Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Are you losing yourself in an unusual and toxic relationship? Do you find your friends alienated and your family always saying that you are no longer yourself? Before you can regain yourself and your strength, you need to evaluate: whether this relationship is taking you away, and if so, you need to end it.

Steps

Method 1 of 2: Identifying Abuser

1. 

   Check out the signs below for a person who is fond of violence. You must answer honestly and not seek excuses for the behavior (don't say "It wasn't always the same", or "It just happened once or twice" - even if it only happens once. it is still the problem). Just answer yes or no. If you answered “yes” to 3 to 4 questions, it's time to break up and find someone who treats you better. Does that person have:
   • Shame you or make you joke in front of your friends and family?
   • Disregard your achievements and not support your goals?
   • Make you feel like you can't make your own decisions?
   • Humiliated, accused or threatened to force you to obey?
   • Say what you can and can't wear?
   • How do you have to style your hair?
   • Say you are nothing without them, or they are nothing without you?
   • Be rough at you - pull, push, pinch, scratch or hit you?
   • Calling you a few times a night to check you are at the right place where you said it?
   • As an excuse to get drunk to hit or say hurtful things to you?
   • Blame you for their feelings or behavior?
   • Sexually pressuring you to do things you weren't ready for?
   • Make you feel like this is a "no way out" relationship?
   • Preventing you from doing the things you want to do - spending time with family and friends, for example?
   • Preventing you from leaving after a fight, or leaving you somewhere to "teach you a lesson"?

2. 

   
   
   Listen to rumors or stories about the person. "Same story" but multiple versions? Do your friends tell you things that you've never heard before? Or his image is extremely contradictory? Half-truths or selected episodes both mean they have cut the truth. This is an alarming situation and you must trace the truth to the end.
   • When you are being controlled or abused, the person will usually tell you only half of the truth or leave out some details, so they cannot be considered lying. This is just enough to stop you from thinking, but not enough for you to reassess the relationship.
   • If this happens more than once, STOP and remind yourself that this is not your first time having such a reaction. Analyze the difference between what they say and what their friends say. If there are too many differences, pay attention to them. If their actions or answers are not reasonable, you should carefully reassess the relationship.

3. 

   
   
   Always keep your friends close to you - especially if the person is trying to push your friends away from the relationship. Separating you from friends and family increases their control over you. After that, they are so bad that they make you think: it's "yours" to give up on them. If they constantly gossip behind your friends, make fun of your family, or make a fuss every time you are going to see a friend ... Give up the relationship.
   • People who like to control or create tension and drama. They will confuse things by inciting others, taking passive aggressive behavior and igniting conflict. They will then act "naive" like children making mistakes and blame your friends or family.
   • They are more controlled when you feel there is too much stress between them and your loved one, and after that, you will have no one to rely on but that person.

4. 

   
   
   They exhibit jealousy or are highly possessive. If your lover knows how to protect you, that's fine. But if they cover you abnormally well, it will be very scary and annoying. Will the person query you if you don't get home on time, or if you have to go out for some reason? Do they question you why you talked to other people? Does the person tell you that you don't care about them every time you spend time with friends?
   • A little jealousy is normal, sometimes it's cute. But jealousy is not allowed to influence your other relationships. If they are too jealous, it means they don't trust you. And if they didn't believe you, they weren't worthy of your date.

5. 

   Avoid unfair and unreasonable situations. Your lover can be two hours late, and you will be beaten 5 minutes late? It's natural for them to flirt with others, and would you be a criminal if you greet someone? If you spend money, then you are the tipster, and if you spend money, are you a waste person? Whatever you do, you are always at fault - and this injustice is unacceptable. These are just games that give you more headaches. In highly controlling relationships, these behaviors are common. You will never argue against them, so don't participate in this game. Free yourself.

6. 

   Ignoring false acts of goodness. They did unacceptable things and ask your forgiveness. Watch out, those bad actions will recur because they believe you accepted and forgave them.
   • At this point, the person may be very repentant and say that they expect you to help them change, especially if you have shown that you cannot accept it anymore. They may give you gifts and try to manipulate you again. You can give them one more chance, or not. If they betray your beliefs again, get rid of all the annoyances and break up with them.
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Method 2 of 2: Put Yourself First

1. 

   Be honest with yourself, even if it hurts you. This is not going to be fun - abusive relationships are never fun. But you need to overcome your bad feelings and worries, otherwise you won't be able to understand everything. Is this relationship healthy or not? Be objective when analyzing what has changed since you started this relationship.
   • To be honest: sex can make you blind. Sex should never be the reason you have to be with someone, no matter how hot they are.

2. 

   Think about how the person is making you feel. You are the most important person in your life, right? Don't take your emotions as worthless, prejudiced or outrageous. If you feel you are not worthy of respect in this relationship, you will be treated the same way. End of the story - get out of there. This is also true if you:
   • Feeling afraid of how your loved one behaves or reacts.
   • Feel responsible for your partner's feelings.
   • Justify your lover's behavior toward others.
   • Believe it is all your fault.
   • Avoid everything that could cause disagreements or make your partner angry.
   • Feeling that the person is never happy with you.
   • Always do everything that person wants you to do instead of what you want to do.
   • Stay with them because you're afraid of what they'll do if you say goodbye.

3. 

   Evaluate other relationships. Is the relationship with your loved one and friends strained every time the name of your lover is mentioned? Does the same thing happen when your partner hears stories about your family and friends? The situation will become alarming if "everyone" close to you is worried or pushed away by your lover.
   • Has that person made you better or worse? Everyone is always proud of themselves - because everyone is a wonderful person. If you don't feel that way, you may have been drowned out by their negativity.
   • Notice how they treat their family and friends, especially if the person is always going against them, quarreling them, or slandering them often.
   • If you decide that ignoring your friends and loved ones will be “easier”, you let the abuser win. The time has come for you to end this toxic relationship.

4. 

   Ignore your own excuses for them - you defend them because you are in love. It's not a bad thing to let your emotions take over your mind, but you shouldn't leave your mind behind for too long. Dreams in love can make you turn a blind eye to warnings, even when your friends and family have tried to wake you up. You need "private" time to clearly tell everything. Put this relationship aside for a few days, then ask yourself:
   • Do you find yourself at fault or try to justify their bad behavior towards you? You should never find an excuse to stay in a relationship - they should treat you well enough that you want to be with them voluntarily.
   • Do you hide anything from people? Of course everyone has their own affairs, but you shouldn't hide a monster under your bed. The problem is not that you keep it a secret, the main problem is that you dated someone so badly that you didn't dare tell anyone in the first place.
   • Do you always do what they want instead of what you want? You don't have to have another boss in your life. You have the right to express your opinion and be respected by others - forget about the people who like to be sent.
   • Have you lost contact with your friends and family? No matter how much you love someone, you shouldn't feel cut off from your friends just because of your partner. They can isolate you because you are more susceptible to being manipulated - especially if they always show bad attitudes to your friends and family.

5. 

   Stop hating yourself for loving someone; break up with them as soon as possible. You should realize: it's not worth hurting yourself that you like their good looks. Controlling people are often smart and charming - and that's why they can manipulate others so easily. The best way to handle them is to get them out of your life. Those people are so shallow and don't deserve your time, and it's their fault, not yours. The only reason for them to manipulate you is because you are better than them - so be confident and step out of their lives.
   • Realize that they use your love for them to keep you locked in the relationship. You have no fault of loving them. They are wrong to take advantage of your feelings.
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Advice

• Don't be mean. You don't have to be like them to get out of this. This is not a match, and you should not continue this relationship either. Don't try to show them the warnings mentioned above. These people don't realize it is them. This is like plucking a buffalo's ear - it takes time and effort.
• If the person threatens you, seriously prepare a self-defense plan. Don't underestimate what the person can do to keep you in control. If you need help, call or go to a support center.
• Confess to friends and family - apologize to "them" for alienating and disregarding their opinions about your loved one. Say you wish you had obeyed them. Let go of all the frustrations and pain in your heart - they will be willing to share it with you. They will be more than happy when you announce your breakup.
• Don't ignore the opinions of relatives and friends; they "always" value your interests. You can ignore the same person - but not if many people have the same opinion.Did they say that you are acting weird lately? Do they comment that you are very different - not in the "positive" sense? Is there someone you love and respect that show that they don't like your partner?
• The imposition of people who like to abuse is "smart" and often takes place slowly. The purpose of this article is to help you spot warning signs in your relationship. These signs can be very subtle, so it's helpful to consider a range of signals for you; If there was only one sign, there was nothing to worry about.
• If they say one thing, do another, don't listen to what they say, just watch what they do. Decide based on behavior instead of words. Their apologies are often insincere, and what they really want to say is, "Sorry I don't like it, but I still will."

Warning

• Their control and manipulation often stems from being abused by their parents or suffering from a psychological disorder. You cannot change or cure them, no matter how much you care; The best help you can give them is (A) refusing to fall victim to them and (B) taking them to see a doctor.
• Watch out for people who are stalking, violent or threatening - including threats to harm you and your advocates, or threats of suicide. Don't just rely on your own judgment to judge the level of danger. Please notify the police immediately. That person "can" is just mean, not dangerous, but "never risk it". If necessary, ask for a restraining order against them and call the police “every time” they violate the order.
• They do not understand or accept the concept of compassion, in the end, both of you will be more hurt because they can use compassion against you. Breaking up with them can be cruel, but it will put an end to all confrontations and force them to move on or seek help.