Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 4: React tactfully and courteously
• Method 2 of 4: Act urgently
• Method 3 of 4: Be Straightforward
• Method 4 of 4: React Without Pretending

If a person invites you on a date or shows interest in you, but you do not have mutual feelings for him, then getting out of the situation can be difficult and exhausting process. Whoever it is, a friend or a stranger, you are unlikely to want to hurt him. At the same time, you should make it clear that you are not interested in him. Refusal is always difficult, but you can get out of the situation with your head held high by reacting with empathy and not giving false hope at the same time.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: React tactfully and courteously

1. 1 Show that you are flattered but not interested. It's always nice to get a date, whether you like the person or not. This person thinks it's worth the risk for you, regardless of possible rejection and awkwardness.And although he could have chosen literally anyone as an object of sympathy, he chose you. It takes a lot of courage to take a step and open up.
   • Smile and say thank you. Express your gratitude for the person wanting to ask you out, but make it clear that while you're flattered, you're not interested.
   • For example, just say: "Thank you, I am very flattered by your invitation, but I am not interested in you romantically."
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Jessica Engle, MFT, MA

   
   
   Relationship Coach Jessica Ingle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Founded Bay Area Dating Coach in 2009 after completing her Master's degree in Counseling Psychology. She is a licensed family and marriage psychotherapist and registered play therapist with over 10 years of experience.

   Jessica Engle, MFT, MA
   Relationship coach

   Straightness is the best approach.Jessica Ingle, director of the Bay Area Dating Coach, says: “Be nice, but speak clearly and firmly. Better to do it in person or send a message saying something like, "I really appreciate the time we spend together, but I don't think we are a good match." If the person continues to insist, politely repeat your words. "

2. 2 Pause before refuse. If you are in a quandary, pause for at least a moment before tempering the person's ardor. This will show him that you have pondered his question, even if you are not. Saying no without the slightest hesitation will definitely hurt the person's feelings.
3. 3 Speak as little as possible. When it comes to rejection, the phrase: "Brevity is the sister of talent" - becomes more true than ever. Prolonged rejection and incoherent explanations can escalate into an argument and misinterpretation of your words. You don't have to go into details, just be short and sweet.
   • The more you talk, the more fake your words will seem and the longer an already awkward conversation will last.
4. 4 Skillfully be cunning. If you are going to come up with an excuse, at least make sure it is believable and not to be found fault with. For example, “I just got a promotion and want to focus on my work,” or, “Friendship is my top priority.” It sounds much better than, "I'm really busy this week," or, "I'm just not ready for a relationship at the moment."
5. 5 Use first-person statements. Instead of describing why you don't want to date this person, try focusing on yourself. Simple statements like “Sorry, I don’t like you romantically,” and “I really like you as a person, but I don’t feel the connection between us,” are easier to accept than “You’re not my type.” ...
6. 6 End the conversation with dignity. Both of you are most likely feeling uncomfortable and uncomfortable at the moment, but try to end the conversation on a positive and light-hearted note.
   • If that sounds appropriate, try a little joke. Or at least give a genuine smile, apologize, and walk away.
   • Remove quickly. The person is likely to feel uncomfortable or uncomfortable with continuing the conversation or being around after a rejection.
   • You may want to continue the conversation as if nothing had happened and thus cheer up the person after the refusal, but the best thing you can do in this situation is to end the meeting as soon as possible.
7. 7 Don't talk about it. There is no reason to discuss this case with colleagues or even friends. Respect the other person's feelings. Being rejected is hard enough without having to deal with the feeling of shame in front of other people.

Method 2 of 4: Act urgently

1. 1 Face the problem. Refusal tends to be extremely embarrassing for both parties involved, and you may be tempted to ignore the situation entirely. Don't pretend like nothing happened. Unfortunately, keeping silent and hoping that the person will eventually "take the hint" is a cruel and bad strategy that often backfires.
2. 2 Give a clear answer as soon as possible. Don't wait for the "right moment" - it often never comes.The longer you wait, the more difficult and embarrassing it will be for both of you to refuse.
   • If the person does not receive a firm and clear “no” from you, it will be difficult for him to move on, so the best thing you can do is refuse him. It might hurt a little at first, but in the long run, both of you will be happy about it.
3. 3 Don't use ghosting. Ghosting is a relatively new term to describe the good old way of rejecting a person: disappearing completely after the initial communication, be it one date or several. Instead of facing the problem in the face, the initiator finally and irrevocably disappears without explanation. If you disappear from the person's field of vision without solving the problem, you will do exactly what you are trying to avoid - hurt the person.
   • In a 2012 study, researchers identified seven breakup strategies and then asked people to rate them from most to least acceptable. The vast majority identified ghosting as the least acceptable way to part with someone.
4. 4 Reply to strangers and unfamiliar people with messages. Gently rejecting a barely familiar person in your correspondence is not only acceptable, but also preferable. However, this rule does not work if this is your longtime acquaintance or fan, with whom you have been dating for several months.
   • The message should be neutral - this will soften the blow, and the person will nurture his strangled ego alone with himself. There is no reason to have physical contact with someone you don't know just to reject them.
   • In some cases, when it comes to communication on the Internet or a colleague whom you rarely see and do not know well, it is enough to refuse even by e-mail.
5. 5 Answer friends and colleagues personally. Anyone you know personally or see every day, such as a friend or colleague, deserves a personal response. This will make the inevitable future encounters much less awkward.
   • Personal rejection will allow the person to see your facial expressions / body language and hear your tone of voice.

Method 3 of 4: Be Straightforward

1. 1 Be firm and uncompromising. Avoid hesitation and indecision, as this can confuse the person. If you say no firmly the first time, chances are you won't have to have that conversation again.
   • An ambiguous reaction on your part can make the person feel like they still have a chance, which is unfair to them and will waste their time.
   • It also makes it more likely that you will have to repeat this awkward conversation in the future.
2. 2 Be kind and straightforward. Smile and be as calm and relaxed as possible. Use positive body language - sit or stand upright and look the person directly in the eyes to convey the seriousness of your words.
   • Negative body language (slouching or avoiding gaze) indicates a lack of confidence in the speaker's words.
3. 3 Don't give false hope. If you are really not interested in dating this person, make it clear to him. Statements such as, “I’m too busy with work right now,” or, “I just ended a long-term relationship,” may be taken as a gracious rejection, but to some people it may sound more like, “Ask me again in a few weeks ". Be careful not to sound like there is an opportunity for a future date, especially if you know it isn't.
4. 4 Move on. Don't keep in touch with the person if you don't plan to ever date them. Sure, it's sometimes nice to have a loyal admirer by your side, but if you're not going to seriously reciprocate, it will only fuel your ego.
   • Do not resume communication unless you are really interested in it.It can be tempting to reach out to someone you've turned down in the past, especially if you're going through a difficult period in your life.
   • There is no need to call and text him or even "be friends" with him on VK, unless you are really interested in the person.
   • The infamous drunk call (or message) is a common way to re-initiate contact. A momentary error in judgment on your part can cause a lot of confusion and despair for the other person. You will also put yourself in a position where you will have to refuse him again.
5. 5 Don't send the person into the friend zone unless you really intend to be friends with them. Do you really want to be friends, or are you just trying to spare the person's feelings by saying that you are pals? In the second case, just don't say it.
   • If you really want to remain friends, give the person some space after rejecting them. Give him a chance to regain his wounded self-esteem and overcome embarrassment.
   • It is possible that the person will not be able to be friends with you because of their romantic feelings for you. In this case, you must respect his decision.

Method 4 of 4: React Without Pretending

1. 1 Understand that it's okay to refuse. No one likes to hurt others, but rejection doesn't make you mean or a terrible person. There is nothing wrong with saying no. If you are not romantically attracted to the person, there is nothing you can do about it. Saying anything other than "no" is disrespectful to both of you.
2. 2 Stop feeling guilty. You don't have to please everyone, and you should never agree to date someone out of guilt. Respect your own feelings in this situation and do not criticize yourself.
   • Openly displaying guilt can be confusing. If you give him an honest answer, you don't have to apologize.
3. 3 Trust your intuition. You may not even know why you are rejecting a person - you just have a bad feeling about him or this situation. Trust this feeling. If something seems strange or repulsive, it probably is.
4. 4 Don't apologize. It's okay to refuse, and you have absolutely nothing to ask for forgiveness for. You may even be genuinely sorry, but if you express it out loud, it can be perceived as pity and as if you did something wrong by rejecting the person.