Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Learn to Have a Mini Conversation
• Method 2 of 3: Find Deeper Discussions
• Method 3 of 3: Demonstrate Your Communication Skills
• Tips
• Warnings

There are times when we find it difficult to communicate with strangers, with people on dates and at parties. How do you know which is better to say? Prepare fun and interesting topics for conversation and just listen carefully to the interlocutor to relax yourself and help relax the interlocutor.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Learn to Have a Mini Conversation

1. 1 Try starting a mini conversation. Sometimes people mistakenly think that mini-conversation makes their communication superficial and empty. However, it is mini-conversations that play a very important social role: thanks to such conversations, strangers get closer to each other without much discomfort and stress. Allow yourself to have a little conversation with a stranger, exchange a few words without feeling bad or strange. Short conversations can be pretty important too!
2. 2 Pay attention to your surroundings. The most appropriate conversation topics may vary depending on which event you are at. For example, you are unlikely to be able to discuss political topics at any work event, but political conversations will be relevant at a campaign fundraising event.Likewise, it’s unlikely to bring up narrow professional topics at your friend’s birthday party, but it’s a topic that will go well in the workplace. In general, it would be good to do the following:
   • Think about what unites you with the interlocutor, what brought you both to this event (work, mutual friend, common interests).
   • Stay away from controversial topics that have nothing to do with this event.
   • Remember to be polite and informal.
3. 3 Ask simple but open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are those questions that cannot be answered only "yes" or "no", they require more detailed and personal answers. Ask your interlocutor a few simple basic questions about his life, with the help of which you can get to know him without violating his personal boundaries. Typically, all you might be asked about when creating an online profile is a game.
   • What is your hometown? Tell about him?
   • Where do you work? What do you usually do?
   • What do you think of such and such a movie?
   • What kind of music do you like? What's your top 5 favorite bands?
   • Are you reading anything? What three books would you take with you to a desert island?
4. 4 Add some flavor to your usual dating questions. There are some traditional short conversation questions about hobbies, hobbies, work, and family. Think of a few tricks that will take this mini-conversation on a deeper level without breaking personal boundaries or embarrassing the person. Here are some good options:
   • What was the best surprise in your life?
   • What's your best and oldest friend?
   • What is your ideal job?
   • What do you think you could be successful in if you had time to develop it?
   • What do you like most about your job?
5. 5 Try to find out what interests your interlocutor. People usually like to be given the opportunity to share their interests. If you find it difficult to come up with topics of conversation on your own, allow the other person to take on the hardest part by asking him about his hobbies, hobbies, and plans that concern your interlocutor. Such conversations will help the person relax. He may even take the initiative and start asking you about your interests.
   • Who is your favorite author / actor / musician / athlete?
   • What do you like to do?
   • Do you sing or play any musical instruments?
   • Do you play sports or dance?
   • Do you have any hidden talents?
6. 6 Focus on positive topics. Usually people like to have positive conversations rather than negative, critical, or "hackneyed" topics. Try to find a topic of conversation that interests both of you, rather than dwelling on insults and criticism, in order to continue the conversation. For example, if you are at a party or dinner party, you shouldn't start talking about how much you hate soup; better tell me how you like the dessert.
   • It's also a good idea to resist the urge to argue with the other person. Share ideas openly and respectfully with each other, and do not limit this conversation to conflict.
7. 7 Focus on the quality of the conversation, not the number of topics discussed. You should not strive to discuss as many things and topics as possible. Remember, even one good, interesting topic can lengthen a conversation by several hours. You should go to the next topic only if the previous topic has already been exhausted. Of course, with a good, successful conversation, you and your interlocutor can easily move from one topic to another. If you catch yourself thinking, "When did we finish discussing this topic?" Congratulations, you are having a great conversation!
8. 8 Be friendly. Of course, the topic of the conversation is very important, but your friendly attitude can play an even more important role in a successful start of the conversation. Your ease and good attitude will help the other person to relax and be more inclined to talk.Smile, show attention, and show your interest in the other person's affairs.
9. 9 Ask counter questions. One of the best ways to find a topic of conversation is to encourage the other person to share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas with you. If the interlocutor decided to tell you any personal things about his life or an interesting story, demonstrate your interest by asking counter questions. Make sure to ask the appropriate questions. Don't just talk about yourself. For example, you might ask something like this:
   • "Why do you like this (sport / TV series / movie / group) so much?"
   • "I also really like this band! What's your favorite album?"
   • "What first attracted you to ... (his hobby)?"
   • "I've never been to Krasnodar. What would you recommend to see there?"
10. 10 Avoid heated arguments. Even if you try to avoid controversial topics, sometimes they get involved willy-nilly. If you and your interlocutor accidentally start some "hot" topic, try to change it carefully and politely. For example, you might say:
    • "Maybe we should leave this debate to the politicians and discuss something else?"
    • "This is a rather complex topic, and I doubt we can discuss it now. Let's leave it for the next time?"
    • "Oh, this conversation reminds me of ... (bring up a more neutral topic)."
11. 11 Compliment. If you can give the other person a sincere, honest, and worthy compliment, don't hesitate! Such a move will help "spark" the conversation, as well as help your interlocutor to feel your attention and relax. For example, you can make the following compliments to your interlocutor:
    • "I really like your earrings. May I ask where you bought them?"
    • "This dish was absolutely delicious. Where did you find this recipe?"
    • "Football is a very stressful sport. You must keep yourself in great shape!"
    • You can also compliment the host of the event, especially if you and the other person are both familiar with the host.
12. 12 Find common interests, but be aware of your differences. If you and the other person have common hobbies, this is just great. However, you also have the opportunity to learn something interesting about other places, people and ideas that you are not yet familiar with. Try to find a balance between looking for something in common and trying to show interest in topics that you don't know much about.
    • For example, if you and the other person are fond of tennis, you can ask the other person what rackets he prefers. But if you play tennis, and your interlocutor is chess, you can ask how chess tournaments are held, whether they are different from tennis tournaments.
13. 13 Be equally involved in the conversation. Finding interesting and appropriate conversation topics is key to being a good conversationalist. But it's also very important to know when to keep quiet. Plus, you probably want the other person to enjoy the conversation with you too. Make it a goal to engage in a 50-50 conversation so that each of you feels comfortable and appreciated.
14. 14 Pay attention to the latest news. You will most likely find something interesting to tell faster if you have interesting thoughts and ideas about what is happening in the world. So stay up to date with news, pop culture, arts and sports. This will help you find an approach to an interesting conversation with a majority of people of different interests and views. There are several ways to start a conversation by mentioning a recent event, for example:
    • how the sports team performed;
    • a high-profile public event (such as a concert, parade, or play);
    • a new movie, book, album or show;
    • important news.
15. 15 Show your sense of humor. If you are a lucky guy with a gift for jokes and funny stories, then feel free to use your gift in conversation. Do not use your sense of humor against others, just politely and amiably dilute the conversation with a funny joke.
    • Make sure that your sense of humor does not mean insults, sarcasm, or black humor. Otherwise, such humor can be perceived negatively.
16. 16 Be yourself. Don't try to sound like an expert on topics that you're really bad at. Be honest and just share what interests you with the other person. Don't try to pretend you are not.
    • Sure, you can easily build a conversation if you're witty, funny, and interesting, but don't worry about these high standards. Just be nice and friendly, but be yourself.
    • For example, instead of trying to sound like an expert on traveling in Spain, you can simply say, "Oh! I've never been to Spain. What did you enjoy the most about this trip?"
17. 17 Don't be afraid of "normal" or "standard" thoughts. Sometimes people hesitate to take part in a conversation, because they think that their thoughts and ideas are not unique enough, original and creative. But there is no need to be ashamed of the fact that your thoughts and ideas often coincide with the thoughts of most people. If your knowledge of Claude Monet does not go beyond the school curriculum, feel free to share what you know, as well as learn from those who understand this topic better than you.
18. 18 Think back to previous conversations with this person. If you've met your interlocutor before, ask a specific question that relates to the previous conversation. Maybe the last time the interlocutor mentioned preparation for an important work project or sporting event? Did he say something about his spouse or children? If you show the person that you listened carefully, they will feel grateful towards you and want to open up to you even more.
19. 19 Think about interesting events in your own life. Remember what strange, interesting or funny situations happened to you lately? Have you had any interesting encounters or accidents? Telling the other person about them is a good way to start or continue a conversation.
20. 20 End the conversation politely. If you notice that you (or your interlocutor) begin to get bored and distracted by extraneous things, politely end the conversation. Just come up with a good excuse and agree to chat next time. Remember that having an interesting and successful conversation doesn't necessarily mean a long conversation - short, friendly conversations are also very important. Here are some polite ways to end a conversation when the topic has run dry:
    • "Look, I really enjoyed meeting you! Well, I won't take away from you the opportunity to hang out with the others."
    • "It was very interesting to discuss this topic with you. I hope we will continue the discussion next time!"
    • "I'm afraid I'll have to go back to say hello to my friend / event host / boss. I'm really happy to meet you!"

Method 2 of 3: Find Deeper Discussions

1. 1 As the conversation becomes more comfortable, start asking the other person more personal questions. It's great to start with a little light conversation, but deeper personal conversations are more satisfying. Once you are comfortable and comfortable with the other person in a simple conversation, start asking more personal questions to see if the other person is open to such an open conversation. For example, if you are discussing what you do for a living, you might ask the following questions:
   • What do you find most useful in your work?
   • Have you encountered any difficulties in your work?
   • What do you hope to achieve in the next 5 years?
   • Are you following the career path that you have outlined? Or did you take a more unconventional path?
2. 2 Consider the benefits of having these face-to-face conversations. Even introverts are much more fond of such conversations on deep topics. In general, light, casual conversations are popular with people, but conversations about personal topics make people happier.
3. 3 Move on to personal topics gradually. Do not immediately bombard the person with personal questions: slowly move on to this topic to see the reaction of the interlocutor. If the other person seems happy and content to you, continue the conversation. If you think the other person is feeling uncomfortable, change the subject even before you hurt the other person's feelings. Below are some sample ways to test the waters and understand if the other person is tuned in to such topics:
   • "I watched the political debate last night. What do you think?"
   • "I am terribly attached to our church community. Do you belong to any organizations?"
   • "I like bilingual education, although I understand that sometimes this is a rather controversial issue ..."
4. 4 Be open-minded. You should not convince other people of your point of view - this will not lead to anything good, except for the manifestation of negative emotions. On the other hand, if you show curiosity and respect for someone else's point of view, this will cause only positive emotions in the interlocutor. You should not treat personal topics as an opportunity to speak out and assert yourself. Treat them as a way to attract other people. Respectfully listen to their opinions, even if they differ from yours.
5. 5 Feel the soil, starting with small details. Sharing some small details from your own life and personal experiences is a great way to understand if the person wants to continue the conversation on a deeper level. If the answers of the interlocutor seem positive to you, you can continue this topic. Otherwise, it is worth turning the conversation to another topic.
6. 6 Answer common questions with a specific story. If the person asks you a general question, answer it by briefly describing the situation from your experience. This will help keep the conversation flowing and motivate the other person to share their personal experiences.
   • For example, if the other person asks what you do for a living, you can tell a funny story that happened to you on a recent trip to work.
   • If a person asks about your hobbies, instead of listing your hobbies, you can talk about the time you competed at an event.
   • If the interlocutor asks what interesting films you have watched recently, you can talk about a funny incident at the cinema.
7. 7 Be honest about yourself. Research results have shown that a person likes the interlocutor more if he shares information about himself. Of course, you don't need to talk too much about yourself, but try to be open and honest with other people about your life, your thoughts and opinions. Then the interlocutor will feel more comfortable with you and want to share information about himself with you. Don't be too restrained, don't be overly alert and secretive.
8. 8 Ask personal questions if you think the other person is ready to open up to you. Questions about values, personal experiences, and other personal issues that make the other person more vulnerable in your eyes actually lead to building stronger bonds, especially between people who have already gotten to know each other a little. If, after you have probed the ground, it turns out that the other person is open to more personal conversations, ask him a few questions on deeper topics. But it is very important to consider how comfortable your partner is, and also to be able to turn the conversation to a more neutral topic if the other person feels uncomfortable. Here are some of these personal questions:
   • What were you like as a kid?
   • When you grew up, who was your role model?
   • Do you remember your first day in kindergarten? What was he like?
   • Tell us about a situation when you found it most difficult to contain your laughter.
   • Which thing impressed you the most?
   • If you were in a sinking boat with an old man, a dog and someone who had just gotten out of prison, and you could only save one - who would it be?
   • Which would you choose: die completely unknown, but accomplished great deeds, or die a world hero who did not actually do what is attributed to him?
   • What are you most afraid of?
   • What confuses you the most?
   • If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
   • How far is your real life from the one you envisioned as a child?

Method 3 of 3: Demonstrate Your Communication Skills

1. 1 Pay attention to eye contact. Usually, people who look you in the eye don't mind talking to you. In addition, making eye contact also lets you know if the other person is enjoying the topic of conversation. If the interlocutor begins to get distracted and look in different directions, you should think about changing the topic of the conversation, asking the interlocutor a question, or politely ending the conversation.
2. 2 Be prepared for moments of awkward silence. That happens. Do not be shy about these moments, especially with those people with whom you already have a fairly close relationship. Don't feel obligated to fill in any gaps in conversations with your questions, opinions, or stories. Sometimes these pauses are completely natural and even have a positive effect on the conversation.
3. 3 Pause on purpose. Pause sometimes when talking about something. Thus, the partner can change the topic himself, ask questions or end the conversation if he feels that it is necessary. Make sure you're not the only one talking!
4. 4 Resist the urge to outshine everyone and everything. If you have just met this person, you should not immediately disclose all information about yourself until you know the person better. Too much information flow will make you intrusive and inclined to gossip in the eyes of the interlocutor. Maintain a friendly style of conversation without overly intimate topics until you get to know each other better. The following are topics that should not be discussed at the first meeting:
   • natural manifestations of the body and various sexual sub-themes;
   • recent breakup or relationship problems;
   • political and religious views;
   • gossip and obscene stories.
5. 5 Avoid those that the person can take to heart. Topics that people usually don't like to discuss in the workplace: appearance, relationship status, and socioeconomic status. Political and religious views are also quite a taboo topic (depending on the content of the conversation). Be considerate of the other person and try to maintain an easy and casual style of conversation until both of you understand what is interesting to you.
6. 6 Avoid overly long stories and monologues. If you have a funny story that you want to share, make sure it is short enough and has something to do with the interests of the person you are talking to. If this topic is interesting to you, this does not mean that it may interest your interlocutor. Feel free to briefly share your interests and hobbies, and then listen to what your interlocutor has to say. Allow the person to ask you counter questions (if they suddenly want to know more about your case) or change the topic (if they prefer to discuss something else).
7. 7 Don't take full responsibility. After all, maintaining a conversation is not only your task, it takes two to tango. If the other person is not overly interested in the conversation, find another person to talk to. Don't beat yourself up for a bad conversation.
8. 8 Be an active listener. Look the person in the eye and listen carefully when the other person is saying something. Try not to be distracted or show that you are bored. Show your interest and involvement in the conversation.
9. 9 Make sure your body language is open. The conversation will go much better and easier if you smile, nod occasionally and express your interest in the conversation in every possible way using your body language. Don't get distracted, don't cross your arms, don't look at the floor or check your cell phone all the time.Look the person in the eye from time to time and communicate openly with them.

Tips

• If you find yourself unable to find what to say, try relaxing at that moment. The more relaxed you feel, the better your brain will work, creating completely original and creative ideas.
• To make the person feel more comfortable around you, compliment them. For example, praise his taste in music or films, his looks, or his smile.
• If you feel like a moment of awkward silence has come, don't let it ruin the conversation. Come up with a new interesting topic, ask your interlocutor a personal question to find out more about him - just keep talking. Don't be afraid to ask the person about himself. If it seems to you that the interlocutor was confused by this or that question, just offer your answer to this question.
• Remember that in order for you to have something to share, something has to happen in your life. Look for new experiences so you have interesting stories!

Warnings

• People always need time to think. Therefore, you should not try to fill any moment of silence with endless nervous chatter.
• Don't talk too much about yourself. This will not only make you worry about how to present yourself better, but also create a bad impression - it is rather boring to listen to a person talking about his victories and exploits incessantly.
• Don't be rude.
• Do not be a burden to the interlocutor! Usually, what gets people to postpone a conversation is the urge to get into a "serious conversation" too quickly, especially if you don't know how the other person feels about it. Talking about the weather, holidays, or the latest news, you can chat with each other at the same time without resorting to talking about "my recent hernia" or "my relationship to world poverty." Also, avoid talking about politics until you get to know the person better.