Content

• Steps
• Advice

Maintaining innocence in a sexually obsessed society is not easy. You will find that setting healthy and strong personal limits is crucial to self-control over your body, and to what you consider pleasant or unpleasant to be with. mine.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Define your boundaries

1. 

   Consider the reasons. Understanding why this decision is important to you is key. Take some time to consider your arguments. There is no need to be pure if it is for a parent, priest, lover or wikiHow article, but do it for the best. friend. Write down your thoughts in a journal so that you can read them again when you want. Potential reasons for avoiding sex are:
   • Belief or personal belief that one must wait or abstain.
   • You don't feel ready or excited.
   • You are asexual (meaning you do not feel sexual desire, disgust for sex).
   • You want to have sex for the first time with someone special.
   • You must not have access to birth control, or to sexual health care facilities.
   • You are not of age or feel too young.
   • You worry about safety: fear of becoming pregnant, getting sexually transmitted infections, etc., or being strict with your family, your feelings and safety will suffer if they find out.

2. 

   
   
   Consider the time frame. How long do you want to abstain from sex? Most people don't stay a virgin all their life, and it's better to set clear and reasonable goals for yourself. Think about how long you want to be a virgin, and know that you can always change your mind if it doesn't work for you.
   • Deciding not to have sex for many years can put a lot of pressure on some people. Make a limited time contract with yourself (eg "I'm going to abstain from having sex for this month"), and then reconsider or renew at the end of each month.

3. 

   
   
   Eliminate misconceptions. Sex is not a bad thing, and abstinence doesn't make you "pure" or morally better. Sex can be beautiful among consensual, emotionally ready adults. It doesn't change the way your body looks, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Don't abstain from sex out of fear, but for healthy and clear choices.
   • Most people will have sex at some point in their life. If at any time you think you are ready, don't feel guilty.

4. 

   
   
   Define your own terms. "Chastity" and "sex" are terms that many people understand differently. Before you set your limits, you need to know how you define these terms.
   • How do you define "sex"? What kind of intimate contact do you feel okay with, and what is going too far? How do you define "chastity"? Is it mental, mental or physical purity, or a combination of it?
   • You need to set parameters for yourself to know what is acceptable to you, and be able to convey that to others.
   • If you know your boundaries, express them confidently, and expect others to respect, you will have the strength to stand up for your point of view and do what is right.

5. 

   Define your choices in the positive direction. Instead of focusing on the flaws of sex, think about the good things you do.
   • If you weren't planning to have a partner now, what would you spend your time on?
   • If you want to be a virgin until a certain deadline, stick to that goal. For example, if you want to wait until you feel more confident and assertive, try taking an assertiveness and confidence building training class.

6. 

   Set boundaries. You need to clearly define physical, emotional, and mental boundaries. No one has the right to violate and disrespect your boundaries.
   • Determine emotional boundaries. What kind of emotions do you feel comfortable and uncomfortable with? What kind of behavior makes you emotionally upset? Understand that other people's feelings are not more important than yours.
   • Examine your mental boundaries. To what extent can you let the views and opinions of others influence you? To what extent do you feel they no longer respect your thoughts or opinions? To what extent do you still feel comfortable explaining or defending your beliefs from others?
   • Think about your physical boundaries. How, where and when do you feel comfortable being touched? What kind of physical exposure transcends your personal boundaries? Clearly define your boundaries for yourself and for others.
   • There are a number of lists on the Internet that help you figure out what is acceptable and what is not.

7. 

   Be comfortable and proud of yourself and your body. All around us there are rigid messages about how we should behave, feel, and act. These messages make us feel inadequate and less motivated to make a decision. If you are confident in yourself and your decisions, you will be motivated to expect others to respect you and your choices as defined by you.
   • Don't sacrifice yourself or your body for pressure from others. If someone doesn't acknowledge your beauty and purity or your body, get them out of life. Remember that your parents can be a great source of encouragement in your decision - they'll be very proud of you. Draw a line between what's acceptable and what is not, and ask them to respect.

8. 

   Find healthy outputs for stored energy. Unless you are asexual, you will usually feel a sexual desire. Take care of your needs and release your energy in a way you feel comfortable with.
   • Exercise: walk, play sports or run around with a family member.
   • Some virgin women are still comfortable with masturbation.
   • Take a shower or use hot compresses or cold compresses to dilate the vessels.
   • Look for a focus beyond sex, be it art, writing, friends, volunteering or studies.

Part 2 of 3: Communicate boundaries with your partner

1. 

   Be honest with anyone you date. For some people, a non-sexual relationship is like a disruptor, and it's not fair for both of you to delay speaking out about sex. Let them know before it gets serious, so that no one will get hurt by the breakup.
   • Even though you might be tempted to procrastinate telling your plan of staying chaste to someone you like, you shouldn't. Sooner or later they will find out, and if they do, then both of you will experience pain and trouble that could have been avoided.
   • If they don't share the same opinion and cannot have a non-sexual relationship, that's okay and simply their choice. You should not be pressured by their decisions, respect each other's decisions. If the two of you do not share the same opinion, then it is best for everyone to go and not to be heavy.

2. 

   Spend time talking about your boundaries with your partner. Tell them what's acceptable, what's not, and let them tell their boundaries. If you want, you can take advantage of this opportunity to explain why keeping chastity (now or forever) is important to you. They may not understand and question you; Take the time to explain if you feel comfortable.
   • If your partner tries to negotiate boundaries with you, make it clear that these are very serious. They must respect them.
   • If you don't want to explain why you have to keep it pure, just say so. Say something like "I don't want to talk about it", that's enough.

3. 

   Be clear about agreement in a relationship (kissing and touching). Consent is very important, you need to know how to issue, revoke, and evaluate whether or not you agree. It is important to be honest about what you like and dislike. A good relationship is when two people are able to communicate clearly and listen to each other.
   • Say "no" or say you want to slow down as soon as you feel uncomfortable. A simple sentence like "I don't like it", "I'm not ready", or "Not now" is enough to make it clear to the other party.
   • Clarification on how to say "yes". Your partner should always know what you want when you are together. Be obedient, smile, make eye contact or take an active role.
   • If you are not sure, make it clear. A basic, effective sentence like "I'm not sure", or you can act flirting and say "I don't know. Can you convince me?"
   • Ask your partner questions: "Do you like this?", "What if I ...?", "Want a kiss?"

4. 

   Use the right to say no. If at any time you feel uncomfortable or doubt your wishes, say stop or slow down. A good lover will take "no" words seriously and immediately respect your feelings.
   • You are allowed to say no at any time: when you said yes 5 minutes before, when you agreed to do something for the past week, or when everyone else did. You can say no anytime and anywhere.
   • Use repetition to resist pressure: say repeatedly "No" or "I don't want".
   • If you are afraid, practice saying no. Try writing down the phrases in this article and practice speaking to yourself. Saying no is an important life skill.

5. 

   Be strong if someone puts pressure on you. A respectful partner won't try to change your boundaries, but not everyone. You have the right to set terms for your body, if they don't respect them then they don't respect you either. One word "no" is enough. But if it's not enough, be prepared to be rejected by the other party. Some people are not mature enough to hear things they don't like.
   • Respond briefly, honestly, and respectfully (initially), and be ready to repeat it if needed. You can use repetition of speech when under pressure (eg "No" or "I don't want").
   • For example, if someone says "If you don't let me do it, you don't love me". Answer "I love you but I don't want you to touch me now / like this".
   • If someone says "But I used to let you do that", you answer "I have the right to change my mind".
   • If someone says "I'm just showing dignity (frigid or repressed or whatever)", then reply "I'm satisfied with myself and my body, and I hope you respect that" .
   • If someone doesn't respect your boundaries and makes you uncomfortable, this really matters. It's time to ask yourself whether you should maintain such a relationship.

6. 

   Take a step when things get sour. If they refuse to respect your boundaries, emotionally, mentally or physically, walk away. Learn to let go calmly and confidently. Most importantly, you can leave them, but if you can, leave calmly and confidently to convey the message that they cannot manipulate you.
   • If you are at a party or other social occasion, leave them and find a friend to talk to.If you are alone or mostly just you and them, go somewhere with lots of people or you can get help if you need it (find emergency call stations, call a taxi, etc.).
   • As you walk you imagine crushing their words and throwing them away.
   • After you've dropped their words, tell yourself positive things about yourself.

7. 

   Force them to leave. If you are in a situation where they don't understand what they mean to stop the topic, there are responses to force them to disappear.
   • If you're at a party, bar or situation where someone doesn't accept no, and you don't want to, you have the right to stare into their eyes and say “I say no. Please go. ”
   • If you want to make fun of this situation and think they won't be in danger (if you're threatened, go get help right away) you can say “I'm really, really attached to people. someone if I had sex with them ”, or“ I can't tell you about my genital herpes. ”

Part 3 of 3: Fighting peer pressure

1. 

   Understand what peer pressure is. You've probably heard that young people experience peer pressure, including pressure to have sex. To resist this pressure, you need to realize it or know what it is. By realizing someone is using these tactics, you may be better able to cope with the situation. Types of peer pressure are:
   • Clear pressure: This is the most powerful form of pressure and is often associated with blunt, unobtrusive statements from others like “I can't believe you haven't had sex yet. Everyone has sex! ”.
   • Underground pressure: This type of pressure is a little more subtle and often makes you feel like something is bizarre and out of the ordinary to you when not following them. Maybe you hear them say "Never mind, she's a virgin so won't understand" or they call you "virgin" or "dignified".
   • Control pressure: This kind of pressure is like an attempt to seduce you to do something by threatening to isolate or end the friendship if you don't do what they want. Maybe they say, "We can't be friends if you're a virgin" or "I'm not hanging out with a virgin."

2. 

   Incredulous. The people around you may be speaking out loud, but are also likely to only exaggerate if not completely fabricated about what they are doing.
   • Even though they speak very convincingly, you should learn to doubt what others claim to have done. You do not have to distinguish the fake right away, but save what they say under the heading "not sure".

3. 

   Understand the use of the sentence "That is not true". It is difficult to maintain your pride and confidence when faced with negative external messages, whether from media, culture, friends, family or powerful figures.
   • If someone tries to challenge your boundaries with negative comments or statements that you know aren't correct, take your stand. Repeat the sentence "That's not true!" with myself and with that person until their message sinks.

4. 

   Determine what it means to have sex for you. Peer pressure often has the effect of making the listener feel that having sex is something specific, like having sex making you an adult or showing independence from your parents.
   • Don't accept other people's judgments about not having sex. This is especially important if you are in high school, where peer pressure about sex is difficult to avoid. Never mind statements like "if you haven't had sex, it's because you're not sexy" or "because you're too scared" and so on. The decision not to have sex at all doesn't mean that. This means that you are proactively making your choices and not letting others take that power from you.

5. 

   Play with like-minded people. The best way to reduce peer pressure is to stay away from its creators.
   • If you have friends who make fun of you or pressure you sexually, ask them to stop confidently and calmly. If not, limit hanging out with them.
   • Play with people who accept your point of view and respect your right to make decisions.

6. 

   Leave it. As well as dealing with a partner who doesn't respect your boundaries, you can and should walk away if your friend doesn't respect them.
   • Leave calmly and confidently. The most important thing is to get up and walk away, but if possible, leave the situation calm and confident. That's how you prove they can't manipulate you.
   • As you walk you imagine crushing their words and throwing them away.
   • After you've dropped their words, tell yourself positive things about yourself.

7. 

   Respect everyone's options and don't make fun of others because their choices are different from you. Don't be sexually disgusted or make others like you. Sexual activity is a very personal choice, and just as you respect those who are enjoying your sex life, they will respect your abstinence.

Advice

• If someone doesn't accept a "no" answer, it could be a sign they don't really respect you or your autonomy. In the worst case scenario, it could be a sign of an abusive person, and you should find someone you trustworthy for help.
• Remember that it is you who define your own boundaries. If someone cannot or does not respect this boundary, you have the right to demand or, if necessary, insist that they stay away from you.
• Rape and sex are two different things. Rape is an act of violence and control, while sex is an act of desire. You can get rid of them and keep yourself chaste.