Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Processing your emotions
• Part 2 of 3: Have quiet, productive conversations
• Part 3 of 3: Getting a positive outlook
• Tips
• Warnings

Have you ever burst into tears or screamed at your partner and can't remember how things could escalate so quickly? Then you may be a bit over emotional. Don't worry about it - it happens to everyone! However, it is important that you get these emotions under control to make your relationship happier. Learn to accept and process your emotions in an unbiased way. Stay calm and listen to your partner, especially during heated discussions. Finally, try to get a more positive outlook on things so that you start to trust yourself and your relationship more.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Processing your emotions

1. Identify your emotions carefully and specifically. Before you can process negative emotions, you must identify them. Imagine writing a report about your emotions and doing it in as much detail as possible. You need to think not only about the type of emotion, but also about the intensity of that emotion.
   • "Angry" is a fairly vague way of describing your emotional state. Dig deeper to find a more specific indication, such as "deeply disappointed".
   • Rather than saying that you feel "good", describe your condition as "elated" or "relaxed".
   • Remember that you are not your emotions. An emotion is a temporary state, just like a passing weather system. Instead of saying, "I am angry", say "I feel angry now".
2. Observe your emotions without judging yourself. If you are angry with your partner, feel angry. Don't try to suppress your emotions or worry about feeling a certain way. You're just human! Instead, immerse yourself in the thoughts and sensations that accompany the emotion. Allow yourself to explore and fully experience your emotions, instead of trying to suppress them.
   • Notice strange physical sensations that accompany the emotion, such as the tightness of your chest or your heart racing.
   • You might think, "Okay, I feel mad at Jan for forgetting to call when he got to the hotel." It's okay to be angry - it doesn't mean I'm a demanding girlfriend. "
3. Consider why you feel angry. Once you've recognized and observed your emotions, it's time for a little detective work. Be careful not to take your feelings out of problems you have on your partner. Ask yourself a few questions to determine where the feelings are coming from. For example: What exactly was the trigger for your response? Are you angry because you feel like you are not being respected by your partner, or is your anger more related to a rough day at work?
   • If you feel jealous, ask yourself if your jealousy is the result of past hurts. Think about your relationships with family, friends, and exes. Do any wounds from these relationships explain your current jealous feelings?
4. Don't dwell on your negative emotions for too long. Worrying about the details of past arguments or "what if" thoughts can drive you crazy. Instead, leave past conflicts behind and focus on the present.
   • Tell yourself, "Okay, that conversation didn't go as well as I intended and I feel worried about it. However, there is nothing I can change now. I will try to deal better with discussions in the future. "
5. See a doctor if you find it difficult to regulate your emotions. If you are struggling with your mood swings or experiencing extremely emotional lows or highs, there may be an underlying physical reason. For example, thyroid disease can cause mood disturbances, such as anxiety, depression, or mood swings. Talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing and work together to come up with a solution that works for you.

Part 2 of 3: Have quiet, productive conversations

1. Discuss your emotions with your partner using "I" statements. Communicate your emotions to your partner in a calm, non-accusatory manner using "I" statements. These helpful statements will help you keep your emotions in check while not blaming your partner.
   • Instead of saying, "You're driving me crazy with your screams," you say, "I feel angry when you raise your voice to me."
   • Instead of "You don't understand!" You say, "I disagree with you."
   • Instead of attacking or blaming your partner, focus on your own feelings and perspective on the situation.
2. Listen to your partner without getting offensive. Being angry and offensive is a natural reaction, but try to listen to what your partner is actually trying to tell you. Do your best to view the situation from your partner's perspective.
   • If your partner accuses you of not caring for him or her, don't yell back that the other person is irrational. Listen to the other. Maybe you haven't been the best partner lately because you've been so busy with school.That doesn't mean you're a bad person, but it does mean that it may be time to make some changes.
   • When you realize you were wrong, take responsibility and admit it. Try to learn from your experiences and move on.
3. Don't raise your voice. Raising your voice can cause a discussion to get out of hand. Keep your voice collected and calm. There is a chance that you will have a more successful conversation.
4. Avoid aggressive body language. If you're wondering why your partner is reacting negatively, pay attention to your body language. Have you crossed your arms, are you tapping with your feet, or are your fists clenched? These actions can make you look hostile, which can lead to your partner reacting in a hostile way too.
   • Instead, keep your arms and shoulders relaxed, your head up, and make eye contact. You may feel more relaxed already!
5. Practice speaking slowly. If you find yourself getting heated and agitated, try to slow down. Speaking more slowly will help you feel less anxious, give you time to think about what you are saying, and help you understand your partner better.
   • If you find it difficult to slow down, practice this by writing down what you want to say and read it out loud. Speak in short sentences and pause to take a deep breath after each sentence.
6. When you find yourself eating, take a deep breath. This is one of the easiest ways to control your emotions. Deep breathing reduces stress-inducing hormones, making you feel more relaxed during a tense situation.
7. Break off an argument before you lose your temper. You know the feeling: your face gets warm, your stomach cramps and your hands start to tingle. Before you experience an emotional explosion, leave the conversation and come back when you settle down. Here's a good rule of thumb: Try to get out before your anger gets past four on a scale of one to ten.
   • Say something like, "Sorry, but I think I need to calm down before we can continue this discussion."
8. Focus on the issue. When you have words about keeping the house clean, don't bring up the fact that your partner was late for your outing the other night, no matter how tempting this may be. Both of you will only become more agitated and none of the issues will be resolved.
9. Think about something funny or relaxing after the discussion to calm yourself down. Imagine lounging in your favorite park with a nice picnic, or think back to a hilarious evening with your best friends. It will then be easier to let go of the remaining anger.

Part 3 of 3: Getting a positive outlook

1. Stay away from situations or behaviors that lead to the destructive emotions. If stalking your partner's ex on Instagram always gets you a bout of jealousy, stop it. Or maybe you have taken on too many responsibilities and are in an irritable mood as a result. Try to transfer some of these responsibilities so that you are not so curt with your partner.
   • Of course you will not be able to avoid every difficult situation, but stay away from it as best you can.
2. Focus on the good, not the bad. When you notice negative emotions creeping up, try to look at the situation from a new perspective. Rather than focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, focus on the positive aspects. Instead of zooming in on the person's negative qualities, pay attention to the other's strengths.
   • Imagine your partner comes home late from work. Instead of accusing him or her of being a workaholic, try to appreciate how hard-working the other person is.
3. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Negative thought cycles can take on a life of their own. A negative thought creates another negative thought, and before you know it you cannot think clearly! Fight negative thoughts with realistic, neutral thoughts. Once you have learned to think more neutrally and objectively about yourself, you will find it easier to focus on the positive.
   • If you find yourself thinking, "My partner doesn't care about me," think of all the sweet things the other person has done for you. Remember when the other person dropped everything to take care of you when you were sick, or surprised you with a lavish party on your birthday?
   • Address a negative thought like, "I am not good enough for my partner" by thinking about all the people in your life who think you are great.
4. Don't jump to conclusions. It is easy for the mind to get lost in doom thinking, but usually such thoughts are quite far-fetched. Recognize catastrophe thoughts and use your logic to nip them in the bud.
   • If your partner doesn't answer the phone, don't automatically assume they're having an affair. Instead, think, "Janet always forgets her phone charger. Her phone is probably dead, so she can't answer. "
5. Watch for erroneous logic. It's easy to think unrealistic, counterproductive. Look for these patterns in your own thinking and try to recognize them as they arise. Common thinking mistakes are:
   • All-or-nothing thinking, or a tendency to see situations in black and white, without shades of gray (for example, "I am a failure" or "My partner is a bad person").
   • Generalize, in which you consider a specific event to be common to all aspects of your life. For example, if a relationship has failed, you might think, "I am unable to have a healthy relationship."
   • Filtering out the positive aspects of a situation and only focusing on the negative sides.
   • Assume you know what's going on in other people's minds. For example, "Bernadette has finished her Bachelor, but I am not. She must think I'm an idiot. "
   • Doom thinking, or thinking that a situation is much worse than it actually is. For example, if you break up with someone, you might think, "I'll never find love again."
   • Reasoning based on emotions, rather than objective facts. For example, if you tell yourself, "I feel like I can't do anything right, so I think that must be true."
   • Label yourself and others, instead of focusing on actions and intentions. For example, think something like, "She's a bitch!" Instead of, "She wasn't very concerned with my feelings just now."
   • Divination, or predicting the outcome of a situation based on feelings, rather than rational thinking. For example: "Why should we still try to do something about this? We're going to break up anyway. "
6. Downplaying your strengths. Jealousy and other negative emotions can take over when you feel negative about yourself. List all of your positive qualities and strengths and review them regularly to boost yourself. You may be surprised to see how many great qualities you have!
   • Everyone has strengths. If you feel stuck, ask a close friend or family member to help you.
7. Find out if your relationship is healthy. You may feel emotional because your partner is dishonest, manipulative, or abusive. Is your relationship built on respect and trust? If not, then therapy may be needed or you may have to leave the relationship.

Tips

• Don't get mad at yourself for being an emotional person. With emotion comes a lot of creativity and enthusiasm. Enjoy this quality and learn how to use it to your advantage.

Warnings

• If your emotions are hindering your daily functioning or disrupting your other relationships, seek professional help.