Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Ending a relationship is never easy. While many people don't think so, ending a relationship can be as exhausting as being abandoned by the other person. Before you decide to end a relationship, consider carefully why you broke up. Even if you are sure, remember that the person you are going to be going to be the person you love. You should be honest, but don't be ruthless and merciful, but don't give the other person hope. With a little dexterity and care, you should be able to end the relationship and minimize emotional pain. Be very careful, as it can also hurt you.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Getting Ready to End a Relationship

1. 

   Make sure you want to end the relationship. Don't use breakup threats as a tool to get what you want in an argument. If you do, be prepared to take your word back with action, otherwise swallow the threat down before speak out. Discuss openly and directly with your partner before making a decision. Many people often endure for many years and never tell their other half, this is the cause of so many breakups.
   • If you really want to end the relationship, make a list of the reasons you are dissatisfied with it - and why those cannot be changed.

   

   
   

   Elvina Lui, MFT

   Elvina Lui marriage and family therapist is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in relationship counseling. She received her Master's Degree in Consulting from Western Seminary in 2007 and has been MFT certified for over 7 years.

   

   Elvina Lui, MFT
   Marriage and family therapist

   Determine what needs to be changed. Family and marriage expert, Elvina Lui, said: "If you start to feel unhappy and wonder if you should break up, there is definitely something to be dealt with. Maybe it's time to break up. , or your relationship just needs to improve. Determining what your needs are and how they are not being satisfied is the first step to repair or end that relationship ".

2. 

   
   
   Make decisions while awake. Don't decide to break up in anger, when you feel unsettled, or after you've had a bad week and you blame your relationship for all the problems you have. Before making this important decision, take time to seek advice from friends and parents who have a good understanding of your relationship.
   • When you decide to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don't tell your best friend or anyone else about it, or it might reach the other person's ears. You can ask for advice from friends and family, but once you have decided, what you should do next is tell your boyfriend or girlfriend.

3. 

   
   
   Choose the right time and place. Choosing a time and place allows both you and the person you plan to break up a bit privately. Don't break up with someone right before an important test or before going to work. Friday is a good choice because it gives the other person two weekends to recover to some degree.
   • Don't break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend at your favorite restaurant, bar or place. Choose a neutral place that doesn't mean anything special to either of you.
   • Pick a time when you know you'll be in a calm state. Don't break up with your spouse after you know you'll have to work overtime due to a stressful meeting at work.

4. 

   Make sure you do meet in person to end the relationship (in most situations). To give your partner the respect he or she deserves, you should meet face-to-face to end the relationship, no matter how scared you are.
   • The only acceptable situation for a breakup over the phone is if you are in a long distance relationship and know that you won't see each other for a long time, or if you're in a controlling relationship or violent. If your partner has a tendency to flare out of anger, violence, or other intimidating behavior, it is best to end the relationship remotely.
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Part 2 of 3: Ending a Relationship

1. 

   Definitely about the breakup. Be steadfast in what you say - indecision with the fragile hope that you will make them feel "lighter" will only hurt them more. A breakup doesn't have to be a dramatic or stressful one. Go into the matter and say that you don't want to continue in a relationship when it is not working. Doing other things will only lead to controversy.
   • Avoid saying things that make the other person think this is just a breakup and that you will be back to normal after taking a break for a while.
   • Maybe you think it will help the other person less hurt by saying, "I'm not really ready for this right now" or "Maybe in a while things will get better ..." but If you don't really mean it, then it will only add to the pain for your other partner.

2. 

   Be honest, but don't be ruthless. You don't want to make your partner go away when you're still uncertain about why your relationship is ending, but you don't want him or her to walk away after hearing 20 things you don't like. most of them. Be honest about why the relationship needs to end, whether it's because you feel suffocated, controlled or disrespectful. Don't waste time chattering.
   • The most difficult reason for breaking up is that you simply don't love that person anymore, because it's not their fault. In this case, you should still be honest, but say it in the lightest way possible.
   • Once you have given your main reason, you don't have to go into small details and repeat the previous argument, unless the other person really doesn't understand. There is no point in bringing up past problems and making the pain even longer.
   • Don't put the person down and make them feel insecure and helpless. Don't say "I want to be with a real man" - say instead, "I think you should have more confidence in yourself".
   • Whatever the reason, it shouldn't be too surprising to the other person. If you have been frank about the subject many times, then it won't surprise the other person too much.
   • Avoid giving a long list of reasons why you would kick him or her. Shorten your reasons to one key issue: "We don't get along", "I see you don't support my work and I don't want to change it", "I want kids and you no "or similar specific reasons.

3. 

   Be prepared to experience the backlash. The person who was kicked often reacted with anger or amazement, shock, or panic. If he responds angrily, try to calm and calm him. Speak in a soft voice even when he starts screaming. If things get out of hand, leave and let him calm down - but make sure you assure him you're ready to come back later, when he feels more comfortable. Don't just say, "Oh forget, I'm going".
   • Comfort him if necessary, but don't go too far. Tell him what you think if things are uncomfortable or inappropriate. You do not want to go into the dirt of the car. Be compassionate, but be firm and stop contacting for a short while if things tend to get worse.
   • If you're worried about leaving the person alone, call a friend, explain what happened, where he is, what you're worried about and what you want the friend to. do. Sorry for the damage you have caused, thank you for the help that happened later on.
   • If your ex is so angry that he won't listen to anything, say, "It doesn't matter if you scold others. I have made a decision, and I won't change my mind, but I will. Talk to me if you can calm down. Take the time to calm your mood and then call me - we can talk more clearly. " If he does call, keep it. Listen to the phone. If he asks you, answer honestly and kindly, but keep the conversation short and polite so that you won't make the pain any longer.

4. 

   Set a clear line on your future interactions. Once you get started, be polite but steadfast about these boundaries and make it clear that you won't accept a negotiation. You can sever relationships with him or her without giving them a chance to discuss what happened. Try to make a failed relationship valuable by making it an opportunity to learn, grow and learn more about the types of people to avoid.
   • If you both have mutual friends and want to stay away for a while, make a "mutual" plan so that you can still meet your friends without accidentally meeting each other.
   • If you both like the same cafe or join a beauty club together, try to arrange a suitable time to avoid each other. You don't have to be too strict or rigid about this, but it can help you avoid feeling the pain of unintentional contact.
   • If you two keep each other's things or even live together, plan to rearrange your clothes as soon as possible so you don't have to keep seeing each other again.

5. 

   Know when to leave. One of the easy mistakes you make when ending a relationship is to let the debate last forever. Forever. And forever. And forever. Summarizing expenses, common assets, etc. is one thing, but going on and on useless public chores is another.
   • When the conversation returns to the starting point - in other words, the two of you just looping around the same ideas without reaching a pivotal point - stop. It is time to say "I think we should continue this later or stop" and leave.
   • If the other person doesn't understand why you want to break up, you can try to make things clearer with a letter or text. Say what you need to say and let the other person justify it with a text so they feel they are heard and stop there. It will be easier to break a relationship when you are not together.
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Part 3 of 3: Living Life After Breakup

1. 

   Don't try to hold friendships right away. Trying to be "friends" can prolong the pain of separation. Usually, the best way is to end and be apart. After a while, perhaps three months, a year or more, when you meet the other person again and don't feel the same grief, maybe then you can work hard to be friends. Even so, be gentle and respectful of your ex's needs - she or he may need more time than you. If that happens, don't force your thoughts on the other person to try to be friends.
   • If the ex asks you "Can we still be friends?", Answer, "No, we can't. still be friends. Right now, I think it'd be best if we ended everything. ”If forced, say“ Look, we started out as friends too and crossed that line. To become friends, we will have to go back to the beginning and honestly I don't want to go back. Now, we need to move forward. That means we need to distance our broken relationship from whatever new relationship we will have. Take a break, take some time and give each other the distance we need to recover and move on. Maybe sometime later, when we meet again, we can let go of our anger and become friends. Let it all go natural. ”However, make it the last of the two to talk about. end neatly so that the two of you do not need to contact any more.
   • If you two have mutual friends, notify them of the breakup and let them know that you will not be at any of the gatherings where the other person is also attending and if that means they have to. choosing a side is also hard to do.

2. 

   Take time to deal with your loss. Of course, you're the one who wants to break up, but in most cases it doesn't mean you want to party all night to celebrate your upcoming single life. What people do not understand is that the person who took the initiative to break up is as sad as the person who broke up. In some cases, the person who said goodbye first feels even more distressed, because perhaps they feel guilty, even though they know they did it right.
   • After the breakup, take a moment to reevaluate your life and think about what you can do to make it happier in the future.
   • You can spend a week or two just crying and misery, journaling, and nesting in bed. But then, there will come a time when you will have to step out into the world again and slowly start getting back to life's reel.
   • Calling a friend when you need it can help you feel better. Going clubbing and drinking to forget your reality after the breakup won't help you.

3. 

   Enjoy life after the breakup. After a few weeks, or months, you will begin to enjoy your life again. By then, surely you and your ex have truly separated and found a way to avoid meeting each other, which is extremely beneficial for the recovery process. Once you feel like yourself again, you should be happy with your friends and loved ones and pursue your interests and find new passions.
   • If you want to feel like you are the same person you used to be, you should avoid doing the things you and your ex did together, whether it's walking at your favorite place or drinking at a restaurant fixed bar.
   • Make a few changes. To feel new, rearrange your furniture, wash your car, and find a new hobby that you've never tried before, like volleyball or fine arts.
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Advice

• Be determined and honest from the start to avoid making the other person hope and trusting that you will come back someday.
• Don't argue or confront if possible. Wait until everyone is calm enough to talk about breaking up if needed.
• Don't play video games or start ignoring the other person before breaking up with him. If you want it to end, you should cut it off sooner than later.
• Spend time apart; and give the other person time to deal with things before meeting new people. Usually at least a week, but it can change depending on the depth of love and how long you are dating. If the two of you have been together for a year or more, or if the breakup is extremely painful, avoid crushing on the mistakes the other person made. One way to avoid being malicious when you date someone is to take new people to new places instead of where you used to go with your ex. Be more tolerant, and allow your ex to keep their lives as little changed as possible - you've moved on, and that's easier for you because you've prepared for the end. . By letting the other person maintain a stable life, you can walk your own path and still give the other person a little self-esteem.
• Don't wait until after having sex before breaking up. It is very painful and very selfish.
• Please meet in person to break up, never text!

Warning

• Avoid giving the person hope that things can go on. If you have decided on the next step, you need to make your point clear. If you can still save it, don't break up. Instead focus on how you should both save the relationship. Breaking up is not something you use to threaten or make someone change.
• Don't say "It's not me, it's because of you". It is very insulting and cliché, even if it is true. Most people understand that it means "I didn't say you were the real reason but it's me, I just don't have the courage to say it."
• Don't be discouraged if he starts to cry. Remember why you did that!
• Never make him feel like he is fully responsible for the failure of the relationship.