Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: The magnitude of the conflict
• Method 2 of 3: As a party to the conflict
• Method 3 of 3: As an intermediary

Conflict is more than just a difference of opinion. Rather, it is a deep-seated problem that exists between people and affects their relationships. If you want to resolve a conflict with another person or act as a mediator, then the process of finding solutions will be quite similar. It is necessary to find common ground and conduct an open dialogue. The parties should listen carefully to each other and try to understand their opponent's point of view. Finally, try to find a compromise that will equally satisfy everyone involved in the conflict.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: The magnitude of the conflict

1. 1 Notice disproportionate reactions. Disagreements do not always turn into conflict, but if a person is offended or angry more than the situation requires, take a close look at his behavior. This could indicate the presence of internal conflict or a source of stress. On the other hand, if anger is directed at another person, then a conflict may erupt between people, which will require a solution. Be careful that such a conflict does not get out of control and escalate into violence.
   • For example, getting angry about your friend crushing a disposable plastic cup is a completely disproportionate reaction. Think about your relationship and understand what actions your friend has done in the past that have deeply hurt you.
2. 2 Consider the tension that exists beyond disagreement. If you have a conflict with a person, you will always hold a grudge against him, even if there is no disagreement between you now. If you are unhappy when a person just walks into the room, you need to resolve the conflict situation. It is only natural to try to hide the conflict in order to avoid unnecessary problems and inconveniences. Simple competition is not always easy to admit, but solving such a problem should not be difficult at all.
3. 3 Think about how others perceive your words and actions. People always consider the words and actions of others in terms of their relationship to the person. If you consistently downplay other people's ideas or work, there may be conflict between you. Before trying to find a solution, try to analyze your attitude towards the person in order to consider his words and actions impartially.
   • For example, if one of the employees draws up a report, and another employee sends the document for revision, then take a closer look at the situation. If they are not trying to discuss problem areas in the report, then help them resolve the conflict. Their relationship influences the perception of each other's work.

Method 2 of 3: As a party to the conflict

1. 1 Keep calm. A fiery temper always interferes with overcoming disagreements.Ultimately, you need to make up, not revenge. Politely tell the person (or use a facilitator if necessary) that you both need to calm down. Then agree on a time and place to discuss and resolve the conflict situation.
   • To stay calm, remind yourself that your goal is to solve a problem, not to prove that you are right.
   • You can also ask the person to help you find a solution. This will allow you to release some of the tension and relax a little.
   • It is pointless to try to resolve the conflict when you are on edge. If either side is upset, offer to take a short break to discuss the issue without unnecessary nerves.
2. 2 Make a list of the aspects that bother you. Before meeting a person, you need to think about and write down the potential causes of the conflict. Try to distance yourself as much as possible from your relationship and the person's personality. It is necessary to find the root of the problem and identify the aspects that need to be changed.
3. 3 Let the person speak. Nobody forbids you to express your opinion, but also do not interfere with the interlocutor to voice their views. Do not interrupt, even if you disagree with his words, so as not to add fuel to the fire. It is more important to understand the essence of the differences between you, rather than find the “right” solution. Your task is to try to understand and accept each other's points of view.
4. 4 Ask questions. If you do not understand the conclusions of the interlocutor, then ask questions. Wait for a pause in your conversation so as not to interrupt. Avoid harsh questions and sarcasm so that the discussion does not turn into an argument. If a person’s answers or arguments seem ridiculous to you, remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
   • So, you can clarify: "When did you first notice that I do not answer your calls?" By doing this, you are simply trying to determine the time frame of the conflict.
   • Example of a hostile question: "Why didn't you use any of the millions of other ways to contact me?" Such a question serves to show the interlocutor as a stupid person who is doing the wrong thing. After that, he will only be more offended and begin to defend himself, which will not help you solve the problem.
5. 5 Try to think creatively. Try to come up with as many solutions to the problem as possible. Both parties should think about the situation before the meeting, so that later they can join forces and start a discussion. Allow the discussion to develop in many different directions, if the discussion does not increase, in order to effectively resolve the conflict.
   • You may have to give up your option. For example, a conflict might be caused by a friend who took your bike without asking and nearly got into an accident. If your friend doesn't understand the reasons for your upset, the lack of understanding can turn into anger. Possible solution: Let your friend use the bike if they ask for your permission and follow the rules of safe driving.
6. 6 Take breaks. If any of you starts to boil, then take breaks from the discussion. Take your time and pull yourself together so as not to say anything offensive. You may need to take some time to think about the proposed solution or plan of action.
7. 7 Avoid negative phrases. Focus on the positive and try not to say "can't," "won't," or "no." Denials only make things worse. They focus you on the conflict rather than finding a solution. Ultimately, the only thing that matters is that the person accepts your desire to solve the problem.
   • For example, don't say, “I don’t like that you take your bike without asking.” This can be an important aspect of a conflict, but it will throw you back into the past when looking for solutions.
   • Better to say, "We need to set rules in case you need to take my bike again." This will provide you with a sensible solution rather than repeating the problem.
8. 8 Look for a solution that works for both parties. Some conflicts cannot be resolved in one conversation. Choose actions that are comfortable for both parties, and agree to return to the question after a while. Several discussions may be required for an effective solution.
   • For example, you are struggling to come to an agreement as to how acceptable it is to take someone else's bike without asking. At the same time, it can be agreed that the incident caused inconvenience to all parties.
9. 9 Find a compromise. In most conflicts, no one is completely right or wrong, so strive for a compromise that will satisfy both sides. Always try to be mature and generous in order to find the right solution. Don't compete in who is more right.
   • An example of a compromise: Agree with your roommate that she will use the washing machine on weekdays and weekend evenings, and you will use the washing machine on weekends and evenings on weekdays. This will help avoid future conflicts as you will be washing at different times.

Method 3 of 3: As an intermediary

1. 1 Consider how the mediator role suits you. You may consider yourself a great counselor and caring friend. However, you will not always be the best mediator for resolving a conflict. Make sure you are in a close but unbiased relationship with both parties.
   • Family members become the best mediators in quarrels between brothers and sisters. Parents, older siblings, or neighborhood friends are suitable for this role.
   • Disagreements at work are more sensitive because there are laws and rules for resolving conflicts. Typically, the role of intermediary is played by the heads and employees of the HR department. Always check company rules and policies regarding conflicts.
2. 2 Bring all sides together. Tell them that you want to help them overcome their differences. It is important to find a time that suits everyone. People will not be able to openly discuss their feelings until they gather in the same room with this intention. Listen to their suggestions or suggest time yourself.
   • This is not difficult in the case of a conflict at work. The boss may say that the conflict affects the work, so the employees need to discuss the situation.
   • Gathering two quarreling friends in the same room can be more difficult. The most direct way is to say that you want to help them solve the problem. If this is a delicate problem, then you can offer to meet and not say that the other side will be present at the meeting. It is important to understand that this is a risky move.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Gene Linetsky, MS

   
   
   Startup Founder and Chief Engineer Gene Linetsky is a startup founder and software engineer based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Has worked in the technology industry for over 30 years. He is currently the Chief Engineer at Poynt, a technology company that manufactures smart payment terminals for businesses.

   Gene Linetsky, MS
   Startup Founder & Chief Engineer

   Look for the positive aspects... Gene Liniecki, startup founder and software engineer, views some of the conflicts in a good light. He argues: "It is often very beneficial to assign two people with comparable skills to work on the same task, as this will control each other. Therefore, such rivalry (friendly, hopefully) will result in a more interesting solution than working on a project alone." ...

   
   
3. 3 Take the initiative. You don't need to control the entire conversation so as not to interfere with the natural solution to the problem, but try saying a few words to start the conversation. Ultimately, the parties must understand that their conflict is obvious to an outside observer and therefore can be harmful. Such a non-obvious fact may make the parties aware of the reality of the problem.
   • For example, in the case of children, additional clarification may be required. Tell me why the conflict is bad for each of them.Remind them how much fun they can have together.
   • If you are helping two adult friends resolve a conflict, the introduction may be shorter and more informal. Tell them that their conflict is uncomfortable for others, so they should talk.
   • At work, you need to prepare a list of theses that you must consider according to the rules and regulations. You can also say that conflict affects productivity. Your actions in such a situation are usually described in the enterprise rules.
4. 4 Let the parties speak. Most importantly, the parties have the opportunity to voice their grievances. Try not to interrupt unless people are being overly hostile or vicious. When trying to throw out the accumulated tension, it is impossible to do without emotions at all.
5. 5 Listen to both sides. Remember to be impartial. Even if you guess who is right in a given situation, you do not need to push the other side away and not allow them to speak. You simply cannot reach a compromise that way.
6. 6 Don't interfere with the discussion. State the purpose of the meeting and act as an impartial observer in the situation. Intervene when emotions run high or the interlocutors become silent, but remember that direct participants in the conflict should speak up.
7. 7 Take a side if appropriate. Sometimes it’s obvious that one side is wrong. You can easily push a person away from yourself if you refuse to admit someone is right. This does not mean that both sides disclaim responsibility for maintaining the conflict. However, in some situations it is necessary to openly admit that one of the parties is wrong.
   • For example, you can admit that a friend was wrong when he took someone else's bike without asking.
8. 8 Offer some compromises. Let people talk and listen to both sides, and then suggest solutions to the problem. Your options will allow them to take the initiative and choose the best solution. Your ideas should be based on logic, not personal opinion.
   • For example, in a bicycle situation, suggest these options.
     • You no longer allow a friend to take your bike to avoid future problems.
     • The friend can continue to use the bike, but under certain conditions.
   • Admit it if you are unable to find a solution. You don't need to come up with a solution if the question doesn't have a simple answer. For example, if a girl's partner has gone to another, then this problem has no simple solution. However, being able to speak openly can be beneficial for both parties.
9. 9 Motivate people to make up. Help them resolve the conflict on a positive note. The parties must tell each other that they no longer hold evil. In doing so, pay attention to people's emotions. Do not force them to shake hands or hug when they are not ready for it yet. This will only remind you of the conflict.
   • Don't ask people to apologize. Your offer to reconcile should trigger a natural urge to apologize. The words “Excuse me” are often the subject of controversy, and the parties will pronounce them when they are ready.