Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Watch Yourself
• Method 2 of 3: Keeping an Eye on Others
• Method 3 of 3: Assess Your Relationship
• Tips
• Warnings

It is important for any person to understand the stimulating factors of their own behavior and the behavior of others. People are characterized by insecurity (doubts, lack of faith in themselves), which significantly affects actions. Learning to recognize your own and others' insecurities will ultimately have a positive effect on any situation and any relationship. The ability to recognize and acknowledge a problem is the first step towards change. Through this article, you will learn more about insecurity, begin to develop as a person, and understand others better.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Watch Yourself

1. 1 Rate your internal dialogue. Try to pay attention to the constant conversation going on in your head. Self-talk can be both productive and positive, or negative and detrimental to your well-being. If we constantly think about such negative qualities that we attribute to ourselves, then we can get bogged down in uncertainty. You can't judge yourself too harshly.
   • This way of thinking leads to an unfair self-image. Harassing yourself is bad for your mood, motivation, and outlook on life.
   • Try looking in the mirror every morning and name three of your positive qualities. The more often you emphasize your positive aspects, the stronger your self-confidence will become.
   • Negative self-talk often gets in the way of defending your point of view. A positive attitude will help you change.
2. 2 Respond to social situations correctly. At some times, people feel anxious and insecure. You may find it difficult to socialize at parties, speak in front of a group of people, or calmly walk down the school hallway. Sometimes, when they lack confidence or skills, people start to doubt themselves. You should be aware that such problems can be recognized and resolved.
   • Social situations can make you think and feel like you're doing something inappropriate, but don't want to get into an awkward situation. Use visualization techniques to get yourself together. You should mentally imagine how you easily understand the situation.
   • For social anxiety, see a professional to explore and challenge thoughts that distort the reality of the situation, and to build self-esteem.
   • Sometimes insecurity can manifest itself in the form of bullying other people. This behavior is an attempt to gain control of the situation in order to avoid insecurity. Find other paths to success, such as interaction, so as not to impose your opinion on others.
   • If you feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and desires to others, this situation can lead to resentment and frustration. If you express your needs passively, then they are unlikely to be satisfied, and you will begin to feel anger and contempt.
   • Strive to express your needs in strong language. It may be awkward at first, but soon everything will change.
   • Fear of losing security can lead to negative behavior. For example, if you are nervous, anxious, and frustrated by others in preparation for a trip, it is because of insecurity caused by uncertainty about safety.
3. 3 Ask for an outside opinion. In some situations, it is helpful to get the opinion of other people. A person is not always able to correctly assess his behavior, so the opinion of a good friend or relative will always help. They may notice that you are constantly silent around certain people or become numb in some situations.
   • Not everyone is capable of expressing a constructive opinion, so choose a friend or relative who can speak sincerely and without insult, contempt, or humiliation.
   • Ask if your friend noticed insecure behavior. Ask to be honest.
   • Sometimes asking your opinion about yourself is difficult, but it is important to remember the goal - to get to know yourself better in order to overcome insecurity.
   • An example of a helpful review: "You always strive to please people you value highly, so around them you are not in control of yourself. I think you are a wonderful person who needs to be a little more self-confident."
   • An example of a useless recall: "You're just a loser and acting like crazy."
4. 4 Watch for reactions to conflicts. In moments of frustration, your reactions may be overly agitated and defensive. Perhaps you are being obsequious and feeling ashamed. Actions may differ in different situations and in the presence of different people. Conflicts often show a person from the worst side.
   • For example, you are worried about your education, because it was difficult for you to read in elementary school.Then, in adulthood, a colleague joked that you misunderstood a note. In such a situation, you may be angry, because his joke awakened uncertainty in your ability to read.
   • Assess the main conflicts you have encountered. Try to understand the reasons for your reaction. Perhaps it was disproportionate to the words of the opponent. So, hurt inner feelings are usually associated with insecurity.

Method 2 of 3: Keeping an Eye on Others

1. 1 Observe in one-on-one communication. In private, people usually behave differently than in public. In a one-on-one situation, their actions can be more open, honest, or, conversely, outrageous. Perhaps they feel more comfortable in a private setting. Seeing signs of insecurity can help you show more empathy and understand people better.
   • Pay attention to these qualities and traits: suspicion (distrust and thoughts about the bad deeds of others); selfishness (a person is fixated on himself and rarely thinks about others); angry (controlling people through mood swings).
   • If you come to discuss a person's insecurity, then keep in mind that this is a delicate topic. In the case of a direct question like "Does it bother you that I often talk to your sister?" a person can deny everything. Better to say, “I'm so glad to be able to communicate with my sister. She always supports me. It makes me feel happier, which is good for our relationship. ”
2. 2 Study public situations. If you're with friends, visiting family, or recently joining a runner's club, try observing and interacting with people to determine their insecurities. It is difficult to communicate and bond with someone who is not confident in themselves. Consider the following symptoms.
   • Traits and behavior: excessive attempts to please (a person wants to please everyone so that he is not repulsed); arrogance (excessively high self-esteem and craving for compliments); a strong spirit of competition (every situation and conversation turns into a competition); craving for the material (surrounds himself with expensive things and convinces others of the importance of such things).
   • Body language is another way to bring out insecurity. An insecure person will shrink and slouch, as if trying to hide from the whole world. Confident people behave in the opposite way - they have good posture and make eye contact when talking.
   • There is no need to publicly discuss someone else's insecurity. Better to tell the person about it face to face. He may not even suspect that he is prone to such actions. Say that his behavior is not always appropriate: “Look, this is a delicate moment, but your attempts to constantly prove yourself are upsetting to many. I don’t know if you know. ”
3. 3 Analyze behavioral responses to conflicts. It can be difficult to watch people get upset or become defensive. Being a party to such a conflict is not easy. If a person believes that he is obliged to protect himself, then all his uncertainty will manifest itself in reactions to the situation. Be careful to better understand the person and their motives.
   • Traits and behavior: excessive authoritarianism (know-it-all, who teaches everyone or sharply criticizes everyone); defensive behavior (a person perceives any words as an attack on himself); excessive passivity (a person is not able to stand up for himself).
   • Consider these questions to analyze the conflict:
   • Is the person capable of physical violence while being defensive (always report such situations to the police)?
   • Does the person not answer or agree, and then show passive aggression (such as indirect opposition to your requests, including delay)?
   • If a person loses his job and is in upset feelings, does he become hot-tempered and irritable, loses interest in other aspects of life?
4. 4 Analyze verbal responses in conflicts. Some verbal responses are often triggered by inner insecurity.Begin to discriminate between these moments, not to justify the person’s bad behavior, but to stay safe, protect yourself, or resolve the conflict once and for all.
   • Consider these questions to analyze the verbal aspects of the conflict:
   • In tense moments, does the person insult you or reproach you for your shortcomings?
   • The person asks “Do you think I’m an idiot?” When you didn’t even try to assess his mental ability?
   • Does the person always read between the lines and twist your words into aggressive attacks?

Method 3 of 3: Assess Your Relationship

1. 1 Deal with insecurities in your relationship. A person's ability to create emotional attachments with others is heavily influenced by their relationship with their parents during early childhood. If there was insecurity in such a relationship, it is very likely that this problem will also manifest itself in romantic relationships as an adult. Terms may vary, but in general, adult attachments are of four types. Define your type:
   • reliable type: a person easily becomes attached to others;
   • anxious type: a person wants emotional closeness with other people, but believes that he will not be reciprocated;
   • avoidant-rejection type: the person is independent and does not want to rely on others or allow others to rely on himself.
   • anxious-avoidant type: a person craves intimacy, but is afraid to get hurt.
   • If you recognize yourself in one of the descriptions, there is always a way out: study attachment theory, find an experienced profile psychotherapist, choose partners with a reliable type, go to pair psychological counseling, discuss your relationship.
2. 2 Consider family relationships. Many adult human traits are due to family relationships, but not all of them are positive. Often, insecurity is caused by relationships with family members. Your relationship can even influence the nature of the relationship you build.
   • List all immediate family members. Next to each name, indicate the positive aspects of your personality that were formed thanks to this person. Then list your negative qualities that may be due to your relationship.
   • For example, if your brother was your father's favorite because he wanted a son more, then perhaps you think that you will never become a worthy person. This affects not only the relationship with the father and brother, but also affects many situations in adulthood.
3. 3 Analyze your friends. The main difference between relatives and friends is that you can choose the latter. Sometimes friends become closer to family members. Insecurity can negatively affect friendships. Learn to recognize and empathize with friends' insecurities to build strong relationships.
   • Sometimes friends can be the cause of your insecurities. For example, one of your friends is unusually beautiful and the attention of others is always riveted to her. In such a situation, it is easy to consider yourself superfluous and unattractive. Learn to appreciate your positive qualities and strive to have a good time, rather than criticize yourself.
   • On the other hand, if one of your friends is feeling insecure, then cheer her up to help deal with the problem. For example, a friend was not taken to a school play and she scolds herself: “I'm such a loser. I knew they wouldn't take me. This is because I have a big nose. ” Tell her, “You can't treat yourself like that. You are smart and pretty, but they chose a very specific type for the role. You will probably be cast for a different role next time. "
4. 4 Pay attention to self-destructive behavior. It's hard to watch a friend make rash decisions that affect not only him but those around him. Unfortunately, in moments of uncertainty, people do things that may require outside help and intervention.
   • If a friend leads a promiscuous sex life, then such behavior speaks of deep problems.A person who uses sexuality to attract attention may suffer from insecurity. A friend probably values ​​herself for her sex appeal, and not for her personal qualities. Your friend is risking her health and self-esteem, while others can use her position to their advantage.
   • People often “cure” insecurity with alcohol and drugs. Maybe your friend gets drunk to relax and boost his self-esteem. The question is to what extent the problem has reached. Addiction is a dangerous ailment that can only be dealt with with the determination and help of a specialist. Ask your GP, friend, or family member to recommend a therapist to help you or a friend. Also try seeking advice from your local mental hospital.
5. 5 Explore relationships with colleagues. Uncertainty in the workplace can affect the source of income. Be careful if one of your immediate supervisors is bullying. It's important to recognize a coworker's insecurity so that you don't endanger your job. Deal with the nature of this insecurity so that you do not discuss such aspects or do things that could aggravate the situation.
   • For example, an employee does not want to share information with you because he is afraid for his job. Instead of confronting this person, try to get the information you want from other coworkers. If the situation becomes dangerous to your position, then contact your boss. You should remember about the chain of command and act according to the instructions of the superiors.
   • If you work for an online company, then face-to-face meeting with colleagues may not be possible. In such a situation, there are few opportunities to develop relationships and feel confident in their position. Try to do your best to deal with this kind of insecurity. There are different ways to build your confidence: exercise, volunteer, or become a member of a hobby club.

Tips

• Try to face your fear and do things that will boost your self-esteem to combat insecurity.
• It's okay to share your insecurities with close friends and family. Decrease the level of secrecy of the problem to take the first step towards change.
• Be sensitive to other people's insecurities. If a person doubts himself, then do not draw attention to this, otherwise you will put him in an awkward position.
• Empathize with others and treat the people there the way you want them to treat you.
• Uncertainty often disappears when the person gets used to the situation. It's all about habit.
• If insecurity prevents you from living a fulfilling life, then it's never too late to seek help.
• Change is not easy, but possible if you look for ways and make an effort.

Warnings

• If insecurity prevails over you, then you will have to apologize or even pay a very high price for your negative actions. Stop and do not harm people.
• If you have been the victim of physical or mental abuse caused by someone else's self-doubt, contact the police.