Author:
Gregory Harris
Date Of Creation:
12 August 2021
Update Date:
1 July 2024
Content
Are you rather shy, but dream of becoming more open so that you can finally be heard? Do you often feel invisible and unattended in companies? Do you want your voice to be reckoned with? Because of your shyness, does your academic performance suffer? Of course, it’s not your fault that you’re born a little more shy than most people, but this obstacle can be overcome with just a little effort. Change your mindset and make an effort to become more self-confident and show that confidence when communicating with others.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Try to change your thinking
1 Try to understand yourself better. You may always feel embarrassed, no matter the situation. Or maybe you are nervous and silent only in large companies and at various large-scale events. Try to analyze what exactly scares you and makes you wary. Knowing what makes you feel shy will make it much easier to overcome it.In addition, it is worth realizing that shyness is not a permanent quality of your personality; it is just an obstacle that stands in your way. - You should not concentrate your attention only on what you need to improve or correct in yourself. Do not forget about your strengths and winning qualities. You may be a little withdrawn and shy, but at the same time you are good at understanding people and understand them well.
- In addition, you can try to understand if there are any specific situations (a kind of "anchors") that provoke your feeling of shyness? Maybe you start to feel embarrassed being at some kind of formal (or informal) events? Does the age and status of your interlocutor affect the appearance of shyness?
2 Build your strengths. Once you understand what areas you excel in, try to work on those areas and skills while improving them. This will help boost your self-esteem and self-confidence. - For example, if you know that you are good at understanding people and understand them well, pay attention to this skill and try to develop it. Start to truly empathize with people. This will make it much easier to strike up conversations with strangers.
3 Don't expect something perfect. Remember, none of us are perfect. Don't let the frustration of imperfection affect your self-esteem. Otherwise, this disappointment will cause even greater self-doubt, and in severe cases, it can even lead to depression. Therefore, instead of focusing all your attention on those areas of life and personality that you need to develop and improve, try to pay enough attention to those things that you are already good at. - Keep in mind that failure and introspection is an integral part of the learning process, so you will likely have to fail many times before you succeed.
4 Work on your image. In fact, it's very easy to call yourself too shy and refuse to communicate with others. But being shy is not the same as being outcast, unusual or strange. You don't have to adjust to everyone and try to blend in with the crowd. Just learn to feel comfortable in your own body. 
5 Use social media. If you are naturally very shy, try to work on your online communication skills first. For example, try to get to know or get to know someone better through a social network. Social media shouldn't be a substitute for real communication at all, but it can help you feel more comfortable communicating with people you would like to get to know better. - Try to find common interests with this person by telling him about yourself. You may be surprised by the fact that with this person you have common preferences, likes and dislikes.
- Stay away from social media forums where people discuss their shyness, because usually in such discussions people only complain and "talk about" this topic, not offering any solutions to the problem.
6 Before starting a conversation with someone, do something you like. For example, if you are very worried about an upcoming party or other event, do something you like before going there. For example, reading a good book, listening to music, drinking coffee - any activity that you enjoy will do. This will help you feel more interested and open. - Try a few physical exercises before heading to an event to help calm your nerves and channel that extra adrenaline back on track.
7 Learn to have a positive outlook on life. If you find that you've only noticed negative things lately, try focusing on the positive. It will also help you to be less critical of yourself and others. - For example, if you feel embarrassed or nervous around a stranger, just look at the situation from a positive point of view: you are about to make a new acquaintance.
Part 2 of 2: Be More Confident
1 Make a plan. Start small. First, you need to put in a little effort to maintain eye contact during the conversation. Alternatively, you can do something unusual that you have never done before (for example, you can start by changing your hairstyle). This will help you feel more and more courageous and confident over time, even if at first it seems like a frightening and strange step to you. - If you had problems at the beginning of the conversation, think about what compliments you can give the girl, what questions you can ask her. This will help to quickly liven up the conversation and "talk" the interlocutor.
2 Start doing something. For example, sign up for a course or section to learn something new, or find a community of interest. This will open up a great opportunity for you to regularly communicate with strangers with whom you may well be friends. - It should be borne in mind that at first you may be uncomfortable, but you will get used to it. Practice with different people in different groups each week. Over time, it will become easier and easier for you.
- There are good organizations for overcoming shyness and building self-confidence. For example, among them can be noted sections on public speaking, trainings on the art of communication and pickup.
3 Don't be afraid to talk about yourself. If you suddenly realize that you don't even really know what to tell, just share what interesting things have happened in your life lately. Feel free to come across as an active and interesting person (which you, for sure, are), and also do not be afraid to share some moments of your life with the interlocutor. - Remember to be interested in the other person and their life - this is a good way to keep the conversation going. With a little practice, you can easily support and develop any conversation.
- Allowing yourself to be sincere and even vulnerable when talking to the other person will help strengthen the relationship and make the conversation more natural and frank.
4 Learn to relax. Discover relaxing breathing techniques or exercise to combat anxiety. Just close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax and clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts. Listen to tips to help you improve your communication skills and your social behavior in general. - For example, you can learn visualization techniques. Close your eyes and imagine a scenario in which you are happy and confident. It will really help you become a more confident person (or at least get rid of your fear).
5 Spend more time with other people. Don't wait for the perfect moment and the right situation to try your hand at communication and practice. If you are shy and want to become more confident, the first step is to put yourself in a social interaction situation where you have the ability to communicate and talk with others. - Accept feelings of awkwardness and shyness. Remember that confidence comes with practice. Do not give up after the first attempt to become more decisive and courageous. Try again and again, and you will find it easier to communicate with others.
6 Do something good for other people. Instead of focusing entirely on your shyness and anxiety, focus on doing good things and helping people. Take the time to help the person who needs your help. You don't have to do something global at all. - Just spend time with a loved one who is feeling lonely; Having lunch with a friend who needs your help will not only build your self-confidence, but it will also benefit other people.
- In addition, you can always show interest in other people by asking them open-ended questions that can help relieve mild tension during a conversation. Usually, people really enjoy talking about themselves, so this is a very good strategy to help keep the conversation going and win over the other person.
7 Get into a confident posture. Make eye contact, lift your chin, straighten your shoulders. Just sit in this position for at least 2 minutes and your anxiety will decrease by 25%. - For example, sit on a slul and put your hands behind your head, fingers intertwining. Or stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and place your hands on your waist. Both of these postures speak of confidence and strength.
- 8 Practice speaking calmly and slowly. Speaking calmly and slowly can also help you relax when you are nervous. You can even practice speaking alone: just slowly read something out loud, then move on to communicating with people and public speaking. If you suddenly catch yourself on a quick, disturbed "chirping", just stop and take a deep breath, then continue.
9 Be yourself. Be who you are and feel free to express yourself! Do not mistakenly believe that you need to be the most open, sociable, and unusual among all the people you know. You can express yourself more easily in a calmer and quieter way. Stop worrying about what others will think of you. The most important thing is to increase your self-esteem - this is the surest way to become more self-confident. - Do not assume that you should always and under any circumstances feel comfortable and confident. You may find that in some situations you can overcome your anxiety, and in some you cannot. For example, you may be perfectly capable of keeping up communication in a small company, but you just hate socializing at large events and parties.
- 10 If shyness has reached a global scale and prevents you from living a normal life, seek help from a psychologist. Remember that being overly humble is a very common problem for many people, but in some cases it can seriously affect the quality of life. If this is your case, it's time to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist.
- For example, if you are embarrassed to avoid social gatherings, if you are unable to do well at work or school, if the shyness worries you deeply, chances are, it can only be dealt with with the help of a mental health professional.
