Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Get past the first hurt
• Method 2 of 3: Get over the rejection
• Method 3 of 3: Stay strong
• Tips
• Warnings

You are never too old, too beautiful or too smart to be rejected, no matter your age or background, how cool you are and how many things you cannot do. The only way you can avoid ever getting rejected is to never try anything, and never connect with others, never. But that's not a way of life, so everyone will experience rejection at some point. The most common situations where rejections occur are love, work, sports, or business. But that doesn't mean you have to let rejection ruin your life! Getting over a rejection doesn't mean going into denial or pretending that everything is going well - it's about dealing with it well and getting on with your life.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Get past the first hurt

1. Know that your hurt is part of it. Feeling hurt after rejection is a normal human reaction, and has both emotional and physical causes. Studies show that experiencing an unexpected rejection actually causes physical symptoms in humans: the emotional pain activates the same neurons in your brain as when humans experience physical pain. In fact, experiencing rejection can literally make you feel like “your heart is broken,” because it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for physical actions, including your heart rate.
   • When someone experiences rejection in a romantic relationship, such as a nasty divorce, it can really trigger the same reactions in the brain as when someone goes off drugs.
   • According to some studies, it is even more difficult for people who suffer from depression to deal with feelings of rejection. Because depression does not produce opioids, or your body's natural painkillers, depressed people who experience rejection may feel the pain more acutely and for longer than those who are not depressed.
2. Allow yourself to be upset. Rejection causes real pain, both emotionally and often physically. If you deny or downplay the pain - for example, if you were drawn from the university that topped your list and you put that aside by saying, 'It doesn't matter' - it can make it alone in the long run. but gets worse. You need to acknowledge that your hurt feelings are normal so that you can move on with your life afterward.
   • In society it is often encouraged to "be strong" or "keep yourself tough," as if accepting and expressing your feelings make you an inferior person. However, this is not in line with reality. People who suppress their emotions instead of allowing themselves to really experience them actually have more difficulty solving their problems, and often continue to create situations where they experience the same negative feelings over and over again.
3. Express your feelings. Expressing your feelings helps you accept that you are going through something painful. Rejection can evoke intense feelings of disappointment, abandonment, and loss. You will likely go through a period of grieving first, in which you deal with the fact that you are not getting what you hoped for. Don't push aside or bottle up your own feelings.
   • Cry if you feel like it. Crying can actually reduce feelings of fear, nervousness, and irritation. It can also lower stress levels in your body. So yes, real men (and women) cry - and should cry.
   • Try not to yell, shout, or hit on things. Studies seem to indicate that even directing anger towards an inanimate object such as a pillow can actually increase anger. It is more productive to write about your feelings and reflect on why you are actually angry.
   • Expressing your feelings through a creative outlet such as art, music, or poetry can be very beneficial. But try not to indulge in extremely sad or angry things, as this can actually make you feel even worse.
4. Examine your feelings. It can help to understand “why” you feel upset after rejection. Were you disappointed that someone from your team was selected and you weren't? Were you hurt that whoever you were interested in didn't reciprocate your feelings? Did you feel inferior because your application was rejected? If you think carefully about your feelings, you can deal with them better.
   • Use this opportunity to understand the reasons that may be behind the rejection. It's not about slashing yourself to the bone; the point is to make a sensible analysis of what you might want to do differently next time. Whatever your intentions are - such as avoiding people who are rather narcissistic, submitting your essays on time, or training harder - they can be a practical stepping stone for you to get started, rather than focusing on the rejection.
5. Limit yourself to the facts. It's easy to let your self-esteem plummet after being rejected, especially if the rejection was very personal, such as a romantic one. Still, try to keep your findings as factual as possible when working on your thoughts and feelings.
   • For example, don't say, "The girl I like didn't want to go to prom with me because I'm fat and ugly," but stick to what you actually "know": "The girl I like didn't want to go to prom with me. . ” It is and will always be a rejection, and it still hurts, but the second way of thinking prevents you from being ashamed of yourself and criticizing yourself, which are very unhealthy habits.
   • A rejection can even result in your IQ being temporarily less high than before. So if you're struggling to think clearly about your feelings, don't feel bad about it - there's really nothing you can do about it.
6. Don't take yourself out on others. Because rejection hurts, some people react angrily to it, or they take it out on others. This reaction can be a way of trying to regain control or forcing attention. But this reaction can actually cause even more rejection and isolation, so while it can be tempting to get angry and aggressive after rejection, try to avoid this type of behavior.
7. Take some ibuprofen or acetaminophen. Believe it or not, studies show that emotional pain runs along almost the same nerve pathways as physical pain. Taking a regular dose of over-the-counter painkillers for three weeks has been shown to lessen the lingering effects of the emotional pain of a rejection.
   • Only use painkillers that you can buy without a prescription and do not take more than the daily prescribed dose. Because you are supposed to ease the pain, not get addicted.
8. Be healthy. Eat healthy, fresh foods and get regular exercise. And don't poison yourself with excessive drinking or drug use. Exercise causes your body to release natural painkillers called opioids, so if you've bottled up your feelings to the point of exploding, take a walk, bike ride, swim, or do any other physical activity you enjoy.
   • If you feel upset about a rejection, try to expend your energy in physically aggressive activities such as running, kickboxing, taekwondo, or karate.
9. Meet up with friends. Experiencing a lack of contact is one of the biggest side effects of experiencing rejection. Connect with people who love and support you. Research shows that having a fun and healthy contact with people with whom you feel good can help you recover physically much better. Experiencing support and understanding from your friends and family can help you overcome the pain of rejection.
10. Have fun. Distract yourself from painful thoughts and look for activities that make you feel good. Watch comedies on television, listen to parody podcasts, or go to a comedy movie. While having fun won't immediately heal your broken heart, it will reduce anger and will only strengthen your positive emotions.
    • Laughter is especially important after experiencing rejection, as it releases a chemical called endorphins, which creates feelings of positivity and well-being. Laughing can even increase your tolerance for physical pain!
11. Share your feelings of rejection with someone you trust. This person can be your best friend, a sibling, a parent, or a therapist. Tell this person what happened and how it makes you feel. They may then be able to tell you about their own experience with rejection and what they have done to deal with it; it can help you learn from that.

Method 2 of 3: Get over the rejection

1. Practice feeling compassion for yourself. Rejection can take a toll on your confidence, making you blame yourself for mistakes you've made, or making you think you'll never be successful or happy. Feeling compassion for yourself can lead you to learn to accept the mistakes and failures you have made and experienced as things that are part of life, rather than obsessing over them. Compassion for yourself consists of three basic elements:
   • Be kind to yourself. Loving yourself means giving the same love and understanding that you would give to someone else you love. It doesn't mean making an excuse for the mistakes you make, or pretending you don't have problems, but it does mean you acknowledge that you aren't perfect. Loving yourself also allows you to love others more.
   • The human experience. When you recognize that you too are part of the human experience, then you embrace the fact that negative experiences, including rejection, are part of human life, and that they do not necessarily relate to you personally. If you understand this, you can get over your rejection, because then you realize that rejection really happens to everyone.
   • Mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness means acknowledging and accepting the experiences you have without judgment. Practicing mindfulness through meditation can help you process your negative emotions without focusing too much on them.
2. Try to avoid taking the rejection too personally. It can be very easy to see rejection as confirmation of your worst fears about yourself: that we are not good at something, that we are not worth loving, or that we will never be successful. Learning not to take your rejection experiences too personally will help you learn positive lessons and feel less emotionally devastated.
   • Don't make a catastrophe of rejection.When you make a catastrophe of rejection, you make a mistake or failure that you have made disproportionately large, and you ignore the positive qualities you have. For example, if your application was rejected, it doesn't mean you will never find a job and live in a box under a bridge. If you get negative criticism of your essay or your work, it doesn't mean you can't learn from it and get better. If you make a catastrophe of rejection, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to see how you can learn from your experience and how you can grow from your experiences - even the really negative ones such as a rejection.
3. List your positive traits. Rejection often hits you deep down, and it can intensify the negative voices in your head - if you allow it to. To counteract the tendency of just looking at what's wrong with yourself, be proactive and list all of your fantastic, positive, and strong traits. Studies show that if you consciously remind yourself that you are appreciated and worth being loved, not only will you be able to get over the rejection better, but you will also have greater flexibility towards it. of later rejections.
4. See the rejection for what it is. It is different from what you had hoped for, it is often also abrupt and undesirable. But it is also an opportunity to refocus on your life path, to do something more productive and likely to work better for you. While it is painful to go through, rejection can help you learn how to develop your strength and use your energy productively.
   • For example, if your relationship has just ended, the person who no longer wants to be your intimate partner has just announced that you as a couple would not make it in the long term. While that rejection hits you deeply, it is better to acknowledge the unworkable situation now than to invest heavily in someone only to find out much later that the two of you will probably never be a good match.
5. Let time heal your wounds. It is not a cliché for nothing - time heals wounds because you can then look at things from a distance. You also have the opportunity to grow personally, which helps you look at things differently. It is very difficult when you are in the process of going through the pain, but after a while you will probably realize that what you lost was not meant for you.
6. Learn something new. Learning something you've always wanted to do can help you feel successful and heal damaged self-esteem. Learning something fun like cooking, playing guitar, or a new language will also bring a better mood.
   • You can also consider something like assertiveness training. Sometimes people experience rejection because they are not clear enough in communicating their wishes and needs. You may find that as you become more assertive about what you want and need, your chances of being rejected are diminished.
   • There may be times when you doubt yourself once you've started something new. Take it slowly, try not to throw yourself into it too much. If you have decided to explore certain areas of your life, it is understandable that at times you feel like you are a novice and therefore feel all the feelings of inadequacy that go with it. But try to poke through those kinds of feelings and realize it feel like a novice is actually something positive, because then you are open to seeing everything in a new way.
7. Treat yourself. Therapeutic shopping can have really positive effects. For example, research shows that when you go shopping, you envision how your purchase will fit into your new life. A piece of clothing that looks beautiful or a cool new haircut can boost your confidence.
   • But do not spend money to cover up your pain, because then you are only masking your true feelings that deserve attention. It is also better not to spend too much money, because then you just create more stress for yourself. But it can make you feel good to treat yourself to one or two things, especially if it helps you get on your new path where better things are waiting for you.

Method 3 of 3: Stay strong

1. Realize that you cannot measure yourself against everyone. If the rejection was a bit more personal, such as breaking up or not being elected to the sports team, it can be tempting to see things like this as confirmation that you are somehow inferior. However, if you feel comfortable with who you are, and remind yourself that there are certain people in this world that you will simply never measure up to, then you will be able to accept the rejection and get on with it. life without becoming obsessed with it. Remember, the more you love yourself, the less you need others to feel appreciated.
2. Practice in situations where you are rejected and where it is reasonably safe. If you find yourself in situations where you can experience a rejection without an enormous negative or personal consequence, it can help you to experience that rejection often has nothing to do with you personally.
   • For example, if you ask for something that you know is likely to be declined (but is not terribly important to you), you can learn to deal with a rejection.
3. Keep taking risks. People who have been rejected often become risk-averse, and then they stop trying or connecting with people because they allow their fear of rejection to dictate their thinking. It is very important to stay positive and hopeful even when faced with rejection.
   • For example, if you are having a conversation with a friend and feel rejected in some way, you may shut yourself off from the conversation to protect yourself from the hurt. But while it diminishes your initial discomfort, it also makes you lose contact with others and can eventually make the rejection worse.
   • Remember, you will be rejected anyway for 100% of all opportunities you don't take.
4. Expect to succeed (but also understand that you may not succeed). This balance is quite difficult to find, but it is important for a healthy attitude to life, even if you have been rejected. Research shows that the degree to which you believe you will succeed or fail affects how hard you will work to achieve the goal, which indirectly affects your performance. Believing that you will succeed will help you try harder to achieve your goal.
   • However, it is important to realize that your belief about the success or failure of your attempt does not determine your actual success, but only whether you put more or less effort into the attempt. It's still possible (and, at some point in your life, probably too) to fail at something you felt good about and worked hard for.
   • Understanding that you can only control your own actions and not the ultimate outcome will help you not to take the rejection too personally when the time comes. Recognize for yourself that rejection is a possibility, but that you will do your best regardless of the outcome.
5. Practice forgiveness. When you feel hurt and disappointed because of a rejection, the last thing on your mind is to forgive the person (s) who caused you these feelings. But empathizing with the other can help you deal with your emotions. Think about why the other person might have said “no”. You will find that the actions of others often have nothing to do with you.

Tips

• Keep this quote from basketball legend Michael Jordan in mind: “I've missed more than 9,000 balls in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I was able to throw the ball so that we would win but I missed. I have failed over and over in my life. And that's why I succeed. ”
• Not all rejections are fair. For example, if you believe you have been rejected for a job application due to discrimination, there are legal avenues you can take to make things right.
• Studies show that if you are positive, and if you approach people and situations with the expectation that you will be accepted, then it is more likely that you will actually become it. This doesn't mean you will never be rejected, but it does mean that your attitude can really affect how others treat you.

Warnings

• Process your feelings, but don't get stuck in them. Being obsessed with negative emotions can really prevent you from recovering.
• Don't give in to anger or aggression, even if you feel hurt. Taking out on others may give you temporary relief, but it will eventually hurt the other person and yourself more.