Content

• Steps
• Advice

Sometimes, it can be difficult to discern your behavior, especially if it's an unexpected behavior. Passive aggressive behavior is a way of expressing emotions (often anger) in a way that says nothing for a long time, and then seeks revenge in secret. Correctly recognizing your passive aggression will help you develop more effective communication habits.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Understanding passive impulses

1. 

   Recognize the manifestation of conflict as passive aggression. There are patterns of passive aggression that appear mainly in people with such tendencies. When you notice signs of passive aggression in others, you may also notice it in yourself.

2. 

   
   
   Consider how you express your anger. The "first stage" of the cycle of passive aggression is the emergence of a belief that: expressing anger is dangerous and should be avoided. Instead of expressing anger clearly in the first place, a passive-aggressive person often conceals his anger with other behaviors.

3. 

   
   
   Realize that stress can provoke passive aggression. The "second stage" of this cycle is a stressful state that causes irrational inferences based on previous experiences, preventing the person from expressing anger.

4. 

   
   
   Pay attention to the denial of anger. The "third stage" of this cycle occurs when the passive aggressive person denies his anger. This denial can lead to the person directing his negative feelings towards others, causing resentment to develop.

5. 

   Watch out for passive aggressive behaviors. The "fourth stage" of this cycle is performing passive aggression. These behaviors include (but are not limited to): denial of anger, avoidance, sulking, irritability, delay, ineffective or difficult performance of work, retaliation. silently.

6. 

   Consider other people's reactions. The "fifth phase" of this cycle is the reaction of others. Most people react negatively to passive aggression, and this is often what the aggressor wants. This reaction will also only serve as a reinforcement for the passive aggression, and the cycle will start over. advertisement

Method 2 of 3: Evaluate your own behavior

1. 

   Use your behavior journal. Journaling is an effective way to identify, evaluate, and improve your behavior.Your diary can help you decide what triggers your behavior, and it is also a safe place for you to be honest about your reaction and you want to change. how do you do it later?

2. 

   Identify events that cause you to act in a passive, impulsive manner. Passive impulses can be varied, but basically you feel sad or angry about something and don't express your emotions directly. Instead, you will seek to "get revenge" in one of the following ways:
   • Avoid others
   • Angry
   • Temporary consensus
   • Deliberately ineffective
   • Deliberately aggravating the problem
   • Deliberately retaliation silently
   • For example, if you act passively aggressively with a colleague, you might take the following actions: sabotaging their work tools (retaliating silently), not telling the person that the client they are dissatisfied (aggravate the problem), finish their work late (intentionally ineffective), or tell them you will help them work failure to fulfill promises (proving temporary consent).

3. 

   Record information about what happened. It is important to identify and eliminate false thinking patterns in the first place. To get rid of those thoughts, first define when and how they happened. Take a look back and recall the specifics of your behavior. It can be helpful to have an objective look at what happened, the more objective the better. Look closely at the situation and the reasons why you may have to act passive aggressively. Consider the following questions:
   • How did family members handle anger when you were a child?
   • Who provoked your emotions or behavior?
   • How was your feeling in that situation?
   • When and where did that happen?
   • What objective factors can influence your behavior or emotions?
   • What was the outcome of that situation?
   • What else could you do differently in the future to avoid or reconcile the conflict?

4. 

   Point out the differences between your thoughts and your behavior. In general, passive aggressive behaviors often show a conflict between what you say and do (passively) and what you are feeling (angry / aggressive). Here are some symptoms of passive aggression:
   • Openly ask for help but indirectly deny, delay or tacitly undermine the success of your social and professional jobs.
   • Agree to do something and not do it or pretend to forget.
   • Cold war with someone but don't tell them why.
   • Publicly pleasing people but speaks badly behind them.
   • Lack of assertiveness in expressing feelings and desires, but still hoping for others to guess
   • Compliment others with sarcasm and negative body language
   • Complain about being misunderstood and disrespectful
   • Puffy and contentious without giving up constructive ideas
   • Blame others for everything and avoid responsibility
   • Unreasonable criticism and ridicule of the government to friends
   • Respond to authorities they do not like with confidentiality and deception
   • Control your emotions because of fear of conflict, failure or disappointment
   • Show jealousy and resentment towards people luckier than you
   • Speak out exaggerated and persistent complaints about your own unhappiness
   • Show a challenge of hostility interspersed with repentance
   • Anticipate negative results before starting work

5. 

   Avoid showing temporary agreement. A passive aggressor typically has the typical behavior of: giving consent temporarily every time you agree to do something and purposely completing it late. Maybe the person was delayed due to intentional delay, was late for the meeting or late attendance, or misplaced important documents. People often show temporary consensus when they feel underrated but don't know how to properly express them.

6. 

   Don't be deliberately ineffective. When intentionally ineffective work, the person values ​​hostility more than his or her ability. For example, an employee always carries a constant amount of work, but the quality of work goes down dramatically. People questioned about their inefficiency always seek to play the role of victims. This behavior will cause harm to yourself as well as inconvenience to others.

7. 

   Try not to aggravate the problem. Exacerbating the problem is a passive act of aggression when a person refuses to face or address a problem he or she perceives. Instead, they let the problem grow until it became a big deal.

8. 

   Stay away from intentionally retaliating silently. Quiet retaliation is when a person silently lowers the honor of the person who has bothered them. This may take the form of gossip or other acts of undermining secrets such as spreading rumors or manipulating others on the same side as you.

9. 

   Find out what kind of behavior you are. When thinking about your actions (or reading in your journal), find out what kind of behavior you are. Will certain factors come into play and contribute to your passive aggressive behavior in different situations? Many people experience anger or passive aggression when there are "hormones," which can cause emotional imbalance reactions. These triggers are often related to past emotions or memories. Some common triggers include:
   • Feeling that someone else's life, actions, surroundings or condition become out of control.
   • Believe that others are trying to manipulate you
   • Get angry at yourself when you make a mistake

10. 

    Accept your feelings. Denying real emotions is part of the problem with passive aggression. You don't want others to know that you are angry, hurt, or resentful, so you don't act like that. Your emotions will only get worse and more and more irrational because you don't let yourself let them out in a healthy way. Therefore, it is important that you allow yourself to feel and acknowledge your emotions so that you can handle them in a healthy way. advertisement

Method 3 of 3: Communicate more effectively

1. 

   Take time to change. Changing long-established behavior takes time and patience. Remember that change is a process and not always a straight line. Don't be afraid to start over and reassess your behavior. Also, don't be too hard on yourself if you find yourself unsuccessful the first time around. The more you practice and find ways to overcome passive impulses, the more successful you will be in changing your behavior. If you find yourself falling behind in changing passive aggressive behavior, take the time to pause and review what's happening.

2. 

   Learn to communicate assertively. If you want to stop behaving in a passive aggressive manner, you may wonder what other options you have. Having a healthy form of communication is called “assertive”. Assertive communication is a healthy and respectful way to point out and confront the person or situation that makes you angry. This will involve speaking out when you are angry but still having to respect those around you.

3. 

   Emphasize that the needs of both sides are important. Part of assertive communication is recognizing the importance of one's own needs as well as those of those involved. This will reduce your focus on yourself and show respect for the needs of others.

4. 

   Respect others when communicating. Using words like "please" or "thank you" will clearly show your respect for the other person. Treat the other person with respect, acknowledging that they are right in this.

5. 

   Make your suggestions clearly and specifically. Remember to think of every action you want the other person to take as an offer, not an order. This will help you use the right words. It's important to be specific and always try to stick to reality.

6. 

   Show your emotions. Even if you want to give factual information, you can still express how you feel when you are angry. You can emphasize words like "I feel" or "it makes me see", so you can make the person less defensive.

7. 

   Find a solution to the problem. It is ideal if you and the person you want to express your feelings with can work together to find a solution to a problem that is making you angry. Unfortunately, you have no control over the behavior of others, and you will probably have to find that solution on your own.
   • For example, you and your neighbor might find ways to keep the dog - chained or kept the dog on the fence. If your neighbor is not cooperating, you will have to find a solution on your own, such as building a fence in your yard.

8. 

   Listen and observe. Communication, in addition to being frank, also involves listening to and reading hidden messages. Consider what the other person said or did not say when reacting to your words and actions. Remember that every conversation must be two-way, and you are talking to a person who has his own feelings and thoughts.

9. 

   Accept that conflict is normal. Disagreement is common. There are times when it comes to confrontations not out of conflict but out of misunderstanding. There is usually no danger in being able to ease your anger and make the conversation more constructive and positive. You may not agree with the other party completely, but you can still compromise so that both sides benefit. This way, you'll take control instead of letting the passive aggressive behavior get things up. advertisement

Advice

• Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. As you become more active, you will also experience more positive communication.