Discuss

Author: Morris Wright
Date Of Creation: 22 April 2021
Update Date: 26 June 2024
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Content

Discussions don't have to be hurtful, but they can easily become hurtful if you're not careful. Fortunately, there are several techniques and tricks you can try to learn how to get your point across without turning the discussion into a fierce argument. The ability to argue effectively is great for learning and can be useful in many different situations. This allows you to build the confidence to stand up for yourself and defend what you believe in with your words. Just be sure to choose your topics carefully - some things just aren't worth discussing!

To step

Part 1 of 3: Discuss in a positive way

  1. Play fair play. Chances are you know exactly how to get the other person on the closet, but it's important to resist the temptation, at least if you want to have a civilized discussion. Be determined no matter how upset the other makes you, that one comment not because you know that the conversation will derail.
  2. Respect the other. Respect what the other person has to say. A discussion has two sides; if you don't want to listen to what the other has to say, they will behave the same way in turn and you will not be heard. Refuting the other's opinion is fine, but not wanting to listen makes a debate pointless.
    • You should always engage in a discussion with another person with respect. Because that is what you are dealing with: a person. Treat the other as you would like to be treated yourself. Don't dismiss his / her ideas right away just because you disagree. Listen.
  3. You are allowed to attack ideas, not the person who has them. This means that you don't call the other person a stupid or a fool for thinking a certain way, and you shouldn't attack someone on their appearance just because their opinion isn't yours.
  4. Admit when you're wrong. If you make a mistake, admit it. Explain that you did not understand something or that you were not aware of all the information. Being wrong does not make you less of a person, but adding that you were wrong makes you a stronger person.
  5. Apologize if necessary. If you've hurt someone or your argument caused problems, apologize. Act as an adult and take responsibility for your actions.
  6. Be open to new ideas. The best way to argue in a positive way is to be open to new ideas. You don't want to be wrong again, do you? Be open to the opportunity to reason better or to new, fascinating information.

Part 2 of 3: Convince

  1. Give the other person the feeling that he / she is thinking carefully. If you make people feel stupid, they shut themselves off, so that a difference of opinion quickly leads nowhere. Make the other person feel intelligent about themselves, and you will find it much easier to settle the point of contention in your favor.
  2. Use evidence tailored for the discussion and the audience. Reliable evidence that is specific to the discussion and supports your arguments can be one of the easiest ways to win a discussion. You should also make sure to tailor the type of evidence to the person in question, providing either logic or emotion-based evidence, depending on what you think will respond best.
  3. Look for errors in logic. Being able to point out mistakes in the logic of the other person and explain politely what is wrong and why is a good way to change their mind. Learning to recognize fallacies can be quite a challenge. Here are some common mistakes in thinking:
    • In discussions, note the incorrect assumption that correlation also implies a causal relationship. For example, the number of autism cases has increased with the use of cell phones. Thus, autism is caused by the use of cell phones. Post-hoc fallacies are similar, but based on the idea that because A precedes B, B is caused by A.
    • Inconsistency is the idea that because there is no evidence for something, it does not exist. For example, God / the soul / evolution / aliens do not exist because we have never seen them in real life.
    • We call non sequitur something in which the conclusion of a statement has nothing to do with an assumption. For example, the argument that we can't pay teachers more salary because firefighters and police officers don't make that much money either.
  4. Depict them as hero or victim. People like to think of themselves as the main character in their life story. Stick to this and try to change their point of view with that in mind by carefully discussing specific topics.
    • For example: "I know you really want to help people. You are always there for others and you are one of the most generous people I know. But if you really want to help people then you are not going to give that money to a person. charity that is wasteful with money. You want to know if the money you give will actually save lives? "
  5. Watch your language. Avoid using words like "you" and "me" during a discussion. Instead, use "we". This will make your conversation partner think of you as a unit with equal interests, rather than divisions.
  6. Know when to stop. Sometimes the other person just isn't able to change their mind during the discussion. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and see if the other person will change their mind over time, if that person has had time to think about it. Of course you will sometimes have to persevere. It is a subtle game that you will have to experiment with.
    • But in general, if you notice someone getting upset, it's time to stop.
    • End the discussion with something like, "Okay, I find I can't change your mind, but at least please think about what I just said."

Part 3 of 3: Discuss effectively

  1. Do not provoke discussions. If you do this, people will notice immediately. They won't take you seriously anymore because they know you just want to take a break. Don't be rude if you want to have a meaningful discussion with someone.
  2. Be real. Let yourself as a person with your own personality stand out clearly. This will make you appear more sympathetic, and the people you argue with will be less likely to respond angrily. Explain why you believe in what you believe in and dare to admit that it is your own belief, rather than using the excuse that you are a "devil's advocate" for covering yourself up for ideas that you know that they will not be warmly welcomed.
  3. Stick to what it's about. The fastest way to make a discussion totally meaningless is to let it derail. Stick to the topic during the discussion and if you notice that the other person is drifting, make adjustments. It is better to resolve that one point of contention than to add 20 unresolved problems. Talk about one topic at a time and cover everything you want to say about it. Once it has been resolved and completed, proceed to the next point.
    • Do not allow any deviation from the subject. The other person may be trying to change the topic to hide a previous mistake. Most people, after a proven fallacy, will rather dismiss this than acknowledge it. If you find that the other person doesn't want to admit his / her thinking (with words like "it doesn't matter", "Anyway, that's my opinion", etc.), leave the disagreement alone. Press until the fallacy is admitted, but don't press for too long, otherwise you will enter a yes-no stage - and the other person is always entitled to his / her opinion, no matter how unfounded you find that opinion.
  4. Keep explaining what you mean. Explain why you have a particular belief, where you got information from, and how you came to a particular conclusion. This can reveal misunderstandings, but it also helps encourage your discussion partner to follow your thinking. This can be an effective way to convince people!
  5. Try to understand and acknowledge the other's reasons. When arguing with someone, acknowledge the other person's argument and fully understand what the other is trying to say. Ask to explain something if necessary.
  6. Start a discussion from a correct assumption. Make sure you understand the basis of the discussion. You also have to agree with the assumption of the other person's argument. If you disagree with an example he / she is citing, or if you feel it is not representative, or that the idea is in any way incorrect, say this immediately before you get to your knees in a discussion ends up. If you allow the other person to proceed from an incorrect hypothesis, it becomes more difficult to show what is fundamentally wrong and what is correct thinking.
  7. You don't always have to have the last word. If both parties feel that they should be the last to say something, then a discussion can quickly get bogged down in the Bottomless Well of Misery. Don't descend into that. It's a place where you don't want to be. Rather, end with "at least we agree that we disagree" and go cool off somewhere.
    • If you've been talking for a long time and neither of you want to give in, then end it and move on another time. There are discussions that you cannot win, no matter how good your arguments are, if the other person has no intention of looking at the problem from a different angle. Know when to stop, otherwise something like that could mean the end of a relationship or friendship.

Tips

  • Never forget that people can be very good friends without having to agree on everything.
  • Sometimes it takes the other person some alone time to think about what you just said. That's okay. If the other person wants to spend some time alone, respect that and agree when you can resume talking. If you need some time yourself, the other person should also agree to this.
  • Admit when you're wrong.
  • A discussion can proceed very calmly and in all reasonableness, without anger, as long as both parties are also behaving reasonably. An argument, on the other hand, differs from a discussion in that a discussion is for deciding which hypothesis (point) is true (or most plausible), while an argument is simply for figuring out who is most dominant.
  • Be nice and respectful to the other person. We all think differently because we are human.

Warnings

  • Sometimes it is better not to discuss politics or religion unless you know someone very well and you know that the other person respects your opinion. Most people cannot agree on these kinds of topics.
    • If you're talking about politics with a reasonable person, this shouldn't be a problem. On religion it is often more difficult to agree because the consequences of "winning" or "losing" such discussions far outweigh other topics.