Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Understanding your shyness
• Method 2 of 4: Part two: Capture your mind
• Method 3 of 4: Part three: Conquering social situations
• Method 4 of 4: Part four: Challenging yourself
• Tips
• Warnings

Does the simple thought of speaking in front of a group of people scare you so much that you want to stick your head out of the window when you get out of the shower, hoping to catch a cold? If so, you are far from alone. Many people in the world suffer from mild to extreme shyness and struggle to overcome it. Remember, breaking out of that shell doesn't magically happen overnight. It takes time, effort and of course the desire to change. You're on the right track by being on this page - now let's hang on.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Understanding your shyness

1. Think about the basis of your shyness. Shyness does not necessarily mean that you are too introverted or dislike yourself. It just means that for some reason you're ashamed to be in the spotlight. What is the basis of your shyness? It is usually a symptom of a bigger problem. Here are three options:
   • You have a weak self-image. This happens when we evaluate ourselves and the voice in our head is negative. It's hard to stop listening to it, but at the end of the day it's your voice and you can tell it what to say.
   • You're busy with how you get it off. This happens when we focus too much on ourselves. Since we monitor our actions all day long and make sure not to screw up, we also assume everyone is doing this. We talk about turning the focus on others if this sounds like yourself.
   • You have trouble accepting compliments. Maybe you don't believe you're pretty. If someone says you are pretty, they think so. Why would they say it if you don't mean it? Say, "Thank you" and accept the compliment. Don't try to convince the person you're complimenting that they're wrong.
   • You have been labeled shy by others. Sometimes when we are little we are shy. Unfortunately, people hold on to that and treat us as such, even as our personality grows out of shyness. It is possible that others put you in this category and you try to accommodate them.
     • Whatever your reason, it's good to get over it. There are many ways of thinking and your thinking is the one thing you can control. Hell yes!
2. Accept the fact that you are shy. One of the first steps to overcoming shyness is to try to accept that you are shy and feel good about it. The more you consciously and unconsciously suppress and conceal your shyness, the longer it will last. For example, you can say to yourself: I am shy and there is nothing wrong with that.
3. Find out what your impulses are. Do you become shy in front of a new audience? When you learn a new skill? If you venture into a new situation? When you are surrounded by people you know and admire? When you don't know anyone in a place? Try to identify the thoughts that go through your mind before embarrassment hits.
   • Chances are, not all situations make you shy. You're okay around your family, right? How different are they from the strangers around you? They aren't - you just know them better and otherwise they know you. It's not you, it's just the situations you are in. This proves that it is not a global thing 100% of the time. Excellent.
4. List all the situations that make you feel anxious. Arrange them so that the things that make you the least anxious come first and the things that make you most anxious come last. When you put things down concretely, it feels like a task that you can tackle and tackle successfully.
   • Make them as concrete as possible. Talking to people can be impulse, but you can be more specific. Talking to those who have more authority than you? Talking to people you find attractive? The more specific you are, the easier it will be to pinpoint the situations and work your way through them.
5. Conquer the list. Once you have a list of 10-15 stressful situations, start working through them, one by one (after reading the article, of course). The first few easier situations will help you build your confidence so that you can move on to the more difficult situations on your list.
   • Don't worry if you sometimes have to back down on your list, take it at your own pace, but make an effort to put some pressure on yourself.

Method 2 of 4: Part two: Capture your mind

1. Use your shyness as a cue, a trigger for behavior. Whatever it is that makes you shy works like a computer program and initiates certain interrupt operations. People often react naturally since childhood, and teach themselves to avoid certain situations, such as addressing strangers. For example, some people see a lizard as a dangerous reptile, and others a beautiful creature. The difference is in memories and experience (or lack of experience) with the stimulus (lizard). Shy people respond to other people in the same way (the stimulus). This reaction can be changed:
   • Question your own responses by considering their validity. For example, those of public speaking. If you feel shy in public, try delaying the shyness cue for as long as possible. You are likely to find yourself in a quiet place. Do the opposite and talk to people. You will feel uncomfortable at first because your natural behavior is so different. But after a few tries, you will find that your response was learned, and not necessarily necessary.
2. Focus your attention on others. 99% of us think we will get shy when we speak out loud or stand out and shame ourselves. That is why it is important to focus on others, to focus our (mental) attention elsewhere. When we stop focusing on ourselves, we will stop worrying about how we got off.
   • The easiest way to do this is to focus on compassion. When we feel compassionate, sympathetic, or even empathetic, we stop worrying about ourselves and start devoting all of our mental resources to understanding others. Remembering that everyone is fighting some sort of battle - big or small (big to them!) - helps us remember that everyone deserves our care.
   • If that doesn't work, imagine a thinking pattern like you assumes others have. If you're concerned about how you look, you're under the assumption that everyone's looks focused (hint: they're not). Thought patterns are contagious: once you start, you can't stop.
3. Visualize success. Close your eyes and envision a situation where you might be shy. Now, in the eye of your mind, think about being confident. Do this regularly and for different situations. This is most effective if you do it daily, especially in the morning. It may feel silly, but athletes use visualization to develop their skills, so why not you?
   • Engage all your senses to make it feel as real as possible. Think about being happy and feeling comfortable. What sound do you want to hear? What are you doing? That way you will be ready when the time comes.
4. Practice good posture. Having an upright posture gives the world the impression that you are confident and receptive to others. Sometimes we are treated the way we feel - so if you feel open and approachable, your body will match that feeling. Body above matter!
   • This will you mind as well. Research says that good posture (head up, shoulders back and open arms) makes us feel authoritative, self-confidence and - in conclusion - reduces stress. And you don't even need more reasons!
5. Practice speaking clearly to yourself. This will help avoid the potential embarrassment of having to repeat what you have said because of your mumbling or talking too quietly. You have to get used to hearing your own voice! Even love it.
   • Record yourself as if you were having conversations. Sounds ridiculous, but you will notice patterns, when and why you drop out, times when you assume to speak loudly but actually don't, etc. At first, you will feel like an actor (and do things that actors do to in the moment), but it will be old cake. Know that practice makes habit!
6. Don't compare yourself to others. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you will feel like you cannot compete with them and the more intimidated you will feel, which will make you even more shy. There is no reason to compare yourself to anyone else - but if you do, do it realistically. Everyone is stressed about self-confidence issues.
   • Serious. If you have some super confident and outgoing friends or family members, ask them about this topic. They will probably say something like, "Oh yes, I'm making it a fully conscious thing to put myself there" or "I used to be terrible. I really had to prepare for it. ” You're just at a different stage of the process than where they are.
7. Think about how damn great you are. Everyone has a special gift or quality to offer to the world. It may sound corny, but it is true. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you have achieved, rather than fixating on your appearance, speech, or dress. Keep in mind that everyone, even the beautiful people, have something about themselves or their life that they don't like. There is no particular reason why your problem should make you shy while their problem does not embarrass them.
   • When you focus on this, you will realize that you have enough to provide for a group or situation. Your resources and skills are needed to improve any topic, conversation or circumstances. Knowing this, you will feel more likely to speak out loud.
8. Identify your social worth and strengths. Just because you're not the alpha in the room, don't have the most booming voice, or aren't getting the party started doesn't mean you lack social strength. Are you a good listener? Do you have an eye for details? It's possible it's something that hasn't even occurred to you, so sit back for a second. Are you better at observing than most of the people around you? Probably.
   • Your strengths can work in your favor. If you're a good listener, you'll likely be able to tell when someone has a problem and want to vent a little. In this situation, are she the ones who you need. There is nothing threatening about this situation. So ask them what the problem is! You noticed a little steam coming out of their ears - can you borrow an ear from you?
   • All roles must be filled in each social group. You have a place, even if you don't see it. No one is better than anyone else - know that whatever it may be, your value perfects group dynamics.
9. Don't get caught up in labels. For the record, popular people are not happy. Extroverts are not necessarily popular or happy people, and shy people are not necessarily introverts, unhappy or cold and distant. Just as you don't want to get caught up in labels, don't label others either.
   • The popular kids at school try super hard day in and day out to be popular. They try to comply, fit in and succeed. Good for them, but that doesn't mean they are happy or that it will last. Trying to compete with something it doesn't seem to be will get you nowhere. You're better off following your own path - the high school path ends one day, the college path ends one day, and then what?

Method 3 of 4: Part three: Conquering social situations

1. Be informed. If you're attending a party next week, it's a good idea to prepare yourself with a few hot themes. Will the government close again? A finale of a hit TV show? An international event? Read. That way, when the theme comes up, you will be able to participate in the conversation.
   • You are not here looking to impress with your thorough and in-depth knowledge. You just want to participate. Others don't want to be judged or advised, either, so keep it light and friendly. A simple "Man, I wouldn't want to be in Boehner's shoes" can keep the conversation from stopping.
2. Think of conversations in stages. Social interaction can be simplified to one point. If you break down all the conversations down to the basic steps and make them your own, you'll be ready to have conversations on autopilot, which is a lot less stressful. Think about all conversations in four phases:
   • Stage one is a simple opening line. It's small talk at best.
   • Phase two are the introductions. Speaks for itself.
   • Phase three is finding a common area, certain themes for both of you to talk about.
   • Phase four is the conclusion. One party informs the other of their departure, summarizes and, if necessary, exchanges information. “Well, it was nice talking to you - I never thought about Walter that way. Here's my map - let's get together again soon to talk! ”
3. Start a conversation. Do you remember that great project you completed? That mountain you climbed? That disease you overcame? If you can do all those things, this conversation will be a breeze. A random response about something you both share will start the conversation - "This bus is always late," or "You just have to trust the coffee is coming!" or “Did you get Mr. Seen Bosman? Unbelieveable." They will take it from there.
   • Add detail to an elementary statement. When someone asks you where you live, it's easy to get the conversation to turn into a super awkward dead end. Instead of saying "In the Springstraat", say: "In the Springstraat, right next to that great bakery." That way, the person has something to comment on and keep the conversation going. Instead of "Oh, great," they'll say, "Oh my god, have you tried their chocolate croissants yet ?!"
4. Warm up. When you're at a party, you can get one again and again exactly the same conversation to have. Focus on one or two people at a time and practice the same social pleasantries and banalities until you get the hang of it and are practically sick of it. Then go back to the people who are fun to talk to. You can then start a real conversation from scratch.
   • Get started quickly so each conversation takes just a few minutes. This will take the pressure off you and probably make you less nervous - when the end is 120 seconds away, it's not that scary. Then you can focus your time and energy on those people you want to be friends with. Really, it makes the most sense for your time and resources!
5. Look and act in a way that people know you are approachable. convey an open, friendly attitude with your body language. Make sure your arms are not crossed, your head is up and your hands are free. No one will want to talk to you if you are completely focused on a game of Candy Crush. They are just polite!
   • Think of the people you would like to approach. What do their bodies and faces say? Now think about the people you wouldn't want to approach. How about now - where will it fall on the spectrum?
6. Smile and make eye contact. A simple smile at a stranger can brighten your day, and it will brighten their day too! Smiling is a kind way of acknowledging others, and it makes a pretty good impression to start a conversation with someone, a stranger, or a friend. You show that you are harmless, friendly and open to conversation.
   • Humans are social beings. A simple look at inmates in solitary confinement will prove it. Everyone of us is looking for interaction and reaffirmation. You don't force yourself on their day - you make it more alive, well, better.
7. Think about your body. If you're in a group of people (or even with just one person) you're likely to get caught up in some shy thoughts. That is normal in the beginning. If you find yourself getting anxious, ask yourself these questions:
   • Am I breathing? If you can slow down your breathing, your body will automatically relax.
   • Am I relaxed? If you're not, put your body in a more comfortable position.
   • Am I open? You can take signals from your own positioning. Opening up can change the way others see you as part of the group.

Method 4 of 4: Part four: Challenging yourself

1. Set goals for yourself. It's not enough to think: I'm going to go there and won't be shy! That's not really a tangible goal - that's like saying "I want to be great." How do you that? You should have action-oriented goals, such as talking to a stranger or starting a conversation with a nice guy or girl you know. (We'll cover these actions in the next section.)
   • Focus on small, everyday achievements, then gradually become more courageous. Even asking a stranger for the time can be a daunting task. Don't write off these small opportunities as a breeze - they are huge! You will soon be able to get ready to talk to a huge group of people. Take it easy now!
2. Find out what is comfortable for you. Being straightforward, slam dancing to a rave, or drinking all night at a club may not be for you - it has nothing to do with shyness. If you'd rather trim your grandma's toenails, listen to that. Do not try to conquer your shyness in environments where you cannot be righteous. It will not work.
   • You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. And if you do, you won't stick to it, you won't meet people you like and are similar to you. Why waste your time? If the bar scene isn't for you, that's totally fine. Practice your social skills in coffee houses, at small gatherings, or at work. They are more applicable to your life.
3. Practice putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Okay, so we don't want you in places where you're hiding in the corner, squeezing yourself to numb the social pain, but you should put yourself in environments where you're just a step or two out of your element. How else will you grow?
   • Start at the top of your list, remember? It could be chatting with the shop girls, stopping at the bus stop asking for the time, or catching up with the guy who has the booth next to you. Most people are bad at inviting (have you figured out why that is? They're just like you), but the opportunities for conversation are there.
4. Introduce yourself to a new person every day. It's easier to talk to strangers more often, at least briefly. After all, you may never see them again, so who cares what they think of you? That man in the street walking to the bus stop. Try to make eye contact with him and smile. It is literally 3 seconds of your time!
   • The more you do this, the more you will find people to be receptive and friendly. Once in a while, you'll run into the casual freak who's paranoid and wondering why you're smiling at him - just consider him fun to mess with. What's more, the smile makes people wonder why you're smiling - now you get into their heads instead of the other way around!
5. Expose yourself. Talk to someone you wouldn't normally think of talking to. Try to find people who share one or more interests with you and make plans to talk to them. At some point or another, you will find yourself in front of a group. Agree with the most basic of statements (or in support of someone else). Join. It's the only way to grow.
   • This will get easier with time. Remember how hard riding or riding a bicycle was in the beginning? It's the same with social interactions, you just haven't had much practice yet. After a while you will all be there have been, have done. Nothing will phase you. Hoera!
6. Write down your successes and keep going. In that notebook where you have your list of impulses, also write your successes in it. Seeing the progress you have made is a great incentive to move on. In a few weeks you will be amazed at the control you are taking and it will convince you all the more that this thing is doable. Awesome!
   • There is no timeline for this. For some people it won't happen until their penny drops and they suddenly get it. For others it is a slow path that takes 6 months. However long it takes, it doesn't matter. Trust yourself. You'll get there.

Tips

• Don't forget shyness is an emotion not a permanent personality trait. You have the power to change your feelings of shyness through desire and actions.
• Just know that almost everyone is shy to some degree. The difference is the level of shyness. You can increase your confidence by practicing conversation skills and having new topics to discuss.
• Fear and excitement share the same chemistry and adrenaline. If you focus on the positive aspects of the event, speech, activity, etc. and think of your tension as anticipation, you can turn your fears into a kick that makes you enjoy your extraversion. Many extroverted, articulate people deal with as much tension in public situations as you do, but they interpret it as excitement and share it with others. Stage fright can disappear into a stellar performance when you switch it into what you feel.
• Give yourself plenty of time to talk. Speaking slowly gives you more time to think about what to say, but also often time to add weight to your words.
• Don't be afraid to seek professional help: group counseling, individual counseling and therapy can take you a long way. Sometimes it is more than just shyness and it is important to recognize that. Social anxiety disorder is often thought of as extreme shyness, so make sure you know for sure what you have.
• Volunteer or join a club or social group! Join a group that interests you and you will meet people with common interests. This is a great way to make friends.
• Overcome stage fright by imagining yourself as someone else, such as a favorite celebrity you admire. Imagine yourself as that person until you feel comfortable on stage.
• Make a list of things you like about yourself and stick it on your wall. It can give you some confidence before you go out the door.
• There's nothing wrong with being shy, but there's nothing wrong with being effusive either!

Warnings

• If you were known to be shy among your family and friends, watch out for the harmless teasing. Some may feel uncomfortable with your extroversion that no longer fits the category they, in their minds, placed you in. Ignore them. They mean well, but don't let them scare you back into your shell!
• Sometimes shyness is a stage - many people grow more confident and extraversion with age. Don't try to change yourself unless it makes you really unhappy, you can grow out of it with time.