Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 2: Learn to accept your fetish
• Method 2 of 2: Communicate about your fetish
• Tips
• Warnings

A fetish is when someone is sexually aroused by objects, body parts or situations that are not usually considered sexual by mainstream culture. Anything can be a fetish and having a sexual fetish is common. In order to enjoy your fetish, you must accept it as a natural part of your sexual desires and learn to communicate openly about your sexual needs with your partner.

To step

Method 1 of 2: Learn to accept your fetish

1. Identify your fetish. A fetish can be a sexual desire for just about anything imaginable. People have fetishes about feet, breasts, hands, body fat, flatulence, amputated limbs, shoes, animals, animal fur, and thousands of other things. Starting to accept your fetish starts with determining what makes you sexually aroused.
   • There are said to be more men with a fetish than women, but this can be misleading. Because men often have erections and ejaculate, studies have identified women and genderqueer people as prone to fetishes less often.
   • At least 1/4 of all porn movies made in the US feature fetishes.
2. Find other people who have the same fetish as you. Find sex positive centers and online groups that embrace the discovery of a wide variety of sexual expressions. You can search online for "sex positive" + the object of your fetish. There are also groups on social media.
   • The most important thing you are looking for is open, honest communication regarding your fetish. If a website is trying to sell you stuff or saddles you with shame about your fetish, then you should consider looking further.
   • Your fetish may be exciting and feel risky, but in fact it shouldn't expose you to any real danger. Look for groups that focus on safe sex acts.
   • Online groups can be a safe place to ask questions about your fetish or look for items related to your fetish.
3. Think about whether your fetish is hurting someone. While there is nothing wrong with having a fetish, it is never okay for someone else or yourself to be harmed by it. Most of the time, fetishes don't cause problems for other people. You can cause problems for yourself if you are so fixated on your fetish that it comes between your relationship, your job, or your health.
   • Masturbating to fetishes can be a safe way to engage in certain fetishes that are in fact not safe to practice (such as sex with animals).
   • If you have a fetish that could cause physical injury to yourself or someone else, then you should learn to practice it safely. Talk to others in a fetish group about how to safely perform sexual acts related to your fetish.
4. Realize that fetishes and idiosyncrasies are normal. Some researchers believe that fetishes are so common that they should in fact be considered part of a normal, healthy sexual exploration. Understanding that your fetish is normal is an important step you can take. If you can't accept your fetish as a normal part of yourself, then you probably won't be able to enjoy your fetish.
   • For many people, the object of the fetish must be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter.
   • An object of the fetish may be something that must be present before you are sexually aroused or it may not be necessary to enjoy sex.
5. Discover your sexuality in a safe way. In order to enjoy your fetish, don't forget to have sex safely, sensibly, and consensually. It is important that you take care of yourself and your sexual partner, both physically and emotionally.
   • Take precautions to protect against sexually transmitted infections. You should always use condoms when appropriate.
   • Remember that communication is one of the most important aspects of sexual intimacy, especially when you're experimenting with something or someone new. Always make it clear when you are starting to feel unsafe and respond immediately when the other person says they are uncomfortable.
6. Avoid isolation. Isolation is the most common cause of depression related to fetishes. If you don't find anyone online engaging in your sexual fetish, don't give up. Not every fetish group can be found online. Visual images work well for some types of fetishes, but not all.
   • Some types of fetishes, such as for diapers, are more taboo in today's American culture than others. If your fetish is taboo, you run a higher risk of isolation and depression.
   • Remember that sexuality is more than just your fetish. While your fetish can be an important factor in your sexual satisfaction, it is not your identity.
   • Sexual frustration can lead to depression. Talk to a sex-positive therapist for support.

Method 2 of 2: Communicate about your fetish

1. Bring up the topic of your fetish. If you have only recently met someone, it is better not to bring up the topic on your first date unless you have met someone through a dedicated dating site. If you are already in a relationship and would like to bring up the fetish, do it slowly. Talk about your fetish with acceptance. If you view your fetish as a normal, safe experience, your partner will be more likely to accept it this way too.
   • Your partner may or may not already be aware of your specific interests.
   • Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, you may need to provide time for a long conversation about the fetish.
2. Take it slow. Your partner may need some time and privacy to process the new information. Don't expect them to understand immediately, although they can! Follow your partner in this. Give your partner time to understand the fetish at his or her own pace.
   • Don't be ashamed. If you feel shame, you will send a confused signal to your partner and your self-esteem will take a hit. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
   • You don't have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don't get on the defensive. Having a fetish is completely normal and natural.
3. Listen understandingly. Don't forget that you've also come a long way in learning to accept your fetish. Your partner now also has the option to give your fetish a place. Your partner can now also share his or her own fetishes or sexual interests with you. Listen carefully to your partner's concerns, questions, and reactions and know that this will make your relationship stronger.
   • Give your partner some time if they refuse to talk about your fetish. Maybe your partner just needs a little time to process or is in a state of denial.
   • Some people can get nervous when talking about fetishes. Don't force anyone to talk about this.
4. Ask questions. Your partner may not know how to ask questions about your fetish. You can support him or her by asking the questions in his or her place. For example, you can learn more about his or her fears or curiosity about your fetish by asking specific questions. Don't assume the questions have to come from your partner.
   • Show him or her some information online for your partner to investigate later on.
   • Remember, your partner may not be able to express his or her thoughts and feelings about your fetish. This will take time, but you can help by asking the right questions.
5. Share photos, images and media about your fetish. This can help your partner understand what you want. By seeing photos, your partner may learn to view your fetish as normal rather than strange and scary.
   • If you've found a helpful group, you may also have found ways to bring up the topic of your fetish with your partner.
   • Sometimes you can find a group of people who are new to the fetish group and who can be important for your partner to learn more about your fetish.
6. Never force anyone to accept your fetish. Consent is crucial to a healthy relationship. If you have different sexual needs from your partner, then you need to acknowledge this and look for alternatives.
   • A therapist can help you get through this point in your relationship.
   • Most sex-positive therapists suggest adapting to the needs of the person having the fetish rather than trying to leave the fetish behind.

Tips

• Consider talking to a sex-positive therapist if you and your partner are having trouble talking about your fetish.

Warnings

• Seek help from a therapist or psychologist if your fetish is harming other people.
• Talk to a therapist or psychologist if you experience a lot of anxiety because of your fetish. Paraphilia is a psychological condition with 8 listed manifestations. A fetish is considered a psychological condition only when it causes fear in the person or harms other people.