Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Develop healthier relational patterns
• Method 2 of 3: Focus on yourself
• Method 3 of 3: Address the core issues

Do you have an incessant need to save or improve the people around you? A savior complex, or white knight syndrome, is a personality construct that, at first glance, appears to be purely motivated by the urge to help. In reality, a rescuer complex is unhealthy and can often give a person an outlet to focus on so that he doesn't address his own issues. If you suffer from a Savior complex, you can be healed. Get rid of your need to save others by changing how you interact with others, focusing on your own needs, and looking for the causes of your compulsive desire to help.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Develop healthier relational patterns

1. Become an active listener. Note that others often just want to vent and do not want to be helped further. A big problem for many "rescuers" is the assumption that others are helpless and unable to solve their own problems. If you listen more actively, you may find that your help is not needed, but you need a shoulder to lean on and a listening ear.
   • If a partner or friend comes to you with a problem, try to understand rather than answer immediately. Make eye contact with the person occasionally. Turn to the other. Examine the other person's body language to understand the other's emotional state (eg, tense shoulders can express fear or hesitation).
   • Give non-verbal cues, such as nods, to show that you are listening. Try to separate what you hear from your own judgments to better understand what the speaker is conveying. If you're not sure what the other wants to say, ask insightful questions such as "Do you mean that ...?"
2. Wait before you intervene. In addition to actually listening to what a loved one is saying, you defy your urge to play the savior and wait. You will find that people can often help themselves when given the opportunity. In fact, you may be unconsciously responding to learned helplessness from loved ones by always flying in to lend a helping hand.
   • Challenge yourself not to offer help or advice when a loved one comes to you with a problem. Repeat a mantra in your mind such as "I can be present for a friend without rescuing or repairing."
   • If someone is going through a difficult time, try to express your condolences to them, rather than offering help. For example, you can say, "I'm sorry you're going through this now. This shows empathy without getting involved in the problem.
3. Offer help only when requested. An important aspect of the Savior complex is the ingrained desire to help, even when it is not wanted or requested. Automatically assuming that everyone wants to be saved can actually be insulting, because it indicates that you do not believe in the other person's ability to help themselves. Avoid this by taking action only after a clear call for help is made.
   • For example, if a friend tells you about a bad day, just listen without offering your own solution. Only when the friend asks, "What do you think?" Or "What should I do?" Should you step into the role of helper.
   • When a friend asks for your help, only give as much help as you are willing to give. Set boundaries so that you don't commit too much. For example, you can say, "I don't think I can talk to your friend for you. What I can do is help you take your mind off the conflict.
4. Stop taking responsibility for other adults. Despite the close relationship you may have with partners, relatives, or friends, you must realize that these individuals are separate entities in charge of their own lives. When you play the role of a savior, you put everyone in a role similar to helpless children or invalids.
   • It's hard to watch a loved one hurt or make a mistake, but it's not your job to save them or correct every negative situation they face.
   • In fact, adversity is often a cornerstone of positive growth and development. We all have to struggle through difficulties to learn and improve ourselves. If you take that away from people, you rob them of the opportunity to learn.
   • To help others establish their independence, ask them questions about how they might cope with the situation. You could ask things like "What do you think you can do about this?" Or "What options have you considered?"
5. Accept your own inadequacy. Many people with the Savior complex come across as good hendrik, lecturing others about their misconduct and many negative habits. While this may not be your intention, your loved ones may view your constant habit of wanting to "fix" them as an indicator that you think they are not "whole" or wrong.
   • Everyone has flaws. Not (wanting to) recognize your own defects is one of those defects!
   • Realize that "success" is defined subjectively. What's right for one person can be wrong for another. You can have a certain way of judging what's best for a person, but that doesn't necessarily mean the other person sees it that way too.
   • Analyze your assumptions about what's right for someone else. This is especially true of peer relationships. There are some things like abuse, drug abuse, suicidal tendencies, and the like that are quite obvious to be bad for the person and require immediate action.
   • Accept your own strengths and weaknesses. You may or may not be the person who has to perform a task or give advice. Nobody can do everything right.

Method 2 of 3: Focus on yourself

1. Be single. The savior and knight in shining armor often jump from relationship to relationship to "save" the helpless or damaged one. If you recognize this image in yourself, it may be time not to start another relationship for a while. If you're not in a long-term or committed relationship, take some time to enjoy being single and having time for your own needs.
   • Being single for a while can help you become more aware of your compulsive urge to help or save someone. It can also give you time to explore those parts of yourself that trigger this habit.
   • You may want to agree on a period of time that you will remain single to help you keep this goal in mind. For example, you can give yourself six months. During this time, set goals for improving yourself.
2. Set objective goals for yourself. Compulsive helpers often let their efforts to fix others prevent their own personal development. In addition, by seeing yourself as a savior, you develop unrealistic goals and expectations that ultimately diminish your self-esteem. By creating realistic goals, you can rebuild yourself.
   • Choose a goal for yourself that will allow you to focus only on yourself. This can be anything - from losing weight to writing a novel. Make it a SMART goal - specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound.
   • You could say, "I want to lose 20 pounds in 10 weeks. Then map out how you will achieve this goal: "I will eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. I will train five days a week. I only drink water. "
   • Review your goals with another person. They may also be able to tell you whether your goals are realistic or not. The person may also be able to give you ideas for achieving your goals.
3. Create a self-care toolbox. Individuals with a rescuer complex often devote all their time and energy to others, leaving them lacking in self-care. Balance your excessive help from others by doing something nice for yourself. Create a routine that includes several self-care activities.
   • You could make a soothing nighttime ritual to help you sleep better. Get into a new exercise habit, such as running or yoga. Have your hair or nails done weekly. Or just take a warm bath and listen to relaxing music. Return to yourself.
   • Ask a friend or family member to stop you. This is a person who comes in every now and then and makes sure you take care of yourself. Ask the person to check in often.

Method 3 of 3: Address the core issues

1. Research past relationship patterns. Are you actually aware of your innate need to fix or control others? Some people reading this may falsely deny having a savior complex. By examining your relationships with others, you can begin to notice a pattern that points in the direction of the compulsive helper.
   • Have you been in a relationship where you were unhappy because you thought the other person needed you?
   • Do you often worry about others and their problems?
   • Do you feel guilty when others help you or make their time for you?
   • Do you feel uncomfortable when others experience negative emotions, so that you quickly try to solve the problem?
   • Do you break unhealthy relationships only to reconnect with the same kind of people?
   • If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. They may be able to help you determine if this is unhealthy behavior for you.
2. Notice aspects of yourself that you have been neglecting. You may not realize that in your effort to help everyone around you, you have neglected yourself emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Conduct a self-assessment to identify your own personal needs. You may find that you have projected your own needs onto the people around you.
   • Know your personal values. What beliefs, ideas and principles are the driving force behind your decisions and goals? Have you lived those values?
   • Study your emotional intelligence. Are you able to recognize and express your emotions effectively?
   • Take a look at your self-esteem. Is your self-worth tied to how much others appreciate or need you?
3. Recognize and make peace with the potential trauma or neglect of your childhood. The compulsive need to save or help others is often rooted in your childhood. Researchers believe that those suffering from a savior complex or "knight in white horse" syndrome are trying to restore a negative sense of themselves that arose early in life. Low self-esteem, abuse or neglect may have contributed to this complex. You can choose friends or partners with suffering similar to what you yourself experienced in your childhood.
   • Awareness is the first step to be able to restore damaged self-esteem. Pay attention to the relational patterns you form and accept your own. You could even say out loud, "I am attracted to damaged or toxic people because I am trying to save the part of myself that was abused as a child."
   • In addition to acknowledging this connection, it can help to hire a professional therapist who can work with you to heal from past wounds.
4. See a therapist for codependency issues. Deep down, people with the savior complex or "knight in white horse" syndrome have a problem with codependency. Codependency describes your dependence on others to feel emotional voids. In a way, you neglect yourself to do something for others, because your self-esteem relies on the desire to be needed.
   • You can recover from codependency by working with a competent psychotherapist who has experience in this area.
   • Participating in self-help groups for those with codependency issues can also help.
   • Reading about codependency can help you recognize your own patterns and needs. It can help you find a solution that works for you.