Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Know when to keep your distance
• Method 2 of 3: Watch your own behavior to avoid interference
• Method 3 of 3: Avoid gossip
• Tips
• Warnings

It is often tempting to get involved in private conversations, the lives and problems of others. Intervening or becoming entangled in personal dramas not directly related to you can be both useless to the parties involved and harmful to your own mental health. You'll be happier and get more respect from your colleagues if you learn when and how to not get involved in other people's affairs. Not getting involved in other people's affairs does not mean shunning responsibilities or ignoring the world around you. It simply means that you know when it is better to keep out.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Know when to keep your distance

1. Know when a problem affects you directly or not. Unless you are a direct participant in a personal situation, it is best to stay out of something by not directly involving yourself. Even if you become indirectly involved in a problem, it does not mean it concerns you or that you have the right to intervene.
   • A useful exercise for gaining perspective on a situation is to create a pie chart to analyze your relationship to that situation. Start by drawing a circle and write the names of everyone directly involved in the situation in the center. Then draw another ring for the people most concerned with the problem. Keep drawing circles around it like ripples in the water, for each level of those involved, and see where you fall within the diagram.
   • For example, when you think about a friend's breakup, put the couple in the middle. Their family will then stand around it, and friends like you in the third "job". Seeing this visually can help you recognize that although you have been touched by it, it is still not your drama to resolve. The best you can do is support the people who are more directly involved.
   • Keep in mind that this doesn't mean you shouldn't be concerned with social issues, such as poverty or child health, that don't directly affect you. However, you have to be sensitive to the people who are directly affected by it, if you become involved.
2. Respect boundaries. Recognize that everyone has the right to privacy and that everyone is responsible for their own life. Don't expect people to share personal information or try to control how others use their time or resources.
   • A good way to respect boundaries is to make sure you don't cross the boundaries of your relationship with a person. For example, if you are dealing with a colleague or customer, make sure that your dealings with each other always remain business-like. If you are not the parent of a particular child, it is not a good idea to punish that child.
   • Another important element of respecting boundaries is accepting the right of others to their own values, beliefs and opinions. While you may not agree with them, it is often best to meddle in your own affairs, rather than meddle with the beliefs of others.
3. Watch for signals. Take a step back if people make it clear, directly or indirectly, that your input is undesirable. Respect others when they tell you something is not your business and / or change the subject. Even if they don't explicitly tell you to stay out of it, be well aware of what their body language is telling you.
   • For example, if people avoid eye contact, turn away from you, or fold their arms while you talk, they are probably silently asking you not to interfere or intervene.
4. Assess the risk in a situation. Getting involved in your own affairs does not mean that you should sit back and watch silently when you see a potentially dangerous situation happening. If you see someone engaging in risky behavior that is illegal, physically destructive and / or potentially harmful to themselves or others, it is your responsibility to intervene, especially if no one else is doing anything.
   • For example, if you notice that two people are arguing, it is time to call the police, and not sit back and watch. If someone is intoxicated and planning to drive, it is okay to intervene and take their keys as they are likely to harm themselves and others.

Method 2 of 3: Watch your own behavior to avoid interference

1. Keep your distance. If there's a talk, meeting, or exclusive event that you weren't invited to, you better not get in or get involved. Stay away or walk away.
   • While being excluded can feel hurtful, it's important to understand that there can be good reasons why something isn't your business.
2. Do not give unsolicited advice. It's tempting to have your say when you see something that doesn't fit with your own daily habits or lifestyle choices. However, that doesn't mean you know better. It is unlikely that people will take your intervention kindly unless they have explicitly asked for it.
   • If you find yourself wanting to make wise statements, remind yourself that everyone has the right to make their own choices and that you have nothing to do with how someone wants to live their life.
   • Part of this is respecting the choices and living space of others. When you are at someone else's house, don't assume that he or she has to live like you do. Let them have their customs and standards, without interfering.
3. Avoid judging others. It's natural to judge, so it's important to be aware of and curb the drawbacks of that instinct. When it comes to meddling in your own affairs, avoiding thoughtless comments means not assuming you fully understand a situation. Give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt until you do get it.
4. Support others without intervening. Getting involved in your own affairs does not mean that you should not offer love and support to others. It simply means that you shouldn't take on the role of a solver for their problems, which usually just complicates a case rather than solving it.
   • For example, if your brother is getting a divorce, it is not wise to try to play the marriage counselor. But reassuring him and offering him company, or taking care of his children now and then, helps him without adding to the stress or drama of the situation.

Method 3 of 3: Avoid gossip

1. Keep your distance or walk away. Gossip is inappropriate (and often baseless) talking about other people's personal matters. It is the opposite of meddling in your own affairs. If you know that people gossip or are prone to gossip, the simplest solution is to keep your distance.
   • If you get involved in gossip, you can clearly communicate your objection just by walking away. Excuse yourself, as with, "Sorry to interrupt this, but I have work to do," and leave the situation.
2. Change the subject. If a conversation turns towards gossip, steer it in a different direction. This makes it clear that you are not willing to participate in gossip without having to admonish the culprits.
   • The best way to do this is to refocus the conversation on a bigger picture rather than a private topic. For example, if you're at work, direct the conversation to business-related issues, rather than the personal matters of a coworker.
3. Stop the cycle of rumors. Don't be tempted by gossip or make it worse by adding new gossip to the conversation. Better to keep quiet. If someone does pass on gossip to you, don't repeat its content elsewhere. Make it stop with you.
4. Catch yourself gossip. If you find yourself making or about to make a gossiping comment, hold back. If you are spreading out in conversation, acknowledge that your comments were inappropriate and change the topic.
   • Doing this will make you more aware of how you participate in gossip and make it easier to avoid it in the future. It also gives you the opportunity to lead by example by taking responsibility for keeping rumors and negative behavior afloat.
5. Make a conscious effort to share positive news. Gossip is a negative form of speculation about others. Counteract this by focusing your conversations on the good things you know to say about a person.
   • For example, if someone is spreading rumors about a co-worker's sex life, refocus the conversation on a recent report from him that was great, or his volunteering at the local food bank.
6. Give the example. You want to show that you don't participate in harmful gossip, but you don't want to appear self-righteous about that either (which is itself a form of interference). The solution is to be an example through your actions and behavior, not by lecturing people or being dogmatic.
   • If you have a hard time not participating in gossip, start small. Challenge yourself to not participate in it for a full day. If you succeed, extend the duration of your next challenge until it becomes a habit, rather than a challenge.

Tips

• Learning to mind your own affairs can have great personal and social benefits by helping you become a happier and more likable person.
• Learning to mind your own business also requires some patience. The first step is to be aware of the problem and how to deal with it. Be patient with yourself as you learn how to implement these lessons in your life.

Warnings

• Not getting involved does not mean that the world is none of your business or that you ignore everyone completely. Instead, it is about knowing when and in which situations you should intervene.
• Not getting involved does not mean just standing by when it comes to harmful or illegal activities. Always contact the appropriate authorities if you see anything that is wrong.
• When people directly ask you to intervene, it is never wise to put yourself in the middle of someone else's problem. Instead, offer them support and, if necessary, recommend that they seek the help of an expert on the problem.