Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Coping with the grieving process
• Part 2 of 3: Taking up life without your loved one
• Part 3 of 3: Keeping the memory of your loved one alive and beautiful
• Tips
• Warnings

Death, whether expected or unexpected, is always unfair. It is unfair to the one who has died and to those who are left behind. If you're grieving for losing a loved one, you may be going through the most difficult time of your entire life. While you will always miss your loved one, there are ways you can move on with your life that will help you honor your loved one while being present in the here and now.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Coping with the grieving process

1. Remember that grief is normal. Grief is very painful to experience. But it is necessary to go through that pain so that you can heal and move on when you have lost a great deal. Try to resist the urge to collapse, be numb, or pretend your loved one hasn't died. Don't deny that something bad has happened in your life and that it hurts you. Mourning is healthy, it is not a sign of weakness.
2. Keep in mind that you will be going through the five stages of grief. While everyone deals with grief differently, there are certain stages that grieving people go through. Not all psychologists subscribe to the theory of the various stages of the grieving process, but recent studies show that these stages adequately reflect what most grieving people go through. Knowing the different stages of grief will prepare you for the strong emotions they evoke. Knowing the stages of grief will not take away your pain, but you will be better equipped to cope with the pain.
   • Keep in mind that you may not go through the various stages of grief in the same order. Sometimes someone repeats a stage, stays in another stage for a long time, experiences several stages at the same time, or goes through the various stages in a completely different order. Some people are able to move on with their lives very quickly after the loss of a loved one, without going through these stages. Remember that everyone processes the grieving process differently. But knowing the various stages of the grieving process can help you understand what you are going through.
3. Prepare for denial or disbelief. Immediately after the death of your loved one, you may feel numb. You may not be able to believe that your loved one is really gone. These feelings are common in people who have unexpectedly lost a loved one. Because you don't believe it, you may not be able to cry or show many emotions. This doesn't mean you don't care: it's just a sign that you really care. The denial will help you get through the first days of your grieving, because then you can arrange the funeral or cremation, contact other loved ones, or arrange the financial settlement. The funeral, funeral or cremation often ensures that the death becomes real.
   • If you have been preparing for the death of your loved one for a long time, you may not experience denial or disbelief. For example, if your loved one has been terminally ill for a long time, you may have already processed your disbelief before he or she dies.
4. Keep in mind that you will feel anger. Once you have a realization of death, you may begin to feel angry. Your anger can target all kinds of people: yourself, your family, your friends and girlfriends, people who never lost anyone, the doctors, the undertaker, or even your loved one who has passed away. Do not feel guilty about this anger. It's normal and healthy.
5. Keep in mind that you will feel guilty. If you've just lost a loved one, you may be fantasizing about all the things you could have done to avoid death. You may feel remorse and try everything you can to get your loved one back. If you find yourself having these kinds of thoughts, "If only I had done things differently," or "I swear I'll be a better person when my loved one comes back," then you are probably in this phase. Remember, the death of your loved one is not a karmic punishment intended for you: the pain you feel is not a punishment you should deserve. Death can be completely random, unexpected, and illogical.
6. Prepare for sadness and depressing feelings. This stage may be the longest of all stages in the grieving process. This phase can be accompanied by physical symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, and crying spells. You may feel the need to isolate yourself from others so that you can grieve and be sad. Sadness and depression are very normal, but if you find yourself harming yourself in any way, or find yourself unable to function normally, see your doctor or therapist.
7. Learn to accept that your loved one has passed away. This is usually the last step of the grieving process, and it means that you have learned how to live without your loved one. Although you will still feel the loss, you will now be able to feel "normal" again without your loved one being with you. Some people feel guilty about going back to normal life after the death of a loved one, and they think that going on without the loved one is a form of betrayal. But remember, your loved one would never want you to be depressed for the rest of your life. It is important that you live your life in a way where you can let the memories and beautiful things that your loved one gave you while he or she was alive.
8. Don't set a time limit on the grief you feel. Much of the grieving process takes place over the course of a year. But years after death you can suddenly be overcome by grief at unexpected moments: during a holiday, birthdays, or on a difficult day. Keep in mind that the grieving process is not on a schedule. Everyone handles grief in their own unique way, and you may feel the loss of your loved one for the rest of your life.
   • While it is normal to experience feelings of grief and grief for years after the loss of a loved one, these feelings should not stop you from living a normal life. If you find yourself unable to function because of your pain and grief - even years after the loss - it is recommended that you seek out grief counseling or see a psychologist or therapist for other therapies. The sadness and loss may last for the rest of your life, but they are not meant to be leading in your life.
9. Connect with other people who are also mourning your loved one. Several stages of the grieving process leave you feeling isolated and alone. While you will live the lion's share of your grief over the loss alone, you can still find comfort in the company of other people who miss your loved one terribly as well. Share your painful emotions with the people around you who support you, and especially share the beautiful memories of your loved one who is now no longer there. They will understand your grief in a way that is impossible for outsiders. If you share your grief, it will be easier to move on.
10. Seek help from people who are not in mourning. The people who are also grieving can help you handle your grief and share your grief with him. But the people in your life who are not grieving themselves can help you get your life back in order. Don't hesitate to ask for support from people in your network if you need help taking care of your children, doing the housework, or for distraction.
    • Feel free to state clearly what you need and what you want. If you run out of food in the fridge, ask a friend to bring you some takeaway food. If you don't have the energy to take your kids to school, ask a neighbor to do it for you. You will be amazed how many people want to help you.
    • Don't be ashamed of your grief. You may cry at unexpected times, or tell the same stories over and over, or you may get angry in front of others. Don't be ashamed of this type of behavior: it's part of the grieving process, and those around you will understand.
11. Seek professional help. While most people go through the bereavement process on their own, with the help of friends and family, there are about 15-20% of all grieving people who need extra help. If you feel isolated, if you live far away from your friends and family, or if you find it difficult to function, then you probably need professional support. Ask your doctor for a referral to a grief therapist, a grief network group, or another therapist or psychologist who can help you with your grief process.
    • If you are religious or spiritual, you may want to consider contacting a religious authority so that they can assist you. Most spiritual or religious counselors have experience guiding those who have lost a loved one, and you can feel comforted by their wisdom.

Part 2 of 3: Taking up life without your loved one

1. Take care of yourself. In the days and weeks following the death of your loved one, you may not get to your regular physical grooming routine. You may have trouble eating, sleeping, and getting enough exercise. After a while, however, it is important that you pick up your healthy habits so that you can get your life back on track.
2. Eat three healthy meals a day. Even if you're not hungry, try to have healthy meals on a regular basis. After a traumatic experience, eating a nutritious meal at regular intervals can improve your mood and make you feel a bit like everything is back to normal.
   • Resist the temptation to numb yourself with alcohol or drugs. While these can temporarily make you feel better, they actually get in the way of you recovering from your loss in the long run. Cultivating healthy habits will help you get on with your life.
3. Exercise or exercise regularly. Exercise or walking can be a pleasant distraction from sadness. Doing something physical gives your mind the time it needs to rest - even if it's just for a few minutes. Exercise also keeps your mood more positive, especially if you exercise outside on a sunny day.
4. Sleep about 7-8 hours a night. While you may not be able to sleep well if you are grieving for someone, there are a number of things you can do to ensure you get a good night's sleep and get back to a healthy sleep pattern.
   • Try to sleep in a cool, dark room.
   • Stop looking at a screen half an hour before going to bed.
   • Have a pleasant habit before going to bed, such as reading a book or listening to quiet music before going to sleep.
   • Do not drink coffee or alcohol at night.
   • If your loved one always slept in your bed with you, consider sleeping on his or her side of the bed for a while. You can then feel connected to him or her, and you are less shocked that you wake up alone and that there is no one next to you.
5. Create new, different habits. If you find that your old habits make it difficult for you to move on with your life, try developing some other habits for a while. This does not mean that you will abandon your loved one. On the contrary, it means that you are preparing for your future.
   • If you feel like you can't move on with your life because everything in your house reminds you of your loved one, then you can rearrange your home as well.
   • If you've always watched a particular television show with your loved one, try to find someone you can watch that show with.
   • If a particular street or section of a street painfully reminds you of your loved one, take a different route.
   • Remember that you can always pick up your old habits when your grief has subsided. It's not that you want to forget your loved one. You are only allowing yourself to move on with your life. This will make you happy when you think about him or her in the long run, instead of just continuing to feel sad.
6. Get back to doing the things you love. After the initial shock of the loss and pain, try to do the things you always liked. Those things create a distraction and cause everything to go back to "normal", only in a new way. Most of all, do things with friends and people you feel comfortable with.
7. Get back to work. After a period of mourning, it may be time to return to work. Maybe you want to work again because you like your job, or maybe you have to go back to work because you need the money. Although working may be difficult at first, your work will also make you think more about the future, instead of the past.
   • Ask if you can start with a shortened working time or with a curtailment of tasks. You may not be able to go back to work or do all of your work right away. Maybe you can temporarily work fewer hours or do fewer tasks. Talk to your boss about the options and benefits he or she can offer you.
   • Communicate your needs at work. If you don't want to talk about your loved one at work, ask your colleagues if they don't want to talk about it. If you would like to talk about your loved one at work, a grief therapist may be able to explain to your colleagues what is a good way to talk about this delicate topic.
8. Don't make big decisions too quickly. Maybe you want to sell your house after the loss of your loved one or move to another city. But you shouldn't take these kinds of decisions lightly, especially if you are emotionally unstable. Before you make a big decision, take the time to consider the consequences of a big decision. You can also discuss your intended decisions with your therapist.
9. Have new experiences. If there's a place you've always wanted to go to, or if there's a hobby you've always wanted to try, now might be the time to try new things. The pain you feel will not go away with new experiences, but it will allow you to meet new people and discover new ways that can make you feel happy. You may also want to consider engaging in new activities with other people who are grieving so that you can feel together that you are moving on with your life.
10. Forgive yourself. After losing a loved one, you may find that you are easily distracted, that you make mistakes at work, or that you don't have the housework in order. Forgive yourself if you make mistakes during this time. It is normal and understandable. After all, you can't pretend nothing happened, and it can take a long time to feel normal again after losing a loved one. Give yourself that time to recover.
11. Be aware that the grief and loss will never go away completely. Even after rebuilding your life after the great loss, the sadness can return at unexpected moments. You can imagine grief as a big wave that sometimes swells and then recedes. Allow this feeling when you find it coming on, and ask your friends for support if you need it.

Part 3 of 3: Keeping the memory of your loved one alive and beautiful

1. Participate in public funeral services. A grieving process involves not only honoring the beautiful memory of your loved one, but also learning to accept the person who is left behind that there is a great loss. Most mourning rituals take place during a funeral, cremation or memorial service. For example, wearing a certain color or saying certain prayers can help a group of people live through their grief together. Whatever culture you or your loved one comes from, a mourning ritual can be the start of the healing process.
2. Think of a grieving ritual that you feel comfortable with and do it every day. Studies show that a mourning ritual can help people get on with their lives, especially if that ritual is performed for a period of time after the funeral or cremation. These rituals are personal to the grieving person and his or her loved one, and help to honor the deceased while at the same time processing the grief and loss. For example, with a personal mourning ritual you can think of:
   • Anytime you feel sad you can touch an object that belonged to your loved one.
   • Sit on your loved one's favorite bench every week.
   • Listen to your loved one's favorite music while preparing a meal.
   • Wish your loved one good night every night before you go to sleep.
3. Keep the memories of your loved one alive. As you move forward with your life, you may find that you can think about your loved one and feel joy, instead of sadness or pain. Cherish your feelings of happiness and joy, and think of all the beautiful things your loved one has given you. There may be ways you can honor the memory of your loved one's life so that your memories of your loved one make you happy instead of just sad. You will always have access to those memories, and you may also be able to share them with others.
4. Make an album in which you remember your loved one. Talk to friends and family about the wonderful experiences they have had with your loved one. Were and certain jokes or stories that your loved one liked to tell? Are there photos that show your loved one smiling? Collect photos, notes, pictures, postcards and notes and paste them into a memorial album. On the days when you feel very sad, you can read the commemorative album and think about the happiness that your loved one brought into your life.
5. Hang or post pictures of your loved one in your home. For example, you can put a picture of yourself with your loved one on the wall, or make a photo album. Remember that the death of your loved one was not the only significant moment in his or her life. The time you spent together is much more important.
6. Meet up with friends and family to reminisce about your loved one. It is not necessary to have a physical object that makes you think of a particular experience with your loved one. You can also meet up with the people who loved your loved one and reminisce and share them with each other. Think of the good times, the laughter, and the wisdom that your loved one brought into your life.
7. Keep a diary. When you find yourself thinking about your loved one, write your thoughts and memories in a journal. Maybe you remember a beautiful experience that you had not thought of for a long time. Or maybe you remember a time when you were angry with your loved one and feel the need to process that anger after all. Don't push away feelings you have about your loved one: embrace these memories because they are part of your life and your future.
   • If the thought of keeping a journal gets too much for you, make a schedule. For example, write 10 minutes each day, using clues to organize your thoughts, or start making lists instead of whole sentences.
8. Think about the future. The most important thing is that you get on with your life, and that you experience happiness again. Your loved one wouldn't want you to get stuck in despair. Grieve, move on, and live your life. It is possible to have a bright and happy future and to take the memories of your loved one with you.

Tips

• Letting go of the death of a loved one does not mean that you are abandoning them. Rather, it means that you focus more on the life he or she has led, rather than just focusing on the goodbye.
• Even if you think you have accepted the death of your loved one, you can often find yourself relapsing, at unexpected and surprising moments. This is part of the bereavement process.
• Seek help from friends, family, the church or spiritual community you are a part of, or your therapist if you are struggling.
• Always give yourself time to grieve for your loved one.

Warnings

• If you keep thinking about harming yourself or others, call 911 or your doctor. It is normal to feel sad during a grieving process, but if there are suicidal or violent thoughts, immediate medical attention is needed.