person. Don't act strange. Choose a suitable environment and do not ambush if your friend is not yet ready to speak with you. {{Expertgreenbox: 161080 |Don't worry about not having something to say. Laura Horn, a mental health education specialist, says: “In many situations, you don't need to be an expert - you just need to be there. Talk to the person so that he knows that you are always ready to help. If necessary, encourage a friend to seek additional sources of support. "
2. 2 Remain calm around the upset person. Become a cliff where your friend can escape during a storm. Imagine that you are an anchor for a ship. Try not to show your frustration about the situation.
   • Don't lose your composure. Otherwise, your friend may think that the problem is more difficult than he sees it, or it cannot be solved at all, which will upset him even more. Just understand that sometimes a person needs to be upset for a while, there is nothing wrong with that.
   • You should show empathy, but being overly compassionate can only make the situation worse.
   • Don't make hasty decisions that will only make things worse. After all, you don't understand the problem that deeply. Do not take any action until you have consulted a friend. It is important to know how he will react to this (unless the friend is in danger or being abused; in such cases necessary act urgently).
3. 3 Listen, but remember to speak sometimes. You have to listen carefully, but sometimes it will make it easier for a friend to keep the conversation going. Always make eye contact to show empathy.
   • Tell us something good about other people's lives with positive outcomes. That being said, don't forget to listen to your friend. Sometimes people just need to talk.
   • Remember that your friend is already having a hard time. Remain optimistic and positive. After all, he now needs exactly this - help. Let him chat about trivia. Sometimes a person needs to express everything that has accumulated. Even a sympathetic nod of the head with an expression of understanding or a reply like: “I will help you cope with this is important. You are very strong. "
4. 4 Different cases require a different approach. For example, you will behave differently with a friend in the event of the loss of a loved one and in the event of financial difficulties. Take the time to study a specific situation.
   • If a friend is having financial problems, you can help plan a budget, take an outside perspective, and suggest contacting a financial advisor. Do not rush to lend money to relatives or friends. It can ruin the relationship.
   • If a friend is saddened by the death of a loved one or other loss, study the information on several stages of accepting the inevitable, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance itself.
   • Help your friend find trusted professionals to help them with their current problems.
5. 5 Maintain a physical connection with a comforting hug. You can also gently touch your shoulder. Expressing empathy through physical touch creates a bond that makes the person feel cared for and better.
   • Sometimes there is nothing better than a friendly hug. No need to say anything, just open your arms and let yourself be hugged. Do not rush to pull away so that the person feels your support. Try to make him smile.
   • Sing a song, dance, or tell a joke. If the person is able to laugh again, it will be easier for him to come to his senses and think about his next steps.

Method 2 of 3: What to say?

1. 1 Remember that your friend is in trouble, not you. There is nothing wrong with sharing your experiences if you feel like you are showing empathy or helping a friend. At the same time, you do not need to turn all your attention to yourself. Refrain from wanting to tell thousands of stories of how you went through much more difficult problems.
   • NEVER try to show that your problems are more global. Even if you were chased by a killer clown wearing sunglasses last night, you should focus on your friend's problem, be it troubles with your spouse or problems at work.
   • This does not mean that you cannot share a common experience if you have had similar problems and you were able to cope with them. In doing so, try to refrain from the urge to say that you have experienced the same thing, since all situations are unique. Just don't say too much.
2. 2 Avoid clichés that are useless. We have all heard such words: “I understand how you feel (although you really don’t understand),” or: “It could be worse,” when a person feels terrible. Do not repeat hackneyed platitudes, speak from the heart and specifically according to the situation.
   • Friends need to know how to use honesty effectively. If your friend is going through a difficult time, then try to assess the situation and consider it from your point of view. Put yourself in your friend's shoes and feel their current emotions.
   • Tell him that you are very worried, and also let him express his feelings. Avoid giving over-the-top advice, lest your friend become even more saddened and think you don't care. Stay realistic. Don't say "It's okay" if it isn't. Try to come up with an inspiring solution.
3. 3 Maintain a positive attitude and control negative thoughts. You will hurt your friend more if you say, "I told you that it was high time to do this," or: "How many times have I told you this?" After such words, you will regret having started this conversation.
   • If a friend makes the same mistake all the time, try to calmly pay attention to it by suggesting alternative solutions. Do not present your words as an attempt to accuse you of stupidity. Don't judge others. This is the whole point. Now is not the time or place.
   • Save the conversation about the mistakes you made while the crisis is over. In the event of problems, friends need to be comforted, not made to feel worse. Do not say phrases like: "I told you so," or: "It happened through your fault."
   • Imagine the following. You are Anna's best friend, whose parents are getting divorced. Be close to her so that she can cry on your shoulder, talk about your problems, and you can cheer her up. But ... She might want to be alone. Collect a caring "package" for her with movies, sweets and things that will make her smile. Be a good friend and support her during times of difficulty, as you would like to be treated the same way.
4. 4 Provide solutions that can help. You are expected to provide effective problem-solving and emotional support. Help consider the positives that have not gone away. Remind your friend that she doesn't deserve this kind of trouble.
   • Try to do something that really helps. If you don't know what to do, then you can at least help with your current worries. For example, a person may be so devastated that they cannot even cook dinner. Bring food or offer to sit with your child.
   • You can offer constructive ways out of the situation, but the person must make decisions for himself. Let your friend draw their own conclusions and make their own decisions. So you show sincere support... Speak to the point and never do not push for such actions, of the consequences of which you are not sure.
   • Your overarching mission is to listen and periodically offer constructive solutions, advice or guidance. This is a challenge for a really close friend.
5. 5 Accept that your friend may not be listening to you. A good friend gives advice and guidance, but at the same time understands that even the closest person may not be ready to accept support. Each person takes time to cope with difficulties - relationship problems, financial turmoil, loss and other hardships.
   • Understand and come to terms with the fact that your actions will not always lead to the desired results. This should not upset you and discourage you from helping your friend.
   • Help find causes of problems and outline solutions. Use your experience, flair and advice from other people. Say, “This is your life and you must make the decision that you think is right. Don't you think ____ might end with ___? Maybe try __? It's up to you to decide, "instead of:" This is a terrible idea, ___ is better. "

Method 3 of 3: What else can you do?

1. 1 Report on abuse or other issues that affect the safety of friends. Not all problems are the same. If your friend's adversity is related to a security threat (say, it could be violence in a relationship or an attempt to harm yourself), then you must act immediately.
   • Encourage a friend to talk to someone who is well versed in the situation and knows the best way to proceed (police officer, therapist, priest, parents). If a friend refuses, but the violence does not stop, then contact such a person on your own.
   • If your friend is a minor, tell her parents about bullying and bullying. Bullying is moral humiliation, and you shouldn't try to fix the problem yourself. Do not try to go into conflict with the abuser, as this is dangerous for you too. Tell an adult.
2. 2 Let your friend be sad, but not for long. Don't make your friends smile or get angry if they can't fight off their bad mood. It's hard for them now. Sometimes you need to give free rein to emotions, but do not let this state drag on for a long time.
   • There comes a time when caring requires a little harshness from you. When does that moment come? When a significant amount of time has passed and continued sadness / sadness / depression begins to have negative consequences for other aspects of life (for example, work or school).
   • Everyone needs to be sad at first. After a while, you need to pull yourself together (the specific period of time depends on the person). Sooner or later, it's time to start looking for solutions to problems.
3. 3 It is important to understand that the problem may be outside your control. If at some point you realize that your friend is not getting better, and every conversation has been revolving around self-pity for months now, you should probably come up with a harsher solution.
   • Study the signs of clinical depression and if you find them in your friend, then suggest seeking help from specialists - a psychotherapist or a local doctor.
   • Remind your friend that you are not a licensed psychotherapist. You can't constantly blame his problems on your shoulders. At some point, you will need to be a little tough and offer a constructive solution or be honest about your concerns.
4. 4 Distract your friend with a fun pastime. Find ways to distract him from the problem for a while. You can suggest going to the movies. A person will leave his room and will be able to forget about worries for at least a couple of hours.
   • Distractions help people clarify a situation. It is important to find a balance between distractions and the ability to give free rein to feelings. Understand that at first, your friend will be better off sitting with you in the bedroom and not taking off her pajamas, rather than forcing herself to go to the cinema.
   • Sometimes food can help comfort a person. Bring ice cream, chocolate, or other goodies with you and keep your friend company. Remind her of her accomplishments. Share a quote that is positive.
   • Sometimes it is helpful for people to return to their normal way of life. Don't try to diversify their routine too much.
5. 5 Don't tell anyone about other people's problems unless your friend is in danger. A friend only told you about his problem because he trusts you. If you do not live up to his trust and tell others about the problems, then you can hardly be called a good friend.
   • The only acceptable and very important exception are situations of violence, bullying, or other situations in which your friends are physically and emotionally endangered. In such cases, you need to contact people who are able to help. This could be a parent, the police, or a psychotherapist.
   • In other situations, do not talk too much. Do not mention other people's problems on social networks and do not tell other friends, hiding behind a desire to help.

Tips

• If asked, let the person be alone.
• You can't try to drown your grief in alcohol. It only fuels emotions and intensifies depression.
• Don't press on trying to find out the details. If you are not told all the details, then you do not need to insist on it.
• Say that you are always ready to help, but try not to annoy your friend with your constant presence.
• Don't make promises you can't keep.
• Whatever your friend says, show sympathy for him and praise him for holding on. This alone is enough to make the person feel supported and understood and to get better.

Warnings

• If a friend told you about her problems, then keep them secret (unless it is about attempted suicide, abuse, rape, and similar cases).
• Not necessary too much get involved in his problems. Be involved, but don't push yourself.