Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Dealing with your current situation
• Method 2 of 2: Get out of the relationship
• Tips

Emotional abuse is a form of behavior in which something is constantly said, implied or done in order to intentionally hurt another, and this over a longer period of time. The daily bickering, teasing, insulting, or other negative behavior can occur in any ordinary relationship. However, a pattern of emotionally hurtful behavior can eventually develop into one relationship in which there is emotional abuse. You may be experiencing emotional abusive behavior in your relationship, if you are forced to feel by your partner that you are not good enough, you are called names or put down, threatened or intimidated, or if your partner threatens to leave to go. If you are in a harmful relationship, understand that it is not possible to change your partner and it is best to ask for help and leave the relationship.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Dealing with your current situation

1. Be aware of evidence of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is meant to make you feel small and strip you of your independence and self-worth. Your partner may try to isolate you through intimidation and overbearing behavior. While your partner may not be using physical violence, he or she may threaten you with violence.
   • Your partner may limit your freedom (not allow you to spend time with certain people or insist on knowing where you are), reject you (pretend you don't exist, blame you for things you can't do) or belittling you by calling you names, insulting your family or your career.
   • The behavioral patterns of emotional abuse involving control can spread to finances. Here the partner can check your expenses, where you have to account for every cent spent, withhold money or limit your expenses.
   • Emotional abuse can also focus on your time, checking your phone and emails, and limiting contact with family.
2. Know your rights. You have the right to be treated with respect in an equal relationship with your partner. You have the right to change your mind and / or end the relationship if it no longer works for you. You have the right to follow your own advice, even if your partner disagrees. You have the right to receive clear and honest answers to important questions. You have the right to say no to your partner if you don't feel like having sexual contact.
   • These are your rights. Don't let your partner try to convince you otherwise.
3. Realize that your partner will not change. Pointing out to your partner that he or she is hurting you is not your responsibility. Abusers don't change by receiving your compassion, they change by learning to act with compassion.
   • You are not helping your partner by staying in the relationship. It may feel like you are "the only person who understands him" or that she is "a good person when you get to know her," but don't downplay how much pain this person has caused you. It's not heroic to stay with someone who doesn't respect you.
4. Don't think about retaliation. Abusers are excellent manipulators, provoking you to the point of breaking you and then blaming you for everything. Don't retaliate for the below-the-belt stabs, insults or threats. While it can be difficult to hold back, you will need to remind yourself that it is a trap and that you may be faced with the consequences.
   • Never respond with physical violence, even when provoked. Try to control your impulses by walking away, taking a deep breath, or ending the discussion.
5. Realize the long-term risks of a relationship involving abuse. An abusive relationship can contribute to physical problems such as migraines, arthritis and physical pain, mental health problems such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and alcohol / drug use or addiction, and sexual health problems such as an increased risk of sexually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies.
6. Seek help. Confide in family and friends and ask for their support. Explain what is going on and that you need help to get out of that situation. Most likely they will want to help you in any way they can.
   • You can agree on a signal to indicate that you need help, such as coded text. "I'm making lasagna for dinner" could be a code for "I'm in trouble and need your help."
   • Seek help from friends, family, neighbors, spiritual leaders, or anyone else who is able to help you.

Method 2 of 2: Get out of the relationship

1. Realize when it is time to say goodbye. Sometimes relationships are just wrong and cannot be saved. For your own sake and that of your mental health, you will have to do your very best to find out as early as possible whether a relationship is working or not. Remember, the abuser is unlikely to change.
   • Don't allow yourself to stick to this relationship because you are afraid of letting go. Think about all the pain this person has caused and that it is better for you to cut this bond. It can be hard to imagine life without this relationship, but you deserve to be treated with respect.
   • Never let the abuse continue and never make excuses for your partner's behavior.
2. Put your own safety first. Realize that abusers rarely change, and it is likely that over time the abuse will escalate and turn into physical violence. With this in mind, you will need to make your own safety a priority. You may respond differently to threats if you fear violence, such as avoiding them or not fighting back. While not defending yourself can be difficult or hurt you, remember that you put your own safety first until you can make the next move.
   • If you are in immediate danger and are concerned for your safety or well-being, call an emergency number and get yourself to safety.
   • If the home feels unsafe, go to a sibling's, friend's, or somewhere safe.
   • Put your child's safety first. If you have a child or children, protect them. Send them to a safe place, such as a friend's house.
3. Always have a phone at hand. You may be seeking help, calling the police, or dealing with an emergency related to your safety. Make sure your phone is charged and ready to use at all times to ensure your safety.
   • Make sure you have the phone numbers of anyone who could call you in an emergency as a shortcut in your phone, such as friends, family or the police.
4. Flight to a safe location. When planning an escape from the situation, you will have to consider all the risks that may arise. If you go out with your kids, for example, make sure your partner doesn't go after them or try to harm them. You can even move to a different location from your children if you are concerned about your own safety and that of your children. Go somewhere safe and protected from your partner. This could be the home of friends, your parents or a sibling, or a shelter.
   • Always be careful about leaving an abusive relationship, even if it is "just" emotional abuse. You can get help making a safety plan by calling Victim Support Netherlands on 0900-0101.
   • Ask friends or family to help you get out quickly. This person can help you gather your things, watch the kids, or act as your helper to get out quickly.
   • Many shelters have accommodation for children and pets.
5. Break contact. Once you have successfully fled the relationship, do not allow your partner into your life under any circumstances. He or she can bake cakes, make excuses, or say things have changed. Know that it is very likely that everything will start all over again, even if your partner promises it will never happen again. Give yourself the opportunity to recover on your own terms, without your partner.
   • Delete your partner's phone number and cut any connections you have with that person on social media. You may even consider changing your phone number.
   • Do not try to show your partner that you are better off without him or her. The recovery must be personal, just for you.
6. Take care of yourself. Remind yourself that the abuse was not your fault. No one deserves to be abused in any way, and nothing you have done makes you deserve such treatment. Look for ways to be happy. Write in a journal, go for walks, and do things you enjoy like going on a hike or drawing.
7. Seek professional help. Find a mental health professional who can help you through this time. A therapist can help you with the emotional side of divorce and help you deal with the feelings of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, or anger. A therapist can help you deal with this situation and process the complex emotions you may be experiencing.
   • To learn more about seeing a therapist, see wikiHow for articles on discovering whether you need a therapist.

Tips

• For help and advice on escaping a harmful relationship, call Victim Support Netherlands on 0900-0101.