Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 5: The basics
• Method 2 of 5: Your skills
• Method 3 of 5: The stimulus
• Method 4 of 5: Strategies
• Method 5 of 5: As a seller
• Tips
• Warnings

Convincing people that your way is the best is often very difficult - especially if you're not sure why they're saying no. Switch roles in your conversation and convince people of your point of view. The trick is to make them wonder why they are saying no - and with the right tactics, you can.

To step

Method 1 of 5: The basics

1. Understand timing. Knowing how to convince people isn't just about words and body language - it's also about knowing the right time to talk to them. If you approach people when they are more relaxed and open to discussion, you will likely achieve faster and better results.
   • People are easiest to convince when they've just thanked someone - they feel like they owe something. In addition, they are most convincing after they have been thanked - they feel like they have a right to something. When someone thanks you, it's the perfect time to ask for a favor. A bit like "go for something, go for something." You did something for them, now is the time for them to give something back.
2. Get to know them. An important part of whether or not effective belief is based on how well you treat your customer / son / friend / employee. If you don't know the person well, it's important to bond right away - find something you have in common as soon as possible. People generally feel safer with people who look like them, and they like those people more. So look for parallels and pronounce them.
   • Talk about what interests them first. One of the best ways to get people to talk is to talk about their passion. Ask intelligent, thoughtful questions about what interests them - and don't forget to mention why those interests interest you! If that person sees that you are a kindred spirit, he will see that he can open himself up to you.
     • Is there a picture on his desk of the other skydiving? Crazy! You always wanted to skydive - but should you do that from 3000 or 5000 meters? What is his expert opinion?
3. Speak in an affirmative tone. If you say to your son or daughter, "Don't clutter your room," when you mean, "Clean up your room," you're getting nowhere. "Don't hesitate to contact me" is not the same as "Call me Thursday!" Whoever you talk to, the other person will not know what you mean and will therefore not be able to give you what you want.
   • Clarity is important. If you're unclear, the other person may want to agree, but they won't necessarily know what you're looking for. Speaking in an affirmative tone will help you maintain directness and your purpose clear.
4. Make use of ethos, pathos and logos. Remember when you learned about Aristotle's approach at school? No? Well, here's a refresher course. That guy was smart - and these ways are so human that they are true to this day.
   • Ethos - think about credibility. We are more likely to believe people we respect. Why do you think there are spokespersons? Precisely because of this approach. Hanes is a good example. Good underwear, well-respected company. Is that enough to convince you to buy their products? Well maybe. Wait, Michael Jordan has been wearing Hanes for twenty years? Sold!
   • Pathos - based on your emotions. You may know the SPCA commercial, featuring Sarah McLachhlan, sad music and sad puppies. That ad is awful. Why? Because you look at it, get sad, and want to help the puppies. Pathos at its best.
   • Logos - that is the root of the word "logic". This is perhaps the fairest way to convince. You just say why the person you're talking to should agree with you. That's why statistics are used so often. If someone were to say, "On average, people who smoke cigarettes die 14 years earlier than non-smokers," (which is true, by the way), and you've always wanted to live a long and healthy life, it would make sense to quit. Bam. Persuasion.
5. Provide a need. This is Rule No. 1 when it comes to belief. After all, if there's no need for what you're trying to sell / get / do, it won't happen. You don't have to be the new Bill Gates (although he certainly created a need) - you just need to look at Maslow's Pyramid. Think of different kinds of needs - be it physical, safety and security, self-esteem or self-actualization, you can certainly find an area where something is missing, something that only you can improve.
   • Create scarcity. Aside from what we as humans need to survive, almost everything has a relative value.Sometimes (maybe most of the time) we want things because other people want (or have) these things. If you want someone to want what you have (or are or do, or just want you), you have to make that object scarce, even if you are that object. It's a question of supply and demand.
   • Create urgency. In order for people to take action now, you have to be able to create a sense of urgency. If they aren't motivated enough to want what you have now, they probably won't change their mind in the future. You have to convince people in the present; that's all that matters.

Method 2 of 5: Your skills

1. Talk quickly. Yes. That's right - people are more convinced by a fast, confident speaker than by accuracy. Somehow makes sense - the faster you talk, the less time your listener has to process and question what you said. Not only that, but you also create the feeling that you really understand the subject, by going through the facts super fast, in full conviction.
   • In October 1976 a study was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on speed of speech and posture. The researchers spoke to the participants, trying to convince them that caffeine was bad for them. When they spoke super fast, at 195 words per minute, the participants were more convinced; those spoken at 102 words per minute were less convinced. With speaking faster (195 words per minute is the fastest speaking rate for people in a normal conversation), the message was considered more believable - and therefore more convincing. Speaking quickly is an indication of self-confidence, intelligence, objectivity and knowledge. Speaking at 100 words per minute, the minimum of normal conversation, was associated with the negative side of the coin.
2. Be arrogant. Who would have thought that arrogance was good (at the right time)? In fact, recent research says people prefer arrogance to expertise. Ever wondered why seemingly stupid politicians and high omes get away with everything? Why Sarah Palin still works at Fox News? It's a result of the way human psychology works. What a consequence.
   • Research from Carnegie Mellon University has shown that people prefer advice from confident sources - even when we know the source doesn't have such a great track record. If someone is aware of this (subconsciously or otherwise), it can cause them to express themselves with overly confidence about the topic.
3. Learn the body language. If you seem unapproachable, closed, and unresponsive to compromise, people won't listen to what you have to say. Even if you only say good things, they see what you say with your body. Pay attention not only to what comes out of your mouth, but also to your posture.
   • Stay open. Do not cross your arms and aim your body towards the other person. Keep good eye contact, smile, and don't fidget.
   • Imitate the other. Again, people love the ones who are like them - by imitating them, you literally put yourself in the same position. If they lean on an elbow, do that yourself. When they lean back, you lean back. Don't do this so clearly that you draw attention - in fact, this should happen almost automatically when you feel a bond.
4. Stay consistent. Imagine a typical politician standing on a stage wearing a suit. A reporter asks him a question about his constituents, who are mostly 50 and older. In response, he shakes his fist, points, and says aggressively, "I empathize with the younger generation." What's wrong with this?
   • Everything is wrong. His whole image - his body, his movements - contradicts what he says. He has the appropriate soft answer, but his body language is harsh, uncomfortable and fierce. As a result, he is not credible. To be convincing, your message and your body language must match. Otherwise you will just come across as a liar.
5. Be tenacious. Okay, don't push on when someone says no to you, but don't let that discourage you from asking the next person. You won't be able to convince everyone, especially if you haven't finished learning yet. Tenacity will eventually pay off.
   • The most persuasive person is the one who is willing to keep asking what they want, even when they keep getting rejected. No world leader would have done anything if they had given up after the initial rejection. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most revered presidents in history, lost his mother, three sons, a sister, his girlfriend, had failed in business and lost eight elections before becoming president of the United States.

Method 3 of 5: The stimulus

1. Go for an economic incentive. You want something from someone, we know that now. What can you give them? What do you think they would like to have? The first answer: money.
   • Suppose you have a weblog or newspaper and you want to interview a writer. Instead of saying, "Hey! I love your work!" what could be more effective? This is an example: "Dear John, I saw your new book coming out in a few weeks, and I think the readers of my blog will love it. Are you interested in a 20 minute interview, for all my readers? ? We can end with a piece to promote your book. " Now Jan knows that if he participates in this article, his target audience grows, he sells more of his work, and makes more money.
2. Go for the social incentive. Okay, okay, not everyone is interested in money. If that's not an option, take the social route. Most people are concerned about their image. If you know a friend of theirs, that's even better.
   • Here you have the same subject, but with a social incentive: “Dear John, I just read that research that you published, and I wondered,“ Why doesn't EVERYONE know about this? ”I was wondering, are you interested in a 20 minute interview to speak about this research In the past I have written about research from Max, who I know you worked with, and I think your research will be a big hit on my blog. " Now Jan knows that Max is also involved (focused on ethos) and that this person has a passion for his work. Socially, Jan has no reason not to do this, and a lot of reason to do so.
3. Walk the moral way. This method may be the weakest, but it can be more effective in some people. If you think someone is unimpressed with money or social image, try this.
   • “Dear John, I just read the research you published, and I wondered,“ Why doesn't EVERYONE know about this? ”This is actually one of the reasons why I started my podcast“ Social Triggers ”. My big goal is to bring the insights of academic papers to the attention of the general public. I was wondering, are you interested in a short 20 minute interview? We can bring your research to the attention of all my listeners, and hopefully we can making the world a bit smarter together. " The latter rule ignores the money and the ego, and immediately takes precedence over the moral aspect.

Method 4 of 5: Strategies

1. Tap into the beauty of guilt and reciprocity. Have you ever had a friend say, "First lap is for me!" and you immediately thought: "Then the second is for me!"? That's because we've learned to reciprocate; that's fair. So when you do a "good deed" for someone, see it as an investment in your future. People will be back want to give.
   • You may be skeptical, but people use this technique all the time. Really constantly. Those pesky women in mall kiosks handing out cream? Reciprocity. The peppermint with the bill after your dinner? Reciprocity. The free tequila glass you got at the bar? Reciprocity. It is everywhere. Companies all over the world are using it.
2. Tap into the power of consensus. It's human to want to be cool and "belong". If you let the other person know that other people are doing it too (hopefully a group or person they respect), it assures the other that what you propose is good, and our brains don't need to analyze whether it is good or not . A "flock spirit" allows us to be spiritually lazy. That way we don't feel disadvantaged.
   • An example of the success of this method is the use of information cards in hotel bathrooms. One study found that 33% more customers reused their towels with information cards in hotel rooms that read, “75% of guests at this hotel reuse their towels,” according to research by Influence at Work in Tempe, Arizona, USA.
     • It gets even more intense. If you've ever taken psychology classes, you've heard of this phenomenon. In the 1950s, Solomon Asch conducted a series of conformity studies. He placed someone in a group of people who all had to give the wrong answer (in this case, that a visibly shorter line was longer than a visibly longer line (a 3-year-old would still see this)). As a result, a whopping 75% of the participants said the shorter line was longer, going completely against what they actually believed just to fit in. Bizarre, huh?
3. Ask a lot. As a parent you have certainly experienced this. A child says, "Mommy, Mommy! Let's go to the beach!" Mama says no, feels guilty, but cannot reverse her choice. But then, when the child says, "Okay, okay. Are we going to the pool then?" want mommy say yes, and is doing that too.
   • So ask what you actually want as second. People feel guilty when they refuse a request, no matter what it is. If the second request (i.e. the real request) is something they have no reason to deny, they will take the opportunity. The second request gives them freedom from guilt, as an escape route. They feel relieved, better about themselves, and you get what you want. If you want a donation of 10 euros, ask for 25 euros. If you want to see a project completed in a month, ask for 2 weeks first.
4. Use "we". Studies have shown that assuring "us" is more productive at persuading people than other less positive approaches (namely, the threatening approach (If you don't do this, I will) and the rational approach (You should do this for the following reasons)). Using "we" conveys a sense of camaraderie, togetherness and understanding.
   • Remember how we said it's important to bond so that the listener feels in common with you and likes you? And how did we say that you should imitate body language so that the listener feels similar and likes you? Well, now you have to use "we" ... so that the listener feels similar and likes you. You must have already seen it coming.
5. Start things yourself. You know how sometimes a team doesn't really get going until someone gets the ball rolling. Well, you must be that person. If you take care of the first bit, your listener will be more inclined to do the rest.
   • People prefer to finish a task instead of doing everything themselves. If the laundry needs to be done, throw the clothes in the washing machine and ask your partner to do the rest. It's so easy that the other can't say no.
6. Make them say yes. People want to be consistent. If you can get them to say "yes" (somehow), they'll want to stick with it. If they have admitted that they want to tackle a particular problem, or are already on the road and you provide them with a solution, they will feel an obligation to complete the ride. Whatever it is, get them to agree.
   • In a study by Jing Xu and Robert Wyer, participants showed that they have everywhere more receptive to being shown first something they agreed with. In one session, participants listened to a speech by John McCain or Barack Obama, and then were shown a Toyota ad. Republicans were more convinced by the advertising after watching John McCain, and Democrats? Indeed - they were more pro-Toyota after watching Barack Obama. So when you're trying to sell something, get customers to agree with you first - even if what you're talking about has nothing to do with what you're selling.
7. Be balanced. It may not always seem that way, but people think independently and not all are retarded. If you don't cover all sides, people are less likely to believe or agree with you. If you're dealing with weaknesses, address them yourself - especially before anyone else does.
   • Over time, many studies have been conducted comparing one-sided and two-sided arguments, and their effectiveness and persuasiveness in different contexts. Daniel O'Keefe of the University of Illinois looked at the results of 107 different studies (50 years, 20,111 participants) and developed a kind of meta-analysis. He concluded that two-sided arguments are more persuasive than their one-sided equivalents - with different types of persuasive messages and with mixed audiences.
8. Use secret anchor points. Have you heard of Pavlov's dog, the classical conditioning experiment? This is the same. You do something that unconsciously triggers a reaction in the other person - and the person doesn't even know it. But know that this takes time and a lot of effort.
   • If you groan every time your friend mentions the name Pepsi, that's an example of classic conditioning. Eventually, when you moan, your friend thinks about Pepsi (maybe you want him to drink more Coke?). A more useful example would be if your boss uses the same words of praise for everyone. Hearing him congratulate someone else reminds you that he said it to you - and you work that little bit harder through the feeling of pride that lifts your mood.
9. Expect more. If you're in a position of power, this method is even better - and an absolute must. Let it be known that you have complete confidence in the positive qualities of your subordinates (employees, children, etc.), and they will be more likely to obey.
   • If you tell your child that he is smart and that you know he will get good grades, he will not want to disappoint you (if at all possible). Letting him know that you have faith in him will make it easier for him to believe in himself.
   • If you are in charge of a company, be a source of positivity for your employees. If you are giving someone a very difficult project, let her know that you are giving it to her because you know she can. She has shown the qualities X, X and X, which prove it. With that boost, her work gets even better.
10. Talk about a loss. If you can give someone something, fine. But if you can prevent something from being taken away, even better. You can help them avoid a stressor in their life - why would they say no?
    • There has been an investigation in which a group of executives had to make a decision about a proposal regarding loss and profit. The differences were huge: Twice as many executives said yes to the proposal if it was predicted that the company would lose $ 500,000 if it were not passed, compared to if the project resulted in a profit of $ 500,000. Could you be more convincing simply by discussing costs rather than benefits? Perhaps.
    • This works just as well at home. Can't get your husband away from the TV for a fun night out? Easy. Rather than making him feel guilty about your need for "quality time," remind him that this is the last night before the kids come back. He'll be more confident knowing he's missing out on something.
      • You have to take this with a grain of salt. There has also been research showing that people don't like to be reminded of negative things, at least personally. If it gets too close, they panic about the negative consequences. For example, they would rather have "beautiful skin" than "avoid skin cancer." So keep in mind what you are asking before you dress it in a certain way.

Method 5 of 5: As a seller

1. Maintain eye contact and smile. Be polite, cheerful, and charismatic. Good posture will help better than you might think. People will want to hear what you have to say - after all, coming in is the hardest part.
   • You don't want them to think you're imposing your point of view on them. Be lovable and confident - they'll be even more likely to believe every word.
2. Know your product. Show them all the benefits of your idea. But not for you! Tell them how them benefit. That always gets their attention.
   • Be honest. If you have a product or idea they don't need, they will know. It's going to be awkward, and they won't believe anything anymore. Discuss both sides of the situation to assure them that you are rational, logical and aware of their importance.
3. Prepare for contradictions. And be ready for anything you didn't think about! If you've practiced your sales pitch and read it carefully, this won't be a problem.
   • People are looking for something to argue when it seems like you are getting more profit from the trade. Minimize this. The listener should benefit - not you.
4. Don't be afraid to agree with the person. Negotiation is a big part of belief. Just because you had to negotiate doesn't mean you didn't win in the end. In fact, many studies have shown that simply saying "yes" can be convincing.
   • While "yes" may not seem like a convincing word, it has power because you come across as pleasant and friendly, and because the other person is part of the request. Dressing whatever you want as if it were a deal rather than a favor can lead the other person to "help".
5. Use indirect communication with supervisors. When talking to your boss or another person in a position of power, you may want to avoid being too direct. The same is true if your proposal is rather ambitious. With managers you have to guide their thoughts, make them think they came up with it themselves.They have to maintain their sense of power to feel good. Play the game and feed them your good ideas carefully.
   • Start by giving your boss a little less confidence. Talk about something he / she doesn't know much about - if possible, talk outside of his office, on neutral ground. After your pitch, remind him who's in charge (he!) - so you give him a sense of power again - so he can do something about your request.
6. Keep your distance and stay calm in conflict situations. Getting emotional doesn't make anyone more effective at persuading. In situations of emotion or conflict, staying calm, distant, and non-emotional will always be the biggest influence on you. If someone else loses patience, they will seek a sense of stability in you. After all, you have your emotions under control. They will trust you to guide them at such times.
   • Use anger effectively. Conflict makes most people uncomfortable. If you want to go that far, that is, put the situation on edge, the other person will withdraw. However, don't do this often, especially in the heat of battle or when your emotions are out of control. Only use this tactic with skill and efficiency.
7. Have confidence. It cannot be stressed enough: certainty is compelling, inspiring and attractive like no other quality. The man in the room who speaks quickly with a smile on his face, full of confidence, is the one who gets everyone by his side. If you really believe in what you are doing, others will see and respond. They will want to be as confident as you are.
   • If you don't, it's in your best interest to pretend. When you walk into a five-star restaurant, no one needs to know you rented your costume. As long as you don't walk in in jeans and a T-shirt, nobody asks questions. You have to think the same way when pitching.

Tips

• It helps if you are friendly, social and have a sense of humor; if you are someone people like to interact with, you will have more influence on them.
• Don't try to negotiate with someone when you're tired, in a hurry, distracted, or just "out of your mind"; you will likely make concessions that you later regret.
• Watch your mouth. Everything you say should be optimistic, encouraging and flattering; pessimism and criticism are not attractive. For example, a politician who gives speeches about "hope" is more likely to win an election; talking about "bitterness" will not work.
• From time to time it helps to let your audience know that something is really, really important to you, and sometimes it isn't; judge this for yourself.
• In a discussion you first agree with the other, and you name all the good points of his opinion. For example, if you want to sell your trucks to a certain furniture store, and the manager says to your face: "No, I'm not going to buy your car! I like this brand much better for these reasons ", you agree with him by saying something like: "Of course, cars from that brand are good, I have even heard that they have had a good reputation for 30 years"He will then really sing a tune lower. Now you can start about your own trucks, for example:"... but did you know that if your trucks get stuck in the freezing cold, the company won't help you? And that you have to call the Wegenwacht yourself?"That's how he considers your side of the story.

Warnings

• Don't give up suddenly - this is how the other person thinks he has won, and it will be more difficult to convince him in the future.
• Don't give a sermon, or the other will completely shut down his options until you have no influence over him.
• NEVER BE critical or confrontational with your target audience. This can be tricky at times, but with this method you will never reach your goal. They'll even notice when you're just a little bit annoyed or frustrated, and immediately go on the defensive, so it's best to wait until later. Much later.
• Lies and exaggerations are never good choices from a moral and utilitarian perspective. Your target audience is not stupid, and if you think you can convince them without getting caught, you deserve what is due to you.