Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Focus on the present and the future
• Method 2 of 3: Evaluate your thoughts and feelings
• Method 3 of 3: Fix the problem

Every relationship has its challenges. Sometimes these challenges revolve around you or your girlfriend's previous relationships. If you have continuous thoughts about your girlfriend's past relationships, work on addressing these concerns so that you can both move on. It's a serious problem that needs to be addressed right away if you want to avoid hurting or even losing your loved one.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Focus on the present and the future

1. Live in the moment! Remind yourself that these relationships existed in the past and didn't work for a reason. Instead, try to focus on the present. Use mindfulness techniques that help train your brain to be in the moment. It also helps you refocus your attention when your thoughts drift to the past.
   • Try a sensory activity. Start naming things in the present moment that you can see, feel, hear, touch, taste, or smell.
   • Repeat affirmations to refocus on the present. Try “I am happy in my relationship now. I don't listen to my jealous thoughts. ”
   • Practice conscious appreciation. Look for 5 positive things about your relationship that usually go unnoticed or unappreciated.
2. Change the way you view the present. Reframing is a way of changing how you think about things. Lately you have focused on her past, but you are her present. Recognize that you, or the two of you together, have something she never had in her previous relationship. She chooses you over her ex by being with you. Choose her too.
   • Ask her what she values ​​about your relationship. Notice if she talks to you about a future. If so, you know she's investing in your future!
3. Try thought replacement exercises. Every time you have a thought about a previous relationship or an ex, try to replace it with a positive thought. There are things you love about her and your relationship. Like it or not, her past is part of it. Remember, everything that happened in her past contributed to the person she is today. Accept it as a total package and try some mind replacement exercises to help you there.
   • Think of a positive image you have of her, a nice memory of something you did together, or a feeling you have about your relationship.
4. Focus on creating new memories. Put your energy into making new memories with your girlfriend. As you work to leave the past behind, you build your future with new activities, photos and memories. This will help you focus more on your present and your future together than on her past.
   • Go on vacation together.
   • Plan an outing to a place you both want to go.
   • Pretend you are a tourist in your own city.
   • Learn something new together.

Method 2 of 3: Evaluate your thoughts and feelings

1. Find out when and why you have thoughts about her exes. Ask yourself why you think about your girlfriend's previous relationships. Determine whether you think about it because of her or your behavior. Does your girlfriend constantly bring up her exes during conversations? Or are you perhaps creating this problem for yourself by comparing yourself to the ex in your head?
   • To help you figure it out, try making a list of what comes to mind. Write down what happened before, what you did as a result, and what you could do differently.
2. Identify themes in your thoughts or conversations. If you have talked about her old relationships in the past or are overwhelmed with thoughts about them, see if you can identify patterns or themes. Identifying themes or patterns can help you determine why it is bothering you or why it keeps coming up. What are the usual topics as her previous relationships come up?
   • Is it often about her sexual experiences with her exes? Maybe there is something in your intimate relationship that you or she would like to work on or change.
   • Does it have more to do with how she felt or feels about her exes? You may feel insecure about your relationship, or she may feel disconnected from you and desire closeness.
   • Is it about how her family felt about a previous relationship? You may be uncomfortable with her family, or she may be anxious to introduce you to them.
3. Find out what you are feeling. How do you feel when you think about your girlfriend's past relationships? The emotions you experience can help you figure out what the real problem is. Here are some examples of how identifying what you are feeling can lead you to a deeper problem.
   • Do you find yourself comparing yourself to her exes? You may not feel good enough about yourself. Consider if your confidence could use a boost.
   • Are you worried about your girlfriend "going back" to her ex? You may feel anxious. Consider the trust between the two of you and see if you could solve any potential problems.
   • Do you get upset or angry when you hear about their relationship or things they've done together? You may feel jealous. Think about how secure you feel in your relationship and talk about any insecurities you feel.
4. Evaluate the effect on your relationship. Try to evaluate what these constant thoughts or conversations do to your relationship. You are concerned enough that you are looking for ways to solve the problem. Chances are, she knows something is up, even if you haven't talked about it yet. Consider how you can make yourself and your girlfriend feel.
   • Does it make her feel guilty? Remember that the past is the past and there is nothing she can do to change what has already happened. Neither do you.
   • Does it create arguments or animosity between the two of you? Feelings of anger and resentment can result from the thoughts and complications it causes in your relationship.
   • Are you both happy with your current relationship? What are you both doing to try to help?

Method 3 of 3: Fix the problem

1. Know that you are not alone. This is a common problem in relationships caused by insecurity, and one that can affect your girlfriend as well. Even if your relationship is otherwise going well, this can occur. Know that it will ultimately be better for your relationship to be open about it than to keep it hidden, no matter how difficult it may be.
2. Express your feelings about the situation. Make sure you don't suppress how you feel. If these feelings and thoughts are genuinely distracting or causing you problems, don't try to simply forget about them. It's important to be open, honest and deal with what you feel in your relationship. You want to be able to feel completely comfortable and confident with your girl.
   • By suppressing or ignoring your feelings, you risk them coming back at a later time. By not opening up to your girlfriend and solving the problem, you are excluding her and creating more potential problems between the two of you.
3. Be open by talking about it. Once you have determined that the patterns, focus, and behavior are being caused by you, you may find yourself wanting to tell your girlfriend. By bringing it up, you have the opportunity to let her know what you've been thinking about and how you feel. Try to be open-minded and think about what your girlfriend has to say about the situation.
   • Share how you feel and what is bothering you. "Hey, I've been thinking about something lately and it really bothers me, can we talk about it?"
   • Talk to her about anything in your past that may be contributing to your response to these issues. "This may bother me because in the past ..."
   • See what her opinion is. "What do you think?"
   • Ask for her help. “I feel like I might need a little more love and support to put this behind me. It would really help me if ... ”
4. Find a solution. If you discover that the worry comes from your girlfriend bringing up the topic, then it's time to talk. Let her know how you feel when she brings up her ex and give her a chance to explain. Take the time to talk, and work your way up step by step on how you can change and how you can work on moving forward.
   • Bring up the topic. "I noticed something and it would really help me if we could talk about it so I can understand it better."
   • Recognize that you understand what she has said by repeating it to her and saying, "Okay, I understand."
   • Advocate for yourself and how you feel. "When you bring up your ex or past relationships, I feel ..."
   • Find a compromise. "What can we do so that we can move on?"