Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Changing your mindset
• Part 2 of 3: Improve your self-image
• Part 3 of 3: Taking action
• Tips

The more we become addicted to social media, and the more life seems to revolve around expensive handbags, shiny cars, and pretty faces, the harder it can be to love ourselves. We become insecure about who we are and what we have to offer and we often fail to see that we are exactly the same as others. But insecurity can be the motivation we need to become a better person. Grab it and don't let it go; confront it, accept it, and you are well on your way to learning to love yourself.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Changing your mindset

1. Distinguish between what is real and what you imagine. There are always two parallel realities: the reality outside of your head and that inside. Sometimes you just have to take a step back to see that what you get into your head has little to do with that other reality. It's just your fears and worries that take over. If you are afraid, think: is this reality, or am I just making it up?
   • Let's just say your boyfriend just replied "Okay" to your very long, sentimental text message about how great your anniversary dinner will be tomorrow night. In your head you think, "Oh no, he doesn't care. He doesn't love me. What should I do? Is it over? Are we breaking up?" Ho, stop. Does "okay" mean any of these things? No. That's your imagination running away. He may just be busy or not in the mood, but it doesn't mean it's out.
   • Insecure people tend to focus on the negative and see the worst in innocent situations. Knowing that it only happens in your head can lessen your insecurity, for that uncertainty can only survive through your vivid imagination.
2. Know that your insecurity is invisible. Let's say you come into a party where you don't know anyone and you are very nervous. You feel very insecure and wonder why you actually went and you know for sure that everyone is looking at you and can see how insecure you are. Wrong. Sure, they can tell you're nervous, but that's about it. No one can see inside you. Don't let something invisible keep you from being who you want to be.
   • Most of us are very concerned thinking that everyone knows how we feel or that we are insecure, which only makes things worse. Fortunately, it is not true. Nobody thinks we are insecure because no one can see it.
3. Believe nothing is what it seems. Have you heard of that woman who pretended to be on a world trip, even to her closest friends and relatives? On Facebook she posted all kinds of photos to show how great her vacation was, sitting at home and making everything up! In other words, people only show what they want you to see; Behind closed doors all kinds of things happen that are less enviable. Nothing is what it seems, nobody is what you think they are, and there is no reason to want to measure yourself against others; because you don't get to see everything.
   • The reason we struggle with insecurities is that we compare our normal life to the highs of others.
4. Listen and accept your feelings. One way to combat uncertainty is to simply not allow it. Besides the fact that you then bottle it up until it explodes, you also get the message that your feelings are not good or valuable. If you disapprove of your own feelings, you cannot accept yourself. And if you cannot accept yourself you will be insecure. So listen to those feelings and feel them. Once you do, they might go away.
   • That doesn't mean you should take your feelings for granted. "I'm fat and ugly" is something you can allow to feel, but don't believe it. Acknowledge that you feel this way and then ask yourself why you are, and do something about it.

Part 2 of 3: Improve your self-image

1. Compare yourself with yourself. If you still want to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to yourself. Again, if you watch others, you will only see a movie of their highlights. The camera is out of focus, the actors are drunk and the lighting technician has just fallen off the stage; and yet you only see the highlights. That's just not fair! So don't do that. If you find yourself doing it, stop it. Remind yourself that these are their highlights that you are looking at, and that is not the whole picture.
   • If you still want to compare something, compare it with yourself. How do you develop? What things can you do now that you couldn't do before? Have you become a better person? What did you learn? In the game that is life you are your strongest competitor.
2. Write down all your good qualities. For real. Take a piece of paper and a pen (or your phone) and write them down. What do you like about yourself? Don't stop until you have at least five things. Is it a talent? A physical feature? A trait?
   • If you can't think of anything (you're not alone), get a few close friends or family members to help you. Besides, there are thousands of studies showing that others know us better than we know ourselves.
   • If you're feeling down, pull out your list or try to remember the contents. Be grateful for these things and the uncertainty may disappear on its own.
3. Take care of your body, your environment and your time. In order to love ourselves, we need to have some proof of that. If someone has treated you badly, you don't believe they loved you, and the same goes for yourself. Here's what to remember:
   • Take care of your body. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep and always try to be 100% healthy.
   • Take care of your environment. If you live between a pile of chip bags, you probably don't feel like you can take on the whole world. You also need to take care of your mental environment. Meditate, practice yoga, or find other ways to relax your mind.
   • Take care of your time. In other words, make time to A) relax and B) do what you enjoy doing. Those two things are very important in the process of self-acceptance.
4. Set your limits. Hopefully treat you yourself well and know how to treat yourself, but what about others? Set your limits; what do you take and what not? When do you no longer think something "okay"? Why is this important? Because you have rights and because you deserve to be treated the way you want. However, you must first know how you want to be treated.
   • A good example is how long you want to wait for your friends. You can set a rule that you don't want to wait longer than 30 minutes. If they are late, you are gone. Ultimately, it is your precious time; because you are precious. If they don't respect that, they don't respect you. And if they do respect you, they will be on time.
5. Pretend. When in doubt, pretend. Pretending to be self-confident convinces others that you are confident and capable, that you have more opportunities, and that you get better results. So for a little extra confidence, you need to tap into your acting talents. Nobody will notice.
   • Not sure where to start? Go through your entire body and consciously release all tension in your muscles. When we're nervous, we get tense. By letting your muscles relax, you signal to yourself that you are a cool frog.

Part 3 of 3: Taking action

1. Keep a diary. Have your phone or notebook with you at all times, and write down every compliment you get. Then if you need a boost, read it. You end up feeling great.
   • It's so easy to focus on the negative, especially if you're naturally insecure. When we are insecure, the whole world has a negative glow, which makes us dismiss compliments. Writing them down will help you remember and relive them. That makes you love yourself more.
2. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Unfortunately, how we feel and what we think is often determined by the people around us. When you are with negative people, you become negative yourself. When you are with happy people, you become happier. So surround yourself with people who make you happy and who make you feel good about yourself. Why would you want anything else?
   • And dump everyone else. Serious. If there are people around you who are holding you back from loving yourself, disconnect. You are better than that. Ending a harmful friendship is hard, but it's worth it when you realize how much better you feel afterward.
3. Find work that you enjoy. Work occupies a large part of our lives. When you're stuck in a job you hate, you're subconsciously sending yourself a message that you can't or don't deserve better. If it dominates your situation, try to quit. It's about your happiness.
   • Plus, your job can keep you from pursuing your true passion. What would you do if you had more time? How would that feel? Probably fantastic. When you have a purpose in life, it is much easier to be confident and love yourself.
4. Face confrontation. Remember when we talked about "feeling your feelings" earlier? Once you feel them you can address them and figure out where they come from. Why can't you be completely happy and love yourself? Is it your weight? Your appearance? Something in your personality? Your status? How someone has treated you in the past?
   • Once you know what the problem is, you can take action. If your weight is bothering you, use it as a motivation to lose weight that will make you feel beautiful. If it's your status, change things so you can accomplish more. Whatever it is, use it to your advantage. It can be the push you need to develop yourself. Who would have thought that insecurity would be useful to you ?!
5. Change what you cannot accept. They always say accept what you cannot change, but the opposite is change what you cannot accept. Can't accept your appearance? Then do something about it. Can't accept your career? Change jobs. Can't accept how you are treated? End the relationship. You have a lot more power than you think; you have to use it alone.
   • Yes, it will be very tough. Losing weight is not easy. Changing jobs is even more difficult. Dumping your partner is terrible. But it can be done. It will be tough at first, but it will only make you better in the end. Then you are confident and you love yourself.

Tips

• Either way, be yourself. Look in the mirror, smile and say "I love you" to yourself.
• You don't have to change yourself to be like your friends.
• Keep your head up.
• To go through difficult times you have to think about a good moment and imagine how you felt at that moment.
• Laugh! Then you look attractive and it is good for your self-esteem.
• If you have something that others don't, like a gap between your front teeth, don't hide it, but learn to love it. You are unique.
• Do something that makes you feel ashamed. You will then feel more and more at ease, which will make you less insecure.
• Stay in touch with your family and friends.