Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: How to behave in regular communication
• Method 2 of 3: How to behave in face-to-face communication
• Method 3 of 3: Pointing a Problem to a Person
• Tips
• Warnings

It is difficult to communicate with narcissistic people. Their minds are limited and they cannot see beyond themselves. Such people talk only about themselves, ignoring what is outside. Narcissism can take many forms, and communication with a narcissist can cause discomfort and have a dangerous effect on mental and emotional well-being. However, there are several tricks that can help you protect yourself from this exposure.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: How to behave in regular communication

1. 1 Know the signs of narcissism. Before taking action, it is important to understand that many people have narcissistic tendencies, but not all are narcissists. Knowing who can be considered a narcissist will make it easier for you to avoid such people and find common ground with those who cannot be avoided. Consider if the person fits the following description:
   • exaggerates his personal importance;
   • expects or demands constant praise or attention from others;
   • does not think about the feelings and needs of others;
   • behaves arrogantly or considers himself better than others;
   • convinced that he is special and that only other special people can understand him;
   • believes that other people are jealous of him;
   • uses other people to achieve what he wants;
   • fixated on the pursuit of great power, success, or ideal love.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Klare Heston, LCSW

   
   
   Licensed Social Worker Claire Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. She has experience in educational counseling and clinical supervision, and received her Master's degree in Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also completed a two-year continuing education course at the Cleveland Institute of Gestalt Therapy and is certified in family therapy, supervision, mediation, and trauma therapy.

   Klare Heston, LCSW
   Licensed social worker

   Narcissists often do not recognize themselves as such. Freelance social worker Claire Heston says: “Some narcissists are aware of their tendencies, especially if someone has already pointed out them. Others are so passionate about narcissism that they realize only their superiority, which is an indisputable fact for them. Narcissists often have problems with self-awareness. "

   
   
2. 2 Understand what your own needs are. If you need someone who will be able to understand and support you, it is better to limit your communication with the narcissist in favor of other people who can give you what you need.At the same time, if the narcissist seems like an interesting person to you and you do not need help and support from him, friendships or romantic relationships can last for a while.
   • Don't hurt yourself by maintaining a relationship with the narcissist. This is especially important if you have a close relationship (for example, a parent or romantic partner), as this person will take more and more of your time.
   • If you are tired of the constant desire for this person's attention (this may include the need to receive praise, confirmation of importance, as well as waiting for unwavering patience), reconsider your relationship with him.
   • If the person misuses you (manipulates you, constantly belittles you, or treats you like you have no value), you should end this relationship as soon as possible, as it is dangerous to your health.
3. 3 Know the limitations of the person. If the person is very important to you, you will have to come to terms with his narcissism. Stop asking or demanding attention from the person who cannot give it to you. This will get you nowhere - you'll just feel frustrated and devastated, which will worsen an already not-so-positive relationship.
   • For example, if you know that your friend Petya is a narcissist, don't try to tell him about your problems. He is simply incapable of empathy, and the conversation will very quickly be reduced to himself.
4. 4 Build your self-worth around other things. Ideally, self-esteem should be based on internal rather than external factors. However, for many people, self-esteem is strengthened when they receive recognition of their importance from others. Don't look to a narcissist for this kind of support, as the person won't be able to give it to you.
   • Remember that if you tell such a person something important and personal, they will not be able to appreciate this step. In addition, the person will be able to use this information to manipulate you, so be careful about sharing personal information with the narcissist.
   • Remember, the narcissist's motto is "I am the most important." When communicating with a narcissist, you will have to keep this phrase in your head all the time.
5. 5 Treat the narcissist with empathy. It can be difficult, but remember that whatever the narcissist does, at the heart of his behavior is a severe lack of true self-confidence that leads him to seek approval from others. In addition, a narcissistic person does not get everything from life, since he deprives himself of a large number of emotions.
   • But that doesn't mean you should let the person do whatever they want with you. This means that you should remember that a narcissist is a person who cannot get along with others. Narcissistic parents often have such children.
   • Also remember that narcissists are not familiar with the concept of unconditional love. Everything they do, they do for themselves, which is a very lonely way of life.
   • You may find it easier to treat such people with understanding if you realize that such behavior is a projection of self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.

Method 2 of 3: How to behave in face-to-face communication

1. 1 Don't let the person manipulate you. Many narcissists love manipulation, which forces the interlocutor to be on the alert all the time. In order to prevent manipulations, it is important to recognize them in time and not succumb to provocations. To find a common language with the narcissist, it is important to exclude your own ego from the situation.
   • Don't let the person blame you. A narcissist cannot make mistakes in his self-image. Don't try to argue with him or blame him for making a mistake. Just set boundaries. Watch what the person is doing so that on occasion you have the opportunity to say in a calm tone, for example, like this: "Listen, Misha, here are the documents that show that we still need to buy more papers."
   • Narcissists know how to lie.If you remember the situation differently (especially if it makes the person look bad), don't doubt yourself. But do not try to argue, unless you have clear evidence of your case. Even so, a narcissist may try to turn things upside down and present themselves in a good light.
   • It is important to remember to ignore attacks. If you are dealing with a narcissist, be prepared for lies, provocations, and accusations. Don't react. Imagine being thrown a ball that you don't have to catch and throw back. Let the ball (offending, manipulation) fly by you.
2. 2 Remember, you cannot please the narcissist. Because narcissists have inflated egos and think too well of themselves, they are likely to see you as inferior to them in everything. You may be able to win the narcissist's favor for a while, but you may not be able to satisfy or impress the narcissist all the time.
   • Be prepared for the narcissist to rate you undeservedly low. You can never be the person he would like to see you, that is, the person who is ready to devote all his attention to the narcissist.
   • Try not to take criticism personally. Remind yourself that this criticism is the result of an extremely narrow perception of the world. Likewise, do not try to convey your merits to the narcissist, because he will not be able to hear you.
   • If the person constantly belittles you (be it a partner, parent, boss), talk to someone about it (a close friend, therapist, or someone else). If possible, move away from the person for a while to recuperate.
3. 3 Listen. If you are forced to interact with a narcissist, it is best to just listen. The narcissist will demand your attention and willingness to listen, and if you can't give it to him, he will probably get angry and act cold with you. But, of course, there is a limit to everything. If a person requires your attention when you cannot give it, do not fall for manipulation. If you intend to maintain a friendship or other relationship with this person, be prepared to listen to him often and a lot.
   • If you get distracted, ask the person to explain something they said earlier to get back to the thought. For example, like this: “I was thinking about what you said about X, so I didn't hear what you just said. Could you repeat it? "
4. 4 Praise the person sincerely. Chances are, the narcissist has qualities that you admire. Try to praise him for these qualities. This will make your praise appear more genuine, allowing you to maintain a good relationship and reminding you why you are continuing to communicate with this person.
   • For example, if the narcissist writes well, talk to him about it. Say this: “You know how to express thoughts so accurately. I like the way you formulate your statements. " The person will see that you are sincere and will not try to attack you.
   • Even if you compliment and compliment the person, he may still try to find a way to hurt you and bend you to his will because of deep self-doubt. The impact can be subtle and disguised, so be on the lookout.
5. 5 Smile and nod. If you cannot avoid contact with a narcissist and cannot flatter him as often as he needs it, try to simply be silent. You won't win the person's favor with your silence, but if you don't argue with them, it can create the illusion of agreement.
   • Since the narcissist needs constant attention, nods and smiles will give him that attention, but you don't have to engage in further interaction. This method is especially suitable for dealing with narcissists who are not very tightly woven into your life (for example, with a colleague, with a relative with whom you do not live under the same roof, or with a friend).
6. 6 Convince the narcissist that you want him to win in the situation. If you need something from the narcissist, frame the request so that the person can see that they will get something from it.
   • For example, if you want a friend to go to a new restaurant with you, and you know that their narcissism is closely related to social status, say this: "I know that many influential people are often in this place."
   • If you want to go to an exhibition with a friend, and her mind is extremely important for her, you can say this: "They say that this exhibition is especially liked by smart and quick-witted people."
7. 7 Criticize positively or neutrally. The narcissist does not accept direct criticism. He will decide that you are either jealous or just an evil person, so your opinion will mean nothing. Try not to allow yourself derogatory comments, even if you really feel like it. Formulate the thought so that the person thinks they still have the advantage.
   • For example, if you need to tell a customer that they are late with a payment, ask them to remind you of the due date instead of directly telling you that the deadline has already passed.

Method 3 of 3: Pointing a Problem to a Person

1. 1 Decide whether to point out to the person that they might have a problem. Sometimes it is necessary to do this, especially if the narcissist is a person close to you (romantic partner, parent, child). This can be difficult because the narcissist is not easy to convince that he is not perfect.
   • It is best to choose a moment after some important event in a person's life (for example, after an illness or loss of a job), when what feeds a person's ego suffers or disappears altogether.
2. 2 See a specialist. You will need an uninterested and experienced person as emotions can be heated during a conversation. A professional will help you plan the conversation and explain how it might go. Seek help from a psychotherapist, psychologist, or clinical social worker with experience working with narcissists.
   • The specialist will tell you about your options. Individual psychotherapy and group therapy have their advantages. Both methods of working can teach narcissists to perceive other people as equally important.
   • Look for a specialist in your city and seek advice from people you trust. Finding the right person is important.
3. 3 Enlist the help of 4-5 people. These should be people who maintain a close relationship with the narcissist and who are offended by his behavior. At the same time, they must be ready to provide the help that a person needs.
   • Ask people not to tell the narcissist what you are planning ahead of time and not tell others about what is happening.
4. 4 Plan the conversation. The conversation should not happen at a random time in a random place. You need to plan carefully what and when you will do and say. A specialist will help you with this and explain what to expect from the conversation.
5. 5 Consider a few discussion questions. During the conversation, you should stick to the plan. You can talk about how a person's behavior hurts his relatives (give specific examples) and why this conversation became necessary (the person began to abuse the attention of others; the person stopped participating in family life; give specific examples).
   • You will need to explain to the person what the consequences will be if he refuses to change. It can be anything: from refusing to participate in what is important to a person, to breaking up a relationship. This will give you the opportunity to influence the narcissist to convince him to change.
6. 6 Explain how the narcissist hurts himself. Expressing empathy is important because the reason you started the conversation is to help the person become better. Explain to the narcissist that the change will benefit not only others, but himself.
   • Speak using I-statements.Such wording will help avoid aggression from the narcissist. For example: "I feel unnecessary when you constantly turn the conversation over to yourself," or: "It seems to me that you expect that I will always provide you with emotional support, without expecting it from you." Give specific examples of how the person's behavior has offended you.
7. 7 Be prepared for the conversation to fail. Remember that if you decide to have this conversation, this does not mean that the narcissist will begin to do what you ask him to do. Psychotherapy does not always help in these cases, so be prepared for this outcome.

Tips

• It is impossible to win an argument with narcissistic people, and even if it seems to you that you won, you still lost. It's best not to get into arguments and keep conversations to a minimum.

Warnings

• Try to spend less time with narcissistic people and cut off the connection if necessary. Spending a lot of time with a narcissist runs the risk of becoming addicted to him, which will negatively affect your emotional state and hinder your development.
• Whenever you come into contact with a narcissist, it's important to keep your mental health in mind. If your quality of life is deteriorating due to these interactions, you should distance yourself, even if that person is your parent, romantic partner, or leader.