Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Violence can take many different forms, but both physical and emotional violence must be handled quickly and safely. If you are in an abusive relationship, you need to take immediate action to preserve your own life and recover what has been lost. Make appropriate plans to end the abusive relationship, keep yourself safe and move on with your life.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: Situation assessment

1. 

   Get help. Often there are organizations to support victims of violence locally. If you don't know where to start or just want to talk to someone to find out if your relationship is violent, try one of the following resources. Be careful when using your home computer or cell phone, as the web pages you search for and calls may be saved.
   • In Vietnam: http://csaga.org.vn/44/gioi-thieu-van-phong-ho-tro-nan-nhan-bao-luc-gioi-trung-tam-csaga-246.htm Hotline No. (04) 3775. 9339
     • Detecting cases of child violence, women, domestic violence, call 1800 1567 for advice and support.
   • In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
     • Men in the US can contact the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
   • In Australia: 1800Respect 1800 737 732
     • Men in Australia can be contacted through One in Three
   • Worldwide: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

2. 

   
   
   Identify violent behavior. If you are the subject of physical abuse by a partner or mate, you are in an abusive relationship. However, violence can come in other forms that are harder to detect, and victims are often more difficult to judge. You don't just beat yourself up to be considered violence.
   • Physical violence This means beating, shoving or any other physical assault on the victim's body. There are no excuses for physical assault, not even once. Physical abuse is against the law and requires immediate relationship termination.
   • Spiritual abuse This may include humiliating, degrading, controlling, threatening, intimidating, and humiliating behaviors. If your partner repeatedly makes you feel worthless, miserable, or afraid, you may be in a situation of abuse.
   • Economic violence This happens when the abuser has so complete control over your finances that you feel you are losing your freedom. This form of violence takes many forms, including limiting your ability to work, capturing money you earn or giving you access to a joint account.
   • Sexual violence Unfortunately, it is a common problem in abusive relationships. Even if you have ever agreed to have sex, does not mean that you must always agree to have sex, and just because you have had sex for a long time does not mean that sex is "compulsory. ". If you feel that you are being forced to have unprotected, unsafe or demeaning sex, then you are being abused.
     • Another form of sexual violence is when a man forces a woman to have an unwanted pregnancy, or forces a woman to have an unwanted pregnancy.

3. 

   
   
   Do not justify or ignore violence. A common situation is that the abuser often leads the victim to believe that the violence happened was the victim's fault. It's never your fault that it's never your fault to be aggressive, violent, or manipulative by someone else. Understand that you are still in an abusive relationship, even if:
   • The enemy has never hit you. Emotional abuse and verbal abuse are also forms of violence.
   • The abuser doesn't seem as bad as the violence you have ever heard about.
   • Physical violence only happened once or twice. Any act of physical violence is a sign that the violence is likely to continue.
   • Signs of violence end when you become obedient, stop arguing, or don't express your thoughts and opinions.

4. 

   
   
   Collect evidence of violence. If you end up facing the abuser in court, strong evidence will help you get a restraining order, take custody of your children, or make sure the violence never happens again.
   • If possible, record any threats or threats made by the abuser. This is useful for portraying the abuser's personality, as they will most likely perform their best in court.
   • Take pictures to show evidence of physical abuse. Immediately report physical violence to authorities and seek medical attention. The medical record and the police report will provide complete evidence of the violence.

5. 

   Remember that it's not your fault that it's not your fault that it happened. You are not responsible for the actions of your partner or partner, no matter what the abuser says. You don't “deserve” violence, you don't commit violence, and you deserve to live a happy life free of violence.
   • The patterns of thoughts and behaviors that lead to abusers' violent behavior are rooted in their deep psychological and emotional problems, not from your actions. Unfortunately, without professional help these problems wouldn't be able to resolve on their own.
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Part 2 of 4: Safety planning

1. 

   Make a list of people who can protect you and their contact information. If you need to call someone for help, write down their phone number (so you can use someone else's phone if needed). Your guardian should not be the one the abuser first comes to mind. You should also include the phone numbers of the local police, hospital and relief society.
   • Hide or disguise this list if you are concerned it will incite violence when found by the abuser.
   • If you have kids, make sure your child has a list of phone numbers to call, or can go to a neighbor's or friend's house in an emergency (in addition to calling the quick-response police on 113).

2. 

   Convention on cryptography. You may decide to use a “password” or a passcode to use with your children, neighbors, friends or co-workers to signal that you are in danger and need help. At that time, the person to whom you are coded will have a specific plan to react, such as immediately alerting the police.

3. 

   Emergency planning. If you are living in a situation of violence, you should have a plan to deal with acts of violence. Know the safest places in your home to run into (don't run into a small room with no way out or in a room with objects you can use as weapons).
   • The emergency plan should include an escape plan. You should refill the fuel tank and keep the car in an easy to reach place. If possible, hide a spare car key somewhere you can get on the drive out. Practice running quickly out of the house, into the car, and if you have kids, let them practice with you.

4. 

   Open a separate account and save some money. If you have time, plan ahead by opening a separate account or credit card in your name only, preferably using a post office box to receive transaction information without going through the abuser.Start transferring your own money to this account and save some money so you can get started without worrying about money.
   • This will be very difficult if you experience financial abuse. Do not let a lack of money or a lack of emergency funds hold you back in time of violence. Relief Society, family and friends can provide financial help to get you up on your feet.

5. 

   Hide essentials bags. To make sure you can leave your home at any time, you need to keep essential bags and keep them in a safe place that the abuser cannot detect. You can leave someone's home in case the abuser finds out. The bag should be light and easy to carry so you can grab and leave the house when needed. In the bag should have:
   • Any prescription medications you are taking
   • Identity cards and copies of important documents.
   • Clothes
   • Some toiletries

6. 

   Make a plan for your children. It is a good idea to talk to the relief society, hotline counselor or lawyer and ask if it is the best practice to take your child with you when you leave home. If the children are in a dangerous situation, you should do everything you can to bring them out of danger. If they're not in danger, it's probably safer to leave alone at first. advertisement

Part 3 of 4: Leaving

1. 

   Terminate the relationship as soon as possible. Depending on the nature of the relationship, you may need to prepare for your departure, making sure you are as safe as possible. If the relationship has only been in the relationship for a while, you may simply leave the house, but a violent marriage will be much more complicated. Please plan and execute as soon as possible.
   • Don't wait until the violence is too bad to take action. When the relationship begins to show signs of violence, the other person's chances of change are very low. Violence does not happen because the victim does something “wrong”, but comes from the abuser himself.

2. 

   Choose a safe time to leave home. If you are going to leave home, do so when the abuser is not at home. Make a plan and prepare to leave when the abuser is out. This will give you plenty of time to pick up your emergency bags and necessary documents and leave before you are chased.
   • You don't need to leave a message or explain why you left. You just need to leave that place.
   • If you don't have a means to go, arrange for someone to pick you up. If you are afraid of imminent danger, you can ask the police to pick you up and take you out of your home.

3. 

   Leave your cell phone behind. If you've left your important phone numbers somewhere else, consider leaving your phone behind when you leave. Your phone may have tracking software installed (convenient for locating in case your phone is lost or stolen, but not at all when running away from a abuser). Leaving your phone behind can also leave the abuser behind.
   • Consider buying a prepaid phone number and keeping it in the emergency pocket. This way you can make important phone calls regarding your escape and safety without leaving a clue to the abuser.

4. 

   Apply for a personal protective order (PPO). In the US, a PPO is a legal document that protects people from someone who has abused them. To get a personal protective order, collect any evidence of the abuse, write a statement describing the violence situation and the relationship between you and the abuser, and send it to your local court. They will provide additional instructions on supplementing documents to apply for a PPO order according to the law.
   • After you file your PPO order, if approved, it will apply to the abuser, and you will need to file evidence with the court. Talk to court staff to complete the legal PPO order process.
   • Once you have a PPO order, you should always carry it with you. If the abuser is violating the terms of the PPO, you may need to report it to the police.

5. 

   Change the lock and password. Abusers can be very cruel and dangerous after you leave them. To protect yourself, you will have to prevent your ex from interfering and ruining your life in any way.
   • In the event of a serious violation, or if you fear for your life, you need to move to a new place. You can take steps to keep your new residence private, for example signing up for your address securely or using your post office box to receive mail, change any account information, and use numbers. phone is not public.
   • If you live in your house or apartment and have just severed your relationship with that person, change the locks. You may not think your ex has a key, but it doesn't rule out the possibility that he hit your house key without your knowledge.

6. 

   Keep information safe online. If you are trying to leave or have just left an abusive relationship, change all of your passwords. Internet passwords for bank accounts, social networks, email, even work passwords should be changed as soon as possible. It is essential to take this step, even if you don't think the abuser knows your password.

7. 

   Block abuser on phone, email and social networks. You cannot change the way your ex reacts to your departure. However, you can limit the abuser's access after you leave. As soon as possible, block all access routes made by the ex. Most modern communication devices have built-in blocking, but you can also contact your phone company to ask to block the abuser's phone number.
   • If the abuser tries to harass, change the contact information. It can be inconvenient to change all communications and make sure that only your close friends and family members know your new information, but this can help prevent the abuser from approaching. you again.

8. 

   Consider filing a charge. If you are completely unable to escape from an abuser's grip, know that you have a choice of legal remedies at all times. The most important of these is a restraining order and allegation of assault, based on appropriate evidence and circumstances. Talk to authorities and domestic violence counselors for more information.
   • If you can show evidence of violence in court, you can still get a restraining order from the ex-abuser. If the person approaches you within a certain distance, they are breaking the law.
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Part 4 of 4: Moving on

1. 

   Contact with relatives. Once you are gone, take some time to talk to the people you trust. Many people become distant from friends and family when they are involved in an abusive relationship. If this is the case, try to reconnect with people you have not contacted for a long time.
   • If you don't have many friends and relatives, try making new friends. Invite a colleague out for coffee after work or chat with a neighbor if you move into a new place.

2. 

   Join a domestic violence survivor support group. There are many female and male victims of violence, and all have a need to talk. Finding a community of people who have experienced the same circumstances as you can help you deal with the frustrations, frustrations, and complex emotions you may experience after the relationship ends. onions. Don't try to deal with it alone. Support groups can help you:
   • Deal with guilt
   • Understand your anger
   • Analyze your feelings
   • Seek hope
   • Understand violence

3. 

   Seek treatment. Most victims of violence experience psychological and emotional trauma from their relationship. A therapist can help you overcome traumatic emotions and help you establish healthier relationships in the future.

4. 

   Try not to rush into a new relationship. Many victims of abuse want to jump into a new relationship to fill the emotional void and intimacy their old relationship lacked. In the long run you will eventually find a good relationship with someone who is respectful, but right now don't rush.After you exit an abusive relationship, you may feel like you never have found a match. Don't fall into self-harming thoughts. With plenty of time, you'll eventually find someone who matches and respects you.

5. 

   Don't give the old abuser a "second chance". Very often, the abuser will apologize and promise never to abuse you again. If the person approaches you and swears they will change, you may feel sorry for him. However, it is important at this stage to be consistent. A person who has been violent in the past is very likely to continue to be violent.
   • While there are abusers' interventions to help them stop abusing others, the results are controversial. These programs only seem to be more effective when the abuser voluntarily joins the program instead of being ordered by a court.

6. 

   Avoid violent relationships in the future. Once you get out of an abusive relationship, you probably don't want to be entangled in the same relationship again. Although not all abusers are created equal, there are some common traits that are common among abusers:
   • Emotional stress or being too interdependent
   • May be attractive, popular, or talented
   • Vibration between emotional extremes
   • May be a victim of violence in the past (especially in childhood)
   • May be addicted to alcohol or drugs
   • Act in control
   • Build up feelings in your heart
   • Seems stiff and judgmental

7. 

   Keep busy with other activities. While it is time to recover, it is easy to lose yourself in the past. Try to continue with your life by setting a new schedule, pursuing new hobbies and finding new interests. You need to create new memories and find new joy, keep busy, and start a new life.
   • Participate in relaxing activities with friends and family that you trust and love. For example, you could take a dance class, start learning to play the guitar or learn a new language. Whatever you do, talk a lot with your friends. They can console you and give you advice in difficult times.
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Advice

• If a person is unable to respect you, you will need to break out of the relationship with that person.
• Every time someone physically abuses you, call the police. You will have to leave home or wherever you are and go to safety.
• Some people still endure abusive relationships because they fear for their pets' safety if they leave home. Don't forget that your safety comes first and don't stay up if you experience violence.

Warning

• Don't stay with anyone who abuses you. Being with someone who is physically abusive is dangerous, even leading to death. And being around a verbal abuse person is very harmful, it will make you down, make you give up on who you really are and ruin your self-esteem.