Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Learn Smart Parenting Strategies
• Method 2 of 3: Applying Fair, Effective Penalties
• Method 3 of 3: Avoid Dangerous Punishments
• Tips
• Warnings

While punishment is just a link in the upbringing of a growing child, it is nonetheless important. In order to raise a mature, developed personality, it is imperative to know how to effectively punish a naughty child.A child who never learns to distinguish between right and wrong may face academic, career, and even psychological challenges later in life, so it's never too late to start thinking about strategies for fair (but effective) punishment for your child.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Learn Smart Parenting Strategies

1. 1 Be consistent. This is perhaps the most important thing to remember when disciplining a child. Your child cannot learn the rules if they always change. Consistency is essential both for the child to behave obediently and in teaching him what behavior is acceptable and what is not. By punishing your child inconsistently, or by allowing him to escape punishment, you teach him that it is sometimes (or always) acceptable to behave badly. Below are just a few tips to keep in mind when disciplining your child in a sequence:
2. 2 Use the same rules for punishing your child every time they misbehave. For no apparent reason, do not arbitrarily change the rules or punish certain behavior.
3. 3 Notice your child's bad behavior whenever it happens (and punish if necessary). Don't ignore bad behavior when it's hard to do something about it.
4. 4 Give a reasonable punishment from the start, then stick to it. You should not choose one punishment, and then allow the child to avoid it, or suffer a lighter one. Don't let your child avoid being punished with tears or puppy eyes.
5. 5 Set clear boundaries. It will be difficult for your child to avoid bad behavior if he does not understand what is really bad. From an early age, as soon as he is able to understand the differences, you should give the child the basic concepts of what is right and what is wrong. To do this, set clear boundaries, that is, make it clear to the child why and how a certain behavior is considered bad, then punish the child if this behavior is repeated (and, of course, be consistent with the established restrictions).
   • Obviously, as the child / children get older, their ability to understand the reasons why the restrictions are set will change significantly. For example, a child who is just learning to talk will not understand that you cannot draw with a marker on the walls unless you have a conversation about how damaging someone else's property is disrespectful. Instead, you should confine yourself to a firm "no" and, if necessary, take the marker from him.
6. 6 Match the punishment to the violation. Different types of bad behavior require different kinds of punishment. A little disrespect or violation the first time may deserve nothing more than a warning, while deliberate neglect or violent behavior requires a serious response. Try to be reasonable about the punishments you give, remembering that children are imperfect and learn from mistakes, but it is also important to make sure they understand that their bad behavior is wrong and not acceptable.
   • As a good example, scolding a child for a month will be a little harsh if all he did was forget to bring a document home from school to sign. The best punishment would be to simply deprive him of his pocket money until he remembers.
   • In addition, penalties should be selected according to age; scolding a small child doesn't do much good. For a guide on what types of punishment are appropriate for different age ranges, refer to Parents.com under the punishment guide for children 1-10 years old.
7. 7 Be calm but firm. Certain bad behaviors in your child can really get on the nerves, but showing angry resentment towards him or her will not be beneficial in the long run.Parents who are unable to control their anger will find it difficult to make sober, logical decisions about how to punish their child and may come down to relying on emotional attacks (or worse) or as a point of view. Also, getting in the habit of expressing your point of view with irritation can create a bad precedent; if you get angry and yell at your child so often that it becomes common, your irritation may gradually fade away, requiring get even more angry to draw the child's attention.
   • Thus, it is wise to keep your anger in check when the child is disobedient. For example, if a child gets upset while playing ball and starts being rude to you, don't lash out at him, but instead calmly tell him, “You know you can't talk to me like that. We played ball. Now you can start doing the lessons. " Remain calm if he reacts irritably to it; you should not show your child that they can easily drive you crazy.
   • If you are interested in this topic, check out our articles on ways to manage anger or one of the peace parenting guides on the Internet.
8. 8 Show a united front with your partner. According to the old parenting model, it is recommended, and still applicable these days, to make sure that you both agree to form a united front with your partner when it comes to raising your child. This means that both parents must agree on parenting rules and follow them equally. Failure to follow this rule can lead to trouble; in a family where one of the parents shows firmness in punishment, and the other, on the contrary, is gentle, will lead to the fact that the child will run to the "good" parent as soon as he does something wrong.
   • As the simplest rule of thumb, the importance of a united front grows as a child gets older. By adolescence, most children will realize that parents may disagree on certain things, and both will be right.
9. 9 Set a positive role model. Always, always, always remember that children learn from your example. It is not so important what you tell the children to do, but what you show them to do. Monitor your own behavior when children are around. Try to be polite, contented, caring, hardworking, and pleasant, and the kids will notice this.
   • What you don't do is also very important. Don't do anything in front of your children that you don't want them to do in front of you. Including not getting hysterical, behaving like a child, and following addictions. For example, if you emphasize the importance of polite demeanor, but spend the evening every Wednesday talking to your elderly mother on the phone, cursing and raising your voice, you are actually showing that it is permissible to be impolite to someone who annoys you.
10. 10 Remember to reward good behavior. Punishment is only half the victory. In addition to punishing bad behavior, you should also try your best to reward good behavior, such as hard work, kindness, and patience. If your child is working hard to be a kind, hardworking young person, encourage him to be at that level by showing warmth and attention. Once he gets used to this kind of attitude for good behavior, the very absence of signs of expressing love can become a punishment for him.
    • Research has shown that the power of positive influence should not be underestimated. According to one study, positive parenting practices are associated with low levels of antisocial behavior and drug abuse as a child gets older.

Method 2 of 3: Applying Fair, Effective Penalties

1. 1 Deny privileges. Parents differ when it comes to precise definitions of which punishments are appropriate and which are not; some of them take a strict approach, while others favor a softer one. While there is no one right way to raise a child, the recommendations in this section are intended as one-size-fits-all advice that will be useful to almost all parents. One example of punishment that suits all families is depriving a disobedient child of privileges. For example, if a child's grades are low because they did not do their homework, you can restrict video games until the weekend until the child does better in school.
   • To be clear, as a punishment you should only prohibit the child from enjoying privileges, but not deprive them of basic needs. It's one thing if you temporarily prevent your child from seeing friends or watching TV, but by preventing your child from sleeping, feeling loved, or getting the nutrition they need, you practice child abuse.
2. 2 Apply refunds (make the child pay). In the real world, there are consequences behind rule violations; if adults do something wrong, they are always forced to repay the people they have wronged in the form of community service by paying a fine, and so on. Show your child the consequences of bad behavior by making them work hard to bring the damaged item back to what it was (or better) before it did it. This is a particularly useful practice in cases where the child is causing damage to property. For example, if a child intentionally draws on the kitchen table, it is a good punishment to force him to go through the entire process of stripping, sanding and varnishing the wood to make it look like new again.
3. 3 Use boycotts as punishment if your child responds well to them. Boycotts are somewhat controversial; according to some, a weak, ineffective, pampering way of raising a child, while others believe in them infinitely. While some parenting experts believe that boycotts are not effective for children, many believe that when used correctly, boycotts can help calm an anxious child and discourage misbehavior. Try boycotts for minor offenses; If your child seems to have a desire to obey after a short boycott, then this may be effective for you, but if he becomes more irritated or does not seem to care about the punishment, you should use a different tactic.
   • The duration of a boycott should vary according to the age of the child and the severity of the violation. A general good rule of thumb for minor misconduct, such as a cocky response, disobedience, and the like, is about one minute of boycott for each year of the child's age.
4. 4 Apply natural effects. Adults cannot afford to act shortsightedly or selfishly all the time. If adults stay at home to play video games, they may lose their jobs. Teach children the importance of self-motivation by allowing them to experience the natural consequences of their bad behavior. In other words, do not go towards them when they disobey in a way that is contrary to their own interests. For example, if your child doesn't stop playing to come to dinner, just clear the table when you eat and refuse to serve the extra food. This way helps children develop self-discipline that will help them succeed in their life beyond.
5. 5 Use house arrests. As they get older, children begin to form important social bonds with their peers and spend their free time with them.Isolating a child temporarily from these pleasant social relationships is one way to curb bad behavior, especially if house arrest prevents him from attending something he thinks is important, such as a birthday party or dancing. As with boycotts, some experts nevertheless believe that house arrest can be ineffective for certain types of children, so use your common sense and be prepared to change your strategy if you don't get the results you want.
   • Note that house arrest should not be used all the time or too often. Not allowing a child to form mutual friendships with friends can affect their ability to act like an adult and is generally considered a form of child abuse.
6. 6 Encourage your child to personally apologize for major oversights. While this is often overlooked, the power of a sincere personal apology can be great. For example, if your child ruins the neighbour's garden playing catch-up with friends, then getting him to go to the neighbors' house and apologize will be a great punishment. To heighten the effect, you can get him to spend the next Saturday by helping to clean up the yard.
   • By forcing a child to personally apologize to someone he has harmed, you are not only forcing him to experience discomfort as a form of punishment, but also preparing him for an adult life in which he will have to apologize more than once for his mistakes in order to maintain a healthy relationship. After going through a personal apology, the child will receive feelings of humility, humiliation, and this will help to cope with uncontrollable selfishness.
7. 7 Use safe, light corporal punishment infrequently (if you do). Perhaps none of the topics of parenting is more controversial than the use of corporal (physical) punishment. Some parents insist on never raising a hand against their child, while older-fashioned parents may be spanking, caning, and even violent slaps in the face for particularly bad offenses. If you choose to use corporal punishment, leave it to the most serious offenses. Relying too much on them, you can blunt their effectiveness, and even worse, teach children that it is permissible to offend people who are weaker than them.
   • While it is the responsibility of every parent to decide which methods are best to raise their child, there is some reason to believe that it is not a good idea to be too dependent on corporal punishment. For example, some studies have linked corporal punishment of children to adolescent delinquency and even violent behavior and emotional distress in adults.

Method 3 of 3: Avoid Dangerous Punishments

1. 1 Never hit a child. Even those parents who practice light corporal punishment tend to make a clear distinction between accidental spanking on a soft spot and deliberate violent beating. NEVER hit a child. Parenting associations almost universally qualify this as a form of child abuse. In addition, there is a clear link between battered children and a high incidence of mental illness in adults.
   • In addition, certain forms of violence can lead to irreversible, even fatal, trauma to a child. For example, shaking a small child in a fit of irritation or anger can damage his brain or kill him.
2. 2 Don't be an emotional abuser. It's possible to be an abusive parent without ever lifting a finger at your child. Neglect, isolation and bullying harm your child's emotional growth. Although raising a child is difficult, this behavior is never acceptable; these methods are not only cruel and unfair to the child, but can lead to serious problems, including self-harm, drug addiction, depression, and even suicide.Below is a short list of activities that qualify as emotional abuse. For a complete list, contact the American Humanist Association for Anti-Violence Resources:
   • Isolation of the child from normal interaction with society.
   • Verbal assault on a child with insults, threats and ridicule.
   • Terrorizing a child for not meeting unreasonable expectations.
   • Intentional humiliation of a child.
   • Using fear and intimidation to control a child's behavior.
   • Ignoring or neglecting the basic needs of the child.
   • Forcing the child to do something wrong or harmful to health.
   • Refusal to show the child love, tenderness, warmth.
3. 3 Don't punish your child's curiosity. Children are curious by nature; they study the world around them by interacting with it. Try to avoid punishing your child for bad behavior that was the result of honest curiosity. Punishing a child for some actions that he did not even think they were wrong, in the long run, can make him afraid of new experiences or even inspire bad behavior.
   • For example, it is wrong to punish a child for asking friends about sex, it is better to sit down and discuss it with him, answer questions that interest him and explain why it is not good to talk about sexually explicit topics in society. If you make a comment without explanation, you will most likely pique his curiosity even more.
4. 4 Be aware of the dangers of harsh, overly strict parenting. It is very easy to go too far in your quest to raise a child, but you should try to avoid this at all times. The pursuit of unrealistic standards and the use of overly harsh punishments can affect his ability to live a fulfilling, happy life. Always remember that your goal as a parent is to help your child get to the point where he can educate himself, not harass the child, forcing him to live exactly the way you want him to live.
   • It is also important to note that overly strict parenting practices are often ineffective as they deprive the child of the chance to become self-disciplined. If a child constantly reacts to punishment and needs a parent that is too harsh, he will never learn to motivate himself.
5. 5 Be aware of the dangers of soft, permissive parenting. On the other hand, it is also easy (if not easier) to go far in the opposite direction. By not completing the punishment and allowing the child to step over you, you teach him that he does not have to obey or make an effort to achieve something. By getting into the habit of giving in to a cranky child or constantly pulling him out of trouble, you can destroy his ability to deal with negative emotions in an adult way. In short, it makes the child spoiled.
   • Again, this type of parenting actually does the child a disservice in the long run. Many parenting specialists agree that parenting a child in a permissive style can make him a person who can hardly get satisfaction from life and have positive self-esteem.
6. 6 Seek outside help for serious behavior problems. Unfortunately, some of the behavioral problems are outside the scope of conventional parenting methods and may require specialist help to resolve them. Such problems cannot (and should not) be solved with the help of ordinary punishments and educational methods. They will require a medical approach, counseling or mentoring that the average parent cannot provide. The following is just a short list of behavioral problems that require specialist attention:
   • Criminal acts (shoplifting, hooliganism, violence, etc.)
   • Drug abuse
   • Other addictions (internet, sex, etc.)
   • Mental / emotional disorders (learning disabilities, depression, etc.)
   • Hazardous behavior (risk-taking, street racing, etc.)
   • Outbreaks of violence or rage

Tips

• Sometimes children portray behavior in order to attract attention to themselves. Making it a habit to ignore the moody attacks and pay attention only when the child is behaving is sometimes one of the ways to stimulate this kind of behavior.

Warnings

• Please note that beatings are illegal in 37 countries including Europe, Africa, Asia and America. * Although some form of beating is legal in all states in the United States, the subsequent prolonged pain or injury caused by a belt or other whipping tool is considered child abuse.