Content

• Steps

The decision to have a baby is a big one, and it's not always easy to discuss in a relationship. Direct, sincere, and respectful conversation is best practice, but even if you both want to start building a full family, you need to discuss each other's readiness. If your partner is reluctant to have a baby now or in the future, you may need to consider other options, such as not having a baby or seeking help from a marriage counselor.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Talking with Your Spouse

1. 

   Think about why you want to have a baby. Before you can talk about the issue with your partner, take a moment to consider why you want to have a baby. Writing them down as detailed as possible will help prepare you for the conversation with your spouse.
   • Consider whether your motivation is internal or external. Are you trying to have a baby out of the wishes of your friends and family? Or do you have a deep desire in mind to have children? How can you confirm that this is a deep-rooted desire?

2. 

   
   
   Choose a good time to chat. Don't approach your spouse at the end of a stressful workday or when she / he is distracted. Instead, schedule a conversation at a time when you are both relaxing and can focus entirely on the issue.
   • For example, you might plan to talk to your spouse on a Saturday morning after breakfast is over. Be sure to sit across from each other and eliminate any distractions (cell phones, laptops, etc.) during the conversation.

3. 

   
   
   Show your feelings. Be honest and let the person know why you want a baby. Use the notes you have prepared to explain point by point why having a baby is important to you and why you want to do this now. State your arguments in a calm, clear tone and present as much detail as possible.

4. 

   
   
   Check with your spouse's concerns. If your partner is not ready to have children, listen to their concerns about this issue. Ask them to honestly share what they are worried about.

5. 

   Open your heart to listen. Even if your partner is 100% opposed to having a baby, you should be open to listening to him or her and let your spouse know that you respect their wishes. Remember to maintain eye contact, nod your head to show that you are listening, and ask questions if the person says anything you don't understand.
   • If your spouse wants to have children, you should talk about your readiness and define what to do before starting this process.
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Part 2 of 3: Discussing Your Readiness for Childbirth

1. 

   Think about your health. Having children requires good health for you and your spouse. Take a moment to think about how healthy you are and see if you can do something to improve your health before getting pregnant.
   • For example, if you or your partner smoke cigarettes, you should quit smoking. If you are both overweight, you should lose weight. Try to identify weaknesses in your health and find ways to improve it.

2. 

   Evaluate the sustainability of your relationship. Before you can add a new family member, you both need to take time to deal with any problems that arise in a relationship. Having a baby adds stress to both of you, and if you're having problems, in the best interests of your children find a way to deal with them before having a baby.
   • For example, if you tend to argue over small things, find ways to improve communication with your partner. For bigger problems, you should consider seeing a marriage counselor to resolve them before deciding to have a baby.

3. 

   Evaluate your financial situation. Parenting can be expensive, so you will need to consider your financial means to provide items such as cribs, clothes, food, and toys for your child. If your finances are tight, you'll need to find ways to improve your situation and save a little money before you start having a baby.

4. 

   Compare parenting ideas to each other. Parenting requires you to work together, so you and your partner need to agree on how to raise the children. Talk about the value you both share and how you can overcome your disagreement on the issue.
   • For example, do you and your partner share the same views on parenting? Do you both agree to impart a specific moral value to your children? Does either of you possess a strong religious belief?

5. 

   Consider the level of attachment you have in your relationship. Long-term relationships are usually more stable and this is very important for your children. Consider how long you spent together and whether the relationship is stable enough to start adding new family members. It's best to wait until you and your partner have been living together for at least 1 year before deciding to have a baby. advertisement

Part 3 of 3: Walking With Your Spouse

1. 

   Be patient if your spouse wants to wait. Even if you've shared your feelings with your spouse, chances are your partner isn't ready for childbirth yet. In this case, respect the person's wishes and don't push him or her.
   • Forcing your spouse to have a baby will usually not make them think differently about their options. In fact, it can cause more serious problems in your relationship.

2. 

   Remember that having a baby can be challenging in your relationship. Children won't be able to mend the relationship, but some people think they can. If you only think of having a baby as a way to improve the relationship between you and the person you love, don't do it.
   • Try to strengthen your relationship with your partner before deciding to have a baby.

3. 

   Think about a life without children. Many people choose not to have children but still have a happy and satisfying life. Consider whether you and your spouse can build a happy life without having children.
   • One way to determine how much of a life without children will make you feel regretful is to visualize yourself in the future and consider whether you regret not having children.
   • Try to think about how you will spend your time and money if you don't have kids. What will you do with the amount of time, money, and energy you may have spent with your children?

4. 

   Seek help from your therapist. If you and your partner are unable to make a decision about having a baby and this is creating problems for your marriage, you should consider getting treatment with a marriage counselor. You can also go to the counselor yourself to deal with your desire to have a baby when your spouse doesn't want to. advertisement