Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

If you have been the victim of an abusive relationship in the past, you need to be especially careful about who you choose to be your partner in the future so that the same isn't true. Even if you have never been in a violent relationship, you need to be aware of the qualities of a man who can be an abuser in order to protect yourself.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Personality Assessment

1. 

   Beware of seemingly perfect man. Of course, not everyone who looks perfect is abusive. But some violent people are concerned about looks and popularity and appear to have many friends. He may focus on his looks so much that he is less concerned with maintaining a healthy relationship.
   • This is also associated with the development of a tendency to over-control in abusers; they are very careful in maintaining their own image. Likewise, they want absolute control over others.

2. 

   
   
   Watch out for signs of co-dependence or too fast binding. Violent men tend to jump into relationships quickly. This factor is associated with extreme behavior which is quite common among abusers. Someone may possess abusive traits if he:
   • Urge you to make a commitment that you are his own or live together quickly
   • Claim that the relationship is "love at first sight" or that he cannot live without you
   • Makes you feel guilty for not being as quick as ready for a bonding relationship as he is

3. 

   
   
   Monitor the person's jealousy and insecurity. Does he overreact when you spend time meeting other people? Does he dislike your friends for no apparent reason? Did he accuse you of cheating? These are signs that he is overly jealous. The larger indication that he has a rather high “jealous blood” is his tendency to distort or manipulate the way he expresses his jealousy. Signs that he can manipulate or re-establish his jealousy include:
   • Saying that his jealousy is a sign of deep love
   • Disguise jealous behavior as care
   • Claims that he is curious about what you did and who you interacted with during the day, but that he is actually monitoring your behavior and interactions.
   • Say he doesn't like you spending time with other people because he misses you so much
   • Pretend he came over to your house to visit you or to give you a surprise gift but he is actually trying to check what you're up to.

4. 

   
   
   Talk to your prospective spouse to find out how he feels. Many abusive men find it difficult to express their feelings. Before entering into a serious relationship with someone, talk to him as much as possible so you can assess his personality and determine if he shares. problems related to emotions or not. It also shows that he is willing to feel hurt: this is what makes many violent people uncomfortable.

5. 

   Do not tolerate violence or signs of violence. If your prospective spouse shows signs of violence towards you, to others, or even to inanimate objects, stay away from him. For example, if he gets angry and punches a wall or a table, this could be a sign of a tendency to be violent in the future.
   • Another warning sign for violent behavior is a compulsive or controlling attitude toward sex, even in a playful way.

6. 

   Look for a history of violence. A person who is emotionally violent will often be violent in other situations as well. Look for a history of the person's violence against past relationships, loved ones, or animals. Most men who have abused another person in the past will continue this behavior in the future.
   • If you decide to enter a relationship with someone with a history of abuse, encourage him or her to participate in a perpetrator intervention program.
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Method 2 of 3: Evaluate Your Relationship

1. 

   Determine if your relationship is happy and healthy. If you are in the early stages of a relationship, things may not be fully developed yet, but you will need to determine if you are on your way to a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is built on love, trust, and communication. Signs of a healthy relationship are when both people are able to:
   • Share your feelings and thoughts openly
   • Feel safe and happy together
   • Admit when I'm wrong
   • Share things you admire about each other
   • Spend time doing a variety of different activities: close, have fun, talk seriously, share experiences, and more.

2. 

   Talk to your partner about how he feels about his role in the relationship. Ask about the person's views on an equal relationship. Violent people tend to favor the “traditional” role of each sex in a relationship. However, keep in mind that a lot of people talk great but don't act as they say.
   • Abusive men often think that women are inferior to men. If your prospective spouse has expressed thoughts that men are superior to women, he may not be the right person for you, even if he is not an abuser. You should choose someone who respects you.

3. 

   Notice when your partner is trying to isolate you. An early warning sign of an abusive or controlling relationship is when your boyfriend tries to separate you from another person. If he tries to limit the amount of time you spend with friends or family, get out of the relationship as soon as possible. This is a trend that can continue and intensify until victims are so completely isolated that they feel as if they have nowhere left to go if they want to leave their abuser.

4. 

   Find out what your partner said about you during a time when you weren't around. Even if you are having some problem, members of a healthy bond will talk well about their partner in front of others. If your partner slanders you, insults you, or blames you for problems that happen when you're not around, he is prone to violence. While it can be hard for you to know what someone said about you in your absence, if you feel confused, you can always ask about it. advertisement

Method 3 of 3: Recognize the Signs of Abuse

1. 

   Realize when you feel scared in front of your partner. It is not normal to be afraid of a lover or anger. If you are just in the beginning of a relationship and you are anxious about your partner, quit the relationship right away. The longer the relationship progressed, the worse the abuse became. It will be difficult for a victim to leave a loved one even with increasing violence.

2. 

   See if you feel extremely guilty. Do you often feel guilty? Do you feel like you're disappointing the other person, or are you not being good enough? Sometimes, the real guilt is caused by you, but remember that the abuser has the power to make the victim feel guilty. This is one of the tools they often use to keep a victim in a relationship.
   • If your guilt is entirely in your heart, you should see a therapist to address the underlying cause of this feeling.
   • If you are being manipulated or led into feeling guilty, your partner is probably subtly controlling your thoughts and actions.

3. 

   Evaluate whether you're using your time the way you want. Some victims of an abusive relationship feel as though they need to ask their partner for permission before they do anything. If you find yourself just doing what your partner wants or you have to ask for his or her permission to do something, you may be falling victim.
   • Remember that asking for permission to do something is completely different from talking about how you spend your time. You can talk and agree about what you should do without losing control of your actions.

4. 

   Don't give up on friends and hobbies. It can be easy to get caught up in a new relationship, but if you feel like you're losing yourself, take a step back. Incorporate a new relationship in your own life without losing contact with your friends or getting rid of your favorite things before meeting a new partner. advertisement

Advice

• Do not keep the violence private! You should share it with someone you love, trust, and know well.
• A violent man may accuse you of not loving him. Don't let yourself be fooled. These are just tactics he uses to make you feel guilty and unable to leave him.
• If you tell him you can't tolerate his behavior and he apologizes to you the minute before and the next minute is to blame you, he is not being honest. It's time to move on.
• If your boyfriend hits you, get rid of him right away. This can be part of a habit of violence. He will probably perform this action a second, third, fourth, hundred times, until you leave him or die. Get out of this relationship.
• Store copies of keys or important documents in a place where only you can find them so that when you need to escape immediately, you won't be locked in the house and can use your car and take it with you. projection, etc.
• If you do decide to leave him, then you should not hesitate and remember to sever all ties and contact with him. This is the only way you can succeed in moving forward. He needs to respect this. He must leave you alone when you ask.
• Think ahead of time about a safe place to go and you should not go to a place where he can find you. You should go somewhere he has no right to visit.
• When you want to tell him that it's over, you should do it where everyone can see you, but not necessarily hear what you say.You don't want to end up being violent in the process of preventing this from happening, and he won't be able to touch you in public either.
• If you become aware that you are the abuser, you should proceed to raise the problem and seek help immediately.

Warning

• Many abusers can be pretty good actors. You should never underestimate this. Especially if you are thinking about leaving, and the abuser suddenly changes personality, constantly apologizing to you, affirming that they will never treat you like that in the future, etc.
• Don't let yourself fall victim, try to get out of a dangerous situation no matter what.
• Let others know about your situation so they can help you.