Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 4: Understand the need for control
• Method 2 of 4: Dealing constructively with the control freak
• Method 3 of 4: Examining your own tendencies
• Method 4 of 4: Decide you want to break free
• Tips
• Warnings

When you're in the company of a control freak, it's never easy or pleasant, whether it's a bossy best friend of yours, a boss who is on the lookout for all the details, or an older sister who always wants to have her way. Sometimes you cannot avoid such a person and then you need to learn how to deal with his or her behavior, otherwise you will become completely crazy about such a person. Staying calm, understanding where the behavior is coming from, and avoiding the situation with such a person whenever you can are the most important things you can do when it comes to dealing with a control freak. If you want to learn more about dealing with a control freak, go to Step 1 to get started right away.

To step

Method 1 of 4: Understand the need for control

1. Understand why someone is a control freak. People who suffer from this tendency have a need to exercise control over results and also to exercise control over others. They don't feel like they are in control, so they want to control someone else. They are terrified of failure, especially their own, and they are unable to foresee the consequences when things go wrong. There is a deep-seated fear about their own limitations (which have often not been explored), they are often afraid that they will not be respected and they do not trust others to do what they are asked to do.
   • The control freak doesn't trust someone else to do a job better than themselves. And in an age where we are constantly being told what to do, without being told exactly why (just think of all the rules, laws and warnings we have to deal with every day), the control freak likes to step into the space that created thereby. He then acts as if he is the only figure with authority, whether or not he understands the situation properly or not (and unfortunately he often does not).
   • The core qualities of a control freak or bossy person include a lack of trust in others, a need to criticize others, a sense of superiority (arrogance) and a thirst for power. They also often feel that they have a right to things that other people may not be entitled to, and they feel that they do not need to spend time with others when they are expected to do so or that they need to respect others.
2. See if the control freak needs help. Sometimes someone is just a control freak, but there are times when the need for control goes beyond just an annoying trait. Dominant people or people who have an extreme need for control can suffer from a personality disorder (possibly the narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder), which originates from (early) childhood that has not been properly processed. If the dominant person has a true personality disorder, seeking help is the best way for that person to deal with it.
   • If you suspect this to be the case, the exact disorder should be determined by a professional. However, keep in mind that it is difficult to convince someone who wants to be in control that he or she needs such a thing. Ultimately, they have to recognize their need for control and want to do something about it. However, most people who are dominant and want to control others prefer to blame other people for what's going on with themselves.
   • Also, you may not always be in a position to suggest professional help to the dominant person in your life. For example, if they are your boss or an elderly adult, you may not be in a position to suggest such a thing.
3. Try to understand how the control freak affects others. Dominant people or control freaks sound like a strict parent who never changes. They say things like Do it now!, I am the boss, do what I say!, or Hurry up!without asking nicely or using any other kind of politeness. If you always feel like you are a child around such a person, you can be a shame that this person wants to take control of you and / or the situation. This person is likely to ignore your competencies, experience, and rights, preferring to put their capabilities above yours. The control freak tends to think he has the right to boss and take charge of others. This makes him feel better about himself.
   • Even in situations where this person has no control over you (such as a teacher, agent, or boss), the need for control becomes apparent in the way such a person exercises power. If such a person comes across as disrespectful, arrogant, coercive, and dictatorial, this is a clear sign that this person wants to exercise control, rather than adopt a questioning, negotiating, and respectful attitude. People in positions of power are only good managers or leaders if they also respect those they supervise. This also includes making suggestions, trusting the employee and also giving them responsibility.
4. Be aware of that too nice one people can be dominant or a control freak. This is the type that whines, which insists on that if you don't do it like I suggest hell break loose; this can be said to you in a nice way, with the expectation that you will then be grateful for the nagging exhortations that follow. These types of people pretend to be reasonable people and pretend you are the picture of unreasonableness. When you notice that your decisions are being communicated without you having anything to say about it because it is the best for you and you are expected to be happy with it too, it may well be that you are in the company of a benign dictator.
   • Many control freaks suffer from a lack of empathy and are unaware (or don't care about) the impact their bossy words and actions have on others. This can arise from insecurity (which manifests itself in the form of superiority and power) and unhappiness. It can also be a sign of pure arrogance.
5. Be aware that your worth does not depend on this person. You should always see yourself as equivalent to the control freak, even if his behavior suggests otherwise. This is crucial for your well-being. The control freak, especially if they are a family member, can really take a toll on your self-esteem. As much as this person makes you feel disgusted at times, remind yourself that the need for control is their problem, not yours. If you allow the control freak to get into your head, then he has won.
   • Remind yourself that you are the one who is rational and has realistic expectations about what someone can and cannot do. Don't allow yourself to feel inadequate just because of someone else's unreasonable expectations.

Method 2 of 4: Dealing constructively with the control freak

1. Be assertive. This is not easy if you are not used to it, but it is a skill you can train, and your dominant control freak is great training material. It is important for the control freak to be aware that you are not allowing anyone to boss you around; the longer you allow it, the more that becomes a stuck pattern and then you are assumed to accept it.
   • Go to the control freak for an interview and express your concerns. Do this discreetly and not in front of others.
   • During the conversation, keep your focus on the impact his lust for control has on you; don't offend the other by calling them bossy. For example, if you feel like your boss is always giving you orders but never identifying your talents, you could say something along the lines of: I've worked in this position for five years now and I'm good at it. But if you ask me to give you the results so you can see everything, I get the feeling that my qualities are being overlooked and that my contribution is not appreciated. I therefore have the feeling that you do not see that I can make my contribution very well and that I am not respected. I would like to be addressed and treated with respect.
2. Stay calm. It is important for a control freak that you are calm and patient, even if you cry out from the inside. Getting angry just doesn't work. It can also help to give the other person a lot of space if it is clear that they are tired, stressed or unwell. If you start to get angry, the dominant person's behavior will only get worse. It's important to take a deep breath, not to swear, and to keep your voice steady and steady.
   • If you seem blatantly angry or hurt, then the other person sees that they really had an impact on you, and that will only make their behavior worse.
   • Being angry or hurt also causes the dominant figure to see you as weak and as someone who is easy to manipulate. It is undesirable to make that impression, because it will only make you more of a target for him.
3. Avoid the control freak as much as possible. Sometimes the best thing to do is simply avoid the behavior. By talking about their behavior together and hearing how it makes you feel, the other person can learn to better understand their behavior, and they can work towards a goal where you work together to better interact with each other. But sometimes the only thing left to do in the situation is to distance yourself. Of course it depends on who it is you want to avoid, but here are a few things to keep in mind:
   • If it's someone in your family, just try to distance yourself as much as possible. Sometimes it seems like it's impossible to satisfy a control freak. Because such a person criticizes everything and it is very difficult not to take that personally. It can infuriate you and it can hurt you. It worst what you can do with someone like that is to argue with him because that's just a waste of your time. They will not, and cannot, change without help. Remember that their dominant behavior is their survival mechanism and it doesn't have much to do with you as a person - it's their deep-seated problem, not yours.
   • If a personal relationship ends in abuse because the other is extremely manipulative and dominant, then you should step out and leave. Tell him you need a break in the relationship right now and get on with your life. People who use violence or other forms of abuse in a relationship will not change unless they go to long-term therapy.
   • If you are an adolescent, try to be accommodating and be very busy. You can stay away as much as possible and be out of the house, by exercising or studying and getting really good grades. Tell him that you would enjoy spending time together or talking, but that you are busy studying, playing, volunteering, etc. Make up good excuses. Then go out and look for really nice people who make you feel good about yourself. Set high but realistic goals and try to achieve them; you do this for yourself.
4. Keep an eye on the control freak's stress level. A control freak can't deal with it when he's stressed and that's when he really gets over other people. The control freak believes that no one can do anything as well as himself. Control freaks often succumb to stress because they have taken on too much hay and then they take it out on others. Try to be alert to mood swings and then tiptoe. If you find the bossy person's stress level rising in your life, know that he will be even more dominant.
   • If you find him losing control and you offer to help with something, that can sometimes be enough to dampen the bossiness a bit. For example, you notice that your boyfriend gets very snappy and bossy when he's stressed. On a day when he is extremely stressed about a presentation he will be giving at work, try to give him a helping hand by acknowledging how tired and stressed he is by reassuring him about the presentation , and tell him he'll do a great job. Don't overdo it and be aware that he can still nag you, but also know that this little reassurance can take some of the stress away.
5. Look at the positives. This may seem impossible, but it can be a really handy way for it you are to regain control, especially if you have no choice and need to interact with this person on a daily basis. For example, you could think, My boss is really very manipulative and dominant, but on the other hand she is very good with customers and she ensures that we receive a lot of orders. She's pretty good at X too, as long as we keep her away from Y.. Look for ways you can deal with the negative aspects, and look for ways you can do what needs to be done.
   • Looking at the positive may require some creativity, but you will find that a dominant person no longer perceives you as a threat once he notices that you value him and applaud his qualities, because such a person naturally distrusts others.
6. Compliment the control freak if he deserves it. Notice when the dominant person is expressing confidence. If the control freak trusts you, respects you, or gives you some responsibility, emphasize it and show that you appreciate it. Noticing the good and openly acknowledging it may give the control freak such a good feeling inside that he will do it again.
   • For example, say sweet if: Thank you for entrusting me with that task. This makes the control freak feel good and he may loosen the reins a bit as a result.
7. Understand that your voice may not always be heard. If you're someone with a lot of ideas, a creative person or a problem solver, working with a control freak can break you down. You may then come up with ideas or solutions, or warn of possible consequences, only to be openly ignored or even denounced. And then, you never guess, your idea or solution becomes like his or her performance brought out weeks or months later. So somehow it came down to what you said; it just wasn't recognized. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior that is extremely frustrating is all too common among control freaks. If this happens to you, here are some ways to deal with it:
   • See it for what it is. Sometimes it is better to come up with an idea and let it go than it is not happening at all. In this case, try to laugh and accept it for the sake of the group, organization or company. Support the result and don't take it personally.
   • Talk to the person about it. This can be risky and it depends on the situation, the group dynamics and the person involved. If it is very important to you that you clarify that you thought of it first, then you better come up with hard facts, such as Oh, that was the idea we discussed in May 2012 and I have the original designs of it in my computer files. I thought our team would be involved in its development and I'm pretty sure we noted that. I am a little disappointed that we are only hearing about it now when it has already entered the testing phase. But, that said, now that it's here, we're here to help with the testing.
   • Keep a record of everything on paper. If at some point you have to prove that you if you first had the idea, you need to write everything down so that you can use it in defense should it ever come to that.
   • Stop putting forward ideas at work if your contribution keeps getting ignored or stolen from you. Just keep nodding, for the sake of peace, and try to prevent the control freak from getting involved with you. You may need to constantly reaffirm the control freak in his role as boss, and that you are so happy with your job. If possible, look for a new job.

Method 3 of 4: Examining your own tendencies

1. Look at your own role in relation to the bossiness of the other. Sometimes someone dominates you or whines because you have done certain things. While this is not an excuse for the other person to act manipulatively or coercively, it is important that you put things in perspective and recognize that there may be times when someone gets really desperate for you! Be honest in judging yourself if you really want to find out why you have this problem. Here are some things to consider:
   • Did you do something (or not do something) that provoked a coercive attitude on the part of the other? For example, if you never meet your deadlines or tidy up your room, don't be surprised if someone responsible for your upbringing or salary starts to act compelling.
   • Bossy people only become more compelling when they notice that someone is not cooperating well. Passive-aggressive behavior in particular works with bossy people like a red cloth on a bull - it simply makes them more compelling because they get frustrated by the insincere response. Better to be clear about your dissatisfaction and to be assertive than to try to undermine the bossy person in your life.
2. Take a look at your own dominant tendencies. No one is a saint when it comes to being bossy - each of us tends to be boss over others at times. For example, if you know a lot about something, if you are in a position of power, or if you find yourself being somewhat compelling because you have concerns and are stressed; however you turn it, there will no doubt be times in your life when you yourself are bossy. Use the memory of those experiences to understand what the constantly bossy person is like, and you may be able to see through the cause of their behavior.
   • If you find yourself acting bossy, try to pay more attention to other people - pay attention to the reactions. If you do that, you will learn a lot about dealing with the emotions that compelling people often feel.
3. Learn how to honestly assess your qualities and pitfalls. You can do this, for example, by discussing the matter (privately) with a third, neutral party. Make sure you choose someone who you know will be discreet with the information, who understands how to handle similar situations, and who knows you well enough to give you the right feedback. No one is all good or all bad; everyone has his qualities and his weaknesses. If you know very well who you are (good or bad), then the moods and manipulations of the control freak will not be able to get a grip on you.
   • Having a better idea of ​​how you come across to others, whether at work or in a relationship, can give you a better idea of ​​how reasonable the control freak's expectations really are. If there is someone behind you, you will see that there is nothing to be paranoid about, and that the control freak is really unreasonable.

Method 4 of 4: Decide you want to break free

1. Realize that your life is important. There are always other jobs and other people with whom you can have healthy relationships. If the situation is really unbearable, stop tormenting yourself; instead, look for a way to free yourself. No one should be given the power to use the check about your life. It's your life, don't forget that. Even if you think you will never find a new job again; if you are in a destructive environment, then you better leave for your own psychological well-being.
   • For teenagers who have to wait until they are old enough to leave: volunteer, engage in sports activities, a job or other things that will get you out of your home.Ask your parents to pay to let you study if they have the money, and then apply for universities that are a good distance from your parental home. If they are against it, explain that the university you want to go to is the only one X (make sure you come up with something realistic and reasonable).
2. Choose to forgive. Control freaks are full of fears and insecurities that make them never satisfied and always unhappy. They demand perfection from themselves, which is both difficult and often impossible to achieve. Their inability to understand that failure is a part of life keeps these people from becoming fully-grown capable people, leaving them emotionally handicapped; that's a pretty sad state of being to get stuck in. Whatever your own situation looks like, at least you can leave and find your own happiness. Instead, they can choose to change their thinking patterns; but if they don't then they will never experience peace in their lives.
   • Finding happiness doesn't always mean you have to leave. You could start a time-consuming hobby, you could even practice a religion, so that you spend less time with the control freak. Know that his opinion of you doesn't have to weigh down your self-esteem. Focus on yourself and know you not are responsible for any transformation of the person who manipulates and dominates you.
3. Start rebuilding your confidence. It will undoubtedly have taken a hit. Be kind to yourself. If a control freak has you under control, he may have convinced you that you are worthless; he does this because it is an effective way of keeping you from moving on and leaving him. Don't believe this kind of demoralizing talk. Control freaks love to make people feel insecure about themselves. Don't fall for it. Begin to distance yourself slowly. Believe in your worth; it is in yourself.
   • You can go a long way in rebuilding your confidence by spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself and don't feel the need to control you.
   • Do things that make you feel valued and capable. Chances are, the control freak made you feel like you couldn't do anything right. Take the time to perform tasks that you feel confident about, be it doing yoga exercises or writing an annual report.
4. Decide what your next step will be. In this case, come up with a plan to stay and get on with the work or romantic relationship, or leave and set a time limit for yourself so that you feel like you have some control over it. If you live with a control freak, try to handle the matter strategically and carefully. Don't get into a fight; communicate your feelings to him in a clear and calm way. You don't have to be under anyone's control; remember that you have the right to do whatever you want with your life.
   • Sometimes leaving is ultimately all you can do, especially if you've tried to stand up for yourself and deal with the situation but it hasn't led to better results for yourself.

Tips

• Someone with a compelling personality often uses emotions to manipulate others; for example, they may pretend to panic about something because then they can control you if you show sympathy.
• If you are on a date, be on the lookout for signals. Jealousy and guilt can be a way to take control of people. Control freaks are also very good at manipulating people. Keep your eyes and ears open!
• It is more important for a control freak to feel that they are right about something than the relationship they have with you. If it's an employer, make sure you agree with him, even if you don't. But don't go so far as to break the law or to harm others. Be yourself and be the one with values ​​and standards.
• Beware if a bossy person in a relationship wants to do everything for you, like take you everywhere, shop for you, etc. Test this person by telling them you already have other plans for the weekend. If he keeps calling all the time and tries to play a part in your life, this could be a potential control freak can be. Be warned - you are heading for disaster.
• The control freak might say he cares about you and only does things because he cares about you. This can make you think positively about things that may be unacceptable, and you may wonder if you have misjudged the things he is doing. That way he is in control of you.
• If you are an adolescent and one of your parents is a control freak, it is important that you explain to him the effect of his behavior on you. He may be trying to 'protect' you from making bad decisions, but still he will need to understand that you have the right to make your own decisions because it is your own life, and because it is natural for you to have control over want to live your own life.
• Realize that the control freak may be having a hard time. Try to empathize with him; this will make you feel calmer when you are with him and not get frustrated as easily. It may not be an acceptable behavior, but he sees it as a way to feel better about himself or as a way to deal with stress. That said, you don't have to be a doormat and allow everything; Simply recognize the cause of his behavior and look for a way to deal with the behavior that protects you.
• Try to avoid ending up in a relationship with or working for a control freak. There are red flags that you are dealing with one if they insist that everything be done their way, if they see shortcomings in others all the time, if they can't relax and let others work on a project to do. In a personal relationship, they often feel the need to be in control of everything you do. They can be extremely jealous and possessive for no reason.
• A control freak can make you feel paranoid and that you are the one who has a problem (gas-lighting). This can cause psychological damage. You are not the problem, but this tactic can throw you off balance, which is exactly what the control freak is aiming for.

Warnings

• Don't think a control freak is someone you can't hang out with, especially when it comes to work and social situations. Yes, violent people do exist and yes, there are more intimate entanglements with certain people that can only be resolved by leaving them, but in general, you should try to interact with all kinds of people in life. Minimizing the contact can be a healthier way to deal with it than creating more drama. Put their behavior in perspective, but look for any shortcomings you have in setting limits in people, such as learning to be assertive or to communicate more clearly.
• Certain types of control freaks can be difficult and sometimes even dangerous when rejected in a personal relationship. If you notice the person is short tempered and hurt easily, be careful when you break up. If possible, give him a reason why you're breaking up, such as poor communication, overspending, or anything else that makes you feel like you're not someone someone else can easily control; if you do it that way it looks like he made it up himself and it is easier for him to accept. If this is too difficult, break up in a way that makes you feel safe, such as by phone or with friends who are there and support you. It can help that you show that you have a network of friends and family who support you before this person starts threatening you.
• Record any threats such a person makes to you if they don't allow you to leave the relationship. Then go to the police and request a restraining order. Make sure the person in question knows this and make sure that the police can monitor your telephone traffic. Ask your neighbors if they can keep an eye on you. If you are really scared, feel you are in danger and don't have close friends to stay with, move to another city or to a shelter. If you do have close friends or family to stay with, it can be good to make sure they are able to protect themselves and you. Ask someone you feel safe with, who is willing to confront the control freak, if any, and preferably someone the control freak doesn't want to confront (that is, someone they can't control. ).