Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Evaluating the situation
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your girlfriend
• Part 3 of 3: Moving on

Infidelity is difficult to deal with. If you find out that your girlfriend cheated on you, you will likely find it difficult to trust her again and move on with your relationship. To deal with it, you will have to consider whether the relationship is worth saving, communicate openly with your girlfriend about what you expect for the future, and seek emotional support from friends and therapists alike.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Evaluating the situation

1. Ask yourself certain questions. After cheating, the first step is to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not it's worth staying together. You will have to ask yourself a number of questions to make this decision. Be as honest with yourself as possible.
   • Has your girlfriend cheated on you more often in the past? For some, cheating is compulsive behavior that occurs over and over again. If the problem is less rooted in this particular relationship and more rooted in a problem your girlfriend has with being faithful that is not a personal thing, cheating may be easier to accept and leave behind.
   • Why did your girlfriend cheat on you? While you may think that cheating is nothing more than cheating, period, the fact is that the reason behind the infidelity can mean a lot. A purely physical slips of a night can be much easier to forgive than a long-term affair where your girlfriend has formed an emotional bond with someone else. Try to put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes and wonder how you would have felt in her place.
   • What was the state of your relationship when the cheating happened? If the relationship was in rough waters and you knew your girlfriend was unhappy, cheating may be easier to understand. Did you take each other for granted? Did she have certain emotional needs outside of the relationship? If so, can these problems be fixed or should you both cut off and move on with your own life?
2. Learn about Sexual Compulsivity. Finding out about the factors that drive cheating can make it easier to understand and forgive your girlfriend. If your girlfriend has cheated on you during her previous relationships, educate yourself about sexual compulsivity and its causes.
   • Compulsive sexual behavior is a term that applies to a wide variety of sexual behavior that is beyond social norms, including some forms of infidelity. Infidelity is usually classified as compulsive sexual behavior only if it is a behavioral pattern of the person, without thinking about it and with great personal risk.
   • If your girlfriend has cheated on you in previous relationships, it could be compulsive behavior. Once you have calmed down, ask your girlfriend if she feels like she is in control of her sexual impulses and if she is enjoying her sexual experiences. If the answer is no, she may have a disorder that requires psychiatric treatment.
   • Remember, not all cheating is compulsive. It is important not to automatically classify infidelity as a disorder. If your girlfriend cheated on you because of a problem in your relationship or if she's polygamous and not interested in a monogamous relationship, accusing her of having a disorder may seem insensitive. She may feel like you are being judgmental and ignore other more relevant issues that were to blame for the cheating.
3. Seek help from others. It can be difficult to process the emotional impact of cheating on your own. Ask friends and family to help you process and understand your feelings better.
   • Talk to friends and family members you trust and know will refrain from making a judgment. Tell them what happened and ask for emotional support. People may want to give you advice, but politely tell them that you're just trying to make sense of your own feelings and don't want instructions on what to do next.
   • Don't be vindictive. It's okay to ask others for help, but don't tell your friend's mom, best friend, or co-worker about your relationship issues. Choose people from a relationship that existed before you met your girlfriend.
4. Consider an open relationship. Some people are polygamous. This means they have a hard time sticking with a partner and are looking for someone who is open to sex and romance outside of a single relationship. If your girlfriend falls into this category, consider whether or not you are suitable for an open relationship.
   • Polygamous and open relationships come in many forms. Some people are merely looking for sex in addition to their relationship, while others want not only multiple sexual but also romantic partners at the same time. Decide what form of an open relationship is right before you get started.
   • Communication is critical to a successful open relationship. Within the polygamous community a lot of emphasis is placed on setting boundaries, respect and expectations. If you want to open things up, make sure you and your girlfriend talk often and extensively about what an open relationship means to you.
   • Remember, there is nothing wrong with not wanting an open relationship. When it comes to monogamy you cannot have wrong feelings. If you oppose the idea of ​​an open relationship, imitating such a relationship can harm you. If you and your girlfriend have different ideas about monogamy, it could be a sign that the two of you are not a good fit in the long run.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your girlfriend

1. Give each other space. If you just found out that your girlfriend cheated on you, you are probably very emotional. After that revelation, give each other some space so that you both have some time to think.
   • Your impulse may be to keep your girlfriend close so she doesn't cheat on you again. However, it is difficult to process your emotions about a relationship when you see your girlfriend every day.
   • Use this time to think about what you want. What don't you necessarily want to give up in a romantic relationship? What do you want to change? Determine your own wants and needs so that you can indicate them the next time you see your girlfriend.
2. Have an open and honest conversation together. You will have to discuss what happened with your girlfriend. Whether or not you decide to work it out together, an open and honest conversation is important to be able to conclude it.
   • Listen when your girlfriend is talking, even if it is difficult. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to show her you're paying attention. Maintain eye contact, lean forward, nod, and make an occasional comment when there is a pause. Avoid choosing a noisy environment, such as a busy cafe, to talk to each other. This can make effective communication difficult.
   • Ask meaningful questions. Which points cause conflict between you and your girlfriend? What causes disappointment or pain? What kinds of things made you happy and made you feel like a bond? How would you like the communication between you and your girlfriend to be different?
   • Be respectful. This will be a painful conversation for both of you and you will need to talk to each other in a civilized and productive way. Be polite. Start sentences with "I" instead of "you" to avoid appearing accusatory. Take the floor alternately and try not to dwell on a topic for too long. If you've been talking about a topic for more than 15 minutes, it may be time to move on and discuss that topic again at a later time.
3. Prepare yourself, if necessary. Depending on why your girlfriend cheated on you, there may be some relationship issues that you need to work on. While it doesn't mean that the infidelity is your fault, it does mean that if you want to save the relationship, you have to make adjustments on your part.
   • You will have to understand why your girlfriend cheated on you. While it may be painful to be confronted with it, there may be something wrong with the relationship itself. You and your girlfriend will need to find certain shared goals for your relationship, and this may include changing the way you do things.
   • Change takes time. You will need to realize that even though you are willing to make certain changes, things will feel different at first, and that it takes time and dedication to fix a damaged relationship.
4. Make a decision about the future of your relationship. Ultimately, you will have to decide whether or not to forgive the other person's cheating, and eventually move on with your life.
   • Sometimes needs or desires are mutually exclusive and often encourages cheating. If your girlfriend has other intimate desires or wants more, it may just be that the two of you are not a good match. If you genuinely believe in monogamy and your girlfriend wants an open relationship, it's probably time to say goodbye too.
   • Boredom is another factor that can cause relationships to end. It's essential for a committed relationship to discover new things about your partner, but if you haven't grown into romance, it's a sign that things are just not working anymore. A lack of lasting interest and personal growth are both signs of a relationship without a future.
   • Conversely, if you and your girlfriend can still find a place where both of you feel happy and comfortable without compromising someone's essential needs, you may be able to continue the relationship. However, as the relationship continues, tensions and lack of trust will remain important issues after the infidelity. It will take a long time for things to feel normal again.

Part 3 of 3: Moving on

1. Get tested for STDs. It is important for both you and your girlfriend to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases after your girlfriend cheats on you.
   • Cheating people are often careless when it comes to safe sex. It's important to see your doctor for a full STD exam.
   • Also ask your girlfriend to get tested. It is important that both of you are completely healthy before intimate contact can resume, especially if no condoms or similar contraceptives are used.
2. See a therapist. If you want to continue the relationship after infidelity, see a therapist as a couple.
   • A therapist can help a couple work through difficult issues together. Vigorous discussions in the presence of a trained therapist can make both you and your partner feel that everyone's needs are being met in a calm and respectful manner. You can also ask any questions about cheating that you found uncomfortable discussing alone with your girlfriend.
   • If your girlfriend is reluctant to see a therapist, go alone. Even without her presence, you can still work on some of the problems you have.
3. Build a new relationship. After the cheating, the relationship will no longer be the same. Both you and your girlfriend will have to work on forming a new relationship together.
   • For a time, infidelity will underlie any discussion, and you will have to consciously work to put bitterness on your part behind you. Being obsessed with an affair is toxic to a healthy relationship. A therapist or counselor can help you get out of the trap of constantly thinking about your girlfriend's infidelity.
   • Trying to see things from a positive perspective. While the previous innocence and trust has gone, you and your girlfriend survived a major setback, and you are still a couple. This shows that your relationship is strong and that you now have the opportunity to build a new, healthier relationship.