Content

• Steps
• Advice

Or believe your friend has just gone through a painful breakup, recently lost someone, or is struggling with some other problem, maybe you wish you could be of some help. Pain cannot be erased by any word or action. But you can still be there and give her lots of support. In any case, be a good friend and contribute to the healing of their damaged heart.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Being with them

1. 

   Encourage them to express their feelings. To get through tough times, your ex needs to deal with her own feelings. So encourage them to express their pain. Remind your friend that denying the truth or ignoring your feelings won't make you feel better.
   • Let them know that there is nothing wrong with crying. Tears will heal the wound!
   • If it feels like your friend is cowering or hiding her feelings, explain that the more you do this, the more difficult the pain will be to overcome.
   • Stages of grief often include sadness, shock, remorse, and fading. Don't worry too much when your friend goes through all of these phases.
   • Everyone suffers in very different ways. So, don't judge their suffering. Even so, if it seems that the pain is making them numb, dull, and not getting better, consider asking them to see a therapist for this.
   • If a loved one has just passed away, helping to plan a memorial service can be helpful.

2. 

   
   
   Listen. Sharing your feelings will help heal the pain, so let them know that you will always be there and ready to listen when they need it. Be a good listener and let your friend vent his feelings for as long as you want.
   • Don't forget to say you're willing to listen. They may really want to talk but are worried that they will disturb you.
   • Find a way to talk to them as soon as you hear the news and let them know that you are worried about them. At the same time, don't feel offended when waiting and they don't want to speak yet.
   • Unless asked, don't give any advice. Maybe that friend just wanted to confide in his heart.
   • If they don't want to talk, encourage them to write their thoughts in a journal.
   • It's okay to ask about what happened, especially when it's best friends. Doing so will help you understand what your ex is going through and how you can help them.

3. 

   
   
   Sympathetic. Let your friend know that you care about their feelings, and you want to help them get through this difficult time. Instead of judging, simply take note of their pain and say that you are sorry that they have suffered it.
   • Always offer simple condolences, such as: "I am very sorry for your loss".
   • If they just broke up, don't assume that you need to gossip about the other person to make them feel better. Instead of statements like: "He's a bastard and it would be better without him", just note their feelings of loss like: "Losing someone you care about must be very difficult." .
   • Pointing out the positives of the situation alone won't help. Instead of saying "Everything has a reason", simply say, "I'm really sorry for what you are going through. How can I help you?".
   • Don't tell your friend that everything happens for a reason. It is likely that you will lower their pain for saying such things.

4. 

   
   
   Consider their situation. The pain can always be around and so don't expect your friend to be all right after a day or two. Regularly check in and ask questions about their feelings. Always let them know you are there and want to help when they need it.
   • Don't wait for them to find you on their own. Maybe they really need you, but they don't have the courage to find you.
   • Call or text her to let them know you think of her. Depending on how close you are, you may want to do it every day or every few days until they feel better.
   • Call at the right time so they know you're thinking about them. For example, if a loved one has just passed away, don't call while the funeral is in progress. Call in the evening or the next day to inquire about them.
   • When you ask them, don't forget to say that if they want to talk, you'll always be there.

5. 

   Help with small things. If their mood is so bad that they don't care about their daily routine, help them. For example, bring supplies, food or come home to help them with chores.
   • If the offer is turned down, let them know you keep the offer and it's in effect when needed.
   • If you're a good friend, consider surprise them with something they didn't know in advance, like ordering a pizza home for them.
   • Consider inviting them over for dinner. This will help foster their health and also help them get out of the house to breathe the air, which is probably good for them.

6. 

   Don't be in a hurry. It's great that you want to help, but what you can do is limited. It is necessary for them to have the space to suffer in their own way and to give them the time necessary to overcome that pain. Don't expect them to recover immediately or try to force them through their pain.
   • Remember that during this time, they may be a little selfish and not be your good friends anymore. Please sympathize with them. When everything is over, they will return to who they were.
   • Be patient, step by step as you encourage them to become more active. If they aren't comfortable partying, ask if they want to come home and watch a movie with you.
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Part 2 of 3: Help them get through

1. 

   Let them know how strong they are. Right now, they probably can't be very satisfied with themselves. So reminding them how strong and amazing they are will help a lot. Talk about the things you admire about them and that these qualities are also what they need to get through these tough times.
   • Consider making a list of their best qualities. This may be what the household needs to feel better.
   • Give examples of why you think they are strong. Remind them of their hardships and say that you are proud of how they went through them.

2. 

   Help them become independent. If they used to do things with someone who is no longer a part of their lives, like a lover, they may feel they need someone to continue living. Help them realize that it is possible for them to live a full life without that person by encouraging them to do everything on their own or with their friends.
   • This may include helping them find new interests - activities that do not remind them of old people, or even making new friends.If most of the people they spend time with are also old friends, try introducing them to a few new friends who didn't know before.
   • If they have a hobby or have enjoyed a certain activity, let them do it. Thereby, bringing their minds away from the endless thoughts about the broken love story.

3. 

   Take part in activities together. Physical activity has a wonderful mental impact and will help them overcome the pain. Any form of practice, whether it's an organized sport or simply play, will be good for them.
   • Consider inviting them to a gym class with you.
   • If you can't motivate them to do anything, see if they'll be willing to go for a walk with you.

4. 

   Encourage them to seek professional help. If your friend is in a deep crisis and is having trouble coping with existing pain, encourage him or her to talk to a psychiatrist. Maybe the specialist will have specific support and encouragement - something the loved one can't do.
   • This is especially important if the friend feels suicidal or has self-destructive behavior, such as finding drugs or injuring himself. They need help and so make sure they get the help they need!
   • Support groups can also be an option, depending on the pain they are facing. This gives them a chance to talk to people who understand exactly what they are going through.
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Part 3 of 3: Prevent self-destructive behavior

1. 

   Offer to quarantine the technology world for a while. If they just broke up, they may have a tendency to talk badly about their ex or to spread the word on social media. However, this really won't be of any use. Try to convince them to take a break from social media and keep the relationship private. As a result, they will not have to see anything that old people or friends post about this breakup.
   • Taking a break from technology can also be suitable for other forms of emotional pain, especially when they are surrounded and overwhelmed by the sympathy and sharing from those around them.

2. 

   Prevent obsessive behavior. Certain activities will only aggravate pain and so try to identify destructive habits that will upset them and discourage them from continuing with them. Let them know how you feel about this and encourage them to give it up.
   • Make sure they don't harass their ex-boyfriends after they break up. If they don't stop calling your ex or asking anyone who knows what he is doing, let them know the behavior is causing you concern.
   • If they simply lost their job, prevent them from reading (or posting) negative comments about the old company online.

3. 

   Beware of unhealthy habits. We often forget our health when faced with difficult times in our lives. So make sure this doesn't happen to your friend. If you find that they are not getting enough sleep, do not eat or drink, or start drinking alcohol or taking medications, express anxiety and direct them toward healthier choices.
   • When you notice any of the above, let them sit down and talk directly. They may not realize what they are doing themselves.
   • If you are really worried about your friend, talk to people who can help support them. This is especially important if the friend is not of adulthood. Their parents need to know about their self-destructive behavior.

4. 

   Consider replacement relationships with caution. There are conflicting views on whether it is good to start a new relationship immediately after the breakup. If your friend immediately plunged into a new relationship after breaking up with someone, you should probably talk to him about the reasons behind this desire.
   • If you try to fill the void left by your ex by getting to know someone they weren't normally interested in, then this alternative relationship may do more harm than good.
   • On the other hand, if you feel ready for a date and seem to understand what you're looking for in a boyfriend, a new relationship may be just what they need.
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Advice

• If they want to talk, let them do it. Surely, instead of simply listening, you are actually listening. Don't interrupt them.
• You may find yourself in a dilemma when their ex-boyfriend is your friend. At that time, it's important to talk with both of you about their expectations to avoid getting upset when you talk to either of you in the future.