Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: How to respond when you feel ashamed
• Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your thoughts and feelings
• Part 3 of 3: Dealing with feelings of shame from others

Being the center of attention without being asked is not a fun experience, especially if you've done something that makes you feel extremely embarrassed. Even being around someone who has been embarrassed can be quite uncomfortable. You may get hot, sweat, and would prefer to hide somewhere where you can lie down in the fetal position. Fortunately, there are better ways to deal with shame. Be aware that showing shame after doing something embarrassing will make you appear genuinely apologetic and trustworthy. So in the midst of the feelings of shame, shame isn't that bad at all, it also has important social functions.

To step

Part 1 of 3: How to respond when you feel ashamed

1. Apologize if necessary. If you have been embarrassed by something you have done to someone else, you should apologize and be sincere. That is, you should not delay apologizing. Let him or her know that you genuinely regret what you did, but you don't have to repeat your apologies over and over again.
   • For example, if you accidentally called the person in question by the wrong name, you could say something like, “I'm sorry I called you by the wrong name, this person is going through a difficult time right now and I has been thinking about him / her a lot lately. ”
2. Try to laugh off the situation. Try to minimize the embarrassing moment by laughing at yourself. Embarrassing moments can be funny in themselves when the situation isn't too extreme. If you can laugh at yourself at such a time, the feeling of shame will no longer control you.
   • To be able to end the situation with a smile, you need to put a funny twist on it. For example, if you've spilled mustard on your shirt and are embarrassed about it, you could say something like, "All I'm missing is a giant hot dog."
3. Leave the embarrassing moment behind you as soon as possible. Man has only a short attention span. There is no need to bring the moment to the attention of others any longer. Try to subtly shift the focus to something else. Avoid overly apologizing if you've done something embarrassing that you need to apologize for.
   • Changing the subject without making it awkward can be a daunting task. The best way to go about this depends a lot on the specific circumstances you are in. Here is an example to keep in mind and adapt to the specific circumstances you find yourself in. Imagine being embarrassed while planning a trip to the cinema. To change the subject, you could ask a question like, “I thought you had already seen this movie? What did you think of the film? Would you like to see this film for a second time? ” With such questions, you can shift the focus from something embarrassing to a more relevant topic.
4. Try to minimize the incident. Remind others that everyone does something embarrassing from time to time and they shouldn't be overly concerned about it.
   • For example, if you've stumbled and fell to the ground under the watchful eye of others, you might remind others that this happens to everyone. Don't lift it too hard yourself and say something like: "I'm curious who will be next."
5. Ask others about their most painful and embarrassing moments. If you've done something embarrassing, you could deal with the feeling of shame by asking others about their most painful and embarrassing moments. You may strengthen your bond by discussing the embarrassing moments and laughing about them together.
   • If you decide to use this tactic when you've done something embarrassing, you might say something along the lines of, “Say, now that you've just witnessed something pretty embarrassing, has something like that ever happened to you? "
6. Don't forget to breathe. Perhaps your heart is beating a lot faster, you have become warm and you experience a feeling of shame and anger. Doing something embarrassing can lead to negative feelings. Try to combat the negative feelings and shame by taking several deep breaths.
   • Inhale through your nose for five seconds, then exhale through your mouth for five seconds.

Part 2 of 3: Dealing with your thoughts and feelings

1. Distance yourself from your feelings. If you are struggling to handle an embarrassing moment, try to create a distance between yourself and your feelings. This can be especially helpful if you feel overwhelmed by your feelings and are unsure how to deal with them.
   • You can create some distance between yourself and your feelings by thinking about yourself in the third person (in other words, he / she shouldn't be ashamed as everyone does something embarrassing every now and then, so it's pretty normal ).
2. Provide distraction. Allow yourself to forget the embarrassing moment. There are several ways you can do this. Some examples are:
   • Watch a movie.
   • Read a book.
   • Play a video game.
   • Go out with friends.
   • Volunteer for a good cause.
3. Focus on the present. A feeling of shame was caused by an event in the past. It's not happening right now, but it's a thing of the past. The moment has already passed. While this is easier said than done in the midst of an embarrassing moment, try to focus on the present or the future when you are dealing with a sense of shame. Something that has already happened may bother you less.
4. Leave the place where the embarrassing moment occurred. If you're really embarrassed about something, try to get out of the situation appropriately as soon as possible. Tell them to go to the bathroom or make an important phone call. This gives yourself time to recover after an embarrassing moment.
5. Talk to a therapist. If you think you are a person who is easily embarrassed or uncomfortable in front of others, or if you feel ashamed of things more than you would like, you may want to talk to a therapist. A therapist can help you change the way you think about and handle embarrassing situations. The therapist might even recommend the use of certain medications to ease your sense of discomfort in social situations. You can do the following to find a therapist near you:
   • Google the following search terms: "therapist + your city or zip code."
   • Use the following link to find a therapist near you: http://www.vind-een-therapeut.nl/

Part 3 of 3: Dealing with feelings of shame from others

1. Show empathy. Be aware that everyone is embarrassed at times. It's no fun being the one to be embarrassed, so behave appropriately and try not to embarrass the person further.
   • To show empathy, you need to view the situation from his or her perspective. Try to determine how you would feel if you were in such a situation. Also try to imagine what the person is going through right now.
   • Tell the person about a time when the same or similar happened to you or a person you know well to normalize the situation.
     • For example, if the person wasted the last seconds of an important basketball game and is embarrassed about it, you could tell them about the same moment that happened to you. If the exact scenario didn't happen to you, you could tell him or her about a similar moment. You may have gone to the wrong sports hall and missed the entire match. Tell him or her how you felt about that at the time. This shifts the focus and indicates that everyone has to deal with embarrassing and uncomfortable situations.
2. Change the topic of conversation. If it's abundantly clear that he or she saw you witnessed the embarrassing moment, you may want to acknowledge it and then quickly change the subject. Quickly pretend you have an urgent question you forgot to ask him or her. This makes the conversation seem natural and will not come across as a tactic you use to dispel his or her feelings of shame. You want to make sure she doesn't think about the embarrassing moment at all, but she shouldn't feel like you changed the subject quickly to avoid the embarrassing situation. That could embarrass him or her even further.
   • When you choose to change the topic of conversation, put some excitement in your voice. You want to give the person the idea that you can finally remember what you wanted to ask him or her. For example, you could ask him or her if he or she is already up to date with the latest big news. If this news were to some extent person-related, that's even better.
3. Don't make fun of the person. He or she already has a feeling of shame and you should not aggravate this feeling by amplifying the situation with inappropriate jokes. While humor on its own can be a great way to dispel the feeling of shame, you can use this tactic better if you've been the one who did something embarrassing. If you make fun of someone who is embarrassed, you will come across as an unlikable person.
4. Pretend you don't know what happened. The success of this tactic depends on its credibility. If you made eye contact during the embarrassing moment, this tactic is not an option. However, if his or her attention wasn't directly on you during the embarrassing moment, you could pretend you didn't see the moment. If the person seems embarrassed about something, you could apologize and say that you checked your phone for a moment, but will now focus fully on your conversation.
   • If the person seems extremely embarrassed about something, your story will be more believable when you acknowledge that he or she looks a little uncomfortable. Let the person know that you can see something is up. Ask him or her if everything is okay and if something might have happened. After all, you would probably do this even if you actually didn't see what happened and the person is slightly uncomfortable with it.