Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: Take it easy
• Part 2 of 4: Understand the Nature of Your Anger
• Part 3 of 4: Discuss Your Emotions
• Part 4 of 4: See a specialist

When a person is angry, he has a desire to break out into the whole world. At times like this, you feel hurt. Sometimes you can hurt others on purpose or not even noticing it. Instead of containing your anger or venting it on others, you can channel it peacefully. Calm down and try to understand your angry emotions. You can then release your anger in a controlled manner without harming other people.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Take it easy

1. 1 Physical signs of anger. When you feel angry, your body responds with physical manifestations. Being aware of this reaction of your body in times of anger and stress will help you to correctly identify the moment of crisis. These may be the following symptoms:
   • Your jaws are clenched and your muscles tense.
   • Your head or stomach starts to hurt.
   • Your heart rate rises.
   • You start to sweat (even your palms).
   • The face is covered with paint.
   • Hands or whole body begin to tremble.
   • Dizziness begins.
2. 2 Emotional signs of anger. Your emotions begin to roll in waves that can make you feel angry. You may experience the following emotional signs:
   • Irritation
   • Sadness
   • Depression
   • Guilt
   • Disturbance
   • Anxiety
   • Aggravation of defense mechanisms
3. 3 Breathe deeply. Take control of your anger before you start talking to someone. Otherwise, you may say something that you will regret later. Breathe deeply to clear your thoughts and induce a calming response in your body. Here are some ways:
   • Count to four as you inhale, then hold your breath for the same amount of time and exhale, again to a count of four.
   • Breathe through your diaphragm, not your chest. When you engage the diaphragm, your belly will inflate (you can feel it with your hand).
   • Breathe in this way until you begin to calm down.
4. 4 Count to ten. If anger builds up inside, and physical and emotional symptoms of anger appear, convince yourself to delay that reaction. Count to ten to calm yourself down and buy some time by analyzing your feelings.
5. 5 Change your surroundings. If your blood begins to boil, then change the scene. Take a little walk. If you do not have what caused your anger, then you will be able to pull yourself together more quickly.
6. 6 Talk about your problem. When you start feeling angry, try to calm down and rationally discuss the problem with yourself. Reasonably convince your body not to lose its temper. Calm yourself down before anger takes control of your mind. Even if you feel like you can't hold yourself back, continue your internal positive dialogue to try to deal with the anger in a different way.
   • For example, tell yourself the following: “My boss yells at me every day. This is annoying and angry. I can get angry, but I can't let this feeling rule my life or ruin my whole day. I can get along with the boss even despite his behavior. I'm looking for another job, but for now, every time he shouts, I will say that it is difficult for me to understand him in such conditions. If there are problems, then we can always discuss them and come to the desired solution. If I have to do something, it would be more logical to tell me this without yelling, so that I understand everything correctly. Now I will be calm and can talk to him about this situation. "

Part 2 of 4: Understand the Nature of Your Anger

1. 1 Rate your anger. Assessing your own anger will help you understand what events are pissing you off and to what extent. Some events only slightly annoy you, but others can provoke a full-blown explosion.
   • You don't have to use the official anger scale. You can come up with your own. For example, you can rate your anger on a scale of one to ten, or zero to one hundred.
2. 2 Keep an anger journal. If you are often overcome with anger, then try to track the situations that piss you off. Also consider the degree of your anger and related events. Write down how you react when angry, as well as how people respond. As you write an event in your anger journal, consider the following questions:
   • What provoked your anger?
   • Rate your anger.
   • What thoughts do you have when you are angry?
   • How do you react? How do others react to you?
   • What was your mood before the outbreak of anger?
   • What symptoms of anger have you experienced?
   • What was your reaction? Do you feel like leaving, expressing anger (slamming the door or hitting something / someone) or sarcastically speaking out?
   • Describe your emotions immediately after the incident.
   • Describe your feelings in a few hours.
   • How was this situation resolved?
   • Keeping this information in mind will help you understand the situations and mechanisms of your anger. You can try to avoid such situations or anticipate them if they cannot be prevented. Also, the diary will help track your progress in solving this problem.
3. 3 Identify triggers for anger. A trigger is an event or feeling that generates an emotion or memory. Common triggers for anger include:
   • Inability to control the actions of others.
   • Frustrated that people don't live up to your expectations.
   • The inability to influence everyday events like traffic jams.
   • People's attempts to manipulate you.
   • Anger at yourself for making a mistake.
4. 4 Realize the consequences of your anger. Anger can be a big problem if it forces you to take out your anger on others. If anger becomes a constant reaction to everyday events and the people around you, then you may lose all the joy in life. Anger interferes with normal work, relationships and social life. You can even go to jail if you take out your anger at others. Anger is a very powerful emotion that needs to be clearly understood in order to be able to prevent its consequences.
   • Anger gives people a sense of justification for their socially irresponsible behavior. For example, in case of aggressive behavior on the road, a person may feel that they have the right to force out the driver who accidentally cut him off the road.
5. 5 Find the cause of your anger. Some use anger to suppress painful emotions. This allows you to temporarily boost your self-esteem. It also happens to people who have very real reasons to be angry. But when emotions are suppressed by anger, the pain does not go away, it is only temporary relief.
   • A person may get used to using anger to distract from pain. Anger is easier to transfer. He gives a sense of control over the situation. Thus, anger becomes a chronic way of dealing with feelings of vulnerability and fear.
   • Often, our automatic reaction to events is a painful memory from the past.You may have learned automatic angry reactions from your parents or guardians. If one of your parents is constantly angry at everything, and the second is trying to calm the first, then you have two options to cope with the anger: passive and aggressive. It is important to understand that both are counterproductive.
   • If you were the victim of abuse and neglect as a child, you will react ineffectively (aggressively) to anger. Trying to understand these feelings will hurt, but understanding childhood experiences and trauma can help you cope with stress, difficult situations, and emotions like sadness, fear, and anger.
     • For childhood traumas such as domestic abuse, you should seek the help of a specialist. Sometimes people tend to unknowingly relive the consequences of the trauma again, indulging in painful memories.

Part 3 of 4: Discuss Your Emotions

1. 1 Don't let your anger passively. When expressing anger passively, you are not interacting with the person who aroused your anger. Instead, your desire for revenge manifests itself differently. For example, you might start discussing others behind their backs or insulting people.
2. 2 Avoid being aggressive. Aggressive expressions of anger are the most problematic due to the potential for violence and negative consequences when it is impossible to curb the outbursts. Aggression is very disruptive if the anger manifests itself on a daily basis and cannot be controlled.
   • For example, when aggressively venting out of anger, you can scream and insult people, even go to the point of assault.
3. 3 Try to channel your anger in a positive direction. Expressing anger in a positive way will be the most constructive way out of the situation. A positive attitude breeds mutual respect. You can still release your anger without blaming others by showing respect for those around you.
   • Positive interaction emphasizes the importance of the needs of all people. For positive communication, present the facts, but do not press charges. Just describe how the action affected your feelings. Stick to facts, not guesswork. Then invite the other person to discuss the situation.
   • For example, you might say, “I was offended and angry because I thought you were underestimating my project because you were laughing during the presentation. Let's discuss this situation? "
4. 4 Define your emotions. Try to deal with your feelings. Feeling good and bad is not enough. Try to define them more precisely - jealousy, guilt, loneliness, resentment, and so on.
5. 5 Talk about yourself. Talk about your feelings without expressing judgment about others. This will increase the chances of being heard by the opposite side. This will emphasize that the problem is with you and not with the other person. For example, you might say:
   • "I feel embarrassed when you tell your friends that we had a fight."
   • “I am offended that they forgot about my birthday.”
6. 6 Focus on yourself, not others' flaws. You can judge your feelings, not the flaws of other people. Instead of blaming the person for the act that caused your anger, it's best to focus on your feelings. Once you've identified your feelings, express a real feeling, such as pain. Avoid judgment. Talk about things that concern you directly.
   • For example, instead of "You stopped coming to dinner at all," say "I miss our lunchtime conversations."
   • Here is another option: "It seems that you do not care about my feelings, because you read the newspaper and do not listen to what I am trying to say."
7. 7 Give specific examples. In a dispute, you always need to give specific arguments so that the person understands what provoked your emotions. Don't say “I'm lonely,” but explain why you feel it. For example: “I feel so lonely when you stay late at work. Even on my birthday you couldn't come earlier. "
8. 8 Show respect. Always show respect when communicating.To do this, just use the words "please" and "thank you". They promote cooperation and mutual respect. If you need something, then express your wish in the form of a request, not a demand. You can start a conversation like this:
   • "When you have a free minute, could you ..."
   • "You would help me a lot if ... Thank you, this is very important to me!"
9. 9 Focus on solving the problem. By becoming aware of your emotions and engaging in positive communication, you will be able to come up with solutions. You must do your best to find a suitable solution.
   • Take a couple of minutes to calm down. Figure out your emotions. Start looking at ways to solve the problem.
   • For example, if your child brings in a report card with low grades, you may be pissed off by the poor grades. In this case, it is better to seek a solution, rather than be angry. Talk with your child about spending more time on homework, or suggest additional tutoring for the child.
   • Sometimes you just have to admit that there is no solution to the problem. You cannot control the problem itself, but you can control your own reaction to it.
10. 10 Always speak clearly and to the point. If you mumble or speak in general phrases, without specifics, then everyone will just get angry. For example, if an employee speaks very loudly on the phone, thereby interfering with your work, then tell him:
    • "I need to ask you something. Could you speak a little quieter on the phone? It is very difficult for me to concentrate on a task. Be so kind. Thanks". You speak directly to the person with whom you need to resolve the problem, and also clearly indicate what you are asking for in a respectful manner.

Part 4 of 4: See a specialist

1. 1 Therapeutic approach. Therapy is a great way to find new ways to effectively release your anger. Your therapist will almost certainly use relaxation techniques to help you control yourself during an outburst. It can also help you deal with thoughts that provoke anger and see things differently. Therapists will teach you how to deal with your emotions as well as positive interactions.
2. 2 Take an anger management course. Anger management programs are highly successful. The best ones help you understand your anger, provide temporary strategies for dealing with current anger problems, and help you develop the right skills.
   • There are a variety of anger management programs. For example, they can target teenagers, government officials, law enforcement officers, and other groups of people who may experience different types of anger for different reasons.
3. 3 Learn about drug therapy. Anger is often an aspect of various disorders such as bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. In the case of anger, drug therapy will depend on the conditions that give rise to the anger. Taking medication for your specific disorder can help you manage your anger as well.
   • For example, if your anger is accompanied by depression, you can ask your doctor about antidepressants that can help manage depression and anger. If irritability is part of general anxiety syndrome, you may be prescribed benzodiazepines such as klonopin. They will also help get rid of irritability.
   • All medications have side effects. For example, lithium, which is used to treat bipolar disorder, often causes kidney complications. Knowing the possible side effects will help keep track of complications. Be sure to discuss this issue with your doctor.
   • Be sure to tell your doctor about your addiction problems. For example, benzodiazepines are addictive. For example, if you are struggling with alcoholism, the last thing you need to do is get another addiction. Tell your doctor frankly so that he prescribes the most appropriate medicine.