Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Reject someone you know
• Method 2 of 3: Turn down a stranger
• Method 3 of 3: Reject someone who will not be rejected

Rejecting someone can be almost as difficult as getting rejected yourself, especially if the person is a friend. While rejecting someone is never fun, it is also a natural part of life, and the whole process will be easier if you know how to do it kindly.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Reject someone you know

1. Prepare yourself for it. If you want to reject the romantic advances of someone you've dated or interacted with a few times, hopefully you've already thought about the consequences. You have to make sure that this guy or girl doesn't suit you, and accept that any pre-existing friendship will never be the same (or stop). Make sure you are also prepared for the rejection itself.
   • Think about what you are going to say in advance. Don't say "no" bluntly to the other person; try to explain it in a way that is not blunt or hurtful.
   • Choose your words carefully. If you want to practice in the mirror beforehand, or with a close friend or sibling, do so. Make sure you make it clear what you want to say, but be aware of the other person's feelings.
   • Just keep in mind that you will have to adjust your words depending on his / her response. It shouldn't sound rehearsed. Practice different scenarios.
2. Don't put it off. While it's common to want to postpone unpleasant tasks, waiting will only make things worse once you know you want to quit. The longer you let something drag on, the more likely the other person will think that everything is going well - which only makes the rejection more of an unpleasant surprise and hurtful.
   • Choose a good time to do this - so maybe not on someone's birthday or the night before the other has an exam or a job interview - but don't wait until "just the right time." The time is now.
   • If you are already in a long-term relationship with someone, many of the tips outlined here can be helpful, but there are also unique challenges. Read the article Break up your relationship or other articles about breaking up with someone for more ideas.
3. Do it personally. Of course it is tempting to rip yourself off by texting or emailing, calling the other person, etc., but bad news is always best delivered in person, even in this modern digital age. This is especially true when it comes to a friend that you would like to keep as a friend. Show that you are mature and respect the other.
   • A personal rejection gives you the opportunity to immediately see how the other person reacts to the news - surprised, with anger, maybe even relieved - so that you can adjust the rest of your story accordingly.
   • Find a quiet private place (or at least a little private) to tell your story. Nobody wants to be rejected in front of the whole world or be unsure of what they hear. If you are not sure whether you want to be alone with the other person, at least find a somewhat secluded part of the restaurant, shopping center, association, etc.
4. Prepare the other for what you are going to say. When the time comes, don't just go over and ask what the pasta was like in "I think we'd better just be friends."
   • To start, create a relaxed atmosphere with a pleasant conversation, but don't overdo it. You have to be able to make the transition to the more serious matters at stake, without appearing too light-hearted or thoughtless.
   • Start with a good transition to reject mode - maybe something like `` It's great to have met you, but ... '', `` I've thought a lot about us, and ... '' or `` I'm glad we tried this, but .. '..
5. Be honest, but kind. Yes, you want to tell the truth. Don't make up stories about someone else you've met, that you've returned to an old flame, or decided to join the Foreign Legion. If the other pokes through your fabrications or later finds out the truth, things will only get more difficult.
   • Give the real reasons for rejecting the other person, but don't blame him or her for anything. Stick to the "I" form, focusing on your needs, feelings, and prospects. "It's not you, it's me" is indeed an old cliché, but in principle it has value as a strategy to break up.
   • Instead of saying, "I can't live with a disorganized slut whose life is a mess," try something like, "I'm just the kind of person who needs order and structure in his life."
   • Explain how your idiosyncrasies will collide with theirs, and that you are happy to have tried it, but know it is not going to work.
6. Give the other time to digest the news. Don't just leave the person behind after giving your reasons and saying goodbye. Give the other person a moment to process it and possibly respond.
   • If you don't give the other person the opportunity to be involved in the process, he or she is more likely to feel that it isn't really over, or that there is still a chance.
   • Be kind and let the other person express their grief by crying or even expressing some frustration - but don't tolerate unfocused anger or verbal abuse.
7. Stand firm and don't give in. The worst thing you can do is back down from your rejection because you feel sorry for the person or wouldn't want to hurt him or her. You wouldn't have started the process if you weren't sure about it.
   • Apologize appropriately, put a hand on the person's shoulder, but don't back down. Stick to the points that make you break up. Try something like, "I'm sorry this hurts. It's not easy for me either, but I'm sure it's best for both of us ".
   • Don't let the other person fool you by pointing out errors in your logic, by promising changes in exchange for reconsideration, or by claiming that you don't understand them. You are not in court.
   • Do not give the other person any reason for false hope. Avoid comments when you are "not ready" or want to try to be "just friends" (even if you want to, you better discuss this some other time). The other person may perceive doubt and may feel an opportunity for the near future.
8. Do not end the conversation out of tune. Try to encourage the other person and be kind. Let him / her know that they are a great person, but not a good fit for you, and that the person will definitely find someone else soon. Thank him / her for the opportunity to get to know each other and wish him / her all the best for the future.
9. Be especially careful when rejecting a platonic friend who wants more. If you're hoping to stay friends with the person you're going to reject, talk about how much you value your friendship, but don't use that as your only excuse. That probably won't satisfy the need for answers from someone who has just shaken this friendship.
   • Discuss why things you appreciate about the friendship wouldn't work out as romance. For example: 'I love how spontaneous and fun you are to be around and how I can be like that, as a way to escape the everyday, but you know that I am someone who fits best within a solid structure and continuity, and that's what I need in a romantic relationship '.
   • Accept the awkwardness of the situation. It will be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation, especially once you say "no". Don't make the person feel bad as if he or she forced you into this situation ("So ... this is inconvenient, isn't it?"). Thank your friend for being honest about his or her true feelings.
   • Accept that the friendship may be over. The other person has already decided that he / she doesn't want things to continue as they are. Regardless of your own preferences, there may be no going back. Say something like, "I'd love to stay friends, but I know you may need some time. I am open to talk to you about it again whenever you want. "

Method 2 of 3: Turn down a stranger

1. Be honest, direct, and kind. If it's just a guy or girl you've met for example at a cafe, gym, or in line at the grocery store, it can be tempting to find an excuse not to accept an invitation to a date. After all, you probably won't run into the person again any time soon. On the other hand, if you are not going to run into the person again, why not be honest? A little temporary clumsiness will eventually make both of you feel a lot better.
   • Say something simple like, "It was nice talking to you, but I just want to leave it at that. Thanks. "That should be enough.
2. Don't beat around the bush. You don't have time for extensive preparation, such as when you break up with a new boyfriend / girlfriend, so try not to come up with a lengthy explanation. Be honest, clear, and concise about why you don't want to establish a relationship with this person.
   • Again stick to statements in the "I" form. Focus on why you are not a suitable person for the other person. Maybe you could say something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't share your passion for [extreme sports / travel / online poker], so I know we won't really fit together in the end."
3. Do not start with a fake phone number or a fictitious boyfriend / girlfriend. Act like an adult. While you can avoid the immediate clumsiness with a fake phone number, you will still end up hurting the other person, and probably more so than with an honest rejection. If you really care about being friendly, then this is also important for you when you're not there.
   • If you really need to use the fake boyfriend / girlfriend tactic, don't let this be your first solution. Try an honest, direct, friendly rejection first. Usually that is sufficient.
4. Don't make fun of it. You'll tend to keep things light, but if you go too far - putting on a weird voice or making funny faces, maybe quoting a movie quote, etc. - the other person will probably just think you're insults him or her. Don't act like a jerk trying to be a nice guy / girl.
   • Be careful with sarcasm. It could be obvious sarcasm if you say something like, `` Oh, like someone like me would ever date someone like you, '' with a phony, high-flown voice and appropriate grin at the end, and maybe the other - but it can also happen that the other does not understand your sarcasm combined with a rejection.

Method 3 of 3: Reject someone who will not be rejected

1. Forget what you've learned, if necessary. If you can't turn down someone who doesn't understand the hint, won't take no for an answer, or is just a creep who doesn't want to leave you alone, you may not have the luxury of kindness. Make sure you get things done quickly and safely.
   • "Sorry, but I'm not interested in this, and that's all I'm going to say about it. Good luck and goodbye.'
2. Lie carefully, if you must. A good "poker face" will help. If you know you can't lie well, it's probably best not to try.
   • Lie as little as necessary. A smaller lie is easier to sell than a big one.
   • Get that fake phone number or fake boyfriend / girlfriend if you want. Or try "me" comments, such as "I just got out of a long relationship," "I don't date outside of my religion / culture" or "I think you are too much like my sibling."
3. If you don't have to, don't force yourself into a personal rejection. This is a situation where an SMS or email can suffice. Especially if you have any concern that the person will burst into anger over your rejection, feel free to keep some distance between the two of you before doing what needs to be done.
4. Don't think you can just ignore the person and let them drip off on its own. Some people just need a clear rejection, without any doubt or space or negotiation, to understand the situation. Make no bones about it and leave nothing in the dark. Be direct, as polite as you can.
   • Don't ignore the other person's text messages / phone calls / emails until you've made it clear that you don't want anything to do with the other. Once you have made this clear, you can ignore the entreaties, complaints, sailing, etc.
   • If you ever feel threatened or unsafe because of the other person, seek help and / or contact the authorities. Some people really can't handle a rejection.